A Spanish Seduction (19 page)

‘I’m sorry you had to endure those bitches tonight.’

She shrugged but her shoulders were rounded in abject misery. ‘It was bound to come out sooner or later. I warned you it would. I just hope it hasn’t harmed your position as CEO in any way or rebounded badly on your children’s charity.’

‘The only people this has hurt is Simone and Cristabel whatever-her-name-is. Simone has long been despised by people in society. Her malice tonight will make her a social pariah.’ While people may wonder at the truth in their words, no decent person would condone Simone’s or Cristabel’s behaviour. ‘I realise it took a lot of courage to stay. Thank you.’

‘My first reflex was to run away as far as I could — to hide and cry. That was exactly what I did when Cristabel bullied me at school. I was an easy target and she always had me in her sight. She was definitely the one who stirred all the other kids up against me, but then again, her father was one of my mother’s most regular visitors.’

Ricardo was astounded. ‘You knew that yet didn’t throw it back in her face to shut her up?’

‘I can kind of understand why she lashed out at me. She might get satisfaction out of humiliating me, but I would never enjoy humiliating anyone — not even her.’

Dios
, she was one of a kind. ‘You endured a lot.’

Ricardo listened in horror as Jessica recounted some of her experiences. When she told him about her embarrassment at her school formal, he demanded the name of the high school jock who’d been so cruel, and vowed to make him pay. Jessica refused to provide a name.

‘That was a long time ago. What I went through shaped the person I am, and you’ve helped me move forward. I can’t change the fact that my mother was a prostitute, but if I stop being disgraced by it, people like Cristabel won’t be able to use it against me. My shame isn’t really in what Mum did.’ She sniffled before she continued. ‘My remorse is that I was contemptuous of her and didn’t even stop to think she may have sacrificed herself for me. Maybe if I’d looked at things differently and been less harsh in my judgements of her, she wouldn’t have taken her own life.’

Ricardo swore inwardly. ‘You can’t blame yourself,’ he told her earnestly.

She drew away and looked at him with eyes that were awash with tears. ‘You’re one to talk. Have you realised yet that you’re not to blame for Santiago’s death?’

He closed his eyes. When he opened them he was able to say what she wanted to hear. ‘Yes.’

Her audible exhalation was one of relief. Wiping her eyes away she asked, ‘Did today mark the start of your return to the circuit?’

‘No. I have no desire to race again.’

The small smile she gave him was still strained. ‘I’m pleased to hear it.’ She hesitated, playing with the buttons on his shirt before she raised her head to look at him. ‘Ricardo, I need to know whether you can see me in your future.’

Her words effectively winded him, because he could see her in his future, but he wasn’t ready to talk about it yet. Taking the safest route he said, ‘I’m not ready to end this.’

He saw the hopelessness in her eyes in the split second before she closed them.

‘But you still see an eventual end to us being together.’

His jaw clamped. He wanted to tell her they’d be together forever, because he couldn’t imagine his future without her. But, he couldn’t just shed the beliefs he’d held for so many years, and he cared about Jessica way too much to build up her hopes when he still didn’t subscribe to the fairytale ending she wanted.

‘I’ve been considering what you want. I believe I’m ready to offer you commitment, but I’m not the man you need if you want love.’ The pain he saw in her eyes impacted harshly on him, for even as he uttered the words, the thought of her with another man was too much to contemplate.

‘Can’t you take the risk, Ricardo, and love me? Can’t you open yourself up to be everything you can be.’

Everything you can be.

Jessica’s words were a stark reminder of his father’s entreaty.

‘Don’t ever fall in love. You’ll lose everything you ever had — everything you could ever be.’
 

‘Ricardo.’ Her voice was tremulous. ‘I’ve held back from telling you how I feel because I know you won’t welcome what I have to say.’

Cold fear gripped him as he read the words in her eyes.

‘Don’t say it, Jessica. If you do it’ll change everything between us.’

‘I have to. Every time I feel adrift, you anchor me. Every time I feel unsure you give me confidence.’

‘Don’t say the words.’ Dread made his heart heavy. ‘I can tell you I want to be with you, but I can’t say those words back to you.’ The determined set to her jaw made him want to hold his hands up to block his ears.

‘I love you.’

Oh God, she’d said the words he’d never wanted to hear from any of his lovers.

‘Whether you want me to or not, Ricardo, I love you. Whether you accept it or not, my heart belongs to you irrevocably.’

The confines of the limousine were claustrophobic. His collar was too tight and everything pushed in on him, restricting his breathing. Near panic, he tried to reason with her. ‘You’ve been married before. You thought you loved your husband and look how your marriage turned out.’

‘I didn’t love Jett. I was simply flattered by his attention. You’re the man I have complete confidence in and utterly respect. You’re the man I love.’

‘I can’t accept your love.’ His chest was so tight it was difficult to get the words out. ‘I’ll crush your heart and I don’t want to hurt you. You deserve better.’

The sharp blades of her angry frustration slashed at him. ‘Damn it, Ricardo! In pushing me away, you’re not thinking of me, you’re thinking of yourself. You’re refusing to take a risk because you’re afraid of getting hurt.’ He watched the rise and fall of her glorious breasts as she inhaled. ‘I love you. I’m not going to hurt you. All I want is the chance to love and support you, and to receive your love and support in return. You’re a strong man. I’ve grown stronger since I met you. We’re even stronger together than we are individually.’

Every word rang true, yet it was so far removed from all he’d believed. So completely the opposite of what his father had told him. ‘You want a fairytale ending, but I warned you right from the outset I’m no Prince Charming.’

‘Take a long, hard look in a mirror at the man you are. The man you truly are in here.’ She jabbed at his chest. ‘As infuriatingly stubborn as you are, you’re a good man. How the hell do I get through to you that not only are you capable of loving but you’re worthy of being loved?’

‘I...’ What did he say to her? How did he explain? Every word she uttered challenged him and tied him up in knots.

Time dragged.

Mierda!
He’d thought today he might be able to do it. When he’d pulled his car out of the slide that could’ve been fatal, all he’d seen was Jessica’s face. He’d wanted to stay alive for her. Yet now, faced with this, he still doubted lasting love was possible. She knew him well, because he didn’t want to take the chance and end up hurt.

‘I’ve been programmed from the age of ten to protect myself against love and the hurt it brings.’ He heard the frustration and confusion in his voice as the words tumbled out. ‘Since my parents’ deaths I’ve hardened myself against all emotions and driven myself to achieve one thing and one thing only — succeeding where my father failed. Taking over the reins of the Garcia Corporation when my grandfather thought I was never good enough for the job. Proving to myself I’m good enough and not repeating the mistakes my father made.

I would never have achieved all I did in racing had it not been for sheer bloody-minded determination to succeed at all costs. There’s no place in my life for love.’

‘Ricardo.’ Her voice was gently persuasive. ‘You’ve achieved your other goals. It’s time to make a place in your life for love and for me. Trust me.’

Trust
. It wasn’t something he did easily. Yet, he was falling under her spell. She made him want to believe, but he was afraid that in finding her, he was losing himself.

When he shook his head, she moved along the leather seat, away from him. To see her inner glow dim, to know he’d extinguished the sparkle in her eyes was a hard kick in the gut. Everything in him wanted to haul her back into his arms, but he still held back.

Damn it! Why was she pushing him at this point when he needed time to think?

‘What happens now?’ Her voice was defeated.

He wasn’t sure. That was why he needed to think!

He should send her back to England, but he couldn’t ask her to leave without giving himself a chance to sift through his feelings. Besides, if she left now it may look as though he’d discarded her because of tonight’s public revelations about her mother. The story was bound to appear in the press by tomorrow morning and if she was in England, he couldn’t support her through the intrusive press interest.

‘We have a deal, Jessica. You agreed to stay in Barcelona for three months and your time with me is not at an end.’

‘But you told me our deal was over. You said —’

‘Being lovers was not part of our deal, but I’m holding you to our three month agreement.’ They couldn’t continue to be lovers when she wanted so much more than he was capable of giving. He steeled himself to end their personal involvement. ‘In the circumstances it would be better if you occupied a different room for the remainder of your stay.’ The statement caused a huge heaviness to settle in his chest and lethargy pervaded his limbs.

‘It would be better if I left.’

No!
‘If you leave now, you’ll have to face the barrage of the press alone. I won’t let you do that without my support.’

‘I suppose Simone’s revelations may cause your board members to ask questions. Having me stay will cover-up the truth.’

‘That’s not why I want you to stay. I doubt the board will dismiss me at this point. I just want to support you through the inevitable press storm.’

‘Oh.’ She didn’t sound convinced. ‘I really don’t want this to go badly for you.’

Hell! Even in the face of his rejection she was thinking of what was best for him.

She’s one in a million. Why are you pushing her away?

She seemed to wrestle with herself. ‘I’ll move my things into my old room as soon as we return to Barcelona.’

Relief flooded through him. ‘We’ll fly back tomorrow morning as planned. There’s the launch to attend tomorrow evening as well as a fundraising luncheon for my charity.’

He told himself he felt an obligation to support her through the press storm he’d inadvertently exposed her to, but he couldn’t hide from the truth. He simply wasn’t ready to face the future without Jessica.

Chapter Sixteen

‘The whole scene with Cristabel and Simone was like a nightmare, Tiffany. I functioned on automatic for the rest of the evening, yet the second I got into the limousine and was held by Ricardo I came back to life. I laid my heart down at his feet and ironically he stomped all over it while saying he didn’t want to hurt me!’

‘Oh man, you’ve got it bad. You’re going to have to do something!’ Tiffany urged her over the phone.

‘What more can I do? I remember all the wonderful ways he’s supported me and cared for me and I’m convinced he feels far more than he’s admitting. Then, I think back to how he made the decision to race without any regard for me at all, and I’m devastated. I’m see-sawing from one feeling to the next. Last night I thought it would be better if I left and got on with life, this morning I’ve decided to hang in there and do everything I can to win him over.’

‘I think you’re being too hard on him. I’m not sure you should’ve expected a discussion about his decision to race. It sounds like he was under a lot of pressure. Not only did he have all those issues about racing again and Santiago’s death to sort through, but Manuel was pressuring him. You also mentioned you thought he was racing for his uncle’s sake. Given all you’ve told me about how his aunt and uncle took him in, he must feel indebted to them.’

Jess chewed on her lip. It was always good to get another perspective. Perhaps she shouldn’t have taken the incident so personally. Ricardo was all alpha male. He wouldn’t be used to involving anyone else in his decision making. Wasn’t the decisive, authoritative power of him something she found attractive?

‘You may be right.’

‘I think it was something he had to decide by himself.’

‘Thanks. I feel better about that now.’

‘I know you, Jessie. You won’t get over him, so your decision to stay is absolutely the right one.’ She paused. ‘You’ll just have to do something drastic to shake him up. Perhaps you should pack your things and pretend you’re coming home. He might finally realise how much you mean to him.’

‘No.’ She wasn’t prepared to take that risk in case he didn’t miss her as much as Tiffany hoped. Besides, if she left it might look as though Simone was right and their relationship had merely been the cover-up it started out as, or that Ricardo was dumping her when the going got tough. She didn’t want things to go badly for him with the board.

‘Then find another Spanish hunk, Jess, and flirt like crazy with him.’

‘He has admitted to being jealous.’

‘It’s an old trick for a very good reason. It works!’

Jess dismissed the idea. ‘I don’t want to send him mixed messages. I’ve told him I love him and he’s got it in his head that if he loves someone he’ll get hurt. I don’t want to give him any reason to doubt my love for him, and I certainly don’t intend to hurt him.’

‘You’ve got to be cruel to be kind.’

‘Not in this case.’

‘So, what are you going to do?’

‘Hang in there, wear the sexiest outfits I can find so he’s kicking himself for not having me in his bed, and take every opportunity I can while we’re in public to make him want me.’

‘I hope this works out.’

‘Thanks for your support. I’m sure I’m going to need to pour my heart out to you daily over the phone.’

‘You know I’m here for you.’

Jess glanced at the clock on her bedside table. ‘Gosh, I’ve got to go. We’re due at a fundraising luncheon for his charity, and then we’ve got the launch of the new sports car tonight.’

‘Have fun and be sexy!’

Jess would make sure of it.

***

Ricardo watched as Jessica joined in a nursery dance with a group of twenty or so young children. Having managed to make their way through a wall of reporters when they left his apartment and as they arrived here, they were now able to relax at the annual fundraising luncheon.

It was the first time he’d ever brought a woman to one of these parties for his charity. He couldn’t remember whether it had been a conscious decision or whether he’d simply been between lovers each year at this time. No other woman he’d dated would’ve fit in this environment.

Everyone gravitated to Jessica’s warmth. Only minutes after they’d arrived, she’d had the kids following her around as though she were the Pied Piper.

Knowing an English woman could converse so easily in Spanish made her even more popular with the children, parents and workers.

The nursery dance came to an end and one little child, who had chocolate icing all over her face, rushed forward to hug Jessica’s legs. Without hesitation, Jessica responded, sweeping the child up into her arms, unbothered by the sticky chocolate icing which was surely going to be wiped all over the bodice of her designer-label dress.

A great, unseen fist slammed into his chest as he imagined her with her own child. Jessica. A mother of children she’d have with some other man. His gut twisted as the young male director of his charity walked over to her. It may as well have been a completion of the picture — Jessica and another man standing together with a child, laughing at whatever it was the child said.

No!
Denial raged through Ricardo with the full, unstoppable force of a tsunami.

Yet, what was he thinking? That he should be the one with Jessica? That it should be their child she carried? He’d never even wanted children!

Sharp unease pricked at his skin from his palms all the way up to the back of his neck. God, but he was breaking out in a sweat. Reaching into his pocket, he retrieved a handkerchief and wiped his brow.

Jessica turned to him and her smile faltered. Giving the child a kiss on the forehead, she placed her down and made her way directly to him.

‘Are you okay?’ A small frown pleated her brow. ‘You seem very pale.’

Unable to answer her and incapable of resisting her sweetness, Ricardo pulled her into his arms. ‘I’m fine. I believe our lunch is about to be served.’

His assurance had been a lie. He was far from being fine. Everything about Jessica made him question his long-held beliefs. Trying to untangle his thoughts, his needs and his wishes for his future, had only resulted in a more intertwined mesh of confusion. Just when he thought he’d be snarled in the web of uncertainty forever, Jessica would smile at him and cut through the mayhem. His future would seem clear and Jessica was right beside him in his vision. Then, he’d remember his father’s words and become bogged down again in indecision.

By the end of the luncheon, only one thing was clear to him. Jessica completed him. While he may never be capable of the love she wanted, he could strive to make her happy in every other way because he didn’t want to let her go.

There’d be no opportunity to talk tonight, as they had to attend the car launch. He resolved to take her out somewhere special the following evening and tell her exactly how he felt.