A Texas Chance (15 page)

His relief evaporated. “What mistake?”

Her green eyes flicked over him impersonally. “No more sex.”

“Hold your horses, Queenie.” That wasn’t what he intended at all. “We are definitely making love again.” In the next few minutes, if he had anything to say about it.

“Having sex,” she corrected.

Oh, man, had he ever screwed up. When a woman got that icy tone in her voice, nothing good ever came of it. “Call it what you want, but you can’t tell me you didn’t love it. I was in that bed with you, Sophie. I know how it felt. There’s something between us.”

“There might have been—” she wrenched herself out of his arms and rose “—but that was last night. And we’ve both had second thoughts, remember?”

He stood to get on equal footing. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?”

She was withdrawing from him, and he scrambled to make up ground. “Look, I’m sorry. I should have left a note, I know, but…”

Wrong move. She recoiled as if struck.

“I don’t need to be coddled. I don’t fall for every guy that I sleep with. I don’t get emotionally involved after every roll in the hay. I’m responsible for my own heart and my own body and last night was—”

“Incredible,” he said over her outrage. “Unforgettable.”

She halted in midsentence and simply stared at him.

“Sophie, I didn’t leave because I didn’t want to keep making love to you all night and a whole lot longer. I was trying to save you.”

“From what? Your deadly charm? Your skill in the sack?”

He ignored the sarcasm. “From me. And the mess in my head.”

Her mouth snapped shut. She studied him carefully. “What mess?”

“I was this close—” he gestured with his fingers “—to taking advantage of you.”

She snorted. “With sex? Please. What happened was completely mutual.”

“No.” He shook his head. “With my camera lens. I—” Oh, God. How could he explain? “I… It doesn’t matter.”

Some of the torment he’d been wrestling with since last night must have shown on his face, because her expression softened and she reached out to him.

“It does matter. Talk to me, Cade. You don’t have to be so damn strong all the time.”

H
E
SMILED
AT
HEARING
his own words used against him, but he turned away. For a moment, Sophie thought Cade might leave rather than talk about whatever was troubling him.

But finally he spoke, his voice very quiet, his face averted. “I haven’t been able to pick up a camera since the accident.” Another long pause. He looked so sad, and that sorrow kept her from pushing him. “It’s not like I haven’t tried, but when I do, all I can think about is Jaime and how—” He moved to the window and looked out into the darkness, his broad shoulders tensed. “I killed my friend.”

“What? Cade, it was an accident.”

He whipped around to face her, his eyes hard, his voice fierce. “I took stupid chances, unnecessary risks. All for my precious vision. Jaime was as much a victim of my ambition as of that mountain. A casualty of my arrogance in believing that I was extraordinary, that the rules didn’t apply to me.”

“Did you force him to go along?”

“Yes.”

“How?”

“Because he was my friend!” The cry exploded from deep within him. “He never said no to me. He knew I wanted him along because he was the best, and we worked together seamlessly. The shots were better when he was with me because he instantly got what I was after. He anticipated what I needed, how to set everything up so I could focus solely on what was in front of me because…” His voice grew hoarse. “Because he always had my back.”

“You didn’t force him. He wanted to be on those expeditions.”

“Of course he did—he loved the work. But he had a family—three little kids and a wife who are now alone.” Anguish was in his eyes. “It should have been me.”

The last traces of her fury at him vanished. She longed to go to him, to soothe, to comfort.

But he wasn’t ready for that yet. “So you don’t use your camera anymore.”

He didn’t answer.

“Because that’s how you honor him?”

His head snapped back. “Don’t you dare mock me. You can’t begin to understand.”

She gasped but refused to retaliate.

“I’m sorry. That was rude…and wrong. You’ve lost a lot more than I have.”

She took a deep breath. “It’s hard to go on without them.”

He watched her, eyes shuttered.

“Everyone goes through these recriminations—
I should have been there
.
It was supposed to be me
. For a long time, I blamed myself because I was supposed to pick up Sarah, but I was running late that day. And I thought my parents wouldn’t have drowned if I’d been there.”

“You know better,” he said.

“So do you,” she responded. “Does it make the pain go away?”

He shook his head.

“Will it help if I tell you it will lessen with time?” She met his intense gaze. “It never vanishes completely, but you start remembering the good times more than the loss. And, Cade, you
are
extraordinary. Jaime wouldn’t want your gift squandered.”

“Doesn’t really matter. It’s too late.”

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t see anymore. I used to be able to sense the perfect shot, but now…it’s like I’ve gone blind.” His expression was haunted. “Then last night…I could see you. In that way, the special way I’ve taken for granted all my life. You were asleep and you were so beautiful. The lines of your body, the contours of your face… I sat on the chair and just watched you, and I wanted…” He swallowed hard. “I wanted my camera.” He approached her. “I wanted to capture that image of beauty so badly, and I was halfway down the stairs to get my camera, but…” He lifted his hands. “I knew I had no right. That it would be a violation of the worst kind.”

She couldn’t breathe, imagining Cade focused on her asleep and naked.

“You’re too vulnerable, Sophie. You’re so damn strong and you’re brave and fierce, but…I could hurt you. So all I could think to do was to make myself leave, for your sake.”

He was terrified that he’d lost the primary element of his existence, the thing that defined him, and yet he’d sacrificed the chance to get it back. For her. She reached for his hand and clasped it. “Thank you.” She squeezed. “And I’m sorry. Maybe…” She should offer to let him photograph her if it would help, but…

He squeezed back. “I won’t ask.” He found a small smile. “At least not when you’re naked.”

She gestured toward the framed art. “Cade, your talent is so immense. And it’s not limited to your photography, whatever you think. Just look what you’ve done with this place. But I know your gift isn’t gone for good.”

“I hope you’re right. I owe my publisher a book or they won’t fund my next trip, but I haven’t even been able to go through my files. I see Jaime in every one.”

“Would it help if I went through them with you?”

He looked at her oddly. “You would do that, wouldn’t you?” He shook his head. “I don’t know. Maybe.” Then his gaze lit. “But today on the way back from Jesse’s, I had an idea. My publishers want me to change the narrative of the book to be about the accident, but damned if I’ll go along with that. Then a solution occurred to me—I want Jaime to frame the story. I’ll use photos never before published, both of him and from our trips together, so that his children will get to know the Jaime I did. And I want my share of the proceeds to go to them for college or whatever they need.”

“That’s a beautiful idea.”

As he talked about it, his whole bearing became lighter, his expression no longer dark with sorrow. “You think so?” He shrugged. “Let’s hope my publisher agrees. I told my agent no way in hell am I spilling my guts about the accident, but this…this feels right. I’ll do a damn good job of it, too. Jaime deserves no less.”

Jenna would be so happy—all his family would—to see Cade enthusiastic at last. “I know you will.”

He grinned, and this was a Cade she’d never seen, a man from whom a shadow had been stripped, a burden lifted.

“I couldn’t figure out what to do with my life, so I’ve been hiding out here, working with you. But now…you make me feel like there’s hope, Sophie.” He drew her close against his hard-muscled body, and a part of her wanted to return to last night’s glory. To leap in and take. But…

I’ve been hiding out here
. A reminder that he was only temporary, that he had a career that would take him away sooner rather than later. She was no longer sure she could keep her heart whole if they let whatever this was between them go any further. She had to step back from that cliff. “I’m happy for you.” Then she took a physical step back. “Let’s go see how the other one looks. They really are beautiful, Cade. I’m not sure how I’m going to pay you for them after what happened today, maybe some installment plan—”

“No freaking way.” Before she could slip out the door, he captured her and pulled her into the room again. “I said they were a gift.”

Then he frowned. “What do you mean, what happened today?”

“Nothing…never mind.”

He cupped her cheek. “You’re a lousy liar, Queenie.”

She sighed then relented because she knew he wouldn’t leave without hearing the full story.

And because it was such a luxury to have someone to confide in. She’d take it while she could…because all too soon, he would be gone.

A
S
SHE
EXPLAINED
ABOUT
the landscaper who’d taken a powder at the eleventh hour—and taken her money with him—Cade was ready to storm out and hunt the man down.

“I feel like the biggest fool,” she said.

He turned his attention where it belonged, on her feelings, not his. “No one can factor in dishonesty.”

“But I have excellent people sense—I’m considered practically a prodigy for my instincts. At least I used to be.” Her mouth twisted. “So how did I miss that he would do this?”

“Human nature is as changeable as the weather. And people wear masks. There’s no way to know what his problems were. Why he needed money he hadn’t earned.” Nonetheless, Cade itched to get his hands on the guy who’d made Sophie feel so hopeless, to find the bastard and pound the living daylights out of him.

But that wouldn’t help Sophie. Solutions would. “Did he draw up plans for the grounds?”

“Not formal blueprints, but I sketched out what I wanted, then he helped me refine the plant selections.”

“Where are the drawings?”

“Cade, no. You’ve done enough. And you have a book to work on.”

“It’s waited this long. Let me see the plans.”

“I can’t do all of it now, I only have half the money left and no more coming in. I can’t get another cent from the bank, and my savings have already been used.”

“What about your friend who went in on the place with you?”

“
No.
I will not ask Maura for anything else.”

“Would you let me give you money?” Though he already knew the answer.

“Absolutely not.” She looked appalled.

“Sophie, I make good money. I don’t spend much of it.”

“No, Cade.”

“What about a loan?”

“No!”

She was so agitated that he abandoned that line of discussion—for now, at least. “Okay, okay. We’ll make it work with what you have. I’ll talk to Armando after I’ve studied the drawings.”

“I’ll talk to Armando.”

“Chill, Queenie. I’m not taking over your job, but it’s not like you don’t have plenty to do already.”

“Cade, I can handle it myself. And you have to let me pay you.”

“Oh, sure. You won’t accept my money when you need it, and yet now you expect me to put my hand out. Not happening, honey.” He decided the mood needed lightening, so he waggled his brows. “Though there are ways other than money to repay someone.”

She gasped. “I would never—”

He grinned and picked her up. “You are so easy to rile, Miss Sophie.”

“Put me down, you—you idiot.” But she relaxed a bit. “Cade, seriously. You can’t just swoop in like some white knight.”

“Oh, man, if only it weren’t the middle of the night, I’d call my family and have you repeat that. They’d never believe it.”

“Well, they should. You’re a good man, Cade MacAllister. They have no right to talk badly about you.”

His family did no such thing, and she was getting wound up over nothing, but it was better than the look of defeat she’d worn. “Looks like I got my own defender. Go get ’em, Queenie.”

“You mix me up.” She turned to head downstairs, but her cheeks were pink.

Ditto, sweetheart
. But Cade said nothing as he followed her.

In the downstairs room tucked behind the library—the one she said would be her office—Sophie went unerringly to her perfectly organized, color-coded files and retrieved the one containing her landscaping information. Cade realized he was looking at a hint of the professional who’d risen so high in the hotel chain before she’d decided to leave it.