A Simple Faith: A Lancaster Crossroads Novel (31 page)

“Elsie?” Caleb prodded her, trying to pass the pickled beets. “What’s come over you? Your face is red as these beets.”

“I’m fine.” She passed the bowl on to Fanny and touched the
neckline of her dress. It did seem warm in here, especially for a cold February night.

Finally, when she was elbow-deep in the suds of the dinner dishes, she could no longer hold her secret from dear Emma. “I’m just saying, if you hear a strange voice in the house tonight, it’s just Ruben, coming to see me.”

“Ruben? Why’s he coming so late … and on a Saturday?” Emma’s jaw dropped as she cradled a teacup and towel to her breast. “Ruben’s courting you? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Elsie closed her eyes, glad that she was facing away from her sister. “We’re not courting. I mean … we haven’t been.”

“Ya, on account of it being so soon after losing Dat.” Emma’s hand was soft and soothing on Elsie’s shoulder. “I understand, dear one.”

Dat …

Thoughts of Dat and courtship and Ruben flowed over Elsie like rain, mixing and melding into a waterfall of memory. Dat would have been thrilled to think that a young man was coming here to see his Elsie. What had he said that last day, before they’d left Philadelphia?

You need to find a good Amish man and marry.…

Elsie had found a wonderful good Amish man, but that did not change the fact that she could not marry. Not now, not ever.

“I shouldn’t be surprised,” Emma was saying, “with him working side by side with you at the shop every day. The real wonder is that he didn’t take a liking to you sooner.”

“I don’t know what to do.” Elsie slid a plate into the rinse water and looked over her shoulder to make sure Caleb and Fanny weren’t nearby. “I’ve never had a young man come to the house. What if Fanny wakes up?”

“She’ll just roll over and go back to sleep.” Emma gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. “Trust me. Parents look the other way during rumspringa. Well, for things like this.”

“And where should we go? What will we say?”

“You could go for a walk under the moonlight, but since it’s so cold you should probably have him come in. Bring him up to your room to talk.”

Elsie couldn’t imagine leading Ruben up the narrow staircase to the attic. “In my room?”

“Why do you think Dat finished the attic into two separate rooms for us? When young folks reach rumspringa age, parents want them to have a bit of private space.”

“I don’t feel so good about this.” Elsie shook her head, not ready to spill the details about her feelings for Ruben or her decision to not marry. It was all too much for one night, and it didn’t seem fair to share so many private details with her sister before she talked with Ruben himself.

“Trust me, it will be fine.” Emma rubbed a plate dry. “You and Ruben talk all day long in the store. You told me he’s become a very good friend.”

“That’s true.” She had come to rely on Ruben for his sense of humor, his determination, his gift for reading people, his fierce loyalty.…

“That’s how Gabe and I were … friends first.” A gentle smile lit Emma’s face as the memory carried her off. “It was a sad time for him that first brought us close, with his parents getting killed. Everyone thought Gabe was a real quiet guy, but that boy could talk a blue streak. We’d talk about anything and everything. Our families, my scholars, his cows.” She put the plate away and took another. “It’s good to have a beau who was your friend first. That way you can be friends for life.”

Elsie drew in a worried breath. Emma was so smart and wise, but unfortunately all the wisdom in the world could not save Elsie from her dilemma.

Wind whistled through the hole in the windowpane as Elsie climbed the stool once again to peer outside. Still no sign of him.

She wrapped her black shawl closer around her and yawned. Most nights she was asleep by this time, tucked into her bed under layers of blankets. Although the attic rooms held on to some of the warm air of the day, on windy nights like this, the bedrooms cooled down quickly.

Maybe he wasn’t coming, and she had gotten herself all worked up over nothing. She was thinking about taking off her kapp and unpinning her apron and crawling into bed when she heard the clap of horse’s hooves on the road. The dim lights of a buggy came closer and pulled into their short driveway.

Ruben’s horse and buggy.

His hands were probably frozen on the reins in the open buggy. She pressed closer to the frosted glass, wanting to make sure it was him and not Gabe come to court Emma. She could barely make out the dark figure walking over the frozen lawn. Then, a yellow beam of light bounced on her window, filling her with exhilaration.

Even if courting was not for her, it was a joyous, silly game.

She dashed down the stairs, forgetting to keep her footsteps light in the excitement of it all. Ruben was waiting on the front porch when she threw open the door.

“What took you so long?” he teased.

“I could ask you the same question.” Their words were puffs of steam in the cold night air. “Do you want to come in?”

“I was thinking we could take a ride.” He turned toward the night. “It’s a bit cold, but I have bottles of hot water in the buggy. They do the trick.”

A buggy ride so late at night seemed dangerous and silly and romantic. Elsie liked the idea, and it would save her the odd embarrassment of ushering Ruben into her bedroom. “Let me get a coat and scarf.”

As soon as she stepped outside, cold air swirled around her, seeping through her clothes. Ruben didn’t have a crate for her to use to step into the buggy, but he laced his fingers together and she placed her boot in his palms and he boosted her up, one-two-three, as if she were light as a feather.

Ruben adjusted two fat bottles to warm her legs, then handed her a smaller one to tuck under the lap blanket. “How’s that?”

“Much better. I’m not shivering so much now.”

He chuckled as he took the reins. “Not so much? You never do have the heart to say anything negative. That’s one of the things I like about you. You do see the rainbow in every shower.”

Pleasure washed over her at the thought of Ruben counting the things he liked about her. She had never expected that a young man would ever show her this sort of attention, and despite her resolve, she had to admit that being with Ruben warmed her heart.

“Does your horse mind the cold?” Elsie asked. Living so close to town and not being a farming family, the Lapps had only one horse, which they used for transportation.

“He has a thick coat, and he gets to keep moving. Rascal is fine.” Ruben took a deep breath and tipped his head back. “One of the good things about a cold clear night is that you can see the stars.”

Elsie let her head roll back, and her jaw dropped at the twinkling gems that were scattered through the inky blue sky. “So beautiful.”

Ruben pointed out the North Star, then showed her how to find the Big Dipper and the Little Dipper. Together they searched for a river of stars that might be the Milky Way, but neither of them was sure.

The steady clip-clop of Rascal’s hooves lulled Elsie into an easy
peace. When Ruben turned to her, his face just inches away, the spark in his eyes nearly took her breath away.

“You must know I like you, Elsie. I knew you before the accident, but when I saw you trying to take care of your dat, the way you let Market Joe and his Lizzy ride to the hospital instead of you, it just opened my eyes to you.”

Her heart thrummed so loud in her ears, she was sure farmers could hear it for miles around.

“I know it’s soon after losing your dat. You’re still wearing black and mourning his loss, and I respect that. But when it’s over, I want to court you, Elsie. I want to be your fella.”

Love and fear and disappointment welled up inside her, causing her eyes to sting with tears. “Oh, Ruben, you deserve a gal so much better than me.”

“There’s no one in the world better than you, Elsie. And we’re right for each other. We belong together.”

“No … I’m sorry, but … Ruben, I’m sure you’ve noticed that I’m not a normal girl.”

He nodded. “That’s right. You’re special.”

“I’m a little person. I have a genetic condition that made me short. It made my teeth different … and a few other things.”

“But that doesn’t change who you are inside, Elsie.”

She squeezed his beefy hand, knowing he spoke the truth that so many in the world did not understand. “That’s true, but many people never know the person inside because they get caught up on what they see.”

“You’re just right the way you are,” he said fervently. “And you being a little person, I think it’s made you look straight through to the heart of other people. You’re one of the few people who was willing to look past my wide girth and practical jokes to see the person inside.”

“Maybe I was one of the first, but I won’t be the last.” A wind
kicked up, and she began to shiver again. “You have a good heart, Ruben. Another girl is going to see that and snatch you up.”

He snorted. “I don’t want another girl. You’re the girl of my heart.”

“But nothing could ever come of us two.” Elsie pinched the blanket at her chest, trying to find the right words. “You need to know that I can never have children. I’ve talked to Doc Trueherz about it, and there’s a genetic link with EVC. If I have children, I could pass the little people gene on to them, and that’s something I can’t allow to happen.”

Confusion glimmered in Ruben’s eyes. “But that’s not the Amish way, the way we were raised. You and I were born to find a husband or wife and start families. That’s the rule for everyone.”

Elsie nearly choked on the words. “Not for me.”

“Other little people have families. There’s a lot of them over in the settlement in Paradise. Some of their children have EVC, some don’t. It’s Gott’s will.”

“I know that, but it doesn’t change my decision.” Elsie knew she was coming close to disobeying the rules of their church, but she was adamant. “This is not just a whim; I’ve thought and prayed about it long and hard. It can’t happen. I won’t do it to a little child.”

“Don’t get mad at me if I say it’s not such a terrible thing to have children. The world would be a better place with a little girl or boy like you, Elsie.”

She shook her head, tears forming in her eyes from the icy wind. Ya, it was from the wind. “I won’t let it happen. That’s the truth.”

“Then I’ll have to change your mind. Just give me some time.”

A shiver rippled through Elsie as she fumbled to pull the lap blanket higher. “You can have all the time in the world, Ruben. It won’t change my decision.”

Suddenly, the heat of the bottles was no match for the brisk
wind that whipped over them. Elsie heard a rattling sound; it was her own teeth chattering gently.

“Look at you, shivering like a leaf in the wind. Let me warm you.” He lifted his arm so that she could scoot over beside him. “I won’t change your decision tonight, but at least I can keep you warm. Kumm.”

Without thinking she moved close and snuggled against him, pressing her face into his coat. His arms folded over her, enclosing her in a warm cocoon.

The glow of love and comfort held her in a daze for a moment. The great wall of his chest smelled of soap and wood smoke, and she allowed herself to nuzzle into the safety there, just for a minute.

Oh, if only this could be the way she ended every evening, wrapped in Ruben’s strong arms. She stayed there, warm and protected from the wind until the gentle patter of the horse’s hooves faded and the buggy stopped rocking over the road.

Dragging herself from his embrace, she blinked into the night and saw that they had arrived back at her home.

“Home again, and I’m not even cold anymore. Denki.”

“You’ll think about what I said … about us courting.”

Elsie sighed, knowing she would think of nothing but Ruben for the rest of the night … maybe for the rest of the week. “I won’t be changing my mind,” she said. “But I will think about you.”

She turned to jump out of the buggy, but he hopped out first and held his arms out to her. She moved to the edge of the seat and went to take his hands, but instead he held her at the waist and lifted her down.

Her boots landed softly on the ground, but her heart was still floating. Oh, how could her heart go to a place where she could never stay?

His hands moved up to her shoulders, and she could feel his gaze upon her.

Facing him, she had to crane her neck up to see his face.

“Hold on.” He dropped down on one knee so that they were eye to eye. “That’s better. I want to leave you with something to remember me.”

She cocked her head to one side, hoping that he hadn’t bought her a gift. “What’s that?”

“One kiss,” he said. “There’s no harm in it. And it will give you something to think about.”

“Who thinks about a kiss?” she asked.

“When Gott blesses a man and a woman with love, folks think about a lot more than kissing.”

Her face grew warm at the thought that Ruben wanted to be with her, and that she truly was a woman. Of course, it was true, but with her small stature and her denial of any romance in her life, she had thought of herself as a perennial girl. Like the flowers that tucked themselves away each winter and bloomed each spring, that was the way Elsie imagined her life would be.