A red tainted Silence (13 page)

My dad’s face whitened in shock as he looked at me. “What did you say?”

“I said I am. I’m -- I’m gay.” I squeezed Nick’s hand, hard. I know I crushed his fingers, but he squeezed back, reassuring me like nothing else could have. A door slammed a few houses down. I wondered how many of our neighbors were watching now.

“Shit,” my dad said beneath his breath, then rubbed his hand angrily through his hair.

“You act as if you mean it.”

“I do mean it.”

“You’re too young to know any such thing, Brandon --”

“No,” I said, cutting him off. Something I wouldn’t normally dare do to my dad. “And it has nothing to do with Nicholas, so don’t look at him like it’s his fault. I’ve known since I was seventeen, suspected it even before then. I’m gay,” I said again.

My dad shook his head in disgust as he looked over my shoulder at Nicholas. My heart trip-hammered. My face heated from humiliation at his reaction. What was Nicholas thinking? I’d told him it would be all right to come here. And now this.

“I’m sorry, Brandon,” Nicholas whispered behind me. His forehead rested between my shoulder blades. I realized he was shaking. I stiffened my arm in back of me to support him.

He hurt, and I didn’t know how much longer he could take this.

I wasn’t sure how much longer I could, either. Then I made a decision that, on reflection, probably wasn’t very smart, and put Nicholas into a position he likely wasn’t 70 Carolyn Gray

ready for. But I did it anyway. I glanced at my mom, pulled Nick’s arm around my waist, and covered his hand with my own. After a moment’s hesitation, his fingers linked with mine and squeezed tight. I almost smiled in relief.

No one spoke for a long moment as the reality of the situation sank in. I’d just come out to my family. On the driveway in front of my parents’ house, no less, with who knew what nosy neighbors watching.

Jonathan whooped in triumph. “Shit,” he said. “This is great. I knew it. I told you, Dad.

I fucking knew it. My baby brother’s a fucking fairy.”

“Watch your language, Jonathan,” my dad said to him. “And you --” He pointed a finger at me as his gaze dropped to my fingers linked with Nick’s. “-- I won’t have any of that ... I won’t have it in my house, Brandon. I won’t tolerate --” Jonathan snickered. “Yeah, no sex orgies.”

My mom laid a hand on my dad’s shoulder, stopping him, her expression one of anger.

But not at me.

“Shut up, Jonathan,” my mom said. She faced him and my dad, standing between them and me and Nicholas. “Both of you hush. Right now. This can be discussed later when we’re not standing in the middle of the driveway entertaining the neighbors.

“Brandon’s home. I told him to bring Nicholas with him if he found him. Its obvious they’re hurt.” She glanced at me over her shoulder, her expression one of steel, before turning to my brother. “Jonathan, get my first aid kit and take it to the kitchen. Steven, go call Adam; let him know Brandon is okay, but he’s not to come over. I don’t need to put up with him right now as well as you two.”

My dad made an exasperated noise, then turned on his heel. “Come on, Jonathan,” he said, leaving me and Nicholas alone with my mom.

I looked desperately at her as she turned around, nervousness making my heart beat wildly in my chest. “I’m sorry, Mom.”

She closed the distance between us and laid her hands on my shoulders. “Are you okay?” Her worried gaze flicked to Nicholas. He shrank behind me -- I think if I hadn’t held his arm tight against my waist, he would’ve bolted.

“I’m okay, but Nick’s hurt.”

“Brandon, maybe I should just go --”

“No. You’re not going back there,” I said curtly.

My mom shook her head. “You’re not going anywhere, either of you. Nicholas, come on inside. I promise you, Brandon’s father and brother will behave themselves.” I stepped away from Nicholas, releasing his hand but putting my arm around his shoulders. “Come on. I’ll help you in,” I said.

A Red-Tainted Silence

71

My mom gasped as she took in Nick’s disheveled state, now that she could see all of him in the porch light. She reached for his hand, taking it in hers. He pulled back, but she held on. “Honey, what happened to you?”

Nicholas glanced at me, his eyes pleading that I not tell her what actually happened.

“I -- I was attacked.” He looked away. “Brandon stopped them.” My mom’s eyes widened in comprehension. She looked at me. “Brandon?” I was glad Jonathan and my dad were gone. “Yes.” What else could I say?

She straightened her shoulders. “Do you know who it was?” She didn’t take her eyes off me.

“No.”

My mom didn’t look satisfied. “We should call the police. Those boys --”

“No!” Nicholas pulled his hand from hers and leaned against me, trembling as he buried his face in my shoulder. I pulled him close, wrapping both arms protectively around him, briefly embarrassed about doing so in front of my mom and then thinking it didn’t matter.

Nicholas mattered.

“Honey,” my mom said, more gently now. “We can’t just ignore what happened.” She looked at me again. “To either of you.”

“Please, Mom,” I begged.

She grimaced. I half expected her to tell me she was going to call the cops anyway. If she’d known exactly what they’d done to Nicholas, she would’ve.

“I’m sorry,” Nicholas said.

“It’s okay,” I said, rubbing my hand over his back. “It’s okay.” He pulled back. “No, it’s not. I’ve ruined everything for you.”

“Everything’s fine, Nicholas. Take him inside, Brandon.”

“What about Dad and Jonathan?”

She shook her head. “I’ll have a few words with them. They’ll come around, I promise, once they’re over the shock.”

“And Adam?”

“Like I said yesterday, I’ll deal with Adam. Now scoot, both of you. Get inside. We’ve provided enough gossip fodder for the neighbors for one morning.” I had no doubt of that. “Please, come inside with me, Nicholas.”

“Are you sure you want me to?” he said softly.

I hated the wariness in his eyes. “Yeah. I’m sure.” He didn’t protest again -- I think he hurt too much, was too exhausted. I took him into the house and into my room, where I helped him sit on my bed.

72 Carolyn Gray

“It’s not much, but its home, most of the time,” I said, feeling oddly nervous now. “I live with Adam usually, but I came back here while I was sick. I won’t be going back to his place, I don’t think.”

He didn’t look around, just kept his eyes downcast. Miserable. I knew he didn’t really want to be there, but I refused to take him back to the shelter, and there was nowhere else where we could go.

I wasn’t letting him out of my sight.

“I’ll start your shower for you,” I said, cursing the sudden awkwardness between us.

“Thanks.”

“And I’ll get you some clothes. There’s got to be something in here that’ll fit. If only I wasn’t so damn skinny,” I said, half to myself. I yanked open a dresser drawer, pulling out a couple pairs of clean boxers and a t-shirt I thought would fit him, and grimaced at my shorts.

No way any of them would fit.

“Try these.”

I turned to see Jonathan in my doorway, a pair of navy shorts in his hands. Nicholas looked up and stiffened. His hands gripped the side of the bed. Jonathan cast him a glance and shrugged. “We’re about the same size,” he said, holding out the shorts.

Nicholas looked at me, then reached gingerly out to take them. “Thanks.”

“I won’t bite, you know. I just bark a lot.”

“Jonathan,” I warned.

He threw up his hands again. “Hey, it’s not every day you realize your baby brother’s gay. It explains a lot, though,” he said, grinning as he stroked the stubble on his jaw.

“Explains what?” I said tersely, closing the dresser drawer with a little more force than necessary.

“Why you were never grounded for having girls in your room like Adam and I were.” I smiled at that despite myself. “I was just sneakier than you.” I glanced at Nicholas. He looked at me, his eyes questioning.

Jonathan laughed at Nick’s expression. “At least you tried girls, then?”

“Tried, didn’t like.”

My brother shook his head. “Man. Unbelievable. I don’t get it, but --” He shrugged.

“Boys it is, then. Or maybe just this boy. He is kinda cute, I guess. For a guy.” Even Nicholas smiled a little at that, but quickly dropped his gaze, hiding beneath his bangs. I rolled my eyes at Jonathan, feeling a little bit eased by his teasing.

I knew Adam wouldn’t be so easily swayed.

“You hungry? I was going to make breakfast before you guys showed up and nearly rocked the house off its foundation. Like waffles, Nicholas?” Nicholas lifted his chin at that, his blue eyes wistful. “Yes, I love waffles.” A Red-Tainted Silence

73

“Good. Bacon?”

“No, thank you. I’m a vegetarian,” Nicholas said. “I appreciate the offer, though.”

“Damn, he’s polite, Brandon. We may have to straighten up our acts around here.” I glanced at Nicholas. He looked a little more relaxed now, much to my relief. “I’ll eat his,” I said, suddenly hungry. I took a deep breath, realizing the knots in my stomach had eased, too. Maybe it was going to be all right. At least until we encountered Adam again.

Jonathan’s gaze fell to my bare chest. “I’ll make you two rashers. Mom’s right; you’ve gotten too skinny, Brandy boy. Take your showers so you can eat. Mom’s got her Snoopy bandages out, too, so hurry it up.”

Then he left us alone. “I’m sorry about my brother,” I said.

“It’s okay. He’s not too bad.”

“Bossy, though.”

Nicholas grinned. “Big brothers usually are.”

Before I could take the opening and ask him about his family, Nicholas started to push himself to his feet, then gasped at a sudden stab of pain that sent him back to the bed.

“Nicholas!” I rushed to him. I knelt beside him, my hands on his shoulders as he bent over, arms wrapped around his waist. “What’s wrong?”

“Hurts. Moved too fast, I guess.” He sat up, slowly. “I’ll feel better after a shower, I think. Would you mind doing something for me?”

“Sure. What?”

“Take off my shoes and socks for me? I don’t think I can manage it.”

“Oh. Sure.” I glanced at the open door. I leapt over and closed it, then returned to him.

I knelt down again and took off his shoes and socks. I glanced up at him, wrinkling my nose.

He gave me a small smile. “Cute feet.”

“No, they aren’t. I have ugly toes.” He wiggled them, grinning. I smiled back at him. He seemed to be relaxing now that we were alone, and I was glad. I couldn’t bear the thought of him being uncomfortable around me.

“Wait until you see my toes,” I said. “Let’s get your shirt off next, then.” I paused as he pulled back. “What’s wrong?”

He glanced at me, his face pinkening. “I’m, I -- I don’t want you to see --”

“See what?”

“Nothing. Nothing. I’m just -- I’m fat,” he blurted out.

Remembering the feel of him in my arms just a few hours ago, I started to smile, but realized he was serious. It really bothered him. “No, you aren’t fat,” I said, trying to be reassuring. “You’re cuddly. That’s different. Now, come on. Let Brandon have the shirt, Nick.”

74 Carolyn Gray

He smiled shyly but raised his arms -- carefully -- and I eased them out, wincing as I saw the bruises that Percy had left behind. “Damn, Nicholas,” I said, feeling my anger start to rise as I helped him stand.

“It’s not as bad as it looks. I just bruise easy.” I had to disagree. It looked terrible. Bruises mottled his ribcage, upper arms, and chest.

I shook my head. Then my focus changed as I realized I was seeing Nicholas naked for the first time. Well, at least half-naked, a privilege I hadn’t expected so soon.

I pushed the image of him in the alley out of my mind. That time definitely didn’t count.

But this did. My gaze roved over his face, hovering at the hollow at the base of his throat. He wore a simple gold chain around his neck that glittered against his fair skin. Dark blond hair sprinkled over his chest and down his stomach into a narrow line that disappeared into his boxers. I gulped. My boxers.

He was fuzzy, but no hairy monster like he’d claimed to be. He was just a little shorter than me, too, I realized as we stood face to face for the first time. I hurriedly kicked off my tennis shoes and stood in front of him again. I smiled down at him, and he smiled back with such a comical expression that I had to laugh.

“What are you thinking?” I asked him.

He tapped one finger to his chin, eyeing me speculatively. “Perfect height,” he said, his gaze centered on my mouth. I felt my breath quicken.

“For what?”

“For kissing you,” he whispered, then raised his lips to mine. I startled -- I hadn’t expected that -- but as the kiss deepened, I reached up and ran my fingers through his hair.

His tongue invaded my mouth, too briefly, too quickly, and then he pulled away, leaving me reeling.

“Wow,” I said, dropping my hands.

“See? Perfect height.”

He kissed me again, a sweet, chaste kiss this time, then smiled and touched his fingers to his lips as he pulled back. He lifted his hand and touched the side of my head, shaking his own as he examined my injury. “Hurts?”

“It’s okay,” I said, still a little breathless. He looked at me, his expression skeptical. I shrugged. “It hurts a little.”

His fingers trailed to my lips then, touching them. I watched his eyes, half-hooded, inviting. I took a deep breath and kissed his fingertips before he could pull away, and he giggled. He giggled. I bent down a little to examine the bruises around his ribs, touching him as lightly as I could. I felt his eyes watching me. I shook my head, wincing in sympathy as he flinched at my touch. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

A Red-Tainted Silence

75

I gave him the same look he’d just given me.

“Okay, you got me. It hurts.”

I nodded. How could so much damage have been done in such a short amount of time?

I was mere minutes behind Percy and his jackass friend. “I don’t think anything’s broken but you’ll be sore for awhile.” Then I realized something. “Some of these bruises are old, Nicholas.”