A Street Girl Named Desire: A Novel (36 page)

“You killed my grandmother, bitch?”
Whap
! “Take that!”

“How does it feel now, motherfucker?”
Whap
!

“Don't bleed now, nigga! Fight back!”
Whap! Whap
!

“You done fucked with the wrong bitches!”
Whap! Whap! Whap
!

“What now, nigga? What?”
Whap
!

They beat Lil Dollar without mercy for nearly forty minutes. Tiah and Nika looked at Desire and gestured for her to end it all. Desire centered herself in front of Lil Dollar, pulled back her right arm, and gave him a crushing blow to his face with her elbow. He fell back, his head thudding loudly against the floor.

Desire looked down at Lil Dollar's still body, then at the blood
on the floor and on her fists, and suddenly began to get emotional. “It was all my fault she died,” Desire moaned. “If I had been there when she wanted me to be, she would still be here.”

Her mother approached her and lifted Desire's chin until she was looking into her eyes. “Desire, it's not your fault. Hattie Mae told me a long time ago that before you came into her life, she had no reason to live because she had nothing. But when you came along”—Nika smiled as she gently touched the wounds on her daughter's face—“she felt that God gave her a purpose to live again.”

Nika grabbed Tiah's hand. “And I bet that when you came back into her life, and brought Tiah along, you girls added even more years to her life.” Nika looked at both girls and smiled. “If there was one thing Hattie Mae would have wanted, what would it have been?”

The girls didn't have to think long as they said in unison, “For us to be a family.”

Desire knew her mother was right as she closed her eyes and felt the warm embrace of the two people she loved the most and realized that, at last, she finally had a complete family.

Desire snuggled in their arms, never wanting the moment to end.

Seconds later, from the corner of her eye, Desire saw a movement, then a rising shadow. As if it was a slow-moving nightmare, she watched in horror as Lil Dollar rose to his feet, sneering at the three women. Neither Tiah nor Nika saw him stand up. Desire got in front of her mother and sister and yelled, “Stay behind me. I got this.”

Desire and Dollar stood face-to-face. With his chest heaving
heavily and a vengeful look on his face, Dollar spat clots from his bloodied mouth. Then Desire watched the movement of his jaw and the probing of his mouth. She knew and expected what came next. In a flash, Desire saw a thin piece of metal fly from his mouth and into his hand. Fear was no longer an option. She reacted with equal speed and precision, spitting a razor from her mouth as well. Razors in hand, they went on the attack, raising the lethal blades high in the air, almost simultaneously. Desire was lightning quick, delivering a lethal gash across Lil Dollar's throat.

I
t was four years later, and Desire was now a college graduate and a caseworker for ACS. Her relationship with her sister, Tiah, was back on track and she and Chanel had even become friends. She and Carvelas were even growing closer again, and though she now realized that she loved him more than life itself, he was still afraid to make any long-term commitment because of their erratic past. She was okay with his indecision and didn't blame him. She was just extremely happy to have him in her life. On the surface, everything seemed perfect but for some reason something deep within her made her feel that something was missing.

Desire was on the A train on her way to work that morning when she suddenly began to think of Hattie Mae and
something she had told her years ago. “You got to remember Desire; you are a prophet, a godsend, a miracle, which was put on this earth for a purpose. God anointed you with a gift to spread His good word through gospel to save souls high and low. You got to allow God to use you or you will forever be going against the grain and will never feel complete.” Suddenly everything began to make perfect sense. Desire was so involved in her thoughts that she nearly missed her stop and rushed out just as the door closed. When she got to work, she walked straight into her supervisor's office and turned in her resignation with a smile. Desire immediately placed a three-way call to both Tiah and Chanel. When she explained to them that she just quit her job, they both called her crazy. But then she told them what Hattie Mae had said to her years ago and what she planned. To her surprise, they supported her decision and said they would join her. After that, Desire began to contact old connections she still knew from her heydays and started putting her plan into action.

Desire, Cream, and Dream was no longer an appropriate name for their new direction so they decided to call themselves the DCD Gospel singers. DCD was an instant sensation, and the buzz about them was so great that they went on a thirty-one city national Gospel Fest tour, performing with some of the biggest names in the industry.

After three months on the road, DCD was scheduled to end the tour with a sold-out performance in their hometown at Madison Square Garden. Desire invited everyone including her mother, former coworkers, and every single staff and client from Visions Rehabilitation Center. Desire also invited Carvelas and gave him tickets for his parents.

The night of the performance, Carvelas was anxious to spend time with Desire, whom he hadn't seen in months. While Desire was on tour, they spoke on the telephone several times a day. The passion and romance between them had been rekindled and they vowed to make the relationship work this time around. After Carvelas and his parents found their seats, he decided to go and visit Desire in her dressing room. Since Carvelas's union was working the show that night, he had no trouble gaining access back stage. He wanted to surprise her by proposing and asking for her hand in marriage. He walked toward her dressing room, beaming as he felt the tiny velvet box in his pocket. As he approached her room, he stopped in his tracks when he noticed a very tall and handsome man holding Desire's hand while they spoke by her dressing room. Desire appeared to be rubbing his hand and fingers affectionately. Peering at them from a distance, Carvelas was stunned.

The stage manager walked toward Desire and told her, “Ten minutes till stage time, Ms. Evans.” Carvelas went numb and eyed the floor, unsure of what to do next. When he finally looked up, he saw the man look around and place something in Desire's hand. She looked at the contents in her hand and nodded to him. Carvelas felt his heart break all over again and cursed himself for once again being a fool. This was the last time he was going to let Desire play him for a sucker. Carvelas reached into his pocket and pulled out the ring box, tossing it in the garbage can.

Desire, Tiah, and Chanel had the entire crowd on their feet as they sang their first hit gospel single entitled “Hattie Mae's Song,” which had been written and arranged by Nika. Carvelas sat through the concert for his parents' sake but planned to leave as
soon as they finished the performance. He vowed never to see Desire again.

After DCD finished the song, the lights went down to a blue hue and Desire asked the audience if she could take time to give them a testimony. In unison, the crowd expressed their approval by shouting and clapping loudly. Chanel and Tiah took to the background and began to sing in a soothing harmony as Desire took center stage.

“Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, I want to talk to you about love.” Everyone suddenly began to whoop and clap. “And I ain't talking about the kinda love that you can see, I'm talking 'bout the kinda love that you can feel in your heart, feel in your soul, feel in your spirit!” The crowd clapped loudly. “But tell me this, y'all. What happens if all your life you were so shallow that you couldn't feel it in your heart because you were heartless, couldn't feel it in your soul because you were soulless, or feel it in your spirit because you were spiritless? I'm talking about myself. I didn't know how to love, y'all.

“I know this may sound cliché, but all my life I've looked for love in all the wrong places. I looked for love in fame and fortune and all I found was pain and sorrow. I looked for love in the flesh and when it as all over, I found pain and sorrow. And then I looked for love in drugs and alcohol and all I found was pain and sorrow to the tenth degree. The Devil is busy, y'all, because where there's no God, there is no peace. Amen.”

There was a thunderous applause.

“The truth of the matter was I didn't love myself, and if I didn't love myself how the hell could I say I love God, who made me? No God, no peace. Amen.”

Everyone repeated, “No God, no peace. Amen.”

“It wasn't until I fell to my knees and claimed the blood of Jesus and begged God to deliver me from looking for love in all the wrong places, deliver me from the lust of the flesh, Amen, deliver me from the drugs, the alcohol, oh Lord and deliver unto You oh, Lord, so I can know You, Lord, so I can know You, Jesus, so I can walk the path that's right. Oh Lord! So I can know what true love is.” Desire worked the crowd to a frenzy of tears and praise were shouted throughout the arena. Desire herself was in tears as she said, “But ladies and gentlemen, I would like you to know one thing.” The arena went silent as they hung on to her every word. “Because of His grace …” A huge sign lowered from above, which said:

The entire arena was on their feet applauding, yelling, crying, and praising God. Desire paused for several minutes until she was able to continue. “Not until I was in my dressing room talking to a beautiful, beautiful friend of mine did I realize what real love was about and what I had to do.” Carvelas shifted around in his seat. He grew uneasy and decided to skip the rest of the performance. He whispered to his parents that he had some emergency work to do for his job and he would call them later. He stood up to leave.

Desire continued, “It's funny how in life you can search your whole life over to find love and happiness and everything that you ever needed was right there in front of you all the time.” Desire suddenly searched the crowd and blurted out to the audience,
“Carvelas Vera, where are you?” Carvelas had just reached the aisle when he heard his name and turned around.

Carvelas's father stood up proudly and pointed. “Carvelas is right there.”

Desire searched the audience and asked, “Carvelas, is that you? Oh, there he is.” A spotlight fell on Carvelas as he stood there frozen. Desire began to walk off the stage toward him and said, “Ladies and gentlemen, this is Carvelas Vera.” There was a loud applause. “And we've known each other since we were eleven years old. I remember the first time this beautiful man came to my rescue—it was at a high school prom.” She turned toward the stage and said, “You remember that, Tiah and Chanel.” They both chuckled as they nodded their heads. “Well, back then I considered myself an ugly duckling and the only person who wanted to take a person like me was Carvelas.” The women in the crowd melted.

“See, Carvelas saw the beauty in me when nobody, including myself, saw it in me. He spent a lot of money on the prom that night and all he wanted in return was the last dance to a song by Lenny Williams, the same song his parents danced to when they fell in love with each other. I agreed. Anyway, the strangest thing happened the night of the prom: I got dressed up for the first time in my life and I no longer looked like that ugly duckling I thought I was, and all the boys at the prom thought so too. All the boys were suddenly showing me all this attention that night, including the most popular boy in the school, who asked me for a dance. I danced with him the rest of the night until it ended, never giving Carvelas his dance.” Desire took Carvelas by the hand and led him toward the stage when the song by Lenny
Williams came on. When they got on stage Desire embraced Carvelas as they danced slowly to the song.

“Even after that he stood behind me through everything you can imagine.” Carvelas was uncomfortable at the thousands upon thousand of eyes that were upon him. Desire continued, “And all the while I didn't do nothing but take advantage of him when he showed me love because I was always on my high horse.” Desire and Carvelas were face-to-face as she took him by the hand and said, “I used to think that you had to get to the highest mountain in order to see the truth.” Desire slowly got on her knees, never losing eye contact with Carvelas, and said, “but people like me, we have to get to our lowest of lows.”

Desire pulled out a small velvet box and opened it and said, “Carvelas Vera, you stood by me time and time again. You believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. You loved me even when I didn't love myself. And I promise that I will spend the rest of my life giving you all the love you deserve. Carvelas Vera, will you marry me?”

On stage, Chanel and Tiah hugged each other and smiled through their tears. They, along with everyone else in the arena, held their breath as they awaited Carvelas's answer, which seemed to be taking a long time.

Carvelas looked down at Desire, caressed her face, and got down on one knee to look her directly in the eye.

“I thought you'd never ask.”

O
ne year later, Desire and Carvelas were on their way home to Harlem from a weeklong honeymoon in Cancun, Mexico. They were in a cab and Desire was talking about how happy she was to be home when she noticed that Carvelas's attention was elsewhere as he stared at someone or something on the street.

Desire turned to where he was looking and tapped him and said jokingly, “You better not be looking at another woman because you're a married man now.” She held up her ring finger.

Out of his fog, Carvelas smiled and said, “Naw, I ain't looking at no woman; you are my only eye candy.” He looked back once again, put on a faint smile, and said, “But
listen, I got something real important I got to do and it ain't gonna take but a minute.” He looked at the driver and yelled, “Cabbie, let me out on the corner here.”