A Toast to Starry Nights (24 page)

I don't know how to feel about his
statement about dark places. Doesn't everybody have dark thoughts? Life isn't
always happy. Sometimes it doesn't even border on bittersweet. If you ask me,
hell happens here on earth. Life is life. The strong live, the weak fade away,
the lucky and blessed never know anguish. Survival of the fittest or the most
masochistic, I'd have to say. Personally, I think I lean more towards the
masochistic side of things. It'd explain a lot.

It didn't register with me that I had
moved away from Dmitri until he gently gathered me in his arms as if I were a
hurt child. That was like a battering ram against the portcullis of my personal
walls. “I know bad things have happened to you. I know you pretend they don't
affect you, but they do. I see it.” Dammit. Now it was the trebuchet. “I admire
your strength. You are strong. You are capable. But don't be afraid to lean on
people when you need to. You can't always be strong. Do not be afraid to let me
in.” The siege tower was in place. “I want to be there for you when you need me
and when you don't... I don't want just a part of you. I want all, because
that's how much of me I'm offering in return. Fair is fair. Let me in, Kaylis.”

And with that whispered into my ear, my
walls of self-preservation fell down as did the tears on my face.

Out of all the things I thought this
night would hold, my wonderment at the turn of event startled me deeply. I
needed to think and thinking was very difficult with Dmitri so close in my
proximity. With a watery chuckle, I spoke to no one in particular. “Out of all
the scenarios that I envisioned about tonight, this was not one of them.”

Dmitri smiled. “To quote you, I am me
and no one else. And I got to keep you on your toes.” He put a gentle hand upon
my shoulder. “I didn't mean to upset you. I can tell I have done just that with
my confession.”

I felt a lump in my chest grow and rise
to my throat. For so long, I've been dependent upon myself. If I truly wanted
him then I needed to open up and let him in… I mean, that should be
rudimentary, right? Why did it take me this long to realize that? In all the
time I've known Dmitri, he never betrayed my trust in him. He had always been
there when I needed him most.

Now for the sixty-four million dollar
question: Did I want something more with Dmitri and potentially set myself up
for heartache again, or keep things light and non-committal? I mean, me wanting
to hump his brains out could just be the lingering echos of getting oh-so-close
to getting laid the last time I saw him and the desire to just get it over with
so we could just move on. Or not.

Ah, choices.

For one thing, Dmitri bore little
resemblance to Mike in personality. Whereas both could be considered
intelligent in certain areas, it really was like comparing night to day. I
could count on Dmitri not being Mike. It was a reassuring thought.

The bullshit back in the day – well,
some things are worth looking past. He was sorry enough about it that he needed
to ask my forgiveness before his own conscious could be settled after a decade
had passed. Even when parted by years and thousands of miles, Dmitri was loyal
in the deepest part of his heart. I can't ask for much more than that in a
mate. Why had I not realized it before?

Then it dawned on me. I had trusted
Mike, heart and soul with the first passionate love of youth. If my affection
for Dmitri during our summer together was like sticking a toe in the water of
Amour, then what I had with Mike was like a full on belly flop into shallow
waters. I was so blinded by the fact I was in love that I forgave trespasses
when I should have been the one apologized to-- and most profusely at that.

When I had been betrayed on the
magnitude that I had, it seriously colored how much I gave myself to others. If
one doesn't open themselves up completely, one can't be completely disappointed
and hurt-- so the thought goes. But to keep that little bit of myself from
someone who has given so much of himself over just to make me happy...

A clear, pure feeling engulfed my heart.
The pristine beauty of the sensation brought a new set of tears to my eyes. “It
wasn't until right now that I realized how much I love you, Dmitri.” It meant a
lot to me that he apologized long after the fact. It meant more that during the
ups and downs in my life, Dmitri was there to lend an ear and good advice to
me.

Dmitri would not be a belly flop.

He gently lifted my chin as his blue
eyes bore into mine with a fervor and passion that felt like a slap to my soul.

“You feel it, don't you? You feel the
pull towards me. We belong together, Kaylis. It's not coincidence that we
reconnected after years of silence. What happened then was nothing compared to
what can happen now. We grew up and found each other. That just doesn't happen
to every one. That's something special and meaningful to me. You were my light
in the darkness, and I can't believe you are mine. It still blows me away. It's
like pulling a star from the sky.”

With a gentle ferocity I never knew
Dmitri possessed, he kissed me.

Who am I kidding?

It wasn't
just
a kiss.

Our souls mingled.

Dmitri's mouth moved against mine as if
whispering all the things he adored about me, as I did the same to him. The
touch of his hand against my cheek and under my ear sent me reeling and I
sagged against him, delighting in the strength of his embrace. My arms wrapped
around his neck, to steady myself and to press my body harder against his as
sensation washed over. The prickle of his stubble ignited something deep within
and a moan escaped the cavern of my throat to pass through his lips.

The tiny sound excited him, I know it
did by the way his hands moved from cradling my face to wrapping around me,
grabbing fistfuls of my dress's back and holding me tight against him and his
growing passion. A growl rumbled deep in his throat as his kiss hardened
against my mouth. I kissed back just as fierce. Electricity shot through me to
make the hair on my arms and nape stand on end and every nerve ending tingle
with anticipation. There was just something so right in the world with he and I
embracing beneath the polished silver moon. I could spend a thousand years
kissing Dmitri, content to savor his lips alone.

Then the oral assault stopped. Dmitri
put space between us; I felt as though I had just stepped too close to the
cliff's edge and lost purchase. I wanted him against me again, so close I could
feel the muscles shifting and holding me his willing prisoner in those
welcoming arms. I wanted to taste him again, to breathe in the scent that was
his and the most potent aphrodisiac known to Kayliskind.

Dmitri's breath was coming in as ragged
pants as my own. “There's something I want to tell you before we go any
further, Kaylis.” He stood up and reached out for my hand to help me arise. We
walked back to my vehicle. He helped me up so I was sitting on the hood,
reclined against the windshield, and he joined me. The entire time, my heart
pounded a samba beat against my ribcage. The magic was over tonight? Something
big lurked on the horizon, I could tell.

“There were a couple reasons I went back
to Croatia. Djed's funeral was one, but I needed to speak to his lawyer. I, uh,
I gave up my part of the company.”

His family owned a fleet of fishing
boats and are one of the leading exporters of fish from the Adriatic sea. The
eldest son of an eldest son... they were old school about family loyalty.
Dmitri living in the United States got tolerated because it was assumed that
when the time came, he would take his place in the family business and beget
more Branimirs to ensure the empire's legacy. Until then, he headed the San
Diego branch of Branimir Imports. My jaw dropped as he continued.

“I gave my inheritance to my younger
brother... and cashed out. Well, traded Ifan for his inheritance, really.
Djed
anticipated it, though my father denied it.
Djed
gave me his blessing
before he passed away... it took a deathbed promise made by my father before
Djed
let go. When I go back to La Jolla, I'm selling my condo. Right after I flew
into Sacramento, I signed the papers for a house I bought online... escrow went
through. I want to be closer to you, Kaylis.”

I was in shock. “You're not going back
to Europe?” Whatever he said after giving up his portion of his family's legacy
hadn't yet registered with my brain.

“Oh, I will probably go back... but not
stay there for any length of time. My future is here. I got my US citizenship
while I served in the Marine Corps... that did not please my parents. I've
wanted to live in the states since I was a kid. I think Short Circuit had
something to do with it. Any place that had robots like that had to be cool.”
He smiled. “I really wanted a Johnny 5 of my own.”

Dmitri looked up to the sky and
continued in a soft voice, “My great-great-grandfather started with a single
fishing boat and built a fleet by the time my great-grandfather took over. By
the time he passed it to my grandfather, they were exporting all over Europe.
Now my father has ships all over the world. I admire my family, but I never
want to be chained to those boats. Neither did my grandfather, but he wasn't
given a choice. He asked my father to forgive me for turning my back on
tradition and seeking my own path.”

“Why?” Disbelief rolled off my tongue.
The ability to wrap my mind around him giving up the helm of his family's
conglomerate was something I lacked at that moment. I knew his interests lay
elsewhere, that he was bored with his job in the family trade... but to give up
a legacy and the security that accompanies?

“I told you already. I want to be closer
to you. I fucked up back in high school. And then when you came to see me back
the day. I fucked up and cheated myself out of something really cool. I don't
want to do that again. I love Sacramento. But I'm willing to live in the wilds
of NorCal if it means you're in the picture with me. You can be my Sherpa. I
can't tell almond trees from walnut. Or hay from alfalfa. You can tell me which
herds are dairy cattle and which are for steaks. You have this knowledge you
can share with me. I'm happy to learn all the rustic yee-haw stuff if you're
the one to teach me. I want to be with you and I'm making it happen. I want
more than a friendlationship or friends with benefits. Can't say it plainer
than that. And I know that if I'm on board, you will be too.”

Oh my God.

He touched me deeply with his
confession. What happened in the day was high school drama, long overlooked
because kids do stupid things. When the beast inside Mike would rear his ugly
head, I would conjure up the memory of a sweet guy who looked miserable as he
told me I was just a rebound, that he wasn't over Lorryn yet and he was sorry
that his actions hurt me. And four years ago, when he and I severed contact
because of Lorryn's interference once again... I forgave him because life with
him, even on the fringes, was preferable to life without him at all. I was
content to accept his friendship because I believed that was the extent of what
I'd get of Dmitri. That he wanted something deeper stunned me.

“You want to be with me? How long did it
take for you to come to this conclusion?” Because until he said otherwise, I
figured he saw me as a good friend with a nice ass. Someone good/fun/attractive
enough to fool around with, but not worth jeopardizing a secure friendship in
case romance went awry, again.

“About thirty seconds after you got in
your rental car to head back to Albuquerque when you visited me in '07.”

My jaw dropped. “Then why exactly did we
stop talking? Because that really sucked.” Although right now I sat next to him
beneath the twinkling cosmos, the hurt of him willingly jerked by Lorryn's
leash one too many times came through to sting his ears.

“We stopped talking because I had my
head up my ass and hated hearing Lorryn bitch and complain that since she knew
me longer, I needed to be with her... which, uh, didn't work. I cut you both
out so I could get my head on straight. That didn't last too long, since I
apologized like six months later to you. I haven't spoken to her since.”

A deep sigh escaped my lungs. “And what
if she tries to thwart your will once again? Am I going to get kicked to the
curb because you just can't help yourself where she's concerned?” Twice stung
by the same wasp. I sure as hell didn't want to set myself up for another
sting.

Dmitri's nose wrinkled as if he got a
whiff of cat shit. “You're not going to get kicked to the curb. She had her
chances and blew them all. She's toxic to me. I want nothing to do with her
ever again. Seriously, I could be happy never seeing her again.” His face
relaxed and he smiled. “I don't know if you trust me on it or not, but I'll
show you. If push comes to shove, I know what I'm going to do. I'll tell her to
kick rocks and get out of here. I want you, not her.” The tone of his voice
sealed his determination with me. “You have my word on it.”

“After much pondering, I've decided I'm
on board. Having your word on a certain matter pretty much check mates any
concerns I may have had. Get prepared for an edu-ma-kation from Glenn County's
finest, darlin'.”

“That's another reason I like spending
time with you. For a girl, you're pretty funny.”