A Twist in the Tale (10 page)

A deal that
suited both sides was struck between the two
Yorkshiremen
,
and with the bank’s blessing Gerald resigned his position as deputy borough
engineer and formed a private company. When he presented his tender, in
competition with several large
organisations
from
London, no one was surprised that Haskins of Hull was selected unanimously by
the planning committee to carry out the job.

Three years
later Halifax had a fine new sewerage system and the Midland Bank was delighted
to be holding Haskins of Hull’s company account.

Over the next
fifteen years Chester, Run-corn,
Huddersfield
,
Darlington,
Macclesfield
and York were jointly and
severally grateful for the services rendered to them by Gerald Haskins, of
Haskins & Co plc.

Haskins &
Co (International) pie then began contract work in Dubai, Lagos and Rio de
Janeiro. In 1983 Gerald received the Queen’s Award for Industry from a grateful
government, and a year later he was made a Commander of the British Empire by a
grateful monarch.

The investiture
took place at Buckingham Palace in the same year as King
Alfons
III of
Multavia
died and was succeeded by his son
King
Alfons
IV. The newly crowned King decided
something had finally to be done about the drainage problems of
Teske
. It had been his father’s dying wish that his people
should not go on suffering those unseemly smells, and King
Alfons
IV did not intend to be-
queath
the problem to his
son.

After much
begging and borrowing from the West, and much visiting and talking with the
East, the newly anointed monarch decided to invite tenders for a new sewerage
system in the kingdom’s capital.

The tender
document supplying several pages of details and listing the problems facing any
engineer who wished to tackle the problem arrived with a thud on most of the
boardroom tables of the world’s major engineering companies. Once the paperwork
had been seriously
scrutinised
and the realistic
opportunity for a profit considered, King
Alfons
IV
received only a few replies.

Nevertheless,
the King was able to sit up all night considering the merits of the three
interested companies that had been shortlisted. Kings are also human, and when
Alfons
discovered that Gerald had chosen
Multavia
for his honeymoon some twenty-five years before it
tipped the balance. By the time
Alfons
IV fell asleep
that morning he had decided to accept Haskins & Co (International)
plc’s
tender.

And thus Gerald
Haskins made his second visit to
Multavia
, this time
accompanied by a site manager, three
draughtsmen
and
eleven engineers. Gerald had a private audience with the King and assured him
the job would be completed on time and for the price
spe-cified
.
He also told the King how much he was enjoying his second visit to his country.

However, when
he returned to England he assured his wife that there was still little in
Multavia
that could be described as enter-
tainment
before or after the hour of seven.

A few years
later and after some considerable haggling over the increase in the cost of
materials,
Teske
ended up with one of the finest
sewerage systems in Central Europe. The King was delighted – although he
continued to grumble about how Haskins & Co had over-run the original
contract price. The words “contingency payment” had to be explained to the
monarch several times, who
realised
that the extra
two hundred and forty thousand pounds would in turn have to be explained to the
East and “borrowed” from the West. After many veiled threats and “without
prejudice” solicitors’ letters, Haskins & Co received the final payment but
not until the King had been given a further grant from the British government,
a payment which involved the Midland Bank, Sloane Street, transferring a sum of
money to the Midland Bank, High Street, Hull, without
Multavia
ever getting their hands on it. This was after all, Gerald explained to his
wife, how most overseas aid was distributed.

Thus the story
of Gerald Haskins and the drainage problems of
Teske
might have ended, had not the British Foreign Secretary decided to pay a visit
to the kingdom of
Multavia
.

The original
purpose of the Foreign Secretary’s European trip was to take in Warsaw and
Prague, in order to see how
glasnost
and
perestroika
were working in those
countries. But when the Foreign Of lice discovered how much aid had been
allocated to
Multavia
and after they explained to
their minister its role as a buffer state, the Foreign Secretary decided to
accept King
Alfons’s
long-standing invitation to
visit the tiny kingdom. Such excursions to smaller countries by British Foreign
Secretaries usually take place in airport lounges, a habit the British picked
up from Henry Kissinger, and later Comrade Gorbachev; but not on this occasion.
It was felt
Multavia
warranted a full day.

As the hotels
had improved only slightly since the time of Gerald’s honeymoon, the Foreign
Secretary was invited to lodge at the palace. He was asked by the King to
undertake only two official engagements during his brief stay: the opening of
the capital’s new sewerage system, and a formal banquet.

Once the Foreign Secretary had agreed to these requests the King
invited Gerald and his wife to be present at the opening ceremony – at their
own expense.
When the day of the opening came the Foreign Secretary
delivered the appropriate speech for the occasion. He first praised Gerald
Haskins on a remarkable piece of work in the great tradition of British
engineering,
then
commended
Multavia
for her shrewd common sense in awarding the contract to a British company in
the first place. The Foreign Secretary omitted to mention the fact that the
British government had ended up
underwrit-ing
the
entire project. Gerald, however, was touched by the minister’s words and said
as much to the Foreign Secretary after the latter had pulled the lever that
opened the first sluice gate.

That evening in
the palace there was a banquet for over three hundred guests, including the
ambassadorial corps and several leading British businessmen. There followed the
usual interminable speeches about “historic links”,
Multavia’s
role in Anglo-Soviet affairs and the “special relationship” with Britain’s own
royal family.

The highlight
of the evening, however, came after the speeches when the King made two
investitures. The first was the award of the Order of the Peacock (Second
Class) to the Foreign Secretary. “The highest award a commoner can receive,”
the King explained to the assembled audience, “as the Order of the Peacock
(First Class) is reserved for
roy-alty
and heads of
state.”

The King then
announced a second investiture. The Order of the Peacock (Third Class) was to
be awarded to Gerald Haskins, CBE, for his work on the drainage system of
Teske
.

Gerald was
surprised and delighted as he was conducted from his place on the top table to
join the King, who leaned forward to put a large gold chain encrusted with gems
of various
colours
and sizes over his visitor’s head.
Gerald took two respectful paces backwards and bowed low, as the Foreign
Secretary looked up from his seat and smiled en-
couragingly
at him.

Gerald was the
last foreign guest to leave the banquet that night. Angela, who had left on her
own over two hours before, had already fallen asleep by the time Gerald
returned to their hotel room. He placed the chain on the bed, undressed, put on
his
pyja
-mas, checked his wife was still asleep and
then placed the chain back over his head to rest on his shoulders.

Gerald stood
and looked at himself in the bathroom mirror for several minutes. He could not
wait to return home.

The moment
Gerald got back to Hull he dictated a letter to the Foreign Office. He
requested permission to be allowed to wear his new award on those occasions
when it stipulated on the bottom
righthand
corner of
invitation cards that decorations and medals should be worn. The Foreign Office
duly referred the matter to the Palace where the Queen, a distant cousin of
King
Alfons
IV, agreed to the request.

The next
official occasion at which Gerald was given the opportunity to sport the Order
of the Peacock was the Mayor-making ceremony held in the chamber of Hull’s City
Hall, which was to be preceded by dinner at the Guildhall.

Gerald returned
especially from Lagos for the occasion and even before changing into his dinner
jacket couldn’t resist a glance at the Order of the Peacock (Third Class). He
opened the box that held his prize possession and stared down in disbelief: the
gold had become tarnished and one of the stones looked as if it were coming
loose.
Mrs
Haskins stopped dressing in order to steal
a glance at the order. “It’s not gold,” she declared with a simplicity that
would have stopped the IMF in their tracks.

Gerald offered
no comment and quickly fixed the loose stone back in place with Araldite but he
had to admit to himself that the craftsmanship didn’t bear careful scrutiny.

Neither of them
mentioned the subject again on their journey to Hull’s City Hall.

Some of the
guests during the Mayor’s dinner that night at the Guildhall Inquired after the
history of the Order of the Peacock (Third Class), and although it gave Gerald
some considerable satisfaction to explain how he had come by the distinction
and indeed the Queen’s permission to wear it on official occasions, he felt one
or two of his colleagues had been less than awed by the tarnished peacock.
Gerald also considered it was somewhat unfortunate that they had ended up on
the same table as Walter
Ramsbottom
, now the Deputy
Mayor.

“I suppose it
would be hard to put a true value on it,” said Walter, staring disdainfully at
the chain.

“It certainly
would,” said Gerald firmly.

“I didn’t mean
a monetary value,” said the
jeweller
with a smirk.
“That would be only too easy to ascertain. I meant a sentimental value, of
course.”

“Of course,”
said Gerald. “And are you expecting to be the Mayor next year?” he asked,
trying to change the subject.

“It is the
tradition,” said Walter, “that the Deputy succeeds the Mayor if he doesn’t do a
second year. And be assured, Gerald, that I shall see to it that you are placed
on the top table for that occasion.” Walter paused. “The Mayor’s chain, you
know, is fourteen-carat gold.”

Gerald left the
banquet early that evening determined to do something about the Order of the
Peacock before it was Walter’s turn to be Mayor.

None of
Gerald’s friends would have described him as an extravagant man and even his
wife was surprised at the whim of vanity that was to follow. At nine o’clock
the next morning Gerald rang his office to say he would not be in to work that
day. He then travelled by train to London to visit
Bond Street
in general and a famed
jeweller
in particular.

The door of the
Bond Street
shop was opened for
Gerald by a sergeant from the Corps of Commissionaires. Once he had stepped
inside Gerald explained his problem to the tall, thin gentleman in a black suit
who had come forward to welcome him.

He was then led
to a circular glass counter in the middle of the shop finer.

“Our
Mr
Pullinger
will be with you in
a moment,” he was assured. Moments later
Asprey’s
fine-gems expert arrived and happily agreed to Gerald’s request to value the
Order of the Peacock (Third Class).
Mr
Pullinger
placed the chain on a- black velvet cushion
before closely studying the stones through a small eye glass.

After a cursory
glance he frowned with the disappointment of a man who has won third prize at a
shooting range on
Blackpool
pier.

“So what’s it
worth?” asked Gerald bluntly after several minutes had elapsed.

“Hard to put a value on something so intricately” –
Pullinger
hesitated – “unusual.”

“The stones are
glass and the gold’s brass, that’s what you’re trying to say, isn’t it, lad?”

Mr
Pullinger
gave a look that
indicated that he could not have put it more succinctly himself.

“You might
possibly be able to get a few hundred pounds from someone who collects such
objects, but . . .”

“Oh, no,” said
Gerald, quite offended. “I have no interest in selling it. My purpose in coming
up to London was to find out if you can copy it.”

“Copy it?” said
the expert in disbelief.

“Aye,” said
Gerald. “First, I want every stone to be the correct gem according to its
colour
. Second, I expect a setting that would impress a
duchess. And third, I require the finest craftsman put to work on it in nothing
less than eighteen-carat gold.”

The expert from
Asprey’s
, despite years of dealing with Arab clients,
was unable to conceal his surprise.

“It would not
be cheap,” he uttered
sotto
voice
: the word “cheap” was one of which
Asprey’s
clearly disapproved.