A Sexy SEAL Novella Anthology (19 page)

He’d had his chance and he’d blown it.

Now, it was what Gwen wanted, what her heart
felt that mattered most. Because, bottom line, her happiness was
more important than his heart.

Russell was a good guy. Dependable, hard
working, nice. He’d treat Gwen right. If he’s who she wanted, then
he’s who Gwen should have.

Noah planted his elbows on the balcony rail,
staring unseeing out at the view beyond, and tried to come to grips
with it all. But he couldn’t, because it sucked.

This was one hell of a time to realize he
was head over heels, ass in the air, flat on his face in love with
her.

Gwen stood at the doors to the balcony, part
of her wanting to run for the nearest exit and part of her
desperate to rush out there and hug Noah.

She’d never seen him look so down.

Her heart ached at the sight of him leaning
against the balcony with that bummed look on his face. Had she
caused that? Had she hurt him? She’d never thought she could.

She should have added that to the list she’d
given Russell. That a relationship worth having came with
responsibility for always considering the other person’s feelings.
She hadn’t considered Noah’s when she’d walked out of that closet.
She’d been too afraid.

She was still afraid. Her knees were
trembling almost as much as they had in the closet, but Gwen forced
herself to step onto the balcony.

She knew she was risking heartbreak. That
nobody in the world could hurt her like Noah could. She’d be
smarter to go home, grateful that she’d walked away from this night
with an important friendship
and
her job intact. The only
thing she’d lost was her panties.

She sighed. And, of course, her heart.

A little voice in the back of her head
warned her to turn around and leave. After all, a lost heart was
easier to recover from than a broken one.

But Gwen knew she had to try.

After listening to Noah’s speech, she
couldn’t just walk away. Seeing him up there, so uncomfortable
talking about emotions—especially in front of a crowd, she’d known
she’d had no choice. She had to at least say goodbye.

Because he’d put himself out there for love.
Sure, it was love for his brother. And from the sidelong glances
he’d slid toward Martin Spencer, there had probably been a little
coercion involved. But the words had been Noah’s.

As had been the emotion in his eyes when
he’d looked at her. She’d seen many things from Noah over the
years. Friendship, amusement and support. Irritation, frustration
and anger. Appreciation, awe and lust.

But what she’d thought she saw up on that
stage was new. It had made her heart tremble. She’d been afraid to
tell herself it was love in those dark eyes. Just in case she was
wrong.

But on the off chance she’d been right, she
had to find out.

With that in mind, she forced herself to
step forward.

That’s all it took to get Noah’s attention.
She knew she hadn’t made a sound, but whether it was instinct or
SEAL training, he immediately turned to face her.

“Hi.” Her smile wobbled a little but her
eyes were steady. “Hey.” His expression shifting from gloomy to
remote with just a blink, Noah leaned back so both of his elbows
were anchored to the balcony as he gave her a long stare. “Did you
want to break it to me personally?”

Break what? That her body had started
vibrating as soon as she’d come within two feet of him, the sexual
need amped up on high? That she still loved him and wanted to give
them a chance? That she thought his speech was perfect, and had
wished with every word that he’d been talking about them instead of
another couple?

She didn’t ask, though, instead she arched
an inquiring brow.

“Your engagement?” he reminded her with
something that might have been an attempt at a smile. But his eyes
looked miserable. “You and Russell. Did you make the big
announcement?”

He really thought she’d gone through with
it.

Gwen sucked in a breath, trying not to hiss.
But she couldn’t decide if she was more shocked or irritated that
the man would think she’d do the upright naked mambo with him, then
an hour later promise to marry another man.

The she saw the look in his eyes. A
miserable sort of acceptance.

Gwen knew she should feel bad, but seeing it
there made her want to shout with glee.

She didn’t know if it was his misery, or if
it was the fact that her body simply couldn’t hold onto all of that
tension any longer. But all of a sudden, she felt fabulous. Happy
dancingly fabulous. No more fear, no more doubts.

Just determination.

She wasn’t positive what she was about to do
was right, but she knew it wasn’t wrong.

“My engagement?” Gwen strolled over to the
railing, stopping just a foot away from him. Far enough to maintain
the distance she needed for this conversation. But close enough to
throw herself into his arms if it went well. “You know, it’s funny
how everyone seemed to think I would be getting engaged
tonight.”

“Didn’t Russell propose?”

Not in so many words.

“Russell doesn’t love me,” she said instead,
watching Noah’s face carefully. “And I don’t love him.”

Noah’s eyes lit, but the gleam dimmed right
away.

“What about those lessons you talked about?
The ones you took to mean we shouldn’t be together?”

Ooh boy. Tempted to simply throw herself in
his arms and avoid the rest of this conversation, Gwen twisted her
fingers tightly together to hide their trembling.

Even as a part of her wished he’d confessed
his feelings first, the rest of her knew he had. He’d come back for
her. He’d come after her. And if she wasn’t mistaken about the
intention she’d seen in his eyes when she’d stepped out onto the
balcony, he’d been willing to let her go.

Those weren’t words, but Noah wasn’t a man
of words. Her gaze traced the rigid set of his jaw, the soft line
of his lips.

Noah was a man of action.

And his actions had been confession
enough.

“The lesson I learned was to protect my
heart,” she confessed, the words coming out in a nervous rush. “I
thought I’d be setting myself up for heartbreak if I let you back
into my life.”

He closed his eyes for a second, looking as
if she’d just dealt him a vicious blow. Then he sighed.

“Because I broke your heart before.”

“No.” Gwen took a deep breath, this time to
confess to the both of them. “I did. I never told you how I felt. I
was so afraid of being hurt before that I pretended my feelings
were casual and easy. But I knew before we slept together the first
time that I was in love with you.”

If he’d looked like she’d hit him before, he
now looked like she’d pulled out a gun and shot him in the foot.
His jaw dropped, shock glazing his eyes.

“You loved me? You never said...”

“I thought you’d leave. Sooner,” she
corrected, making him grimace. “I knew you’d leave no matter what.
But I thought you’d leave sooner if you knew how I felt.”

He nodded, looking like he might leave
now.

“That’s the part that was my fault,” she
said quickly, wanting to get past it so they could get on to the
hugging and kissing. “But you had plenty of fault, too. You and
that stupid pledge of yours.”

“It was a stupid pledge,” he agreed in the
same disgusted tone. As she’d laughed, he reached out to slide two
fingers over her hair, then dropped his hand back to his side. “But
I needed it. In a weird way, that vow made me a SEAL.”

Noah shook his head when she opened her
mouth to protest.

“Eli always knew he could do it. He has this
rock-solid confidence that pretty much breaks through any barriers.
His old man’s a sailor, so it’s like it was in the blood.” A tiny
frown creasing his brow, Noah seemed to be staring into his past.
Gwen wasn’t sure if he even realized he’d slid his fingers into her
hair again, but she was definitely aware of the smooth caress. “My
old man is an insurance salesman and my mother is afraid of the
water. It was never the sure thing in my head that I’d make the
team the way it was a sure thing in Eli’s.”

“Russell told me once that Bryanna said Sam
never doubted he’d make it to the SEALs because he was a Morelli.
So you pretty much empowered your brother to be as much of a
success as you are.”

“As much?” Noah laughed. “The jerk beat my
records.”

And just like that, Gwen understood.

Eli had grown up a Navy brat, had lived, ate
and breathed the idea of being a SEAL since he was a kid. Sam’s big
brother had paved the way to clear a lot of the doubts brought on
by having parents who didn’t get it.

But Noah?

Noah had had to prove it to himself, by
himself. The only one who’d actually mentored or inspired him was
Eli. That vow they’d made must have been like a talisman for Noah
against the doubts.

“If that pledge got you through, made you a
SEAL and kept you safe, then I guess I have to be grateful to it,”
she said, reaching up to cup her palm over the warmth of his cheek.
“That doesn’t mean I’m not upset about how things ended, or wish we
hadn’t lost those years.”

“But?” he said in a hopeful tone.

“But...” She bit her lip. “I
understand.”

“So does understanding mean that you’re
ready to give us a try again?” He slid the hand that wasn’t already
tangled in her hair around her waist and pulled her tight against
him. Lust sparked inside her almost as bright as the huge smile
spreading across Noah’s face.

And lust, like passion and desire and all
those other feel-good things, clouded her brain enough to keep her
from saying the most important thing she needed to say.

“Wait.” Gwen stepped back so fast she almost
tripped over her feet. “What exactly are you wanting to try?
Because as great as sex in the closet was, that’s not what I’m
looking for.”

“Anything,” he promised, closing the space
between them. Hot and tempting, his hands slid over her hips. “I
want you, Gwen. And I’ll do whatever it takes to have you. Today,
tomorrow, forever.”

“Anything? You will do anything to get back
together with me?” she asked, desperate to clarify that she’d heard
him right. Her head was reeling at the idea that he cared that much
so she pressed one hand against his chest before he could pull her
any closer.

Ignoring the barrier of her hand, Noah
angled himself forward to smooth a kiss over her bottom lip. Oh,
God, she wanted him. She could still feel him in the tingling
between her thighs. But she had to make sure they settled
everything before they got distracted by sex. Again.

She had to do it for herself.

And for him.

So before he could take the kiss any deeper,
Gwen pushed him back a few inches.

“Seriously?” she asked. “You’re saying
you’ll do anything I want if it means we get back together?”

“Sure.” He tried to pull her into his arms
again but this time Gwen took a step backward.

“What if I want to move across the country?
Or if I insist you marry me before we share another orgasm? What if
I’m only willing to date you if you’re a civilian, or if I refuse
to let there be anything but sex between us?” she threw out,
figuring she’d put every crazy option on the table now, while she
had the chance.

Because she knew once they kissed—really
kissed—again, that she’d give him anything. Everything.

And she’d enjoy every second of it.

“You want me to leave the Navy?” Noah asked,
focusing on the only one of her options that meant a damn to him.
His stomach jittered.

“Would you?” Gwen asked, her eyes locked on
his as if his response would make or break their chances.

And it would, he realized. So while he
wanted to promise her anything, to say he’d do whatever she wanted,
he had to be completely honest.

“I don’t know.” His fingers tightened on her
hips in case she tried to walk away again, but she didn’t move. “I
have another year in this tour. I’d like to spend it trying to make
things work as they are now, with me in the SEALs and you living
anywhere you want. If that doesn’t work, I could stay in the Navy
but transfer out of the team and see how that goes.”

He choked at that point, not able to promise
anything further. Not because he wasn’t willing—although he really
didn’t want to think he’d have to give up one love in his life to
keep the other. But because he simply couldn’t comprehend that two
people as perfect together as he and Gwen wouldn’t be able to make
it work.

“So you’d want to take it slow, give us a
chance to make it work and compromise along the way if there are
issues?” Gwen said in a contemplative tone.

Noah frowned. He couldn’t tell if she
thought that was a good thing or not. But again, all he could do
was be honest.

“Yeah. That’s what I’d like to do. I’d like
to give us a chance. I’d like to spend the next few months getting
to know each other again while we decide how we want to go
forward.”

Years ago she’d offered to wait for him
while he served in the SEALs. She’d have put her life on hold for
him. And while that was great for his ego, he’d truly believed they
couldn’t make it work. That he couldn’t make it work.

But he knew better now.

“I want to know we’re both happy with
whatever we do together. That we’re both on the same page,” he said
quietly. “We can take some time—as long as you need—to figure out
if we want to take things slow and date for a while, or of we want
to jump in and live together. Or if it’s right, if you’re ready and
trust me again, if we want to get married.”

Noah held his breath, hoping he hadn’t gone
too far, hoping more that he’d offered enough to convince her.

For a second longer she simply stared, those
deep blue eyes of hers blank with shock. Then they filled, tears
pooling in their depths before spilling over.