A Question of Mercy (15 page)

Adam

When they put the helmet down tight on his head, he said, No. He said, No, no. The doctors held him down, clamped cuffs around his ankles and wrists. He felt locked in. Cold. He twisted his hands in the cuffs, trying to pull them out, trying to take off the helmet. They kept saying they didn't want him to hurt himself. Adam could smell the doctor, how he smelled; and medicine, how it smelled; and he begged to go home. So he went home in his head. He went to be near Hap, where Hap licked his face and hands, in his head
.

The fire came in through the leads placed so carefully on him. He wanted them to stop, told them to stop. He tried to move over—inside his body—tried to settle the fire, the fear of more fire, but the burning continued over and over until they were through. He thought about bees stinging, stinging. His vision blurred until his mother led him by the hand. When he could smell his mother, he knew the fire was gone. No more for a while. He saw Papa B. and Jess near the car, but he could not name what a car was, or who they were, and he could not form words in his mouth. Words were gone, but Adam was not gone
.

Adam waited for words to come back, then Jess said something about Hap and he remembered Hap, but he couldn't smile or move his mouth in the way he wanted to. He wore the face of somebody else. He did not know where he was, but he knew they were driving somewhere. He rolled down the window and let air blow onto his face, into his mouth. They passed small shacks nestled in trees, and poor people living in broken-down huts. They passed old tires under porches and hubcaps in a yard, silver and shiny, the sun making them too hot to touch. Adam remembered hubcaps, but he did not remember yesterday. He sat in the car beside Jess, his window open. Air cooled his face. He tasted the wind. He hoped they were going to the ocean now. Maybe they would never leave
.

As they crossed a long wooden bridge, a man leaned over the rail. Adam wondered if the man could swim. Below, he heard the chop-chop of water. The river looked wide, and Adam thought it was the ocean. Jess told him they were going home now, that they were leaving Cadwell. Adam wondered if Cadwell was a place for bad people who had to be punished
.

“Voltage,” he heard somebody say. Bright lights and stings of lightning. Men wore white. Everything looked white like in a cloud, like moving in space without a place to land, like spinning toward a thousand worlds. He smelled something burning, not like grass. Did somebody say, “Voltage”? Somebody said, “Lobe” and “brain.” Somebody said, “Man in the moon.”

What was this other world of white, this moon-landing, this lack of gravity, and love?

— 19 —

S
am planned to visit Jess a few days before Christmas. He had completed boot camp and would leave soon for Korea. Jess drove her father's car to the train station, and all the way to the house he described, in a bragging way, the hardships of Basic Training. Jess tried to prepare him for the tension in the house. Clementine now, strained by her determination to protect Adam, carried a burden finally too large for her heart. She was civil, but distant, and Edward worked hard at remaining reasonable. Jess told Sam that she was bringing him into a home that even she did not recognize.

As they pulled into the driveway, Jess could see their Christmas tree inside, with bubble lights and tinsel. Bubble lights had been her mother's favorite part of the tree, and Edward insisted they stay part of their tradition. They got out of the car and heard Clementine yell from the kitchen window, “They're here!”

Sam wore his army uniform, and Jess knew her father would be pleased to see a man in uniform. “This is Sam Rafferty,” she said, without needing to introduce him. “He's
Private
Rafferty now.”

Sam put out his hand, friendly and straightforward, toward Mr. Booker. Everything about his uniform looked crisp. The belt buckle glowed bright and flat at his waist, his cap held neatly under his arm.

Edward smiled at Sam, but tried to gauge the worth of this young man who had stolen his daughter's heart. He couldn't help but distrust him. “Are you going overseas soon?” he asked. He kept his arm around Jess.

“Yes, sir. Pretty soon.”

Edward led them into the living room and motioned for Sam to sit down. “Do you know yet where you've been assigned?”

“No, sir, not yet.

“This is Miss Clementine,” Jess said, politely, but without much affection.

Sam addressed Clementine as Mrs. Booker, before she could say that she had kept the name Finney. Sam looked surprised, so she explained that it was Adam's name. “I wanted to keep it easy for Adam.”

Jess turned to Adam, who had come into the room and stood in the doorway without speaking. “And this is my Adam,” she told Sam.

Adam's eyes beamed, though his complexion looked sallow and old. “I'm her Adam,” he said. “I don't have a uniform.”

“You want to try on my cap? I don't have my fire-hat with me.”

Sam placed the Garrison cap on Adam's head and straightened it. “You look just like a soldier, Adam.” Adam rushed to see himself in a mirror, and Jess noticed that, as he ran, he limped slightly on
both
feet.

“Come on and eat supper,” Clementine called. “Before everything gets cold. We made Christmas dinner a few days early, so you could share it with us.” She was being overly cheerful. “Save room for dessert.”

The dog followed closely on Adam's heels and plopped down at his feet beneath the table. “This is Hap,” Adam told Sam.

“Named after a general, I'll bet. ‘Hap' Arnold?” Sam looked to Mr. Booker. Edward nodded, impressed but not wanting to be won over too quickly.

“Seems like Jess has already told you everything about us. Maybe you should tell us about yourself.”

“I'm a rookie fireman in Mt. Chesnee,” he said. Sam wanted to feel comfortable, but felt tension all around him. He did not know if the tension was due to his presence in the house, or if this is the tension Jess warned him about. “I finished two years of college, but stopped. I've been working for the fire department for almost a year.”

“You plan to finish college?” Clementine came in with dressing and a bowl of sweet potatoes topped with marshmallows.

“I do. In fact, if I hadn't been drafted I might have gone back this fall.”

“How did you and Jess meet?” Edward asked. The turkey was already on the table and Edward took the long carving knife to begin cutting.

“We met the first time when a fire alarm went off in her dorm. False alarm. One of the girls pulling a joke,” he said.

“Not Jess, I hope,” Clementine said.

Sam leaned down to ruffle the hair on Hap's back and rubbed his ears. “Not Jess. But I got to meet her that day. Fell in love right then, actually.”

Everyone looked up at once. Even Jess was surprised— not that he loved her, but that he said it so bluntly. So soon. They had not even said the blessing yet.

“Well,” Edward sliced off a leg and began to cut thin pieces of white meat.

“And we've been seeing each other ever since.” He wanted them to know how he felt about Jess before he went away. He did not have time for coy politeness.

“Well, it's still early,” Edward said. “You're both young.”

“Yes, sir.” Sam turned to Adam. “Jess told me about Adam, and about Hap here too.”

“And my hubcaps?” Adam asked. “I have a lot of hubcaps. You want to see?”

“Sure.”

Adam moved to get up.

“Not now, Adam. Wait till after supper,” Edward said. They said the blessing and Edward served their plates with generous amounts of turkey. Adam helped himself to a large spoonful of sweet potatoes and three rolls. He kept rearranging his cap, which he wore through the whole meal. Just before he, had second helpings of turkey, he stood and sang “My Country, Tis of Thee,” but he didn't know anything after “Of thee I sing.”

“I'm hoping General Eisenhower can get us out of Korea pretty soon,” Edward said.

“President,” Clementine said. “He'll be inaugurated soon and he'll be
President
Eisenhower.”

“Well, I'll probably always think of him as General. You know much about generals, Sam?”

“I've heard about General Patton, and Omar Bradley.”

“Well, those are two big ones. And, of course, MacArthur. You should remember him, especially since you shake hands and walk a little like him.”

“I do? Maybe that'll help me over there.”

Edward laughed through his nose. “Might help you get fired! Truman lost my vote when he relieved MacArthur! Dumbest thing I ever heard!”

“Don't get started,” Clementine said.

“It's not just me. The man was a war hero.” He stopped himself from complaining more. “Anyway, maybe Sam here will be a war hero.”

“I told him not to,” Jess said.

“Not much chance of that,” Sam responded. “They'll probably have me putting out fires.”

Edward reached to offer Sam more dressing. Clementine rose to bring in apple pie and a coconut cake. When she left the table Jess leaned toward Sam. “Something's wrong,” she whispered. “Adam's limping on both legs now.”

“Pie or cake?” Clementine offered.

“I don't like coconut,” Adam said. He asked for apple pie with ice cream. Sam chose cake.

“Adam?” Jess asked. “Were you limping a little while ago?”

Her father interrupted before Adam could answer. “Lots of young men around Goshen have left for Korea. Many are back now though. If Ike can just win this war. If anybody can, he can.”

Jess turned again to Adam; his Garrison cap askew, but still on. He bent over his pie and ice cream. “Adam, what's the matter with your leg?” Jess reached to raise his pant leg and saw a band of purple-bruised skin around his ankle. She raised the other pant leg to see the same of bruises. “What happened to your ankles?” she said.

Clementine's eyes flicked toward Edward and they both slumped slightly. “He had a treatment at the doctor's office and they had to restrain him a little,” Clementine said.

“
A little?
What did they use?”

“Jess. Let it be.” Her father did not look up.

“Adam?” Jess continued interrogating.

“Jess!” Her father spoke sternly. “I'll talk to you about it after supper.”

Jess stood up. “It's after supper now.”

Adam stood too, thinking they might all go somewhere.

Jess turned toward Sam. “Sam, don't you want to see Adam's hubcaps?”

“Sure do.” Sam got up. “Leave my cake right there. I'll finish it in a little while.”

“More than a little while,” Clementine said. “You don't know how many hubcaps you've got to look at.” She smiled, not a real smile, and began to clear the table while Jess and her father went into his study.

Edward told Jess everything.

While Adam was visiting a family across the street, he tried to kiss their ten-year-old girl. Two policemen came to the house and explained that a restraining order had been filed. Other neighbors were filing similar complaints, so that Adam could no longer enter the neighbors' yards.

“They don't want Adam talking to their children. The children are afraid of him,” he said. “So the officers issued a warning and said they couldn't keep answering complaints without some kind of action. It was an official warning.”

“What were the other complaints?” Jess asked.

“When he was carrying out a mother's groceries, he picked up her little girl to put her into the car.

“He thought he was helping,” Jess whined.

“And at the park he chased a girl. He lifted her up.”

Jess's face closed tight.

“Not the first time. If it keeps happening, he'll go to jail. So …” Edward
could not look at Jess. “Adam has to be moved to Cadwell. He'll have to live there. We don't have a choice now.”

“For how long?” she asked.

“They didn't have an opening until May. We'll take him then.”

“But, how long does he have to stay?”

“Jess, honey. Look. He could end up in jail. Don't you see?” Edward sat on the sofa and Jess sat beside him. “They can help him. He can't control himself. We have the problem of his sexuality.” He spoke slowly, embarrassed at having to say it at all. “The doctors say that sexual drive in the retarded is a normal thing. They have all the normal desires, like anybody else, but they don't understand what's happening.” Then he asked Jess a question that had lingered in his mind. “Has Adam ever been inappropriate with you?”

“No.” She did not look at her father. At times, Adam had touched her back and shoulders with tenderness. Once when she was sleeping he came in and touched her face. She said, “What happened to Adam's legs?”

“It was during the treatment. They used metal clamps.”