A Stone for Danny Fisher (1952) (34 page)

As I let myself into the apartment quietly, I could hear the hum of an electric fan coming from the bedroom and tiptoed toward it. Through the open door I could see a figure on the bed.

Nellie was sleeping, her head resting on one arm, the gentle breeze from the fan stirring the sheet over her. I watched her for a moment, then turned and silently began to leave the room.

Her voice called me back. “Danny?”

I turned to her. Her dark eyes were watching me. “I was so tired,” she said in a small voice, “I fell asleep.”

I sat down beside her on the bed. “I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“You didn’t wake me,” she replied. “I have to make supper, anyway. But I spent all day looking for an apartment and didn’t find one. Then I felt so weak I just had to take a nap.”

I smiled tolerantly at her. “Why don’t you quit an’ let’s buy us a house.”

“But so much money, Danny,” she protested, sitting up in the bed.

I leaned toward her. “Stop worrying about money, honey,” I said gently. “Lombardi okayed the subway deal for us. We can afford it.”

Her eyes searched mine. “Are you sure that’s what you really want, Danny?”

I nodded. “All my life I wanted my own house.” Even as I said it I realized how true the words were. I had never been so happy as when I was in my own house. “That’s what I want,” I added.

She drew in a sharp sudden breath and flung her arms around my neck. “Okay, Danny,” she breathed against my ear. “If that’s what you want, that’s what we’ll do.”

“T
HE
trees are all grown now,” I thought as I turned the car into the street. Nellie was silently looking out the window. I couldn’t tell from her face what she was thinking as I let the car roll slowly up the street.

Almost twenty years had changed many things. The houses on the block had settled into homes. A little older, weather-beaten. Some of them needed repainting badly. But one thing hadn’t changed. Despite the individual differences, each house looked very much like the others.

I pulled the car to a stop at the kerb in front of our house, cut the motor, and turned to Nellie. She was still sitting silently, her eyes fixed on the house. I looked at it too.

A warmth swept through me, a strong satisfaction that I had not known for a long time. Now it would really be my house. “The agent said he would be waiting for us inside,” I said.

Nellie’s eyes were darkly thoughtful. “Danny,” she said hesitantly, “maybe we ought to wait a little while longer. Maybe we shouldn’t rush into this. Something else might turn up.”

“What?” I asked sceptically. “We spent a month and a half lookin’
an’ we seen nothing we liked. It’s the middle of September now, an’ if we want a house to move into by October 1st, we gotta make up our minds.”

“We don’t have to rush,” she said. “We can wait until after the baby comes.”

I shook my head. “Uh-uh. I want everything ready.” I opened the door. “Let’s go.”

She got out of the car slowly and stood on the sidewalk. Her hand reached out and touched my arm. There was a deeply worried look in her eyes. She shivered slightly.

I looked at her in quick concern. There was no reason for her to shiver. It was almost hot with the sun beating down on us. “What’s the matter?” I asked. “Don’t you feel well?”

She shook her head. “I feel all right.”

“Then why the shiver?” I asked. “Are you cold?”

“No,” she said in a low voice. “A terrible feeling just came over me. I was frightened.”

I smiled at her. “What have you got to be frightened about?”

She turned and looked at the house. “Suddenly I was afraid for you, Danny. I feel something terrible is going to happen.”

I laughed aloud. “What can happen?” I asked. “We’re set now. Nothing can go wrong.”

Her grip tightened on my arm. “That house means a lot to you, doesn’t it, Danny?” she asked, still looking at it.

“Yeah,” I said. “It was supposed to be my house from the very beginning and it never really was. Now it will be.”

She turned to me, a sudden knowledge in her face. “And all your life you’ve been trying to get even.”

I didn’t understand her. “What do you mean?”

“All the time this is what you wanted. More than anything else.”

I thought for a moment. Maybe she was right. But it couldn’t make any difference now. It just happened that my old house was available when we were looking for one. And the way things were, there was no new housing available. Things had a way of working out. That it should be on the market just at that time seemed only right to me.

I turned toward the house without saying anything to her. Her hand pulled at my arm.

“Danny, maybe we shouldn’t buy the house,” she said earnestly. “Maybe it was intended that you should not live there. I got a feeling that we’re tempting Fate if you come back to it.”

I smiled. Pregnant women were always having hunches and making
gloomy predictions. Carrying children seemed to bring with it a spurious foreknowledge. “Don’t be foolish, Nellie,” I said. “All we’re doing is buying a house.”

She started for the front door, but I steered her toward the driveway and we walked between the two houses to the garden in the back. It had changed too. When we had lived there, the back yard was bare, but now it was neatly turned and filled with shrubs and bushes and plants. I looked over toward the corner near the fence and remembered the night I had come back with Rexie and buried her there. A big rose-bush covered the spot. I wondered if her rest had been disturbed.

“Mr. Fisher!” a voice called.

I turned around. The real-estate agent was coming up the driveway behind us. I waved to him.

“Ready to look at the house now, Mr. Fisher?” he asked.

I nodded my head. I was ready.

The wooden floor creaked comfortably under my feet. It was a welcoming sound. “Hello, Danny Fisher,” it seemed to whisper softly. The bright sun at the windows faded as a cloud crossed its face and the room grew dark.

I paused on the threshold of my old room. Nellie and the agent were in another part of the house. I entered the room quietly and closed the door behind me.

Once, long ago, I had done this. I had thrown myself on the floor and pressed my cheek against the cool wood. I was too big to do that now. Some day my son would do it in my stead.

“It’s been a long time, Danny,” the room seemed to whisper.

I looked down at the floor. There was no dark spot there where Rexie used to lie. Many scrapings and varnishings had taken it away. The stippled wall had vanished under many layers of paint, the ceiling behind many coats of calcimine. The room seemed smaller than I remembered. Maybe it was because I remembered it when I was very small myself and saw everything in relation to me. I crossed the room and opened one of the windows. Instinctively I looked across the driveway to the next house.

Years ago, there was a girl who had that room. I tried hard to remember her name, but I couldn’t, I could only remember what she looked like with the electric light shining behind her. I could hear her shadowed voice calling me and I looked at the windows opposite. They were blank and the blinds were drawn.

I turned back into the room. It seemed to move with a sibilant life
all its own. “I’ve missed you, Danny,” it whispered. “Have you come home to stay?”

There was a weariness inside me and I leaned back against the window-sill. I’d missed this house more than I had realized. Now I knew what Nellie had meant. There was a promise here that somehow I knew would be kept. It was written everywhere I turned. “I will care for your son, Danny. I will help him grow tall and strong, happy and content, wise and understanding. I will love him as I love you, Danny, if you’ll come home to stay.”

There was a noise outside in the hall and the door opened. Nellie and the agent came into the room. She took one look at my face and hurried to me. Her voice echoed warmly in the empty room. “Danny, are you all right?”

Slowly I came back to her. A deep concern was in her eyes as she looked up at me. “All right?” I echoed her. “Of course I’m all right.’

“Your face is so pale,” she said.

Just then the sun came out from behind the clouds. “It’s just the light in here,” I laughed, beginning to feel normal.

Her eyes were still on mine. “Sure you’re doing right, Danny?” she asked anxiously. “No ghosts to bother you?”

I looked at her in surprise. I didn’t believe in ghosts. “No ghosts,” I said gently.

The real-estate agent looked at me curiously. “Your wife tells me you used to live here, Mr. Fisher.”

I nodded.

He smiled broadly. “Well, in that case I don’t have to tell you anything about the house itself. About how well it’s made. Recent buildings are nowhere near as well constructed. What do you think, Mrs. Fisher?”

She looked at him for a moment, then turned back to me. “What do you think, Danny?”

I took a deep breath and looked around me. I knew what I was going to say. I had always known. And there were sounds in the house that made me feel as if it knew the answer, too.

“I think we’re going to take it,” I said. “Could you arrange to have the painters in tomorrow so that we can occupy on the 1st?”

I
GOT
to my feet in surprise as Sam walked into my office. This was the first time he had ever come out here. “Sam!” I said, my surprise echoing in my voice. “What’s the occasion?”

He looked at the girl sitting at the next desk to mine in the small office. I sent her out and turned back to Sam. “What’s on your mind?”

Sam slipped into the chair she had vacated. “I’m gettin’ a little tired of havin’ to call you every week for cigarettes. I want to fix up a steady thing with you.”

I smiled in relief. For a moment I had thought that he had come to complain about the orders I had placed for the subway drink
dispensers
. I had been spending his capital as if it were mine. “You ought to know better’n that, Sam,” I said reproachfully. “Nobody can guarantee it. The stuff’s hard to get.”

“You can get it,” he said confidently.

“I wish I could be sure,” I said quickly.

“I want two hundred boxes a week,” he said, his voice hardening. “You’ll see that I get it.”

“And what if I don’t?” I challenged. I could do it all right, but I wanted to find out what had made Sam so sure of himself.

He took a folded sheet of paper from his pocket and threw it on the desk. I picked it up. It was a copy of my warehouse receipts. That meant he knew where I had stashed every last pack of butts. I turned back to him in bewilderment. “Where’d you get this?” I demanded.

He smiled broadly. “I got ways,” he answered evasively. “Now do I get them butts?”

“Supposin’ I say no, anyway?” I asked.

“The O.P.A. would love to have a copy of those receipts.” He smiled.

“You wouldn’t do that to me, Sam!” My voice was shocked.

He smiled again. “Of course not, Danny,” he replied casually. “No more’n you’d tell Mimi about other matters.”

I put a hurt, disillusioned look on my face. “I never thought you’d do a thing like that, Sam,” I said mournfully, swallowing an impulse to smile.

Sam’s face wore a delighted expression of triumph. “You don’t like it when the shoe’s on the other foot.”

That did it. I couldn’t choke back the laughter any more. It echoed loudly in the tiny office.

Sam stared at me in surprise. “What’s with you, Danny?” he asked in a gruff voice. “You gone off your rocker?”

Finally I caught my breath. “I was just thinkin’, brother-in-law,” I gasped, “that this is a fine way for a couple of partners to act to each other!”

Then he saw the humour in it and began to laugh too.

After a while I took him out into the shop and showed him around. It seemed to open his eyes a little. He hadn’t realized that the thing had turned into such a big proposition. Then when we came back into the office and I showed him the list of locations I had already signed for, I could see a new respect dawning in his eyes.

“You got almost as much here as we got in the subway deal alone,” he said in surprise.

“More,” I said quickly. “Before I’m through, it’ll be twice as big.” I offered him a cigarette and lit it for him. “Compliments of the house,” I said.

He was still thinking about what he had learned. “Now I know why you’re always short of dough,” he said.

I nodded. “I been throwin’ it back as quick as it came in.”

He looked at me through the cloud of smoke coming from his nostrils. “How about puttin’ the whole thing together in one package, kid?” he suggested. “It’d make it a lot easier for yuh.”

I played cagey. “You throwin’ your business in too, Sam?” I countered.

“Uh-uh.” He shook his head. “I just mean this. I’ll give yuh a fair price for half an’ then supply the dough jus’ like on die subway deal.”

It was my turn to say no. “That was a big one I couldn’t handle alone, Sam,” I said. “This is mine. I built it a little brick at a time. I’m gonna keep it.”

He was silent for a moment. I knew that look on his face: he was figuring out an angle. When at last he looked up at me, I could tell from his expression that he had given up. “Okay, Danny,” he said genially. “But if you should ever change your mind, say the word. By the way,” he asked, turning to leave, “how’s the house comin’?”

“Okay. We’ll be in it next week. Tuesday, like we figured.”

He walked back toward the desk. “You should’ve seen your old man’s face when Mimi told him.”

“What’d he say?” I asked. I couldn’t conceal my interest.

“At first he didn’t believe it, but when Mimi swore that it was the truth, he couldn’t speak. Your mother began to cry.”

I couldn’t understand that. “What was she crying for?”

“She kept saying something to your father about that was what you wanted all the time and he wouldn’t believe you. He couldn’t speak, he just chewed away on that cigar of his and after a while he went over to the window and looked out. All through dinner he was very quiet, and toward the end of the meal he looked up at Mimi and said a very funny thing.” Sam paused for a breath and looked at me.

I didn’t say anything.

“He said: ‘So Danny’s going home.’ And your mother said: ‘That’s what he wanted all the time—to come home. And you wouldn’t let him.’ Then your father said: ‘I’m an old man now and for me it doesn’t matter any more. My mistakes I’ll take with me to my grave. But happy I am that Danny found his way back.’ Then they got up and your father said he was tired and they went home.”

My cigarette had burned almost to my fingers and I dropped it into an ashtray.

“Y’know, kid,” he said softly, “I think the old man is about ready to throw in the towel if you’ll go to him.”

I breathed deeply and shook my head. “It’s more’n that, Sam,” I replied. “He’s got to square away with Nellie first. There were too many things he said, too many things he did. He’s got to level all the way round.”

“He will if you give him the chance, Danny.”

“He’s gotta do that by himself,” I said. “I can’t do that for him.”

“You know how he is, kid,” Sam said gently. “He’s proud and stubborn and he’s old, Only God knows how much time he’s got left to——”

“I’m his son, Sam,” I interrupted. “You don’t have to tell me anything about him. I know him better’n you. And I’m a lot of things that he is too. I’m proud and stubborn. In a way I’m old too, older’n he is. I gone through a lot of things because of how he acted that made me older. I buried a child, Sam. She died in my arms because we didn’t have anyone to turn to for help. Yuh think that can happen ’thout getting older? Yuh think yuh forget a thing like that? You can’t,” I answered myself. “Yuh can’t forget. An’ yuh can’t forget that it all started when your own father locked his door on you.” I shook my head. “He’ll have to do by himself, like I had to. Then maybe we’ll be able to level again and feel right with each other.”

I dropped into my chair and lit another cigarette. When all the rush of moving and business died down and Nellie had the baby, we’d go away for a while. We both could use the rest. I couldn’t ever remember feeling so tired.

I looked up at Sam again and switched the subject. “Where d’yuh want the butts sent, Sam?”

He stared at me for a second before he answered. “The usual place, Danny.”

“They’ll be there tomorrow morning,” I said.

He was still watching me. After a few moments he said: “Okay, Danny,” and walked out the door.

I sat there silently for a while, thinking. Then I got up and went to the door of the little office. “Zep!” I called out into the shop.

He came running in from the workroom. “Yes, Danny?”

Time hadn’t stopped for any of us. It was just a short run from the workroom, but Zep was out of breath. “Get on the other phone, Zep, an’ try to scout up new warehouse space for us,” I said. “We’re gonna have to move everything tonight. Sam has all the places spotted.”

He nodded quickly, sat down at the telephone, and began dialling. I looked at him fondly. He was okay. He knew enough not to waste any time asking questions; they could keep until after the job was done.

I picked up my phone and called Nellie. I didn’t want to tell her I was going to be late again tonight, but there was nothing else I could do. She was approaching the nervous stage of her pregnancy and everything seemed to upset her. But she calmed down a little when I promised her that I would be home early every night after this and that she wouldn’t be alone until the baby arrived.