A Second Chance (The Publicist, Book Four) (6 page)

“Don’t be, I wanted it, too. From the moment you walked into my office actually, but we shouldn’t.”

“Well, you’re my author so…. Bad all around.”

She put a hand on his thigh, but quickly pulled it away. “It’s not that. Look, I live for my next mission. I’m on the road and when I’m not on the road I’m locked in a room, combing through emails, data, and because of that, none of my relationships have ended well. I’ve had a few since Joe, well, okay, two. They never understood how much my work means to me, and they just wanted more. It always ended badly. I don’t want that to happen to us.” She threw him a weak smile.

“I’m sorry, Syd. I mean I’m grateful to you, for what you do, but I’m sorry for the price you’ve paid.”

She curled her knees under her chin and wrapped her arms around her legs, “Everything is a sacrifice, whether we want to admit it or not. Mine is just, well, different.”

“I liked kissing you, but I respect your wishes. I just wish…”

She looked at him and gave him a soft smile, “I know, I do, too.”

Chapter 19

It was for the best, he told himself, as he stood in the shower, letting the warm water flow over his body, but the thing was, it didn’t feel like the best. In fact, he felt like they were missing out on something that could be quite great. Or perhaps his mind was tethered to past memories. He just didn’t quite believe that. They had both changed over the years—they were actually new people drawn to the same feeling.

He didn’t want to ignore it, but he knew he should, at least for now. For whatever reason, Sydney wasn’t ready for anything. Maybe she never would be.

Mac dried himself off and threw on a pair of dress slacks. They were going out to dinner tonight, which was probably a better idea. The intimacy of home cooked meals and eating by the fire would most certainly cause another moment like the one they’d had earlier. Mac remembered kissing her and he could feel his desire for her throb inside of him. He reached for a shirt and tugged it on, in an attempt to stuff down his almost primal need to walk into her bedroom and scoop her up.

He finished dressing, and walked into the kitchen, where he found Sydney, wearing an off-white, sleeveless, form fitting dress. Her hair was swept up into a chignon.

She took his breath away.

“Ready?” he asked, trying to control the urge to push her up on the kitchen counter to make passionate love to her.

“Yes, ready.” Her voice was almost clipped.

“How’s the ankle?” Mac nodded to her foot. She was wearing a lovely pair of heels, something he wouldn’t have expected from anyone else. She probably would have done the same if it had been broken.

“Fine, shall we go?”

Mac leaned on the counter, “I’m really sorry about earlier. I hope it doesn’t cloud the rest of the week. I really enjoy spending time with you.”

“No, it’s fine, I just…. Well I won’t be able to stay the entire week.”

“I thought you were on a mandatory vacation?” he asked, suddenly suspicious.

Sydney tugged at her chignon to relieve some of the tightness, “I was, but a mission came up and I need to go and try to solve a problem.”

Mac crossed his arms over his chest, “A mission, Syd?”

“Let’s talk about it over dinner. I’m starved.”

Mac took a deep breath and decided to let it go. She was a big girl, if she wanted to run all over hell saving the planet, then that was her prerogative. Though the whole timing of this mission seemed pretty suspect.

They had dinner at a small, intimate Italian restaurant in town. The room was bathed in candlelight and they were seated at a small, corner table.

“Now tell me about this mission,” Mac said once they’d ordered.

“I can’t. Well, you know, not in detail, but it’s overseas.”

“Dangerous?”

Sydney nodded and sipped her wine, “Probably.”

“Am I wrong to be worried, Syd?”

“No, I mean, I try not to think about it. I just go, do a job and hope to come home.”

“Have you considered not doing missions anymore?”

“No, well, yes I did for about half a second and then realized that I enjoyed the work too much.”

Their meal arrived and they ate and chatted, but something had shifted between them. Maybe it was the kiss or maybe it was just the realization that they were beyond the fanciful dreams of teenagers. This was real life and things don’t always work out how you want them to.

Chapter 20

“Shall we stay up and work some more?” Mac asked after they arrived home.

Sydney smiled, “I’d love to, but I’m pretty beat. Could we pick this up in the morning?”

He nodded, trying to hide his disappointment, “Sure, of course. Sleep well.”

“You, too.”

Sydney turned as Mac asked, “When do you leave?”

“Day after tomorrow.” Sydney avoided his eyes, then turned and left, leaving Mac standing in the hall. She needed some distance; some mental space from him and some actual physical distance. The upcoming mission was a Godsend. Being on the road would bring her a much-needed perspective. Playing house with Mac the last couple of days had been almost too good, and she knew all-too well-that good things never lasted.

As Sydney got ready for bed something tugged at her. The letters. Mac’s letters.

They were in the attic and a part of her desperately wanted to finally read them. Sydney shoved the feeling aside. The dreams of her childhood were long gone. As she slipped into bed, the need toyed with her. Finally, after an hour, she threw off the covers, pulled on her silk robe and walked down the end of the long hallway to the attic hatch. Mac’s door was closed, and he was likely asleep, so, as quietly as she could, she opened the hatch, rolled down the ladder and climbed up.

The attic was cold, colder than she’d expected. She tugged the robe tighter and grabbed the bulky flashlight she kept at the top of the stairs. She flicked it on and was almost surprised that it still worked. It had been years since she’d been up here. She spotted the box almost immediately. Tucked away in a corner with all of the stuff her parents had given her. Awards from high school, yearbooks, and the letters Mac had sent her. She sat down on another stack of boxes and lifted the shoebox, with the letters, carefully onto her lap. She opened the lid and saw the stack of them, her name and address written in Mac’s perfect penmanship. She stared at them for a moment, still wondering if this was the right thing to do. Opening these letters could not solve anything, and she really didn’t need clarity, right? Sydney slipped a finger into the envelope and gently opened it, pulling the letter out. It was dated December 20, 1984:

My dearest Sydney,

It’s almost Christmas and everyone has left to go home. I’m staying back to finish a project before winter break and then I’ll head home where I hope to see you. I miss you, so much that I can’t even begin to tell you how much. Even here, at school I think of you all the time and I don’t know what happened, but I will do anything to make it up to you. I have been writing for months with no response, still, I’m hopeful that maybe you’ve just been busy and one day I’ll find a letter from you, saying it’s all right and that you still love me, too.

I’m coming home on December 22
nd
and I’d love to see you. Please, let me see you, my beloved Sydney. I love you. I have loved no one else but you, and if you no longer love me, if I’ve broken your heart in some way, please tell me how I can fix it. I will do anything. But if there is nothing I can do, please know that I won’t bother you again. I will leave you alone and this will be my last letter.

My train arrives at 10am on the 22
nd
, will you meet me that afternoon, 3pm at our secret spot? If you aren’t there, I will go away and never bother you again. But know that I will love you for the rest of my life.

All my love, MacDermott

Sydney felt her eyes burn. Regret seared through her. How could she have been so silly to not open these letters?

“I waited three hours for you that day.”

Sydney looked up, startled. Mac was standing over her; she hadn’t even heard him come up. She was totally off her game when it came to this guy.

He knelt down next to her and took another letter out of the box.

Her hands shook and a tear slid down her face. Mac reached up and wiped it away.

“I’m so sorry, Sydney. I should have tried harder. I should have showed up at your house and made you face me.”

For a moment she couldn’t speak. She just looked at him, holding the box of unopened love letters.

“I-I,” Another tear slid down her face and Mac grabbed the box of letters and put it on the floor.

“I never told you this, Buttercup, but that was my first time, too. When we made love. I was so scared and nervous. All I knew was that I loved you.”

She frowned, “Your first time? I assumed, I mean you were older, and I just assumed.”

Mac smiled, “That I’d had girlfriends on the side or something? No. You were it for me, Syd. I knew I loved you when I was fifteen and that was all she wrote.”

She could feel her hands start to shake, “But you never said anything?”

“You weren’t ready, and I knew I needed to wait until you were.”

He took her hands in his and whispered:

“Syd, I know this makes no sense, you and I now. And I get that I’m the worst possible bet that you could make, but I feel like….” At that moment, Sydney leaned forward and kissed him. His arms were around her in an instant, pulling her to him. He felt her hard nipples press into his chest and he explored her mouth with his tongue.

Sydney’s hands held his face and her whole body came alive, for the first time in years. Awakening to his touch, his hands on her, under her robe, exploring her naked body underneath.

For a split second he was back in time, remembering when he’d first touched her, and how nervous she was, but she trusted that he’d be gentle and take care of her and he did. The memory of their first time stole his breath.

“Let me make love to you,” he whispered, his voice deep and erotic. She didn’t answer, but when he stood up, and pulled her up with him, she didn’t fight it. He walked her to the hatch and followed down the ladder. Then he picked her up and carried her to his room.

He slipped his hands under her robe, letting it slide off in a soft silk wave that floated to the ground. He pulled her t-shirt over her head. She was standing in front of him, wearing nothing but panties. His eyes were heavy-lidded. His breath coming hard, and he looked at her the way only Mac could.

The scrape of his cheek; the heat of his hands; the way they fit together; made her shake. It had always been like this between them, that raw heat that practically lifted her off the ground with its force.

She tugged off his shirt and loosened his pants. She could see how hard he was for her, then he stepped out of his boxers and he sprang free. He was large and thick and hard and he was ready to take her.

He kissed her until his entire being throbbed with wanting her so much that he couldn’t form actual, coherent thoughts. Mac lifted her onto the bed and slipped off her panties. His mouth was on her, first licking and sucking at her nipple and then trailing down her body. Sydney moaned with pleasure when his mouth reached her thighs. He slipped his tongue inside her, tasting her. She raked her fingers through his hair, calling his name. Then his lips trailed up her body.

“I want you so desperately,” he whispered and she could feel his penis, hard against her thigh. She wanted him inside her, riding her. Feeling him again after all of these years. His hands separated her thighs and he teased her, first just letting the head of his penis touch her. His eyes never left her. She held his face, lifting her mouth to kiss him. He slid more of himself into her, waiting, enjoying every moment of feeling how soft and warm she was. Pleasure sparked through her, but it was his eyes, worshipful and devout, that almost made her climax. She was so wet for him. As he pushed himself all the way inside her, she felt her breath catch. He was long and hard and she could feel every inch of him, pulsating inside.

Mac kissed her hard, and all she could feel was ecstasy. He moved in and out of her as he brought her closer to orgasm. Then she felt it, a warm wave that overtook her entire body. This inferno engulfed her from head to toe. She lost sight of everything except the pleasure that raged through her. Her blood seemed to flow through her veins like liquid fire. And then, when he was certain her pleasure had already peaked, he lifted her hips and plunged deeper into her and increased his pace, until his own orgasm overtook him.

“Sydney...” he moaned as he came, hard. Then he kissed her, breathless with his desire for her.

Chapter 21

He held Sydney in the aftermath of their love making. She laid with her head on his chest, listening to his heart.

“Some things never change.” she said softly.

Mac let out a small laugh, “I would like to think that I’ve gotten better from an eighteen-year-old-kid who was scared out of his mind.”

“Why were you scared?” She ran a hand along his hard chest.

“I was afraid I wouldn’t know what to do, or that I’d do it wrong and disappoint you.”

Sydney pushed herself up on her elbow, “I was anything but disappointed, in fact I still can’t believe I was your first, too.”

Mac grinned, “I asked some buddies I trusted, read some magazines. Mostly my dad’s old Playboys.”

Sydney let out a laugh, “Well that was an incredible afternoon, but tonight certainly topped it.”

Mac kissed her hair and ran a finger down her arm; his touch could make her body thrum and buzz. As his finger continued to trail down her body, she sparked to life again.

“I wanted to call you, even after you didn’t show that day. Now, I wish so much that I had.”

Sydney pushed herself up and looked at Mac, his hair disheveled, his body half covered in a sheet. No man had the right to look that good. Naturally, the universe or whatever you want to call it, was kicking her in the ass by returning this man to her and offering her something that she knew she could never have.

“What are you thinking?” He smiled devilishly.

“That I want you again, but that I want to be on top this time.”

Mac pulled her in for a kiss and she shifted one leg to straddle him. She ran her fingers down his torso. He was already hard for her again. She encircled his penis in her hand, her fingers not quite making it all the way around his girth. She began to stroke him slowly. Teasing him with her touch, then, when he was just about to explode in her hand, she slid down onto him and they made love again.