A Pound of Flesh (A Pound of Flesh #1) (45 page)

The corner of Carter’s mouth twitched. “Walking out of that door, Kat, was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.” He pressed a hand over his heart. “When I left there was this pain, like a, I don’t know … It was— It took my breath away. And the farther I walked away from you, the more painful it became. I … I thought I was dying.”

She knew exactly what he meant. There’d been nothing but pain for her since the moment she’d realized he’d gone.

“I walked and walked,” Carter continued. “I was so mad with myself. I knew I had to keep going, and I tried. You have to believe me. I tried so damned hard. But, my heart. Jesus, it was— It was fucking breaking.”

He stood up as straight as his exhausted body would allow, and looked at Kat for the first time.

Their eyes met. His were aged, defeated.

“I hate that I’ve caused so much trouble,” he said miserably. “You’ve had to defend yourself against people who should be happy for you. I have issues, I’m an angry fucker, and I have a terrible temper. I still have shit I need to tell you about myself, and I have no idea where to start because I’m scared shitless you’ll run from me, and I know that makes me a selfish bastard for expecting you not to when I know that’s the best thing for you to do.”

“I—”

“Wait,” he interrupted, breathless, taking a wobbling step toward her. He was so close, Kat had to lift her head to look at him, her eyes level with the sharp edge of his rough jaw.

“Please, Peaches. I want”—he exhaled in frustration—“I want to do the right thing. I know I should walk away. I know I should have put my ass on a plane and gone home instead of standing outside of this hotel for four hours in the snow. I know you deserve better. I know all of that, Kat. But the truth is … the truth is …”

Kat closed her eyes, swaying toward him. She shivered when his ice-cold hand cupped her neck and moved to her cheek.

“The truth is,” he whispered, his lips by her ear, “I’m so damned scared to walk away. I can’t. I’m hopeless without you.”

Kat clutched his forearm, rested her head on his biceps, and released a soft, pained sound of relief.

His nose glided up her temple. “I’m yours. You have to know that. Christ. Tell me you know.”

“I know,” she whimpered. “I know.”

Carter’s body fell into Kat’s, pushing her back, stumbling into the hotel room. She managed to shut the door with the edge of her foot as he buried his face into her neck and began to shiver uncontrollably, mumbling garbled words into her skin. His arms wrapped around her waist, gripping her tighter than he ever had before.

“Kat,” he croaked. “I— Kat. Don’t make me go. Please.”

“Never,” she promised ardently.

His body shook violently.

“Let’s get you warm. Please, let me help you. You’re so cold.”

He stepped back reluctantly so she could unzip his jacket, which she pushed off his shoulders. He stood silently, looking downward, water dripping from his chin onto the floor, as she began to undress him. Wordlessly, and with his top half bare, and gooseflesh puckering every inch of his skin, Kat took his shaking hand and led him to the bathroom. Leaving him by the door, she switched on the five large showerheads, turning them to warm. She removed his boots and socks, unfastened his jeans, and helped him out of his underwear before she took off her own clothes.

As naked as they were together, there was no sexual charge, no fizzling atmosphere, no desperate hands or manic kisses.

With her palm in his, Kat guided him into the shower, moving so the water hit his body first. As they stood under the stream, she turned the temperature up gradually, not wanting to shock his body with the heat.

She pulled him into her arms. “Let me make you warm.”

He wound his arms around her, dropping his face to her shoulder. He shook his head against her neck. “I couldn’t leave. I know I should have, but I couldn’t.”

“I know. It’s okay.”

“I’m so scared. Fuck. I’m so scared.” His voice broke. He pulled her closer, his large frame dwarfing hers, making her spine bend backward.

“Don’t be scared,” she insisted, rubbing his back. “I’m here.”

Carter tried to move closer. “I can’t lose—I—God. It hurts to even think about it.” His voice became hoarse. “Help me,” he begged. “Help me. I can’t …”

“Carter,” Kat urged. “Calm down. Please.”

While holding them both upright and maneuvering as best as she could, she managed to guide them both down to the shower floor, a mass of heavy limbs that never unraveled or lost contact. She’d never seen him this way before. Every barrier she’d ever come up against, every last piece of his armor that remained—the cockiness, the indifference, the anger, and the hate—was disintegrating before her, leaving his body with every drop of water that hit him, running off his trembling skin, and disappearing down the drain.

She cradled him, pulling him closer, winding her arms around his inked shoulders and her legs around his waist, while he pressed his coarse cheek against her chest. His shoulders quaked and heaved with gasps and hiccoughs.

She heard him moan at the same time his body shook.

Oh God.

He was crying.

She ran her hands up his back and neck, trying to calm him while struggling to keep herself together. “You’re all right, sweetheart.”

“I need—I need to …”

She kissed his neck. “Tell me what you need.”

“Jesus, it’s … it’s, it’s here.” He grappled for her hand and pulled it to his thundering heart. “I’ve never felt anything like it.” He licked his lips. “It hurts.”

“Your heart hurts?”

His face collapsed.

Kat watched the hot water fall down his face.

“It’s yours. All of it.” He blinked his sodden lashes. “I know now.

“Kat, I …” Carter lifted his head and, with his nose at the side of hers, his arms wrapped around her, and with the steam of the water cocooning them both, he opened his mouth, gazed into her eyes, and breathed, “I … I … love you.”

With her eyes flickering over Carter’s terrified yet expectant face, Kat found herself without words. Hell, what she had for him within her heart, mind, and soul was beyond words. Over and over she opened her mouth to say something, something momentous or meaningful, but found that his confession had left her entirely dumbstruck.

He loves me.

“Carter,” she breathed, closing her eyes. “I love you, too.”

His hand moved to her neck, skimming her wet skin tenderly with the tips of his fingers, tracing the pulse point in her neck she knew was going crazy.

His stare remained fixed on her collarbone. “My Peaches.” He pressed a soft, wet kiss to her throat. “You’re mine,” he said with his lips at her jaw.

She nodded, rubbing her cheek against his. The feel of his skin on hers made parts of her body clench and twist in subjugation.

“Every part,” she whispered passionately.

“Jesus,” he murmured by her earlobe. “It’s so— I don’t even have words.”

She knew exactly what he meant. Theirs was a love beyond words, beyond reason, beyond even the two of them. It was indescribable, inexplicable, but unbreakable and unyielding. Their connection, their bond, was sixteen years in the making. Even though they hadn’t known each other and had gone about their lives from one monotonous day to the next, they’d still been a part of each other, a silent, integral part that would always be, for as long as they both lived.

They were both powerless to stop it or deny it.

A surge of awesome strength swept through Kat’s body, pumping adrenaline through veins already hot from Carter’s declaration. It was an uplifting sensation, one she’d not experienced for a very long time. For the briefest of moments, with Carter in her arms and determination filling her from head to toe, she was truly unstoppable.

* * *

Kat kicked the quilt from off her feet. She was sweltering and, as nice as having Carter’s body pressed against her was, she had to move to cool down.

Glancing at the clock, Kat wiggled out of the bed—where she and Carter had been asleep for the last five hours—pulling her T-shirt off and turning the thermostat down from hot-ass sauna to just warm enough. She hurried to the bathroom, where she splashed some cold water on her face and pulled off her sweats, changing them to a small pair of sleeping shorts.

Kat’s skin immediately began to cool down. With a glass of water in hand, she wandered back into the bedroom to find Carter, still on his back, wearing only his boxer briefs. She smiled when she saw he’d kicked the quilt off, too. His hard stomach lifted and dropped hypnotically as he breathed.

He cracked an eye open and rubbed a palm down the center of his glistening chest, as she lay back down at his side. He looked deliciously rumpled.

She trailed her fingertips through the hair on his stomach. “Hey.”

He turned his dopey, pillow-creased face toward her, smiling lazily. “Hey.”

“How’s your heart?”

He reached for her hand and placed it on the left side of his chest. “You tell me,” he said, piercing her with an intense stare.

Kat bit her lip. “It’s pounding.”

“It always is when you’re near me.”

She took his wrist and did the same, placing his large hand over the top of her left breast. Unhurriedly, Carter lifted onto his elbow, watching his hand and her face with childlike wonder.

“It’s flying.” His gaze moved from his hand, leisurely up the curve of her neck, stopping hungrily at her lips before it rested resolutely on her eyes. His silence made the hair on the back of Kat’s neck lift and tingle, while the air around them began to thicken and buzz.

“Do I do that to you?” he asked, tracing the gooseflesh along her arm.

“Every time you look at me.”

The tips of his fingers danced lightly along the lace edge of Kat’s bra. Her chest heaved at the sensation and her eyes fluttered closed of their own volition. With featherlight touches, Carter moved his hand over to her right breast, tracing every curve, caressing lightly, while purposefully missing the places Kat was desperate for him to touch.

Shifting his body closer, Carter began to draw languid figure eights up toward her collarbone, mapping its shape and pressing against the pulse points in the valley of her throat. It was such a simple thing, for him to touch her that way, but Kat was unable to hold back the soft whimper slowly building with every brush of his gentle hand. His index finger dropped from her throat and meandered knowingly, erotically, down between her breasts, over the fabric of her bra, to the soft skin of her stomach.

Kat held her breath when he reached her belly button. He circled it twice before his finger dipped into it teasingly. Unable to hold her head up any longer, Kat lay back against the pillows, giving herself over to her senses, while Carter continued his wonderful exploration of her more-than-willing body.

“Your skin is so soft here.” His hand skimmed the waistband of her shorts. “So soft.”

Kat gasped when his lips pressed onto the same spot, and purred when Carter’s tongue licked along the trail his finger had just taken.

“Carter,” she moaned.

“What is it, baby?” He moved gradually so his body was leaning over hers.

Kat’s hands moved from his hair, finding his broad shoulders that flexed powerfully under her palms. His chest pressed against her.

“I miss your lips.”

His thumb skimmed her jaw, as his stare burned across her mouth.

“Please.” The word escaped Kat’s lips as a wanton whisper.

Desperate need bubbled below the surface of her skin. The inevitable explosion of passion, always so present when she was with him, was only one touch away.

“Tell me what you want,” he said gruffly. “Keep looking at me like that and I swear to God I’ll give you anything.”

“Kiss me,” she begged. “Just kiss me.”

* * *

Kat’s mouth, pink, wet, and soft, entranced Carter. They’d kissed a million times, in a million different ways, but her request seemed so fucking huge that, for a split second, he could do nothing but stare. A divine image of her mouth around his dick immediately flashed before him, simultaneously drying his throat and weighing his body down to hers in seconds.

Skin to skin, flush and warm.

Carter tried to calm himself but struggled. Fact was, his body didn’t feel like his own. It was as though something had taken it over, like it was being controlled by something.

Something bigger. Something incomprehensible.

He closed his eyes and exhaled a soothing breath.

Who was he kidding? Kat had taken him over. Kat had control over him.

She’d had a hold on him since he was eleven years old. And if he hadn’t realized it before, he sure as shit knew now that he’d loved her every second, minute, and hour of those sixteen long years. He’d lost himself to her on a lonely, dark street one heartbreaking night in the Bronx, and now he finally understood that he’d never, ever truly found himself again.

Sixteen years. Five thousand eight hundred and forty-four days.

Jesus, how had he survived without her for so long?

He loved her, desperately, and, truthfully, it terrified him. He’d missed her without even knowing her and fantasized about her whenever he’d begun to lose himself to the bullshit surrounding him as he grew up. If he weren’t so hypnotized by her, Carter would have laughed at his own blindness and the ridiculous denial he’d immersed himself in since Kat had come back into his life.

As subtle as it was, her body writhed underneath him. Her legs shifted against the mattress and her hips lifted, rocking toward him, seeking out any type of friction. She was exquisite. He opened his mouth, gasping into her. His entire body shook when he pressed his lips to hers, and he grunted when she pulled him down, deepening the kiss quickly.

Their tongues met, reunited, touching, tasting, and rubbing together, inside her mouth, then inside his. Carter gripped her waist with one hand and her face with the other as their passion began to snap and sizzle. Sweet Jesus, the heavy ache pounding between his legs was torturous. He ground his hips against her stomach, showing her what she did to him. Not that she would ever understand. She had no comprehension at all.