A Voice In The Night (10 page)

Chapter 21

Eileen grabbed her handwritten errand list as she headed for the car. Sliding into the seat she hoped the MG would behave. It started right up, startling her a little because it usually groaned over and over a few times before kicking to life. Maybe Luke wouldn’t have to bring it in for a checkup after all. It looked like it was going to be the perfect day to put the top down and take the long way to each of her stops, to cruise the Pacific Coast Highway, watching the blue-green waves curl and break along the beach out of the corner of her eye. There was still some of the early fog that hugged the coast in the morning, but it would start to burn off soon. It made the ocean and surf look like impressionistic art, softening and blurring the scene. And it made the car run roughly again. She’d have to tell Luke about that. It could mean something.

At the bottom of the hill she decided to turn into the parking lot that served a small sliver of beach just North of Torrey Pines to enjoy the scene for a moment. Closer to the water now, the fog was much denser. She couldn’t even make out her front fenders or the stones marking the entrance, squinting to find her way. Then she stalled, and instinctively reached for the ignition switch. In that instant there were noises and forces that she could never have imagined. A movement, rolling, crushing, sliding, grinding, screeching that made her insignificant. It was an entity unto itself, huge and voracious. An attack against which she couldn’t defend, except to beg for something higher to save her. Then a fleeting awareness of nothingness, then being transported somewhere both known and different. Out of focus, but with familiar forms and sounds.

She
was no longer, and yet she was.

The truck driver was dazed and trembling but only superficially hurt from holding tight to the big steering wheel and standing on the brakes. He knew the small car was beneath him, obliterated. He crawled down from the cab and slid underneath, then quickly back, feeling like he was going to pass out from what he’d seen, a beautiful young woman, oddly unscathed, but clearly gone. Then his experience kicked in and he began lighting all of his warning flares and calling on the CB radio asking someone to patch him over to the police.

He knew it wasn’t his fault. He knew this road, every bump, dip, sand patch and manhole cover. He’d traveled it several times every day for two years on a construction project. He was obsessively careful with his truck because he knew it could be lethal. He had to make payments on it every month and it was his livelihood. He concentrated. He drove. That was his total focus. He never listened to the AM radio. He watched. He anticipated. Today he was inching along in low gear through the fog that usually blanketed the shoreline in the morning, today especially impenetrable. He was trying to think of a safe place where he could pull over until the relentless fog lifted. He needed to get off the road, especially with 80 thousand pounds of stone on board. Now, the thought of the young woman he’d seen overwhelmed him. The police and ambulance driver found him sitting on the running board of his truck, sobbing.

Luke was watching the kids and making notes on his next show. The crunch of tires on the gravel driveway surprised him. He hadn’t expected Eileen back so soon. He sat waiting for her to

come through the door, then the doorbell sounded and he caught a glimpse of uniforms on the two figures at the door. They came in quietly, almost sheepishly and asked him to sit. As they told him what had happened, he felt the blankness sweep over him, the kind he had heard about experienced by those confronted with such a loss. His mind went to mundane things. Who would take care of the kids? What about work? Maybe Maggie would come over and watch them. Who did he have to call?

The police must have stopped at Maggie’s house next door because suddenly she was standing before Luke who was sitting bolt upright in his chair, trying to believe what he had heard moments ago. He looked up and saw her ashen face, her trembling hands, and it let loose all the terrible thoughts his mind had blanked out. Luke rose and then fell against her for support, just shaking his head, silent, looking at her for some kind of answer for all of it.

After a moment she held him at arm’s length, locking her eyes on his. “You know I’m on the higher plane thing, right?” Then you must believe me. This isn’t the end. She was in the accident. But something essential of her still exists. I can’t explain it any better than that. I just don’t have the words, but I know it – I’m certain. Maggie agreed to watch the children so Luke could go to the coroner’s office to identify Eileen.

The coroner led Luke down to the city morgue. “Let me offer you a small bit of comfort. She doesn’t appear to be injured the way we would expect in a crash like this. It looks like she was either thrown down to the floor of the car or ducked down just before impact, so she didn’t take any kind of a direct impact. But she went instantly from internal injuries.” He pulled back the sheet covering her and Luke again went numb with disbelief and loss. He nodded and the coroner covered her again. He handed Luke a card. “Your funeral director can call this number to arrange pickup. I’ll give you some time here alone with her. Take as long as you like. I’m sorry for your loss but it’s not as you think.”

Luke started to sit, then turned around. “What did you mean - it’s not as I think? You’re the second one to say something like that in the last hour.”

“I honestly don’t know how to describe it; but all of the lower plane people are brought here when they pass away and I’ve seen how higher plane relatives react when they come in. They give off this undercurrent that death isn’t at all what we think. I know this is pretty vague but it’s the best I can do.” Luke sat for a long time with Eileen, trying to face the seeming reality of her death yet struggling with the contradictions he had heard. He left, finally, and drove over to the office of the archdiocese. Maybe Bishop Noonan could help.

Chapter 22

The bishop was waiting for him, drawing Luke into his arms for a brief moment of comfort.

“I knew you would come, son. Please sit. We have a lot to talk about.” He signaled his housekeeper and she quickly returned with glasses and a bottle of Scotch. “Take a little of this, Luke. It’ll calm you so you can open up to what I’m going to tell you.

“First you should know that I decided a couple of months ago to ascend to a higher plane. I resisted it for many months because I wanted to relate on the same level with those people who chose to continue life as before. But there were so many questions I needed clarity on, and I could only get them by ascending. Now, the first thing you need to know, the answer you came to me for, is this. Eileen still is. She’s just in another type of existence. She could be right here this moment, just a few atoms away but you couldn’t reach her now. The hard work you have to do, is to learn how to open a channel to her.” Luke sat in a daze of emotion and confusion. He took another sip, then looked over at Noonan. “And how do I do that. How do I open a channel?”

“I can get you started, Luke. But first you’re going to have to ascend to a higher plane yourself to have a bigger, broader view of existence. You may even have to ascend to a still higher plane. And you must start learning to completely quiet your mind and emotions so she can reach through to you. You may have to seek out other teachers too, ones who know far more than I. Do you want to begin?”

“Yes, father.”

“I still like that you call me ‘Father’, Luke. As I told you once, I’m just a parish priest with a fancier hat. And we’re going to need that kind of relationship. Now let’s go over to my chapel and I’ll pray to help you to ascend.” They walked the short distance, and once inside the bishop dropped to a kneeler and spoke so low that Luke could not hear. Finally Noonan stood. “I think you’ll begin to feel the effect fairly soon. Just have faith and a lot will be revealed. Now go and take care of your family and wait for your path to be made clear. And remember, I’m always here to talk to. Don’t hesitate, even for a minute.”

The days that followed were filled with details, Eileen’s family back East, services, work arrangements. Mag had volunteered to care for the kids, and one night they sat at his kitchen table over steaming cups of tea. “You’ve gone up, haven’t you,” she asked.

“Yes. I had to if I want to find her again.”

“Find her again,” she said. “Yes. It’s exactly right. You found her once and you’ll do it again. The first time you met, it was a matter of space and time. If you’d gone to a different college or at a different time it would never have happened.”

“I need so much to have us together again. A life without her is no life. And now that I getting to this higher plane, I can feel her nearer me but I have no idea how to connect – how to get through to wherever she is.” Later, half asleep, half dreaming, he could feel her with him, but as if there was a veil or some kind of energy barely keeping them apart.

Then he thought of what Mag had said – space and time. Yes, that was at least a way he could begin. He would go back to their beginning. Start over again. Something in his newly-found vision told him it was the place to start. The next day he stopped in at the station to see Jake and Zack.

Jake was so certain Luke would find Eileen again that it seemed a little weird, as if there had been no accident, that she hadn’t died, almost a “ don’t sweat it,” attitude. Somehow Luke found this reassuring. Jake had always seemed like someone who lived in a slightly off-center world, as though he lived in a different reality. Zack was a different matter, full of condolences and sorrow. After they got past that, Luke explained that he would be away for a while – maybe a long while, so someone new should probably take over his show. He was going on a search and he didn’t know where it would lead. Zack nodded, thought for a bit, then stood up, pacing the room. “Okay, this just popped into my head and if you’ll do it, we’ll still have to clear it with the network and all that, but what if once a week, for example, you phone in a report for use on the air – the places you’ve been, people, any insights.

“Now understand that I’m not interested in commercializing your loss; but I think people will really connect with this in a genuine way, the quest, trying to find the other side. That kinda thing. This higher plane stuff has raised as many concerns as it’s answered and this would help. Plus we can keep paying you so financial stuff won’t hold you up – taking care of the kid’s needs, your house, bills. You know.”

Luke stared out the window for a minute, realizing that none of his responsibilities had even occurred to him. “Yes. I could do that. No promises of how good it will be, but maybe it would help me focus my thinking, too. I’ll call you tomorrow with a final answer.”

Chapter 23

At home, Luke began sketching out a list. Eventually it occurred to him that he should retrace the trip he and Eileen first drove cross-country from Connecticut to San Diego. Space and time. After talking with Mag and setting up bill- paying, doctors and all the other details of living, he stopped at his auto mechanic’s shop to go over the Healey. “Go over every inch of it. We’re making a long trip together.”

“Well, it wouldn’t be my choice of cars for a cross-country haul,” he said. “But I can show you how to adjust it when you get to higher altitudes, and the other tweaks these things need. It’s a really strong car. It’s just the way the British make things – lots of stuff to adjust, all the time. You know, I could trade you this for a nice Chevy V-8 that’s pretty much bullet-proof. All you’ll need is two different screw drivers for the whole trip and you’ll probably never use them.”

“Thanks, but it has to be in this car. Personal reasons.”

“Alright. I’ll put together a tool kit and a repair manual for you too. Also a list of dealers along your route. See you in a couple of days. And I’ll loan you that Chevy out front. May change your mind.”

Four days later Luke started out, winding his way up to San Bernardino and then into the Mohave desert. Even though he was traveling the route in reverse, he remembered vividly all of the places they had passed or stopped, even cafes where they’d had lunch, conversations, it was almost as if she was there as each mile droned on. It gave him both sadness and hope. Passing through the desert was brutal, just as when they had come west. The ceaseless, gritty cross-wind meant putting the top up on the Healy, even the side curtains to keep from being sandblasted continuously. And it made it 100 degrees inside the car.

Finally he cleared the desert and climbed up to Flagstaff to spend the second night. Exhausted from having to steer all day against the right-angled wind, he pulled into the first half-decent motel He saw. Turned out they had a pretty good restaurant where the owner served Luke himself. “I remember you and that car,” he said. “About 3,4 years ago. We never see anything like that out here, so it stuck.” He pointed to his temple. “Never forget a car like that. And where’s that beautiful wife of yours?” Luke stared at his plate. “She died in a car crash about three months ago, but I’m on this trip to try and find her again.”

“That higher plane thing, right?”

“Yes, exactly. Crazy, huh?” The owner sat down across from him, the cafe empty except for one trucker nursing a beer at the bar.

“No. Not crazy. It probably doesn’t show but I’m about a third Navajo. My people believed in all that stuff even before they walked onto this continent thousands of years ago. It was central to my tribe that people never die. They just change form or place. Some begin life again. With so many different people migrating over, it all got mixed together, so we all have pieces of it. If you want, I’ll show you how some of our people can reconnect with their ancestors. It’s mainly about learning to turn off all that noise and thinking that’s goin on between your ears. You won’t have to eat snake or anything, but a couple of Scotches won’t hurt. Come back about eleven and I’ll tell you what I know. It’s not easy. I’ve never been able to get there but I don’t have a reason to, like you. And the ancients had an advantage – lots of time and silence. Plenty of time to walk, hunt, sit by the fire and not think.

“By the way, my name is Phil. See you later.”

Luke went to his room and showered the grit off, watched the local news and dozed off. At eleven he walked down to the café. What the hell. Maybe this would at least make a good story for his weekly radio report. Phil was sitting at an out-of-the-way table in the corner. He had a legal-size pad, a ruler and a pen. “Okay, sip that first Scotch there and free your mind a little. Here’s how it’s been explained to me, all the way back to my grandfather who was mostly Navajo.” He drew a number of parallel lines on the pad. These are what you call your ‘planes.’ There are lots of them. More than I put here. And then there are ones that go up and down, like this. My grandfather called all of this the ‘many worlds.’ Now, let’s say you’re here on plane or world number two.” He drew an X. You’re more knowing and sensitive than if you were on plane one but not that much. Now look way up here on the next higher plane and up toward the end of the paper. He drew another X. What is your wife’s name?”

“Eileen.” Phil crossed out the X and put an E. “What does this tell you, Luke ? He shrugged.

“Come on. This is the easy part. You and Eileen are in the same space but at a different time. Or the same time but a different space. All this is a maybe. Who can say? But you could cross that time or space. You already have the power within you ’cause you’re on the higher plane already and Eileen moved up to the same plane or an even a higher one the instant she died, or more accurately, the instant she changed space and time.” Phil chuckled. “I remember when my grandfather first drew this out for me with a stick, in the dirt. I probably had that same look on my face as you do right now.”

“No. It’s just that someone I know said the same as you a week ago – ‘space and time.” Phil nodded. “That’s basically how they say it all works. There’s a woman down in Sedona that knows a lot more. She used to be a physicist – taught at some big university – she knows all the science part but I hear she moved to Sedona ’cause that’s supposed to be the place where a lot of these forces are all focused together – vortexes I think they call them. You might want to go down there and talk to her. It’s only about 20 miles. I don’t remember her name but ask anybody. She drives a pink Jeep to take tourists up into the hills so she should be easy to spot. I’ve heard she’s always willing to talk to people who want to know more about many worlds and stuff.”

Luke and Phil finished off the shots of Scotch and groaned their way out of the chairs.

They’d been sitting a long time. “Phil, thanks so much. I feel a lot better now, knowing more about it.”

“Yeah, but you’ve got a long way to go. Just one step and one day at a time. Stay patient. Your journey and Route 66 out there are both long, long roads. Seeya in the morning. And stop all that damn thinkin. Turn off the noise.”