A Run for Love (14 page)

“This is for the best. I can’t be the wife you want and need.”

“Tori, please.”

Her eyes met his. “I’ve tried. Really I have.” She walked over to the window, hugging her middle as she gazed out. “You’re a wonderful man, Jesse. Don’t think I haven’t noticed. I finally appreciate how much you cared about our baby. The baby that I killed.”

“Honey, don’t start that again.”

She turned and held up her hand. “Please let me finish.” Tears tracked down her face. “You deserve so much more than me. You deserve a wife you can trust, not a stubborn woman that was forced on you.”

Jesse shook his lowered head. “You have it all wrong. Maybe the pregnancy pushed us to the altar, but I know deep down we’re meant to be together. It would have happened eventually, we both know that.”

“I don’t know what I know. I’m so confused, and so, so unhappy.”

Sweat beaded his forehead. He’d lost her. This was not his Tori, the spitfire with a spine of steel. Before him stood a broken woman, twenty pounds thinner, with dark circles under her eyes and misery painted on her face. He reached his hand out, praying she would take it. “Please.”

She shook her head again, then moved away and closed the satchel. Without glancing his way, she picked up the bag and brushed past him, her familiar scent trailing her.

Jesse’s gaze followed her retreating back. “This isn’t finished by a long shot, Tori Cochran. Do you hear me? You may have it in you to give up, but I’m no quitter,
and
I’m not giving up
.” His voice rose as her every step carried her further away.

She paused, her hand on the doorknob. His heart sped up as her shoulders rose when she took a deep breath. Then she walked out the door, closing it behind her with a soft click.

Tori gazed out the front window. Early February, and Oklahoma Territory had already slid its way through two ice storms. She smiled. Mrs. Bonner had sworn her arthritis told her snow for today. With the storm clouds and low temperatures, it appeared possible.

Bits of debris blew past her window in swirls from the rising wind. The sunshine of the day had disappeared, leaving enough light so darkness would not fully descend for a while.

The time of day she hated most. She shivered as memories rose. The smell of death, the silence broken only by labored breathing. A small, cramped bedroom with large yellow-flowered wallpaper. Her mama had released one soft sigh and dropped the young girl’s hand. Through tear-filled eyes, a very young Tori watched the sun dip below the horizon, while her papa sobbed. She rubbed her hands over her upper arms, even though the house was warm enough.

Her life was going nowhere. Neither Michael nor Rachel appreciated her moving back. They resented her intrusion into their independent lives, and voiced their disapproval of her decision to leave Jesse. She didn’t belong anywhere. Nobody needed her, not students, who she wouldn’t teach again, nor her nieces and nephews.

Jesse needs you.
And you need him. Admit it.

A movement caught her eye. The man of her thoughts fought the wind as he crossed the street and headed for her house. True to his word, he hadn’t given up, and stopped in to see her several times a week. She giggled when the wind caught his hat and whipped it down the street. He ran, snatching it right before a team of horses could trample it.

He continued to brush the brown felt derby as he entered. Her spirits lifted a little at the sight of him, red-faced from the wind, and breathless from his run. His lopsided grin shot straight to her heart, kicking it up a notch.

He’s still the handsomest man in Guthrie.

“Hi, darlin’, these are for you.” A sad looking bouquet of something he must have picked himself emerged from underneath his coat. Where had he even managed to get the few sorry blossoms this time of year?

She shook her head and smiled. “What are you doing, Jesse?” Warmth spread from her belly to her face.

“I’m inviting you to supper, Mrs. Cochran. I asked Mrs. Bonner to make something special. She’s expecting us presently.”

“Oh, Jesse, I don’t think so.” Her smiled collapsed. If she went out with Jesse in public, all sorts of rumors would start.

“You can’t disappoint the woman. She said she’s looking forward to seeing us.” He took her coat off the hook, and held out his hand. “Please?”

She laughed at his antics, which were persuasive. His crooked grin and smiling eyes chipped at her resolve to keep him at arm’s length. “All right.” With a soft sigh, she turned so he could help her into her coat. It would be good to get out of the house.

Cozy warmth and wonderful smells inside the Café enveloped her and caused stirrings of hunger for the first time in a long while. For months she’d eaten whatever sat on her plate, not paying attention as long as it filled her stomach. Now she identified various smells teasing her belly, making it rumble. A table set for two, adorned with a white tablecloth and candles, the only one of its kind, sat in the back of the restaurant.

Jesse took her coat and escorted her to the table. After pulling out her seat, he took the chair across from her. Mrs. Bonner appeared within minutes, holding two plates of sizzling steaks, roasted potatoes, and fresh carrots. Her flushed face and bright smile warmed Tori’s insides. The older woman had been such a good friend, visiting her, encouraging her to get out of the house. Mr. Bonner, with a white towel over his arm, set a basket of hot rolls between them with a flourish. Jesse winked at them both as they left.

“This smells wonderful.” Tori cut into the juicy steak, closed her eyes, and groaned as she slipped a piece of perfectly cooked meat into her mouth.

“What?” Tori frowned at Jesse’s open-mouthed stare.

“Ah, nothing. Just, ah, you sure seemed to be enjoying that steak.”

She smiled and ran her tongue around the outside of her mouth. “I am.”

Jesse took a large gulp of water.

“What’s the matter with you?” Tori stared at him, baffled. “You’re starting to sweat.”

“Nothing. It’s, ah, warm in here.” He resumed eating, fisting his fork with white knuckled fingers. “So, how’re the kids coming along?”

“Fine. They’re all doing great in school, and they do their chores without being asked. Something’s going on. They’re too perfect.”

Jesse shrugged. “They’re getting older. Maybe they don’t need someone to tell them what to do.”

She would ignore his remark, having concluded that herself. They continued their supper in comfortable silence.

Tori licked the last of the pie from her fork. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d enjoyed a meal so much. During the little more than two months of separation, she’d healed somewhat, but the guilt remained like a small pebble in her shoe. But tonight, for a couple hours, her tired mind escaped.

“Honey, I’ve been thinking.” Jesse moved the salt, pepper, and sugar containers into a line.

“Uh oh.” She raised her eyebrows, and kept her hands in her lap to avoid pushing back the silky hair that covered his forehead.

“You know we never had a real courtship.” A faint light twinkled in the depths of his blue eyes.

“What?” One thing she could say about this man. She never knew what he would do next. A courtship?

“Well, we never did what other couples do when they’re courtin’. You know, go for walks, sit on the porch of an evening until stars come out, steal kisses behind the barn, and go out to supper.” He gestured toward the table.

“Jesse, we’re already married, and neither one of us has a barn.” How her hands itched to touch his hair.

“I’m glad you remember we’re married. But for reasons I still don’t understand, we seem to be living in different houses. Since we don’t act like married folks, I thought maybe we could be courtin’ folks.” Another one of those stomach fluttering lopsided grins appeared.

Goodness, that smile should be illegal.

“This is silly.” Her reply lacked certainty. The heat in his eyes had her squirming.

He’s right, it is warm in here.

“Maybe. But what do we have to lose? You have to admit this meal made a pretty nice beginning.” His fingers, tapered and strong, re-arranged the salt and pepper again.

Tori tilted her head to one side and studied Jesse across the table. What did he expect to accomplish with this? She’d given him free reign to leave and do what he wanted, but he insisted his vows were until death do us part. He always got his way, and she was done trying to avoid him. And if she were honest, she did miss his kisses and strong arms.

Uh oh, don’t think like that.

Could she take this step? What he suggested would alter their relationship from a casual meeting category to something else. Something terrifying. But his hopeful expression twisted her heart. He obviously cared for her. And she no longer wanted to be depressed.

“Okay. I will allow you to court me, sir,” she said, and the dark veil she’d been living under lifted slightly.

“Ouch.” Tori grimaced as the pin slid along her scalp. She rubbed the spot and tried again to fasten her first new hat in several months to her head. Chocolate brown eyes, magnified by spectacles, stared back at her from the hall mirror. She jumped at the sound of a knock at the door right next to her. Who would be calling on a Sunday morning? The children had left earlier for church school.

Jesse stood there, dressed in a suit, white starched shirt, and string tie. His hair still hung too long, damp from his bath. Even though slicked back, the front curl still fell on his forehead. Her insides melted, and her knees went weak.

“Good morning, ma’am, I’ve come to escort you to church.” He grinned like a little boy.

“Jesse, I see you in church every Sunday.” She stepped back to let him enter.

“Ah, but now we’re a courtin’ couple, so I’ve decided to escort you in my carriage.” He looked pleased with himself, and Tori shook her head, a smile tugging at her lips.

“All right, I’ll play your game.” One quick glance in the mirror and she grabbed her coat. His firm hand rested on her lower back as they left the house.

Tori held her breath as they entered the church. Worshipers turned as she and Jesse took their seats. No one had ever acknowledged their separation, at least not to her, but undoubtedly everyone in town knew she’d moved out of Jesse’s house.

Familiar warmth spread through her. Standing next to him, sharing a hymnal, listening to his deep voice as they sang familiar songs felt right. During the sermon, he took her hand and linked their fingers together. She kept glancing sideways at him, but the one time she giggled, he frowned at her and put his finger to his lips, shaking his head, though mirth lingered in his eyes.

After the service, Pastor Dave stood at the back of the church, greeting the congregants. A warm smile lit his face as he hugged Tori, and shook Jesse’s hand.

Even though the air felt chilly, bright sun encouraged most people to stay and visit. Jesse walked Tori to where Dr. Hendricks stood, circled by numerous friends.

“Nice to see you, Mrs. Cochran,” the doctor said with enthusiasm.

“Nice to see you, too, Dr. Hendricks.” His greeting had surprised her, making her feel more self-conscious. The doctor most likely meant nice to see her with Jesse. He beamed at the both of them like an indulgent parent. Would he pat them on the head next?

Soon other friends and neighbors joined them, smiling to see them arm in arm. Tori drew back, her muscles tensing. She didn’t want everyone to think they were back together. Her husband could be very charming and persuasive, but she still needed to take small steps.

Jesse glanced at her, concern in his eyes. Her cheeks grew warm as the crowd gathered. When she tried to pull her arm away, he covered her hand with his and squeezed gently.

“Well, hope y’all have a good day.”

They said their goodbyes as he nudged her toward the carriage.

“How about stopping at The Café for dinner?” Jesse looked to his left as he flapped the reins and steered the horses onto the road.

She swayed with the buggy movement, still rattled from church. “No, I don’t think so. I have a bit of a headache, and I think I’ll lie down when I get home.”

Jesse said nothing, but the muscle in his jaw worked. For the last month she’d managed to slip into church and back out again without socializing. It amazed her how tense she felt, how exposed.

“Okay, honey, I’ll get you home, but there’s a favor I want to ask of you, if you feel up to it.”

She’d not been in Jesse’s house since she’d left. A sense of sadness engulfed her. The new rooms stood vacant, cold, nothing done to decorate them. She hesitated as she walked into the larger parlor, then the expanded kitchen, and extra bedrooms. The scent of new wood pervaded the air.

“Why haven’t you painted, or anything?” She turned, taking in the beautiful front window, with a built-in bookcase underneath, alongside the stone fireplace. The hard-wood floors had been sanded, but left unfinished. In fact, with the coating of dust on the floor, it appeared Jesse hadn’t entered the room since it’d been built.

“Since you’re not teaching anymore, I hoped you would help me out. Maybe pick out some colors, hire men to paint. You know, go through a catalog and order some curtains. I’m so busy with work I can’t find time to do it.”

Tori’s eyes narrowed. His idea seemed to be a way to get her even more involved in his life. The gold band on her left hand, which she’d never removed, caught the sunlight coming through the window. She twisted it on her finger. How could she say no?

“All right, I’ll help. But I feel like you’re pushing me too fast.”

Jesse placed his hands on her shoulders. “I appreciate it. And I promise I won’t read anything into your efforts.” Then he leaned down and gave her a kiss, a mere brush of his lips. When she didn’t pull away, he moved closer and, wrapping his arms around her, deepened the kiss.

Tori’s heartbeat raced, and the familiar heat spread outward from her core like warm honey. He probed with his tongue until she opened her mouth with a soft moan. She moved closer until her breasts were pressed against his chest. She’d missed his warmth and touch so much, but at the same time it terrified her. Even though Jesse could fill the emptiness inside, the risks were too high. She pulled away, and left him breathing heavily as she closed the door.

Catalogs from various stores lay strewn about the parlor floor. Pieces of yellow paper marked pages of furniture. Squares of fabric samples from the general store were tacked to the wall next to all the windows throughout Jesse’s house. Tori sat in the middle of the parlor floor, flipping through pictures of sofas and chairs. She gripped a pencil between her teeth and pushed her spectacles up. A pad with scribbles, drawings, and lists sat in her lap.

A satisfied light came into Jesse’s eyes as he leaned against the doorjamb. Light from the oil lamps in the room gave the empty space a soft glow. He chuckled at her position on the floor, a very unladylike one, legs crisscrossed, her dress wrapped around her knees. Her concentration was obvious by her hunched shoulders and the way she flipped through several pages of a magazine, not noticing him in the archway.

What a smart idea to have his wife decorate their house. Not only did it bring her to him every day, she finally seemed to be interested in something again.

“Lady, you’re going to bankrupt me.” He pushed away from the door and strolled toward her.

Tori jerked her head and put her hand to her throat. “Lord Almighty, you scared me to death, Jesse Cochran.”

Grinning, he hunkered down alongside her and picked up the pad. “Honey, I’m impressed with how hard you’re working on this project.”

“You said you wanted it done. I’m merely doing as you asked.” She lifted her chin, her eyes flashing.

Hmmm. A little bit of the old Tori.

“I’m teasing. I do want it done, but now it’s courtin’ time.” He grabbed her hand and helped her to her feet. “Go on back to your house and get a warm coat. We’re taking a stroll along the river. Only a sliver of a moon, but lots of stars.”

“A walk by the river. Why, it’s freezing out there!”

“Precisely why I suggested a warmer coat. And while you’re at it, get a scarf, wool hat, and that silly thing ladies carry to keep their hands warm. And if you’re still cold, I can think of interesting ways to raise your temperature.” He winked.

With all the extra clothes, Tori did feel comfortable. A beautiful night, a clear sky with a full moon joined by thousands of stars.

They strolled along the river, and then he turned her toward town. Music drifted from the saloons, combined with the high pitched sounds of laughter and shouting. Tori tried to peek in as they passed one, never having been inside a saloon before. She drew in a sharp breath when two men came out of the batwing doors. Right over the bar, big as life, hung a painting of a very naked lady. Her jaw dropped.

Jesse laughed. “Want to go inside for a drink, darlin’?”

“No, of course not.” She pulled him away before anyone saw them standing in front of such a place.

“How about stopping at the new Chinese restaurant for a late supper?” Jesse suggested.

“You know, I think I’m hungry.” With her returned appetite, her lost pounds had come slowly back. Her dresses no longer hung on her like a sack. She didn’t want to credit Jesse’s attention, although it seemed obvious.