A Voice in the Wind (34 page)

“Don’t leave, Octavia. I thought you were my friend.”

“I am your friend, you silly little fool, but I’m not going to sit around bored to death just because you haven’t the courage to take command of your own life!”

“Very well,” Julia said. “I’ll go with you. We’ll shop and visit your friend Calabah, though what sort of name that is, I can’t imagine. Maybe we’ll even go by Marcus’ apartments and see if he’ll take us to a party. How’s that? Is that taking command of my life enough for you, Octavia?”

Octavia gave a mocking laugh. “We’ll see if you’ve the courage to go through with it.”

Julia glared at her and clapped her hands. “Hadassah, hurry! Bring me my lavender palus and the amethyst earrings and necklace,” she said, well aware Octavia coveted her jewelry. She stripped off the white mourning tunic she wore, wadded it up, and threw it on the floor. “Oh, and don’t forget the wool shawl. I’m going out with Octavia and we might be late coming home.” She laughed merrily. “I feel better already.”

“How long will it take you to get ready?” Octavia said, smiling slightly and feeling in full control of the situation—which was exactly the way she liked it.

“Just give me a moment more,” Julia said and sat before her mirror, quickly and expertly applying makeup. She paused and looked at Octavia in the mirror, her eyes bright. “Forget shopping, Octavia. Let’s go to the ludus and watch the gladiators exercise. Didn’t you say you could do that whenever you liked because your father has connections at the Great School?”

“Father has to notify the lanista in advance, and Father left for Pompeü yesterday. He’ll be there on business for several days.”

“Oh,” Julia said, setting down her pot of rouge. Atretes was at the ludus and she wanted to see him again.

“Now, don’t go all glum on me again. If you’ve a mind to watch men, we can go to the Field of Mars. The legionnaires are there.”

“I was hoping to get a glimpse of a gladiator I saw in Campania. I only saw him,at a distance once when he was running near Claudius’ villa, but he was very beautiful.” She dabbed on some more cream and rubbed it into her cheeks. “I was able to find out that his name is Atretes and he was sold to the Great School.”

“Atretes!” Octavia laughed.

“You know about him.”

“Everybody knows about him! He appeared in the games a few weeks ago and turned a crowd eager for his blood into a mob wanting to worship him.”

“What happened? Tell me everything!”

Octavia did, beginning with the pregame feast and Arria being insulted and ending with Atretes’ performance in the arena. “You wouldn’t see him even if we went to the ludus. He’s kept well away from Roman visitors.”

“But why?”

“He almost killed a senator’s son who wanted to be paired with him. Apparently, Atretes didn’t realize it was just an exercise. He was out for blood.”

“How exciting! But surely Atretes wouldn’t kill a woman,” Julia said.

“He looks capable of anything. He has the coldest blue eyes I’ve ever seen.”

Jealousy burned through Julia, followed by swift anger against her father for denying her the opportunity to attend pregame feasts as Octavia did. “You were with him at the feast?”

“I was with Caleb the evening Atretes was first presented. You’ve heard of Caleb. He’s up to twenty-seven kills now.” She tipped her head. “Atretes is a bit too barbarian for me.”

Hadassah held the palus for Julia and let it slide down over her while the two young women talked. She hooked the gold belt and made a few adjustments so that the long tunic flattered Julia’s slender figure. Then she hooked the amethyst necklace as Julia put on the pierced earrings.

“Would you like me to redo your hair, my lady?” Hadassah asked.

“She’s done nothing to muss it,” Octavia said, impatient.

“I would give anything to have Atretes comb his fingers through it,” Julia laughed. Turning, she rose from her stool before the vanity and took Hadassah’s hands, her mood suddenly serious. “Don’t say anything to Father, even if he demands an explanation. Tell him I went to worship at the temple of Diana.”

Octavia groaned. “Not Diana, Julia. Hera, the goddess of the hearth and marriage.”

“Oh, I don’t care,” Julia said, letting go of Hadassah. “Tell him whatever god you choose.” She snatched the shawl from Hadassah and twirled happily toward the door, letting the soft woolen fabric float about her. “Even better, tell him I went to the apothecary to find a fast-acting poison for myself. He would like that.”

They hurried from the house and down the hill into the throng near the stalls of merchandise.

Julia loved walking through the crowded streets, seeing how heads turned as she passed. She knew she was pretty, and the attention heightened her spirits after having been so long behind the high walls of her father’s house. He would be furious with her, but she wasn’t going to think about that now. It would only spoil the rest of her day.

Father was bent upon spoiling her whole life if she let him. He was too old to remember what it was like to be young and so full of life you felt you would burst. He didn’t believe in the gods anymore; he didn’t believe in anything except his ancient standards and archaic morality.

The world was moving away from the old ideas, and he was determined to stand still. Worse, he was determined to make her stand still with him. He had tried with Marcus and failed, and now he was crushing her beneath his expectations. She had to be strong like her brother and not allow Father to dictate her life. She was not going to be like Mother, content to live behind high stone walls and wait upon her husband like he was a god. She had her own life to live, and she was going to do with it as she pleased. She was going to attend pregame feasts and drink and laugh with the gladiators; she was going to attend the Ludi Megalenses next week and celebrate Cybele with her friends. She was going to find some way to meet Atretes.

“How many lovers have you had, Octavia?” Julia said as they walked along, pausing here and there to look at baubles from foreign lands.

Octavia laughed. “I’ve lost count.”

“I wish I could be like you, free to do what I want with whomever I choose.”

“Why can’t you?”

“Father—”

“You’re such a goose, Julia. You have to take control of your life. They’ve made their choices and done what they wanted. Why shouldn’t you do the same thing?”

“The law says—”

“The law,” Octavia broke in derisively. “You married Claudius because your father wished it, and now Claudius is dead. Everything that he had belongs to you. Marcus controls it, doesn’t he? Well, your brother adores you. Use that.”

“I’m not sure I could do that,” Julia said, troubled by the way Octavia expressed it.

“You do it all the time,” Octavia laughed. “Only you do it over unimportant things like sneaking off to the games once or twice, rather than taking control of the money that rightfully belongs to you. Is it fair that your father and brother have use of that money when you were the one who had to sleep with that dreary old man?”

Julia blushed and glanced away, well aware she had been a poor wife. “He wasn’t that dreary. Claudius was quite brilliant.”

Octavia laughed. “So brilliant he bored you to death. You told me so yourself in a letter, or don’t you want to remember what you wrote about him?”

Suddenly Julia found it hard to breathe. She trembled slightly, wondering how many other horrible things she had said about Claudius that were remembered so vividly. Octavia knew he had been riding after her. Why did she bring him up at all when she was aware it upset her so much? “I don’t want to talk about him, Octavia. You know that.”

“He’s dead. What’s to talk about? The gods smiled on you.”

Julia shivered. To distract herself from her grim thoughts, she stopped at a stall that displayed crystal pendants. The proprietor was a swarthy and handsome Egyptian. He spoke fluent Greek, but it was heavily accented, giving him an aura of mystery. Julia examined one of the pendants with interest. It was cold in her hand and encircled by a serpent that served to hold the long crystal and allow a loop for a heavy chain.

“My name is Chakras and I bring these crystals from the farthest reaches of the Empire.” The Egyptian watched Julia pick up a pendant. “It is lovely, isn’t it?” he said. “Rose quartz eases sexual imbalances and helps soothe away anger, resentment, guilt, fear, and jealousy.”

“Let me see it,” Octavia said and took it from Julia to look at it more closely.

“It is also known to increase fertility,” Chakras said.

Octavia laughed and handed it back to Julia quickly. “Here, you hold it.”

“Something less dangerous, perhaps?” Julia said, laughing at Octavia. She pointed to another necklace. “What about that one?”

“A good choice,” the man said, picking it up reverently. “Moonstone has healing powers for the stomach and it relieves anxiety and depression. It also aids in the birthing process and helps female problems.” Noting Octavia’s grimace, he added, “A good gift for a woman about to be married.”

“I like it,” Julia said, setting it aside. “What about that one over there?”

He picked up a beautiful lavender crystal and set it on the cloth-covered pedestal. “It is alexandrite, my lady, a variety of chrysoberyl known to heal internal and external degeneration.”

“It keeps you from getting old?” Octavia said.

“Indeed, my lady,” he said, watching her finger it. He turned away, cautious to keep an eye on Octavia as he picked up several other pendants. “Alexandrite also helps to align the emotions and reflects the highest potentials of unfolding joy.” He set a pale turquoise-colored crystal before them. “This aquamarine is a rare variety of beryl and is known to strengthen the viscera and purify the body,” he said. “It enhances the clarity of one’s mind and aids in creative expression. It will bring you into balance with the gods.”

“My father would like this one,” Julia said and set the aquamarine aside. “Mama thinks he’s sick.”

“Oh, my lady, then you must see this carnelian crystal. It is a highly evolved healer, opening the heart and encouraging communion with the spirits of the underworld, thus finding the many ways to escape death.”

“What a pretty red,” Julia said and took it. She rolled it over and over in her hand. “I like it, too,” she said and set it aside with the aquamarine, moonstone, alexandrite, and rose quartz crystal pendants. Octavia grew pale, her mouth pressed tight, her eyes glittering with burning envy.

Chakras smiled faintly. “Try this one on, my lady,” he said, holding out a clear crystal spear about three inches long.

“It’s much too big,” Julia said.

“This crystal enhances and stimulates the body and mind. It allows you to commune with the god of your choice. From the instant you put it on, you will feel the power in the crystal. It awakens the senses and increases your charms.”

“Very well,” Julia said, intrigued more by his mesmerizing singsong voice than by the crystal. He placed it around her neck with reverence.

“Do you feel the power of it?”

Julia glanced up at him, and he looked straight into her eyes with a dark, burning intensity. She felt uneasy and then very calm. “I do feel the power,” she said in awe. She fingered the pendant distractedly, unable to look away from Chakras. “It’s lovely, isn’t it, Octavia?”

“It’s a piece of rock on a chain.”

Chakras did not look away from Julia. “The crystal is the residing place of ancient Egyptian gods. Your friend invites their wrath.”

Octavia glared at him. “Are you ready to leave, Julia?” she said testily. She watched the Egyptian reach out and gently take the crystal in his hand, his knuckles brushing against Julia.

“Only those who deserve the power have it,” Chakras said, smiling in a way that made Julia’s face grow warm.

Octavia gave a dry laugh. “Julia, you can afford pearls. Don’t waste a sesterce on glass.”

Julia drew back slightly from Chakras’ touch, the weight of the crystal dropping between her breasts again. “But they’re beautiful!”

Chakras studied the expensive amethyst necklace she wore. “The clear crystal pendant is worth one aureus,” Chakras said, knowing she could well afford that and more.

“So much?” Julia said in dismay. One denarius was worth a day’s pay, and twenty-five denarü equaled one aureus.

“Ridiculous,” Octavia said, glad that it was more than Julia would be willing to pay. The pendants were lovely, and if she could not have one, she didn’t want Julia having one either. “Let’s go.“

“Power doesn’t come cheaply, my lady,” Chakras said in his melodic, heavily accented voice that bespoke the mysteries of ancient Egypt itself. “These are rare gems created by the gods.”

Julia looked at the pendants she had selected. “I’m not allowed to carry money with me in a public market.”

“You can fill in my ledger and I will take care of it as you say, my lady.”

“I’m a widow,” she said shyly, “and my brother manages my estate.”

“It is a small matter,” Chakras said, producing a ledger.

“She didn’t say she wanted to buy those things yet,” Octavia said angrily.

“But I do,” Julia said and watched Chakras write in each pendant. She gave him Marcus’ full name and address. He asked if she resided with her brother and she said no. “I live with my father, Decimus Vindacius Valerian.”

“A very great man,” Chakras said and asked no more questions. “Sign here, please.” He dipped the quill in ink and handed it to her. As she signed, he wrapped the four necklaces in white wool and put them into a leather pouch. He held it out to her with a solemn bow. “May the clear crystal you are wearing bring you all you desire and more, my lady.”

Julia was full of excitement at her purchases and insisted upon stopping at several other stalls. She bought perfume in a fancy vial, a small sealed amphora of scented oil, and a painted box of powder.

“I swear by Zeus, Julia, I will not carry another package for you,” Octavia said angrily. “You should have brought your little Jewess with you.” She shoved the things into Julia’s arms and walked off, weaving through the crowd and wishing she had not baited Julia into defying her father and going on this outing.