A Pair of Second Chances (Ben Jensen Series Book 1) (16 page)

It was in his mind that he needed to get away from this ranch. He needed to get her away from it. He didn't know how much time they had, but he didn't want to waste any of it, waiting to find out how little it might be.

He had another couple of bedrolls in the shed, and some assorted other camp gear, from the days when they'd still run a pack string for hunting camps. He picked one up, along with a few other odds and ends of what he thought might be useful and carried it back to his truck, throwing it in the bed as he passed by.

He walked on over to the corrals and pulled the gate open, tying it back to the fence, so, in case the horses did come on back to the ranch, like he hoped, they'd have access to the water trough. Then, he continued on around the back of the corral, opened the gate into his hay yard and pulled down several bales. These he carried over to the corral fence, cut the twines and chucked the flakes over the fence into the feed bunk that ran down one side.

With those meager preparations done he walked back to his cabin and stepped up on the porch. Timmy was still quietly coloring in his sketch book.

Ben squatted beside him to see what he was drawing. He saw three faces with stick bodies, drawn with a red crayon standing on one side. One of those had yellow hair... and then four stick men... all drawn with the black crayon... that appeared to be laying down. Ben asked what he was coloring.

Ben just nodded as he stood up. He had to turn away for a few seconds, so the boy couldn't see his face. "Damn!" he thought; "No boy that little, should have eyes like that. Damn!"

Amanda was still sitting quietly at the table when he entered. Ben poured some more coffee in his cup, and started to reach for Amanda's, but she covered it with her hand; "I'm fine... two cups of that stuff is all I can handle." she smiled.

He replaced the pot on the stove, stepped over and sat back at the table, and started talking; "Look here... I'm sorry. I've got a situation here to complicate things. For me anyway. So I guess that includes you too, since our two good fortunes, seem to have gotten all mixed up together. Since you're bein' straight up with me... I'll return the favor. Maybe you've noticed, this place ain't exactly a gold mine... it's seen better days... truth is, I'm close to losin' it... I've... uh... not been doin' like I should in a little while... I can't make this year's payment unless I get those horses I was drivin' this morning back here to sell. But I can't do that if I'm bein' hunted by a bunch of Jamaican toughs out of Chicago!"

"I can't deal with them, if I have to mount a guard on you... and since you... and me too... think getting the cops involved is gonna do more harm than good, it leaves me with a little problem. I have to put you somewhere safe, so I can have some freedom of movement. We got to get away from this ranch... away from anything connected with me... They'll ID me... sure as hell they'll figure out who I am... and they'll figure, where they find me, they find you. That's when they'll come here lookin'. We can't be here when they come."

"I'm thinking... I've got an old friend, he died a couple years back. He had a hunting lodge, up on the east side of the Bob. I want to take you there. You'll be safe there. You can get your head right and sort out what you want to do... While I... uh... while I take care of things... around here and such."

"The Bob?" Amanda wondered.

"Yeah, short for the Bob Marshall Wilderness... just about the biggest, wildest bit of country left in Montana... or the whole damn world for that matter."

"Oh, makes sense...." Amanda hesitated a second. He could sense she had more to say.

"Ben?" She asked, her voice quiet and solemn now; "you said... you're close to losing your ranch. You don't strike me as lazy or weak. You're a lousy housekeeper for sure! Judging by the empty bottles you probably drink a little too much... or a lot!" She laughed again, lightly; "... but... you don't strike me as a drunk either... So... What's going on here? What about the rest? Why are you going to lose it?"

This was the strangest situation not only for Amanda, but for Ben as well. It had been years since he could talk to anyone, not even his daughter. Ellen had been the only person, on this earth who understood him, who he could talk to. But, she'd been his wife, the love of his life. He'd been with her for years. Why... how, could he have the inklings of those same feelings, of being able to talk, to this woman? Hell, he hadn't known her half a day! He'd already let things slip with this girl, this stranger, he'd never say to anyone, except Ellen. What in the Hell was goin' on?

The only thing that made any sense to the cowboy, the only thing that justified what his instincts were whispering to him, was that they were kindred spirits recognizing each other as souls battered by a merciless world. Two souls reaching out, grasping, almost desperately, for someone who understood, without truly needing an explanation.

She had bared her story to him, with all its shame and humiliation. He sure couldn't see how it would be fair or proper for him to keep his to himself, though he doubted he could lay out the whole story, just yet.

"Hell girl, I don't know where to start... I'm losing the place 'cause I haven't worked my cows, or my horses, like I should have. They're running wild, up there on the mountain. There's a lot to workin' a ranch. Just havin' a few thousand acres don't make you rich. Hell it makes you poor! It takes a hell of a lot of work to make a place pay... and I... uh... the past few years... I ain't been, workin' all that much."

When he went silent for a few moments, Amanda prodded him, sensing his reticence to continue. "Why? Why have you quit working your ranch? It's none of my business, but... it looks to me like this was your life. It feels to me like you fit here."

Ben stood and walked back to the door and looked out. He motioned for her to come over. When she stood beside him he pointed across the open area of the ranch yard, to the charred trunks of a couple of good sized cottonwood trees that flanked the foundation of what had, apparently, at one time, been a sizeable house.

"That was our house. I was born in that house. My Grandfather built it... " The rough, grizzled cowboy choked back a sob. That sound, coming with such force, so unexpectedly, startled Amanda, so that she jumped back and turned toward him.

Ben lifted his eyes to her... Tears streaming down his cheeks.

"I burned it the night she died in it. She was the breath in my lungs. She was the sun in my sky... She was the Love of my life... When she died in that house, I couldn't bear to look at it any more... I burned it to the ground that night. I stood out there in the yard, and watched it burn. Neighbors, over in the next drainage saw the light and the flames licking up into the sky and called the fire department... By the time they got here, it was already starting to cave in." Ben shook with his grief.

"I... uh... I haven't had much I cared about since then. My daughter's grown. Living in Helena. Works in a Doctors office there. We talk, but I don't see her much. Disappointed in her Ol' Dad I suppose. Just me an Ol' A.H. to worry 'bout, and we don't need much."

"Cancer... she got a cancer... was all through her before we even knew she was sick. Found out in April. By September, she was... gone." Ben lowered his head and sobbed quietly, tears streaming down his cheeks.

He had his nightmares. He had his visions... but he'd not cried. In all these years since she'd been taken from him. Outside of the night she passed, when mostly he raged at God, he'd not cried.

"Huh? What? Scared? I... uh... I suppose she was. She wasn't stupid or crazy. But yes, she was strong. Strongest I ever knew. She wouldn't let on if she was afraid. Never said so. Told me I better cowboy up and quit all the teary eyed nonsense when I told her I didn't think I'd make it without her. She was the one that held me together when... uh... never mind."

"What?... When what?" She asked.

"Never mind... some other time... not now." he waved his hand, as if to brush away the question.

"Well then Ben, forgive me for saying this. Considering... it's from the perspective of a Woman... who hasn't known you for a full day yet; but seeing what I have of you in this insane day... and what you just told me about your wife, you're probably lucky she's not around."

"What? Lucky!? What kind of Bull..."

It was Amanda's turn to cut Ben off now. "I think, Ellen, if she were here right now... would probably take that frying pan over there, and... whack you with it!"

Ben just looked at this strange and beautiful woman standing there slapping him with her words. Slapping him hard... and ... to his shame... Telling the truth.

He just stood there looking at her... mouth open... but saying nothing. Finally, he looked down at his boots... closed his eyes... and he could see her. He could see, Ellen... She just smiled and nodded as her eyebrows lifted.

He shook his head and laughed... "OK... I'm officially, tee total, gone 'round the bend" he thought, and laughed again, softly.

"That's funny?" Amanda asked?

"No... that's not funny" ... Ben responded; "A woman who don't know me from syrup, telling me exactly what's what... and being right... THAT... is funny."

"I'm sorry about your wife Ben... she must have been something to have kept you so torn up for so long... but... you have to make the choice, sometime, don't you? I finally did... don't you think it's time for yours?"

"What choice? What are you talking about?" he asked.

"The choice Ben... I had to choose, to live, or choose to die." Amanda looked at Timmy sitting out on the porch, and back to Ben; "I chose to live... What do you think she would have you do?"

"So... you were a hooker huh? Seems to me you missed your calling" Ben told her.

"Oh? and what's that?" she asked.

"You should be settin' in a fancy office with the wall behind your desk all covered with your diplomas. And a fancy couch against the wall. You know, like those shrinks have?" he smiled at her.

"Well, I hope that money you said you took for your fresh start is enough to carry you through. Having no place to live isn't another thing in common you're gonna want to have... I have to find some way to get you out of here... and get those horses caught up... I have to get them sold, and I have to get it all done, quick."

"So, Ben... I know it's being awful nosy... but... uh... how... uh ... far behind are you?"

"Seventy five grand to get me current... and not much more than a month to get done what I ain't got done in three years... pretty much every horse I can sell and likely some of my cows. That'll make it real hard to make it next year... but... guess I'll have to worry 'bout that next year... If.

"If?" Amanda asked.

" If... I survive this year." said Ben.

Amanda, having never had money of her own, appreciated the amount Ben had mentioned. Even living surrounded by the wealth of Tyrone, she'd been allowed none of her own. Any money she'd produced went in Tyrone's pocket, not hers.

The result was that though she recognized money as a necessary evil, she'd never had more than pocket money. She'd grown little attachment to, or hunger for, money. Though what she carried in her gym bag made her technically filthy rich, she hung small value on that cash, other than it being a tool to build her and her son a new life.

Now, she saw an opportunity for her to utilize the cash in her duffle, or at least a fractional part of it. She smiled looking out at the car from where they stood in the doorway. She had unexpectedly gained an ally, and now she had the perfect opportunity to reward that new ally, and make any effort to help her, an easier task.

"Yeah? and just what would give you that sort of an idea? What the hell does a fugitive woman from Chicago know about horses and cattle?" Ben spoke with a little frustration leaking in to his voice.

"Uh..." she laughed; "Not one damn thing! and I don't think telling you what gives me my confidence is the right way either... better to... show you." She told him, taking his hand and pulling him off the porch and leading him over to the car.