A Wedding Affair (The Wedding Affair) (15 page)

“Y
ou knew about all of that?”

“Yes of course
I knew what everyone knew, and the fact was if you were not sleeping with me you were sleeping with everyone else! How do you think I felt when the one man, the only man that I …”

I stop he does not need to know what he meant
to me it’s my secret…..no one knows this, I buried it deep down in my soul never to see the light of day.

“Aria, I know I’ve made mistakes, why do you th
ink I wouldn’t sleep with you? Back then when I knew I wasn’t worthy of Aria Macy!”

O
h so now it’s my fault, he fucked half of the greater Cleveland area? 
I’m getting madder by the second at this bastard.

“So what are you saying Tristan?”

“Those women didn’t mean anything to me it was just sex, all I know is that what kept me going for all these years was that I could always count on you to be there for me, and that when you weren’t I knew I had to get my act together, and  come to you as a man!” 

Ok so his honesty ca
lms my furry, it’s sobering. And I owe him the same candor, so here it goes.

“Tristan I don’t know what to say…you can’t blame
me for moving on with my life! You can’t hold it against me! I was alone for two years, I threw myself into making my dream a reality, I wasn’t looking for somebody, a relationship was the last thing on my mind, then it all changed when Ian came back, I was in a better place in my life, I was not destructive or chasing after you, Ian made me laugh and it’s been good, I kept you a secret, I just never spoke of you again, I just wanted you to fade away.  I am starting a new life with a man who has no drama in his life, who cares for me, but most of all who loves me!”

I g
et it out, is it a revelation? Or is it a confession? I don’t know.
Shit I need to add confession to my list of things to get done immediately if not sooner.

Tristan lets out a deep breath, it’s not a relieving breath, oh shit where is he go
ing with this, more attitude? Or more sexing? I cross my arms and stand gazing into those hazel eyes of his, he is so handsome that he takes my breath away and always disarms me, our fighting was always heated by passion it shocked us both at times.

“Aria is that what this is all about? How can you even do
ubt that I don’t care for you? Look at me, I am a success because of you! You were the only one who believed in me! Who loved me! You loved me enough to show me how to straighten out my life! For goodness sakes Aria, I have been in love with you since we first met…that day in the office!….I brought you home to meet my family, I never brought home a girl to meet my mother!”

Shit h
e is talking sternly but not really yelling at me, and again making statements that get me wet for him, why is he the only one who does this to me? and now I’m getting even more emotional as my eyes are getting glassy, I’m fighting back tears but now I want to get this out, I have taken everything he has thrown at me, I have hid from my feelings and I have denied myself feelings or emotions for this man because I couldn’t face any of it and to find out that all our talks till I was blue in the face, he was actually paying attention to my words, my thoughts, my advice, it is quite alarming.

“Tristan I don’t know what to say, I never thought you would ever listen
to me! Let alone take my advice! We were both in different directions back then, look at us now I am thirty-eight and you are thirty, your lack of respect back then was more than I could handle! You were so out of control, it was scary and exciting, but along with all of that you brought something alive inside of me, that no one has before and it stopped me dead in my tracks”

Tears flow from my eyes and I can’t stop them, my chin is quivering, and all the anxiety I packed away is surfacing over this man i
n front of me.

Tristan whips away my tears and folds me in
to his arms and I cry and cry and cry. Tristan holds me tight.

“Shh” he caresses my head in his arms against his chest and I don’t fight him, I
sob into his neck, I let it all out, he holds me tight and tries to calm me down, I have missed this man so much just being in his arms is all I have ever wanted, I know I may have come across all hard and knowing but deep down inside I am still his little Aria that he met all those years ago at work, I want for nothing when I am in his arms, I just wanted him to want me the way I wanted him, I wanted his love and affection but mostly I wanted his respect and when I didn’t get it from him I knew it was not wise for me to even push the issue  with him that was my reality the cold hard truth and I walked away I just decided that he didn’t want me and he walked away so I did too.

I let loose of all my
deep seeded anxiety, my feelings of hostility and anger towards this man as my emotions just take over, he holds me close and whispers in my ear.

“I have no right to expect your love in return, but yo
u are my heart Aria, I love you, I want you that is why I came back for you” his declaration of his love and devotion for me is heart wrenching they are the words I wanted to hear years ago and now they are meaningless, hollow notions that have no chance to blossom and grow because I belong to someone else.

I sob harder at his confession,
thank goodness he is holding me as my knees get weak and I would have fallen to the floor for sure in my melancholy state, my mind is cloudy and I feel dizzy I realize that I can’t stand, I am weak as my legs turn to Jell-O.

Tristan
being the gallant knight that he is, takes hold of me in one clean swoop and I am in his arms, he cradles me and I wrap myself around him, he hold me tightly as he walks to the head of my bed never letting me go he sits down at the head of my bed and hold me on his lap and lets me cry on his shoulder, these shoulders as I remember were always damp and sore. I curl up on his lap. He runs his fingers through my chestnut curly hair pulling it away from my face and the feeling of his fingers in my hair are tranquil and sooth my anxious heart.

Tristan is serene
and calms my tears, gentle caresses, up and down my spine, as his strong hands and warm heart holds me close, he takes my hand to his lips and kisses my palm and I throw my arms around him and cry harder, I have missed him so much.

After all these years the Tristan Bach, I always knew existed, shows up! W
ith all the strength and devotion any women would die for, he tells me without circumspect what is in his heart.

“Aria
, I love you” I have never felt so complete and so content, I never get what I want, and now that he is here, the tears flow and I can’t stop them as I snuggle to his warm chest and he holds me tight in his arms I let loose and cry my eyes out over everything, from the past two years, his deceit, my broken heart, the terrible fights, the constant arguing and banter not to mention the fact that he left me and I vanished departed from anyone finding me, I cry harder when I realize that we have been through our own separate hell alone with no one to comfort us or understand our depth of pain, and how we both have suffered our own loss of one another it is hard to deal with even as I’m in his arms and he is like a balm soothing my tortured soul. My wounded tattered feeling have scars that run pretty deep. I don’t say any of this to him it’s all too painful to even digest.

Tristan
kisses the top of my head and hold me tight to get me to calm this is the cry that I have been needing, I let it all go with the hopes that I will cleanse these feeling of animosity I have towards this man and free my aching injured heart.

Tristan is comforting me as if I
am a wounded  lamb, he doesn’t scold me we don’t talk, he just lets me get it all out, I have hidden this from view, from my heart and from my thoughts so I could function and now that he is here, he is the only one who can help me through this.

-------<>-------

When an ex offers solace because of the pain he has caused you is it wrong to let him comfort you?

I have been asking myself this question because if it sounds like cheating and it feeling like cheating It sure as hell is cheating. The fog has cleared from my clouded head and we are cuddled up in my huge bed that is adorned in silver gray jacquard bedding; I have pillows all along the custom tufted silver grey square head board, we just sink like we are on a cloud. Tristan sighs as he rocks me and coo’s me to stop crying, he lets me get it all out, he kiss’s my tears away until they subsided and I want for nothing in his arms, he is sweet, caring, gentle and most of all loving and affectionate towards me. It is what I always wanted from this man, sadly he is too late with his displays of affection’s, I belong to someone else.

I look up at him after I stop crying. My eyes are red,
and swollen he kisses a tear left on my cheeks, his eyes are sincere and I remember how he was once my only happiness, he was the one who colored my world, who filled my life with song and romanced me every chance he got.

Looking at him
now he is stronger, more refined and more caring, if I am not mistaken he looks a bit wounded as well, he looks hurt and worried, he reminds me of how I looked when he left.

I rest my head on his chest as he cradles me
in his arms, his lips at my forehead he holds me and for just a little while longer I just want it to be us.

“Aria all the tears I
’ve caused you, I had no idea how bad I hurt you, you were the only one who believed in me when no one else did, I don’t blame you for moving on with your life, I just wanted my life to be worthy of you, to take care of you for the rest of my life”

He kisses t
he top of my head, and he sets me off again, the memory of him walking out on me, he was so cold and callus to me, I remember the pain, his harsh words,

‘
Aria we are through, over

you are too involved in my life

you are no good for me

and I am not changing my life for you
!’

It still hurts as I recall his harsh words and his dreadful awful tone it runs through my mind, he was such a pistol, young and arrogant and I was so naïve. It was a killing combination in the corporate world but in our personal life we tortured each other to the point of no return.

Tristan
holds me tight as my emotions get the best of me and the flood gates open anew. I had no idea what would happen if these feelings were ever brought to surface how would I deal with them and the truth is I had no idea.

Tristan knows pain and suffering he deals it
, he manages it and he consoles it, but mostly he soothes me and just lets me get it all out, he is kind and considerate two characteristics he has never shown me before he has enraptured me in them tonight.

I
have never faced any of this, it was too hard to deal with so I just buried it and tried to move on with my life and the only way I knew how was to throw my heart and passion into my store, it became my heart and desire for the past two years I eat, drink and sleep Business as Usual it is my only solace.

I don’t know how long or what time it is but
after a while I calm down and I have to admit that no one has ever done this for me since my parents and my grandmother when I was very little. He is playing in my hair as he caresses my curls away from my face, his loving eyes speak volumes as he looks at me and kisses my nose I have never had this before, this feeling of love security and adoration.

“Aria I don’t blame you for the choices you made….you
did what was right for you, I need to do what is right for me…and me coming here was not right for either one of us. You have a life that does not include an old boyfriend…I need to respect that and let you honor that ring on your finger.”

I cling onto him
and suddenly the words are out of my mouth.

“Tristan don’t go
!” he stills and he kisses my head.

“
I don’t think I could leave you… not like this, not again!”

His words warm my aching heart, as I sit on his lap toying with his fingers that are holding me c
lose. He holds me in his arms as I lay back and looks up into his eyes, gosh I feel cherished, this complicated, and unrelenting ego maniac finally admitted that I mattered in his life that I was someone of significance an entity that gave him direction.

A
ll I ever wanted from Tristan was for him to love me, care for me and treat me good, after all this time he comes to me as the man I always wanted. I throw my arms around his neck and his lips are at my ear.

“My sweet Aria I’m s
o sorry for all the time I wasted”

“You have always spoken to me with words and I have always looked at you with feelings”

“It was easier to be mad instead of face my feelings for you Aria”

My tears
subside, just being in his arms; he calms me and soothes my aching heart, and as all reason and interest return to my brain my thought process is rather curious about this Tristan Bach of 2012 that I hardly know. My lips are at his ear.