A Preacher's Passion (22 page)

Was it just over a week ago that she’d taken the pictures? It was, and as she spread out the professionally enhanced glossies over her coffee table, Passion was no closer to deciding how to use them than the night they were shot. The pictures could not have turned out more perfect: Lavon twirling Pastor Carla around, their heads thrown back laughing, him grabbing her hand, them kissing. It was as if they’d purposely posed for the ammunition that could secure the demise of their relationship. The film development company had done amazing work enlarging, lightening, and then cropping the faraway shots. Pastor Carla and Lavon’s faces were clearly visible. Now the only question was…what would Passion do with them?

Passion slowly picked up and studied each picture. A myriad of emotions played across her heart as she did so. She’d thought that for a first lady Pastor Carla was cool, until finding out about her cheating ways. Passion knew firsthand how hard it was to turn away from Lavon’s animal magnetism and manly charm. But what about Dr. Lee? He was a distinguished man of God with more eloquence than Lavon would ever possess. What could Lavon possibly have that Dr. Lee didn’t? Passion threw the last picture she was viewing back down on the coffee table. Dr. Lee was a good man. What Carla was doing to him wasn’t right!

And then there was Lavon. Is a man who’d have an affair one worth having? And would exposing him and Carla drive a permanent wedge between him and Passion?

She reached for her phone.

“Hey, Passion.”

“Hey, Lavon. How are you?”

“Busy, what’s up?”

“I was calling you about the message I left a couple days ago, the one inviting you to bring in the New Year with me and Logos Word down at the Paladium. Shabach is headlining.”

“Uh, yeah, got that message. Sorry I haven’t gotten back to you but you know, Passion, it’s just so crazy right now, I can’t commit to anything. I heard about Shabach, but Pastor Derrick has invited me to their services with Darius and Company. Plus the network is having a New Year’s bash so…I think I’d better stay flexible.”

“I can understand flexible, but you want to go solo?”

No, I want to go with Carla.
But he couldn’t. He hadn’t seen the first lady since they shared coffee, an outing that lasted about thirty minutes, when she was in the valley. “I just think it best I not make firm plans.”

“Oh, okay.”

There was an awkward silence as Passion hoped Lavon would show interest by asking her out—it was usually the other way around—and Lavon hoped Passion would end the call. In the end they both spoke at once.

“Well, I gotta go—”

“Look, do you think—”

“I have another call coming in,” Lavon lied. “If I don’t see you beforehand, happy New Year.”

Lavon pushed away from his desk and rocked back in his executive chair. Why couldn’t he feel about Passion the way he did Carla? He reasoned it would be so much easier if he wanted the woman who was available. He should have followed his first thought and left Passion alone. She wanted more than he could give right now, he’d be better off with someone who just wanted to get their freak on, no strings attached. He’d met a woman recently who might be that person. After the New Year, he’d break things off with Passion once and for all.

Passion hung up the phone, clear about one thing: Lavon wasn’t hers and never would be. He was in love with Carla Lee. She wasn’t sure if she would stay at Logos Word, knowing what she knew, but as of today, Lavon Chapman was no longer her business.

Picking up her purse, Passion walked to her daughter’s bedroom. “Come on, baby, time for Mama to go shopping for her New Year’s Eve outfit.”

“And mine too?” Onyx asked.

Passion smiled. “Yours too.”

Acknowledging the truth about Lavon brought Passion a melancholy relief. At least she wouldn’t continue putting her energies toward a lost cause. Lavon wasn’t the only good man in Los Angeles. Passion was a strong, capable woman who still believed God would answer her prayer for a mate. She’d dress to impress on December 31, enjoy the festivities of Logos Word and, if she had to, hug and say happy New Year to herself!

Two days later, Passion stood in the mirror, pleased with what she saw. The denim, rhinestone-studded, Donna Vinci plus-size suit fit her to perfection. The flared skirt with contrasting insets emphasizing her curves, smartly de-emphasizing her expanded waistline while highlighting her sizable ass-ets. Her rhinestone encrusted shoes matched the outfit perfectly and her freshly permed hair was more fly than an airplane. Satisfied that she looked her absolute best, she picked up her purse and headed off to pick up Carla’s assistant, Jill.

The irony of this unexpected company for the evening wasn’t lost on Passion. It just so happened that she ran into Jill while shopping for her outfit. After casual chitchat, Jill said her car was in the shop and asked if she could catch a ride with Passion to the Paladium. Passion was about to say no until Jill added that after the concert, Shabach would be at the Lees’ for a private party. Passion could come along with Jill, who’d been invited. Even her dislike of Carla wasn’t enough to pass up a chance to meet Shabach!

“These guys are hot!” Jill exclaimed, as Blessed Voices, an a cappella singing group from England, blended perfect harmonies. “I’m glad you suggested we come here before heading to the Paladium.”

Passion was glad as well. In addition to the male group, one of her favorite gospel artists, Michelle Williams, was also performing before Darius took the stage. Passion planned to stay at the Kingdom Citizens’ Celebration until right before her act was over, then shoot down to the Paladium in time to hear Shabach.

Passion and Jill arrived at the Paladium just in time. Colored flashing lights, fog machines, and a crazy hip-hop beat greeted them. A strong drumbeat announced the imminent arrival of gospel’s number two contemporary darling. In the center of the stage was a boxing ring. Suddenly, the hall went black. Two lone searchlights began roving over the audience, settling on a boxer in crimson robe surrounded by his crew. He jostled down the aisle, throwing air punches with huge black boxing gloves…. Shabach. The intro music to his current hit, “Beat Down for the Devil,” filled the auditorium. The crowd went crazy, as fist pumps filled the air.

After the concert, the crush was so crazy that even with special seating and parking, it took more than thirty minutes to get back to Passion’s car. By the time they’d navigated New Year’s Eve traffic and arrived at the Lees’ tony Westside home, it was after one
A.M
. But the spattering of cars parked in front of their home and the bright lights spilling into the darkness of night told the ladies the after-party was still in full swing.

One of Logos Word’s associate ministers’ wives greeted them as they stepped inside the Lees’ holiday-decorated home. Low, instrumental music provided the backdrop for the mingling voices of the thirty or so guests who milled about. Carla and Passion were civil when they greeted each other, and after Passion met Shabach, she walked to the buffet, fixed a modest plate, then found a spot at the dining room table where Dr. Lee was holding court.

“So this minister was out evangelizing the neighborhood when he came across a group of young boys at a basketball court. They were in a circle, surrounding a fine-looking Rottweiler. The minister thought they were trying to hurt the purebred and went over to stop them. ‘What are you doing to that dog?’ he asked.

“So the biggest kid in the bunch said, ‘Nothin’. It’s just this dog’s been around the neighborhood all week and nobody’s claimed him. All of us want him, so we’ve decided that whoever can tell the biggest lie, can have him.’

“Well, you can imagine the old minister had a problem with that solution. He proceeded to preach a twenty-minute sermon on lying being a sin and the wages of sin being death. ‘When I was your age,’ he said in closing, ‘I
never
told a lie!’ There was dead silence as the boys looked from one to the other. Finally the youngest one, about six years old, sighed. ‘All right, Mr. Preacher, you win. Y’all give him the dog!’”

A variety of responses followed: laughter, groans, a combination of both. Passion laughed too, thankful that she was having such a wonderful time. She wasn’t with Lavon, but it was okay. She was hanging out with her pastor, whom she greatly admired, meeting terrific people, eating good food, and feeling it wasn’t too shabby a way to start the New Year.

She’d just gotten up from the table when she saw him pass through the living room. She could barely believe her eyes.
He has the nerve to come to Dr. Lee’s home? While seeing his wife?
Passion was sure she was mistaken, that she hadn’t seen Lavon. But she had. He stood near a set of French doors talking to someone, looking distinguished in a black, double-breasted Loriano with an ultrathin pinstripe. Before she could cop an attitude, she decided to go say hello.
It’s a new year,
she thought.
I’ll let the past go and embrace my future by letting Lavon know he is off my “most wanted” list.

Jill stopped her en route. “Did you meet Shabach?”

“Uh-huh,” Passion answered as she tried to keep moving.

“Hold on, girl. I’m trying to give you the hookup. He’s doing a private show next week for some record execs. Want to go?”

“Uh, yeah, Jill, but I’ll be right back.” Passion turned toward the French doors. Lavon was gone.

Passion walked in the direction she’d last seen him. There was a short hallway near the doors. Without wanting to appear nosy, she ventured a short way down it. There was a study to the left and a bathroom on the right. Both rooms were empty. She shrugged her shoulders. Perhaps this was a conversation best put in an e-mail. She’d had a wonderful evening and wanted to keep this first day of the year on a good note. She decided to see if Jill was ready or could get a ride home.

Just as she passed the French doors, a movement caught her eye. It was dark in the room behind the doors, so at first she thought she’d imagined it. She moved in closer, and shifted to catch the light from the chandelier. There, on a patio beyond the room the French doors framed, was a couple in an intimate embrace. She had suspicions as to who it was, and decided to satisfy her curiosity so she’d know for sure.

A quick peek around showed no one was watching. The party was winding down and most of those remaining were in the dining room. Passion eased open the French door and stepped inside the dark room. The couple on the patio was so engrossed in each other, their audience went virtually ignored. But not for long.

Passion ripped back the patio door in righteous indignation. “Y’all have a lot of nerve,” she hissed to the surprised couple, who jumped back from each other the moment the door opened.

“Wait, Passion, we were talking about—” Lavon said.

“Yeah, I saw you
talking
. I should make a scene and expose you right now. The only reason I don’t is because of my respect for your husband.” She spat the last words at Carla, dripping venom with each syllable. “As for a dog like you,” she said, looking at Lavon, “you don’t deserve a woman like me.”

She looked once more at Carla. “You had everything and it wasn’t enough. Hmph. And you’re trying to lead women on how
they
should live godly? Well…we’re just going to see about that!”

Two days later, Passion stood in the reception area of
LA Gospel,
a tabloid-style, monthly newspaper filled with mostly positive but occasionally scandalous goings-on in the church community.

“May I help you?” the receptionist asked.

“I need to see one of your writers,” Passion answered. “I’ve got a story.”

“It’s even worse not knowing,” Janeé said gently, handing Princess the pregnancy test kit.

After Christmas in Hintereck, Kelvin and Princess had returned to Hamburg, Germany, with Hans, Janeé, and their two daughters. Princess bonded with Kelvin’s half-sisters and became closer to Janeé as well. Princess was glad for the older woman’s counsel.

“I’m scared.” Princess took the kit but didn’t move from the bed, unsure if she could handle the results if they weren’t what she wanted.

“I know,” Janeé said. “I’ve been exactly where you are now. But who knows? You may be all freaked out over nothing.”

“But my period is never late!”

Janeé nodded and remained quiet. They’d had this conversation more than once. She’d given Princess the box three days ago. It was time to stop wondering and know for sure. But Princess had to come to that conclusion.

Janeé headed for the door. “All right, little sistah…Hans and Kelvin will be back in about an hour. And so will the girls from their friend’s birthday party. I’ll be downstairs.”

“Wait!” Princess jumped up and ran to the bathroom. “Don’t leave.” She closed the door.

Janeé paced the room while she waited, warring with her thoughts. On one hand, she wanted to respect Princess’s desire to not tell her mother, and on the other hand, as a mother herself, Janeé believed Tai had a right to know. Then she thought of her own mother, Nancy, and how she had reacted when Janeé got pregnant with Kelvin. It was horrible—one of the reasons Janeé fled first to California, and then to Germany. No, if Tai found out, it would be Princess who told her.

“I can’t look,” Princess said as she came out of the bathroom. “Will you check it?” Without looking herself, she showed Janeé the stick.

“It’s positive.”

Princess broke down. Her worst fear had been realized: she was pregnant with Kelvin’s baby. “No, this can’t be happening,” she wailed.

Janeé held Princess, her tears mingling with those of the younger woman.

“I don’t want to have it,” Princess whispered.

Princess didn’t know it but for Janeé, this was a full-circle moment. She had whispered those exact same words when she was Princess’s age…and pregnant with Princess’s father’s child.

“I don’t,” Princess said again, sitting up and angrily wiping away tears. “I don’t and I won’t. I know it’s wrong and I’ll probably go straight to hell for it but…I just can’t do it. I’m not my mom. I can’t start having kids now like she did. I’m sorry, I know you had Kelvin young too, but I can’t handle a child right now.”

“The news is fresh, Princess. I know the thoughts running through your head—fear of how people will react, Kelvin, your parents, friends. How you’ll finish school. But don’t make a rash decision. Talk it over with Kelvin—”

“I can’t tell him!”

“It’s his baby too, Princess. He has a right to know.”

“But I can’t. He’ll hate me. He’ll break up with me!”

“If he’d break up with you at a time like this, then he’s not worth having. He’s my son and I said that. I mean it too.”

Princess closed her eyes, her face, one of resolve. “I just want to get the abortion. Now. While I’m here in Germany. A couple of my friends have had them; I know it takes a couple days to heal and be okay.”

“No, Princess. It takes years to heal, decades, and you’re never totally okay. A part of you will always wonder about that child.”

Princess opened her eyes. “You’ve had an abortion?”

“I’m not proud of it but yes…when I was about your age.”

Princess thought for a moment. “Was it…no, I can’t ask you that.”

And I won’t tell you,
Janeé thought.
You’ll never know how close you and Kelvin’s experience resembles mine and your father’s. I only hope your ending is different than ours.

The women listened to the lively sounds of Janeé’s daughters as they passed by on the way to their bedrooms.
“Mutter,”
one of them cried.
“Mutter, wo sie sind?”

“They’ll come barging in here soon to find where I am,” Janeé said. “Think about everything I’ve said, Princess. Not just in the last hour, but over the past week. At the end of the day, what you do is your decision. But think long and hard about it. Once done, you can’t take it back. And tell Kelvin. He should know.”

“Did you tell my father?” Princess asked softly.

“My past is not your present,” Janeé said in answer. “And the baby wasn’t King’s,” she lied. But it was a lie she’d own without regret. There was enough bad blood between her and the Brook family, especially between her and Tai. She wasn’t going to add King’s anger to the mix. She’d lied for more than a decade about not being pregnant with King’s baby. It was a burdensome secret to bear alone, but she’d take it to her grave. She just wanted to help Princess not repeat her mistake. “Tell Kelvin,” Janeé said once more, and left the room.

“Kelvin, I’m pregnant.” Princess whispered the revelation as she and Kelvin lay in bed later that night. “But it’s okay,” she added quickly. “I’ll get an abortion; I don’t want to have it.”

“Girl, stop playin’. And get on your side of the bed. I’m tryin’ not to hit it while I’m in my parents’ crib but…don’t tempt me now. Move over!”

Princess moved over and sat up. “I’m serious, Kelvin. Your mom helped me take the test today.”

Kelvin sat up. “What?!”

“It’s okay,” Princess said. “We don’t have to have it. I don’t want a baby now and I know you don’t. I’m sorry, Kelvin.”

Kelvin jumped out of bed. “You’re pregnant? For real? I thought you were on the pill,” he whispered harshly.

“I was, I mean I am…it happened anyway! Janeé said she’s heard of it happening before, with people on the pill getting pregnant. I’m sorry,” she said again.

A string of expletives rolled from Kelvin’s mouth as he paced the room. “Damn, Princess. This is messed up, man. Damn!”

Princess talked through silent tears rolling down her face. “I already feel bad enough, Kelvin,” she said. “I said I’d fix it, get rid of it.”

After a few more moments, Kelvin walked over, sat on the bed and took Princess in his arms. “It’s okay, baby. I’m sorry I cursed at you. But you tripped me out. I wasn’t expecting this shit.” He lay down with Princess in his arms. “You’re right, it’ll be okay. Moms knows how to handle it. We’ll find out what we need to do and get this taken care of.”

“So you want me to have an abortion?” All of a sudden, a part of Princess wanted Kelvin to want the baby.

“Yeah, ain’t that what you want?”

“I know you don’t want kids right now. You always said you’d leave anybody who got pregnant.”

“Baby, we can have plenty of kids. But later, after I get signed.”

Ten days later, Kelvin and Princess arrived in Los Angeles. The baggage from the carousel was not the only kind they carried with them to their house. Princess was no longer pregnant. And while a day after the procedure she felt fine physically, Janeé was right—the spirit of the seed that had grown inside her remained.

Soon however, the blur of a busy second semester pushed the holiday heartache behind her. Joni was a great help, totally supportive, with no judgment at all. Janeé hadn’t judged her either, although she had suggested Princess keep the child, and offered to raise it if that would help the young couple. Even with the emotional pain, however, Princess didn’t regret terminating the pregnancy. As January gave way to February, she could sometimes convince herself she’d never even been pregnant. By March, through the haze of constant marijuana medication, fighting the women off Kelvin, and maintaining her GPA, Princess could almost say to her conscience…junior who?