A Tricky Proposition (11 page)

“Last night.” He gripped the steering wheel hard and stared straight ahead. “I crossed the line.”

*

To fill the silence that followed his confession, Jason started the Camaro, but for once the car’s powerful engine didn’t make him smile.

“Because of what you wanted me to say.” Ming sounded irritated and unsure.

“Yes.” Moments earlier, he’d considered skirting the truth, but she’d been honest about her feelings toward him.

“Then why did you?”

Making love to her had flipped a switch, lighting him up like a damned merry-go-round. He kept circling, his thoughts stuck on the same track, going nowhere. He liked that they were lovers. At the same time he relied on the stability of their friendship. So far he’d been operating under the belief that he could have it both ways. Now, his emotions were getting away from him. Logic told him lust and love were equally powerful and easily confused. But he’d begun to question his determination to never fall in love.

“Because it’s how I feel.”

“And that’s a bad thing?”

He saw the hope in her eyes and winced. “It isn’t bad. We’ve been close a long time. My feelings for you are strong.” How did he explain himself without hurting her? “I just don’t want to lead you on and I think that’s what I did.”

“Lead me on?” She frowned. “By making me think that you wanted to move beyond friendship into something…more?” Her fingers curled into fists. “I’m not sure who I’m more angry with right now. You or me.”

If he’d known for sure that sleeping with her would complicate their friendship, would he have suggested it? Yes. Even now he wasn’t ready to go back to the way things were. He had so much he longed to explore with Ming.

If he was honest with himself, he’d admit that helping her get pregnant was no longer his primary motivation for continuing their intimate relationship. He’d have to weigh a deeper connection with Ming against the risk that someday one of them would wake up and realize they were better off as friends. If emotions were uneven, their friendship might not survive.

“Do you want to stop?” He threw the car into gear and backed out of the parking spot.

“You’re making me responsible for what does or doesn’t happen between us? How is that fair?”

Below her even tone was a cry for help. Jason wanted to pull her close and kiss away her frown. If today they agreed to go back to the way things were, how long would he struggle against the impulse to touch her the way a lover would?

“I want you to be happy,” he told her. “Whatever that takes.”

“Do you?” She looked skeptical. “Last night I wanted you to stay, but you got all tense and uncomfortable.” A deep breath helped get her voice back under control. When she continued, she seemed calmer. “I know it’s because you have a rule against spending the night with the women you see.”

“But I spent last night with you.”

“And this morning you couldn’t put your clothes on fast enough.” She stared at him hard enough to leave marks on his face.

“So what do you want from me?”

“I’d like to know what you want. Are we just friends? Are we lovers?”

Last night he’d denied their relationship to his friends and felt resistance to her suggestion that he stay the night with her. As happy as Max and his brothers were to be in love with three terrific women, Jason could only wonder about future heartbreak when he looked at the couples. He didn’t want to live with the threat of loss hanging over his head, but he couldn’t deny that the thought of Ming with another man bugged him. So did her dismay that Evan had fallen in love with Lily.

“I won’t deny that I think we’re good together,” he said. “But you know how I feel about falling in love.”

“You don’t want to do it.”

“Can’t we just keep enjoying what we have? You know I’ll always be there for you. The chemistry between us is terrific. Soon you’ll be busy being a mom and won’t have time for me.” He turned the car into her driveway and braked but didn’t put the Camaro in Park. He needed to get away, to mull over what they’d talked about today. “Let’s have dinner tomorrow.”

“I can’t. It’s the Moon Festival. Lily and I are having dinner with our parents tomorrow. I’m going to tell them my decision to have a baby, and she’s going to tell them she’s moving.” Ming sighed. “We promised to be there to support each other.”

Jason didn’t envy either sister. Helen Campbell was a stubborn, opinionated woman who believed she knew what was best for her daughters. At times, Ming had almost collapsed beneath the weight of her mother’s hopes and dreams for her. She hadn’t talked about it, but Jason knew the breakup of her engagement had been a major blow to Ming’s mother.

“What about Tuesday?” he suggested.

She put her hand on the door release, poised to flee. “It’s going to be a hectic week with Max and Rachel’s wedding next weekend.”

Jason felt a sense of loss, but he didn’t understand why. He and Ming were still friends. Nothing about that had changed.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s too much to go into now.”

Jason caught her arm as she pushed the door open and prevented her from leaving. “Wait.”

Ming made him act in ways that weren’t part of his normal behavior. Today, for example. He’d hid in her bathroom for fifteen minutes while she and her sister had occupied the bedroom. There wasn’t another woman on earth he would have done that for.

Now he was poised to do something he’d avoided with every other woman he’d been involved with. “You’re obviously upset. Tell me what’s going on.”

“I feel like an idiot.” Her voice was thick with misery. “These last couple weeks with you have been fantastic and I’ve started thinking of us as a couple.”

Her admission didn’t come as a complete shock. Occasionally over the years he too had considered what they’d be like together. She knew him better than anyone. He’d shared with her things no one else knew. His father’s suicide attempt. How he’d initially been reluctant to join the family business. The fact that the last words he’d spoken to his little sister before she’d died had been angry ones.

“Even knowing how you feel about love—” She stopped speaking and blinked rapidly. “Turns out I’m just like all those other women you’ve dated. No, I’m worse, because I knew better and let myself believe…” Her chin dropped toward her chest. “Forget it, okay?”

Was she saying she was in love with him? Her declaration hit him like a speeding truck. He froze, unable to think, unsure what to feel. Had she lost her mind? Knowing he wasn’t built for lasting relationships, she’d opened herself up to heartbreak?

And where did they go from here? He couldn’t ask her to continue as they’d been these past two weeks. But he’d never had such mind-blowing chemistry with anyone before, and he was a selfish bastard who wasn’t going to give that up without a fight.

“Saturday night, after the wedding, we’re going to head to my house and talk. We’ll figure out together what to do.” But he suspected the future was already written. “Okay?”

“There’s nothing to figure out.” She slid out of the car. “We’re friends. Nothing is going to change that.”

But as he watched her head toward her front door, Jason knew in the space of a few minutes, everything had changed.

Ten

M
ing caught her sister wiping sweaty palms on her denim-clad thighs as she stopped the car in front of her parents’ house and killed the engine. She put her hand over Lily’s and squeezed in sympathy.

“We’ll be okay if we stick together.”

Arm in arm they headed up the front walk. No matter what their opinions were about each other’s decisions, Ming knew they’d always form a unified front when it came to their mother.

Before they reached the front door, it opened and a harlequin Great Dane loped past the handsome sixty-year-old man who’d appeared in the threshold.

“Dizzy, you leave that poor puppy alone,” Patrick Campbell yelled, but his words went unheeded as Dane and Ming’s Yorkie raced around the large front yard.

“Dad, Muffin’s fine.” In fact, the terrier could run circles around the large dog and dash in for a quick nip then be gone again before Dizzy knew what hit her. “Let them run off a little energy.”

After surviving rib-bruising hugs from their father, Ming and Lily captured the two dogs and brought them inside. The house smelled like heaven, and Ming suspected her mother had spent the entire weekend preparing her favorite dishes as well as the special moon cakes.

Ming sat down at her parents’ dining table and wondered how the thing didn’t collapse under the weight of all the food. She’d thought herself too nervous to eat, but once her plate was heaped with a sample of everything, she began eating with relish. Lily’s appetite didn’t match hers. She spent most of the meal staring at her plate and stabbing her fork into the food.

After dinner, they took their moon cakes outside to eat beneath the full moon while their mother told them the story of how the festival came to be.

“The Mongolians ruled China during the Yuan Dynasty,” Helen Campbell would begin, her voice slipping naturally into storytelling rhythm. She was a professor at the University of Houston, teaching Chinese studies, language and literature. “The former leaders from the Sung dynasty wanted the foreigners gone, but all plans to rebel were discovered and stopped. Knowing that the Moon Festival was drawing near, the rebel leaders ordered moon cakes to be baked with messages inside, outlining the attack. On the night of the Moon Festival, the rebels successfully overthrew the government. What followed was the establishment of the Ming dynasty. Today, we eat the moon cakes to remember.”

No matter how often she heard the tale, Ming never grew tired of it. As a first-generation American on her mother’s side, Ming appreciated the culture that had raised her mother. Although as children both Ming and Lily had fought their mother’s attempts to keep them attached to their Chinese roots, by the time Ming graduated from college, she’d become fascinated with China’s history.

She’d visited China over a dozen times when Helen had returned to Shanghai, where her family still lived. Despite growing up with both English and Chinese spoken in the house, Ming had never been fluent in Mandarin. Thankfully her Chinese relatives were bilingual. She couldn’t wait to introduce her own son or daughter to her Chinese family.

Stuffed to the point where it was difficult to breathe, Ming sipped jasmine tea and watched her sister lick sweet bean paste off her fingers. The sight blended with a hundred other memories of family and made her smile.

“I’ve decided to have a baby,” she blurted out.

After her parents exchanged a look, Helen set aside her plate as if preparing to do battle.

“By yourself?”

Ming glanced toward Lily, who’d begun collecting plates. Ever since they’d been old enough to reach the sink, it was understood that their mother would cook and the girls would clean up.

“It’s not the way I dreamed of it happening, but yes. By myself.”

“I know how much you want children, but have you thought everything through?” Her mother’s lips had thinned out of existence.

“Helen, you know she can handle anything she sets her mind to,” her father said, ever supportive.

Ming leaned forward in her chair and looked from one parent to the other. “I’m not saying it’s going to be a picnic, but I’m ready to be a mom.”

“A single mom?” Helen persisted.

“Yes.”

“You know my thoughts on this matter.” Her mother’s gaze grew keen. “How does Jason feel about what you’re doing?”

Ming stared at the flowers that surrounded her parents’ patio. “He’s happy for me.”

“He’s a good man,” her mother said, her expression as tranquil as Ming had ever seen it. “Are you hoping he’ll help you?”

“I don’t expect him to.” Ming wondered if her mother truly understood that she was doing this on her own. “He’s busy with his own life.”

Patrick smiled. “I remember how he was with your cousins. He’s good with kids. I always thought he’d make a great father.”

“You did?” The conversation had taken on a surreal quality for Ming. Since he never intended to get married, she’d never pictured Jason as a father. But now that her dad had mentioned it, she could see Jason relishing the role.

“What I meant about Jason…is he going to help you make the baby?” her mother interjected.

“Why would you think that?”

“You two are close. It seems logical.”

Ming kept her panic off her face, but it wasn’t easy. “It would mess up our friendship.”

“Why? I’m assuming you’re going to use a clinic.”

This was all hitting a little too close to home. “That’s what I figured I’d do.” Until Jason came up with the crazy notion of them sleeping together. “I’d better give Lily a hand in the kitchen.”

Leaving her parents to process what she’d told them, Ming sidled up to her sister.

“I shared my news.” She started rinsing off dishes and stacking them in the dishwasher. “Are you going to tell them you’ve bought a house in Portland?”

“I changed my mind.”

“About the house or Portland?”

“Both.”

“Evan must be thrilled.” The words slipped out before Ming realized what she was saying. In her defense, she was rattled by her father’s speculation about Jason being a great dad and her mother’s guess that he was going to help her get pregnant.

“Evan?” Lily tried to sound confused rather than anxious, but her voice buckled beneath the weight of her dismay. “Why would Evan care?”

The cat was out of the bag. Might as well clear the air. “Because you two are dating?”

Ming was aware that keeping a secret about her and Jason while unveiling her sister’s love life was the most hypocritical thing she’d done in months.

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Evan admitted it to Jason and he told me.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“Don’t you think you should have?” She didn’t want to resent Lily for finding happiness.

“I honestly didn’t think anything was going to happen between us.”

“Happen between you when, exactly?” Ming’s frustration with her own love life was bubbling to the surface. “The first time you went out? The first time he kissed you?”

“I don’t want this to come between us.”

“Me, either.” But at the moment it was, and Ming couldn’t dismiss the resentment rumbling through her.

“But I don’t want to break up with him.” Beneath Lily’s determined expression was worry. “I can’t.”

Shock zipped across Ming’s nerve endings. “Is it that serious?”

“He told me he loves me.”

“Wow.” Ming exhaled in surprise.

It had taken almost a year of dating for Evan to admit such deep feelings for her. As reality smacked her in the face, she was overcome by the urge to curl into a ball and cry her eyes out. What was wrong with her? She wasn’t in love with Evan. She’d made her peace with their breakup. Why couldn’t she be happy for her sister?

“Do you feel the same?”

Lily wouldn’t meet her gaze. “I do.”

“How long have you been going out?”

“A couple months. I know it seems fast, but I’ve been interested in Evan since high school. Until recently, I had no idea he saw me as anything more than your baby sister. Emphasis on the
baby.
” Lily’s lips curved down at the corners.

There was a five-year difference in their ages. That gap would have seemed less daunting as Lily moved into her twenties and became a successful career woman.

“I guess he’s seen the real you at last.”

“I want you to know, I never meant for this to happen.”

“Of course you didn’t.”

“It’s just that no one has control over who they fall in love with.”

What Lily had just told Ming should have relieved her own guilt over what she and Jason were doing. Evan had moved on. He was in love. If he ever discovered what was happening between her and Jason, Evan should be completely accepting. After all, he’d fallen for her sister. All Ming was doing was getting pregnant with Jason’s child. It wasn’t as if they were heading down the path to blissfully-ever-after.

Struck by the disparity between the perfect happiness of every couple she knew and the failure of her own love life, Ming’s heart ached. Her throat closed as misery battered her. Her longing for a man she could never have and her inability to let him go trapped her. It wasn’t enough to have Jason as her best friend. She wanted to claim him as her lover and the man she’d spend the rest of her life committed to. On her current path, Ming wasn’t sure how she was ever going to find her way out of her discontent, but since she wasn’t the sort who moldered in self-pity, she’d better figure it out.

*

Unwinding in her office after a hectic day of appointments, Ming rechecked the calendar where she’d been keeping track of her fertility cycle for the past few months. According to her history, her period should have started today.

Excitement raced through her. She could be pregnant. For a second she lost the ability to breathe. Was she ready for this? Months of dreaming and hoping for this moment hadn’t prepared her for the reality of the change in her life between one heartbeat and the next.

Ming stared at her stomach. Did Jason’s child grow inside her? She caught herself mid-thought. This was her child. Not hers and Jason’s. She had to stop fooling herself that they were going to be a family. She and Jason were best friends who wanted very different things out of life. They were not a couple. Never would be.

“Are you still here?” Terry leaned into the room and flashed his big white smile. “I thought you had a wedding rehearsal to get to.”

Ming nodded. “I’m leaving in ten minutes. The church is only a couple miles away.”

“Did those numbers I gave you make you feel better or worse?”

Earlier in the week Terry had opened up the practice’s books so she could see all that went into the running of the business. Although part of her curriculum at dental school had involved business courses that would help her if she ever decided to open her own practice, her college days were years behind her.

“I looked them over, but until I get Jason to walk me through everything, I’m still feeling overwhelmed.”

“Understandable. Let me know if you have any questions.”

After Terry left, Ming grabbed her purse and headed for the door. Until five minutes ago, she’d been looking forward to this weekend. Max and Rachel were a solid couple.

Thanks to Susan Case, Max’s mother, the wedding promised to be a magical event. After both Nathan and Sebastian had skipped formal ceremonies—Nathan marrying Emma on a Saint Martin beach and Sebastian opting for an impromptu Las Vegas elopement—Susan had threatened Max with bodily harm if she was denied this last chance at a traditional wedding.

Most brides would have balked at so much input from their future mother-in-law, but Rachel’s only family was her sister, and Ming thought the busy employment agency owner appreciated some of the day-to-day details being handled by Max’s mother.

When Ming arrived at the church, most of the wedding party was already there. She set her purse in the last pew and let her gaze travel up the aisle to where the minister was speaking to Max. As the best man, Jason stood beside him, listening intently. Ming’s breath caught at the sight of him clad in a well-cut dove-gray suit, white shirt and pale green tie.

Was she pregnant? It took effort to keep her fingers from wandering to her abdomen. When she’d embarked on this journey three weeks ago, she’d expected that achieving her goal would bring her great joy and confidence. Joy was there, but it was shadowed by anxiety and doubt.

She wasn’t second-guessing her decision to become a mom, but she no longer wanted to do it alone. Jason would freak out if he discovered how much she wanted them to be a real family. Husband, wife, baby. But that’s not how he’d visualized his future, and she had no right to be disappointed that they wanted different things.

As if her troubled thoughts had reached out to him, Jason glanced in her direction. When their eyes met, some of her angst eased. Raising his eyebrows, he shot her a crooked grin. Years of experience gave her insight into exactly what he was thinking.

Max couldn’t be talked out of this crazy event.

She pursed her lips and shook her head.

You shouldn’t even try. He’s found his perfect mate.

“Are you two doing that communicating-without-words thing again?”

Ming hadn’t noticed Missy stop beside her. With her red hair and hazel eyes, Sebastian’s wife wore chocolate brown better than anyone Ming had ever met.

“I guess we are.” Ming’s gaze returned to Jason.

“Have you ever thought about getting together? I know you were engaged to his brother and all, but it seems as if you’d be perfect for each other.”

“Not likely.” Ming had a hard time summoning energy to repeat the tired old excuses. She was stuck in a rut where Jason was concerned, with no clue how to get out. “We’re complete opposites.”

“No one is more different than Sebastian and I.” Missy grinned. “It can be a lot of fun.”

Based on the redhead’s saucy smile, Ming had little trouble imagining just how much fun the newlyweds were having. She sighed. Prior conversations with Emma, Missy and Rachel had shown her that not everyone’s road to romance was straight and trouble-free, but Ming knew she wasn’t even on a road with Jason. More like a faint deer trail through the woods.