A Texas Soldier's Family (15 page)

She’d been thinking he would factor into hers. Just as she had hoped she was factoring into his.

Had she been wrong? About that, how he felt, how he might ever feel?

Hope pushed back her chair and stood. Hands on the table in front of her, chin high, she asked, “Then how would you define it, if we’re not engaged—” and apparently not headed that way, judging by his continued stony reaction “—and not an item?”

Garrett shoved back his chair and moved effortlessly to his feet, too. They stared at each other across the wide plank table.

Aware the foundation board meeting had devolved into something else entirely, yet needing her questions answered, Hope put her usual decorum aside and pressed on without shame or discretion. “I mean if it’s only a fling and you’re okay with that...” And she wasn’t, she realized far too late, not at all! “Shouldn’t you be able to own up to that?” She gestured at their audience. “I mean we’re all adults here. Right?”

An even tenser silence fell.

Lucille stared at her son, waited.

“Ah. Maybe we should call an end to the board meeting and leave.” Sage scrambled to her feet.

“Or better yet, maybe we should get out the popcorn.” With an ornery grin, Wyatt stayed put.

Chance rocked back in his seat, arms folded in front of him. “I’d like to hear this, too,” Chance said. “Might learn something. About what not to do, obviously.”

“It’s
private
.” Garrett pushed the words through clenched teeth.

Hope’s heart pounded as if she’d run a marathon, even as her spirits sank. She held Garrett’s gaze, ready to put it all on the line for the very first time in her life. If only he would dare to do so, too.

But that, she could tell, would only happen if she forced him.

Fighting through her disappointment, she pushed on like a reporter in a hostile press conference, “
Private
as in doesn’t exist?”

He gave her no reaction.

Fighting tears, Hope offered another choice. “Never happened? Never should have happened?”

Because ethically, morally, she knew the answer to that even if he hadn’t hired her and couldn’t fire her.

Oh, heavens above, what a mess they had made.

* * *

W
HAT
DID
H
OPE
want from him? Garrett wondered, grinding his jaw in frustration. Without warning, he felt as if he’d been propelled back to his childhood. Filled with all those unspoken and implied expectations he couldn’t figure out, never mind meet. When he’d unfortunately blurted out whatever came to mind and gotten himself in even more trouble. Every time.

Determined not to do this, and certainly not in front of his whole family, he stood there, silent, just waiting, just looking at Hope. Waiting for her to give him a clue as to what would fix this. Not just with his family, who were more confused than he was, but with the two of them.

Usually, she was pretty good about doing that.

Not today.

And after the way they’d made love the night before? All night long? What was going on with her, with them? How had he managed once again to end up so completely blindsided and confused?

Giving her one more chance to fully illuminate this matter before he hauled her off to continue this discussion in private, Garrett finally asked with forced calm, “What do you want this to be?”

Another sad silence fell.

Hope, looking more disillusioned and disappointed than he ever could have imagined her, simply shook her head. She looked him right in the eye, long and hard, and said, “Not. This.”

Chapter Fifteen

Two days later, Lucille Lockhart stood in the bathroom of the former rental home and gaped at her eldest son. She was recovering nicely from her bout of exhaustion, getting stronger and healthier every day.

Garrett felt his own life going in reverse.

“You were serious about cleaning the bathrooms yourself.”

Garrett dropped his scrub brush into the bucket, stripped off his gloves and stepped back. The entire upstairs of the Victorian house reeked of hospital-grade disinfectant. But the hours he’d spent working out his aggression had left it sparkling clean from top to bottom.

Thanks to the help he had received at the local hardware store, he also knew a lot more about home maintenance than he ever had before.

Had Hope elected to stick around, that skill might have come in handy. Since she hadn’t...

He gathered up the rest of his gear, headed downstairs. “Why would you think I wasn’t serious?”
About becoming more family oriented? Learning skills that would help with that—in a very practical way? Settling down?

“Maybe you had better things to do with your time?”

He slid his mother a glance. “Like what?”

“Speaking to Hope?”

If he’d thought it would do any good, he would have. “She made it pretty clear when she left the Circle H she had nothing more to say to me.”

“And you’re content to leave it at that?”

No, but it was what he had to do, needed to do, to come out of this relationship with even a shred of dignity. Hope had been honest with him from the first. Told him her life was too chaotic and full, as it was. That she had her son, who was all she needed. That even if she wanted to embark on a relationship with him, which she clearly hadn’t, she wouldn’t have the time or the energy to be able to do so.

He should have listened to her, instead of seducing her into what was to be a strictly physical relationship with a firm expiration date.

He had agreed with her stipulations because he had thought, deep down, that he would be able to change her mind. That, as time wore on and they got closer—and they
had
gotten closer—she would come to want the same things he did.

Only she hadn’t.

And he had to live with his crushed expectations, hopes and dreams. Because it was his fault he hadn’t listened to her at the outset.

Garrett crossed over to the cooler and pulled out a couple of icy-cold flavored waters. He wiped off the dampness with a paper towel and handed his mom one. “Hope and I had an agreement, Mom. What we had was going to be a short-term thing, and that was it.”

Lucille took a small, dainty sip. “You don’t think she changed her mind?”

He had a flash of the soft, sweet way Hope gazed up at him when they made love, and the fiercely determined way she had looked as she had left the Circle H to return to her life in Dallas. He knew his mother was invested in this, rightly or wrongly. She had tried to help them find a happy-ever-after, and even if her ploy hadn’t worked she deserved credit for trying.

Garrett downed half the bottle in a single gulp. The hot persistent ache in his throat only grew. He shrugged. “She never said so if she did.”

His mother edged closer. She studied him with an eagle eye, before asking the kind of question she would have been too refined to have voiced before. “Did you change yours?”

The ever-present heaviness inside his heart remained. What did it matter? “It takes two equally committed people to make a successful relationship, Mom. You and Dad taught me that.” It was what he wanted, what he had to have.

Lucille gazed at him thoughtfully, looking glad that at least one of her life lessons had sunk in. “Hope turned down the job at the foundation. Not because it wasn’t challenging enough or would require her to relocate to Laramie, Texas. She turned it down because of you, Garrett.”

Was he that much of a pariah? Did she still feel he had treated her poorly? Garrett clenched his teeth. “She didn’t want to work with me?”

“She said she couldn’t bear to be that close to you.”

He stared at his mother like a shell-shocked idiot. “Hope actually said that?”

His mother propped her hands on her hips. “While she was crying her eyes out.”

He took a moment to consider that. It was both the saddest thing and the best thing he had ever heard. Finally he found his voice, demanded thickly, “Hope cried over me?”

Lucille scoffed, as if she couldn’t believe how oblivious he was. “You broke her heart!”

The accusation stung. And more, was completely unfounded. What had he done, after all, but offer Hope everything of value he had to give? All within the parameters she had set. “She decimated mine!”

Lucille leaned closer. “So tell her.”

If he hadn’t already been turned inside out, he would have. But he had, so...

Forcing himself to be realistic in a way he hadn’t been before, Garrett shook his head. A reconciliation wasn’t in the script Hope had laid out for them. And she was a woman who always stuck to the plan, never more so than when times got stressful. It was the only way to survive and come out unscathed, she had said.

Garrett winced. “She’d never believe me.”

His mother encouraged him kindly. “Then it’s up to you to tell her what’s really in your heart and change that, isn’t it?”

* * *

O
N
S
ATURDAY
, H
OPE
left Max at home with a sitter and walked into the Lockhart Foundation for the last time. Lucille had asked her to pack up her personal belongings in advance of the mover’s arrival.

Hope had readily agreed. Not only was it a way to help the still physically rebounding former CEO, but a way to give herself desperately needed closure, too.

As promised, Sharla, Lucille’s soon-to-be-ex assistant, greeted Hope at the door.

Like Hope, she was in casual clothing, suitable for packing and moving.

They chatted for a moment, about who was tasked with packing up what and how, and Sharla’s need to leave shortly to pick up her daughter after her ballet class.

Sharla led Hope over to the unassembled book boxes, markers, tape and scissors. While the two worked to put some boxes together, Sharla chatted. “I saw the video you posted on all the social media websites. You did a great job giving the history of the foundation and really introducing the entire family. I especially liked the way you portrayed Garrett. Sometimes he comes off as grumpy rather than heroic, but you caught his true essence.”

Maybe because I know who he is, deep down
.
One of the kindest, strongest, most gallant men on Earth.

“Thanks.”

“I was surprised you didn’t take the public relations job for the foundation. Things had been going so well, from the sound of it.”

They had been, for a while, anyway, Hope thought. In fact, she easily could have imagined herself becoming an integral part of the family charity.

Sharla chatted casually. “Is it because, like me, you didn’t want to move to West Texas?”

“I just wasn’t sure it was a good fit.”
With me crazy in love with Garrett, and him feeling, I don’t know exactly what, about me...

Hope held a box closed while Sharla taped it shut. “What about you? Lucille told me you have a fantastic new job.”

Nodding, Sharla grinned. “I start Monday. I’ve got a bump up in salary and responsibility, and a much shorter commute. Lucille really pulled out all the stops to make sure I wouldn’t spend any time unemployed.”

“Sounds like her,” Hope said fondly.

“I know. All the Lockharts have huge hearts.”

Even more importantly, the Lockharts had shown her what it was like to have a loving, supportive family surrounding you. They’d made her realize what she wanted in her own life—a love that would last, a daddy for Max, a family like theirs. Moreover, they’d helped her see that, in insisting on forging on alone, she was settling for far less than what either she or Max deserved.

And that meant changes had to be made, Hope schooled herself firmly. No more dead-end love affairs. No more falling for guys who weren’t falling for her just as hard.

Aware Sharla was waiting for more of an explanation, about how Hope could be so close to the family one week, and then working so furiously to distance herself from them, Hope said in a low tone, “Crises can bond people together intensely in the moment. Those feelings rarely last.”

How often had she said those very words? And found them true?

Sharla fit bubble-wrapped pictures of her family into a box. “You’re not friends with any of the people you’ve helped in the past?”

Hope began taking plaques bearing Lucille’s name off the wall. “Not the way we were when the scandal or situation was in progress, no.”

“That’s too bad,” Sharla sympathized.

It was. She needed more concrete relationships in her life. More people she and Max could rely on through thick and thin. Otherwise, her son was likely to grow up feeling as alone as she had when she was a child.

“I thought you and Garrett were getting, well, close.”

They had been, Hope thought ruefully. She’d actually started to put herself out there instead of sticking to the script. She’d made the cardinal sin of allowing the overwhelming emotion of the crisis itself to influence her actions, as they had Garrett’s.

If they’d simply had a casual fling, and ended it when they’d agreed that they would, without complication or hurt feelings, maybe they could have remained friends. Maybe she would have been able to move to Laramie, and see and work with Garrett every day. Let Garrett be a constant, loving male role model in Max’s life.

And that might have left open the possibility that maybe, over time, as life returned to normal, they would
both
realize they wanted to take a chance on each other, this time with no holds barred.

But that wasn’t ever going to happen, Hope realized again with a pang as she said goodbye to Sharla and worked on alone.

When confronted by his family, Garrett had taken an immediate and decisive step back. A move that had, sadly, told her all she needed to know.

He’d decided to settle close to his family, after all, and make good use of his inheritance, just the way his late father had wanted him to do.

He’d found a way to open up his heart. Just not to her. Not the way she wanted.

And she knew now that she couldn’t settle for half measures. Not when it came to Garrett. She wanted it all with him, or she wanted nothing at all. Twenty minutes later, Hope had taken the last of the awards off the wall when she heard the door to the suite open and close.

Thinking Sharla had forgotten something, Hope stepped out into the reception area. There stood Garrett. Handsome as ever, big as life. Like her, he was in jeans and sneakers, and a loose-fitting cotton shirt worn open at the throat.

He looked good, too.

Freshly shaven, his hair cut, blue eyes glinting with the masculine determination she found so appealing.

“This was a setup,” she deduced, her heart squeezing hard.

He nodded. “Engineered by me.” As he strolled toward her purposefully, his sexy grin widened. “I have to tell you, my mother did not want to help me.”

Tears misted her eyes and joy rose inside her. Even though she knew it was too soon for that. Might not even be the right time.

She swallowed around the lump in her throat and did her best to appear cavalier. Tilting her head, she looked him up and down, as if she found him wanting. “Obviously, you convinced her.”

“Once she listened to all I had to say.” He squinted. “The question is, will you?”

Fear moved past the excitement roaring through her. She knew she couldn’t bear it if he disappointed her again. She regarded him steadily, her guard up. “I think we said all we had to say during the board meeting.” That she never should have been invited to attend, because then she wouldn’t have heard all the questions, or seen him hedge.

Wouldn’t have had everyone bear witness to her humiliation and heartbreak.

He came closer still, his eyes level on hers. “Not quite,” he said softly but firmly.

Her heart pounded all the harder.

His eyes were full of things she was almost afraid to read as he took her hands in his. “I’ve never had trouble saying what was on my mind.” The tips of his fingers caressed the back of her hands, eliciting tingles. “You may have heard,” he continued, his voice a low, sexy rumble, “I’m blunt to a fault.”

Hope hitched in a breath, suddenly afraid of where this might be going. “Except for the last time we saw each other,” she reminded him, surprised she could sound so brave when inside she was on the verge of falling apart.
Again.
She lifted her chin. “Then you had no words.”

Regret flashed on his handsome face. He nodded ruefully, his gaze narrowing. “Part of that was because I didn’t want my family interfering in my life, or yours, and trying to engineer either of us into doing what
they
felt we should be doing.”

Hope understood that.

The Lockhart clan had put them on the spot. Well-intentioned or not, the move had been a complete disaster.

Knowing he still had his own reticence to account for, she swallowed. “And the rest?”

“I was trying to follow your lead. Be sensitive. Discreet in a way I’ve never been before. Now, I’m here to lay my soul bare and tell you exactly what’s on my mind,” he said, his voice firm and strong. “First, I realize that holding back on what we are both thinking and feeling is never going to be right. Not for me, not for you, not for us.”

She fought back a grin as her heart kicked against her ribs.

He wrapped both his arms around her waist. “I can still be tactful,” he said, drawing her close, “but you need to tell me what’s on your mind and in your heart, and I need to do the same.” His voice dropped to a husky timbre. “So we’re not caught off guard. Or left guessing what the other person is thinking or feeling.”

“Agreed.”

“So here’s what’s on my mind. No more scripts for either of us to follow. We both have to agree to wing it in the most genuine of ways to avoid miscommunication.”