A Time to Live (18 page)

“I don’t know, Nikki,” Michael said as he picked up the phone.
“But we can find out.”

While Nikki was getting ready to leave, Michael managed to set up lunch with both Doc and Josh.
Nikki would be with Jan, the nurse at Doc’s care center, looking at files she wasn’t supposed to see.

“As long as I’m not there,” Doc said mischievously, “I don’t know what happened.”

Michael was happy with the arrangement. While he spoke with Doc and Josh, Nikki would be safe at the care center. They drove to town and he met his friends in front of the café.

“Uh, Michael,” Josh said as he approached.
“Taylor and Denise are in there. I think we’d better go to the bar to eat.”

Michael stiffened.
He hadn’t been to the bar since that fateful night. But Denise had a restraining order against him and he didn’t dare violate that. “All right,” he said. They trooped over to the bar and Michael surprised himself by ordering Jack Daniels with water back.

“Old habits die hard, eh?” Josh said with a grin as he also ordered his favorite, a scotch on the rocks.
Even Doc had a Gin and Tonic.

“I guess so,” Michael said with a chuckle.

“So what’s the deal, Michael?” Josh asked.

“I need to talk to you two about Nikki.”

“What’s wrong?” Doc asked.

Michael fidgeted in his chair then downed his shot.
“Nikki and I...uh...well we’re sort of together now.”

Their jaws went slack at the same time.
Michael laughed at their stupefied expressions. “I know it’s insane...but....” He shrugged helplessly.

Josh’s eyes turned cold and hard for an instant
, but then he broke into his familiar grin. “You dog!” He waved to the bartender. “Now this calls for a celebration round.”

“Good for you, Michael,” Doc said, smiling.
“I knew they couldn’t knock you down for long.”

“Believe me
, I never planned this.”

The bartender brought their drinks.
They ordered sandwiches and he departed. Doc’s smile faded, and he lowered his voice. “But Michael, are you sure this is wise? If someone is targeting the women in your life, Nikki could be in serious danger.”

“She has already been targeted,” Michael replied morosely and told them about the attack yesterday.

“Did you tell the sheriff?” Doc asked, horrified.

Michael shook his head.
“Nikki insisted that I don’t. Neither of us trust Boyd any farther than we can throw him.”

Doc sighed
, but nodded in agreement.

The bartender returned with their sandwiches.
Josh took a bite and winced. “Ow,” he muttered, gingerly touching his jaw.

“What’s the matter?” Michael asked.

“I think I’ve got an abscessed tooth,” he said, rubbing the spot. “But you know how I just love seeing the dentist.”

Michael frowned, noticing the spot appeared puffy, almost bruised.
“You look like you got nailed.”

Josh laughed.
“Oh yeah, here’s where I tell everyone I walked into a door in the dark.”

Michael shook his head, chuckling.
“You had better get to the dentist.”

“I will...one of these days.”
He winked at Michael.

“So, Michael,” Doc said, trying to sound casual.
“You and Nikki are hitting it off, but I take it there’s more to this than meets the eye.”

Michael nodded and took a deep breath.
He struggled to find the courage to tell them. “Actually,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I’m not worried about Nikki being targeted as much as I am about her health.”

“Her health?”

“Nikki has cancer,” he paused and looked at Josh meaningfully. “It’s terminal.”

Josh’s face turned gray, and he dropped his sandwich back into the plate.
“Are you sure?”

A sudden, heart
wrenching sorrow rose within Michael. But still he wondered how he could not have known. “Yes,” he said and slowly explained all Nikki had told him. “She’s terrified, Josh,” he said finally. “She didn’t want to have a relationship because she fears what it will do to me when she dies.”

“She’s right, you know,” Josh replied gently.

Michael nodded. “But it’s already too late. I love her.”

Michael didn’t think Josh’s face could lose any more color, but it did.
He downed his drink in one swallow. “Are you sure this isn’t infatuation?”

“I’m sure, Josh.
What I feel for Nikki makes everything in my past look like sawdust.”

“Dealing with this even though
it’s my profession, isn’t always easy, but it’s even harder when it happens to people you care about.”

“But I need your help, Josh.
I can’t turn my back on her. I asked her...no I begged her...to allow us to be together for the time she has left. She agreed, but this morning she was distant, as if I had hurt her.”

Josh nodded vehemently.
“Michael, that sort of response is perfectly normal. If she feels as strongly about you as you do about her - she’s going to feel selfish for loving you, because she knows she’s going to hurt you when she dies. The last thing she wants is to cause you pain.”

“But why can’t we be happy together while we have the chance?”

Josh sat back and thought for a long moment. “It’s hard to explain, even for someone as experienced as I am. But people in this situation have a tendency to create a type of magical thinking. That they are responsible for the bad things that happen.”

“What are you talking about?”

“They carry this idealism, primarily promoted by the love conquers all theory, that if she loves you enough, she won’t die. Yet the logical brain knows better than this. Nikki knows she will die and there’s nothing she can do to stop it. Because her death will ultimately hurt you, she is blaming herself. That’s why she tries to push you away. If you don’t love her, you won’t be hurt.”

Michael sighed softly.
“Then what can I do? I firmly believe it is more important than ever to share the time we have together.”

“That is what my latest research proposal was concentrating on.
Nikki’s feelings over this are very real. In fact, if she didn’t feel guilty about this, then I would worry because that would mean she didn’t care for you. In my research, I’ve discovered theories that certain types of medication can be beneficial to easing this guilt complex so the patient can enjoy his or her life with their loved ones. Unfortunately, some of these medications have tainted reputations and the board of directors is having a hard time looking past this bad press. I have to wait another three months and try to gather more data before I can pitch the proposal again.”

Michael shook his head.
“Nikki doesn’t have another three months.”

Doc scowled and leaned forward.
“Michael, are you certain about that?”

“That’s what Nikki said.
Why would she lie?”

Doc thought for a long moment.
“Maybe she’s relating the truth as she understands it.” He glanced at Josh who nodded in agreement.

“What do you mean?”

“I never suspected Nikki had cancer,” Doc continued. “When she was injured from her fall, she recovered normally. People who have cancer are prone to infections and other problems. If her life is going to end in a few months...well...that fall she took should have led to complications. In fact, if she’s on typical cancer medication, some of the medicines I gave her should have reacted badly.”

Michael blanched.
“You mean...?”

Doc, his face gray, nodded.
“Cancer patients typically wear a Medic-Alert badge of some sort. Many times, they will carry a list of medications on their person. Do you know what she’s taking?”

Michael pulled the list out of his pocket and handed it to Doc.

He stared at it a long moment. “I’ve only heard of three of these. The inhaler, the cough medicine, and of course morphine. Josh, you’re on the cutting edge of this research, what do you make of it?” He handed the list to Josh.

Josh frowned...then he gaped at the list.
“I haven’t heard of...wait a sec...LR207...I’ve read about that before. Who was her doctor, Michael?”

Michael swallowed hard, he had hoped to not mention this.
He didn’t want to embarrass Nikki by announcing her illicit affair with her own doctor. “Bradley Harris.”

“
The
Bradley Harris?” Doc and Josh said in unison.

Michael nodded.

“Harris is one of the top cancer drug specialists in the nation,” Josh said in a soft whisper as if he referred to the Almighty. “LR207 is one of his miracle drugs, it has an enzyme which targets cancer cells specifically, instead of killing off both good and bad cells like chemo does...in mice that is.”

Michael blinked.
“In mice?”

Josh’s hand trembled as he tapped on the list.
“This drug isn’t approved for testing on humans yet, Michael. It shouldn’t be out of the lab at all. I know, I just read an article on it last month.”

Doc grabbed the list and stared at it.
“Dear God, Josh, you’re right. Drugs labeled LR are relegated to laboratory test subjects only. Nikki has six of them on this list.”

“She said she was going through experimental therapy,” Michael replied, thoroughly confused and just a little bit frightened.

“You don’t understand,” Josh said. “The FDA has very rigorous testing standards. The drugs have to go through certain procedures before they are approved to be tested on human subjects. Experimental therapy is when a human subject agrees to be part of the test, after FDA approval. LR207 hasn’t been approved for that yet. Hell, Michael, it hasn’t even been tested on anything more than a Petry dish and mice.”

Michael’s heart threatened to stop beating.
“Are you sure about this, Josh?”

Josh straightened in his chair, his eyes sparking furiously.
“I am certain, Michael,” he growled. “It my job to know these things so I can properly council my patients during their drug therapies. How can I help them live the last months of their lives to the fullest if I don’t know about the drugs being developed? I have fifteen patients under experimental cancer therapy, and some of those are under experimental therapy I have created for my own research to help their emotional state. What Bradley Harris is to cancer research, so am I to the emotional health of those who are terminally ill.”

“Josh,” Michael said softly.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to insult you. I’m just trying to understand.”

Josh took a deep breath, then smiled ruefully.
“I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to be so harsh with you. Like I said, it’s harder for me when it’s a friend suffering through this.”

“So what do I do now?”

“Nikki was at USC right?” Doc asked.

Michael nodded.

“I have a friend from med school there. He also works cancer research. I might be able to get some information about these drugs from him.” He looked at Josh questioningly.

Josh grinned and nodded.
“I have an associate or two at USC, but if you’ve got ties through med school, go for it Doc, alumnus is thicker than blood. If it doesn’t work out, let me know, and I’ll hit my people.”

“And in the meantime?” Michael asked.

“We could really use some blood samples from Nikki,” Doc said.

Michael snorted. “Yeah, like that’s going to happen anytime soon. You both know how Nikki is.”

They chuckled.
“True,” Josh said. “But we really need to get together. I know Nikki wouldn’t go for the official capacity thing...but if we can do this, just the three of us, I might be able to help.”

“I’ll see what I can come up with and give you a call, Josh,” Michael replied.

“Good.”

They finished their sandwiches, Michael was grateful to change the subject to small talk.

About an hour later, Michael glanced at his watch. “I guess I should go see if Nikki is finished visiting with Jan,” he said and gave Doc a wink.

Doc chuckled.

“What do you mean?” Josh asked curiously.

“Long story,” Michael replied and waved him off.

Josh scowled and stood.
“I’ll catch the tab this time. The next one’s on you, Michael.”

Michael laughed and they walked out - just as Denise walked in.
Michael plowed into her and instinctively caught her arms before she fell.

Denise stared up at him in shock and terror.
“Get away from me!” she screeched, backing away.

Michael, stunned, immediately released her.

“You can’t come within fifty yards of me,” she cried. “The restraining order—”

“Denise, I’m sorry,” Michael said quickly.
“I didn’t see you.”