A Nurse's Duty (25 page)

Kezia looked shrewdly at her, not deceived at all.

‘Now come on, down to our house, I think. We don’t want to upset Mam, do we? There’s no one else in, Luke is on back shift.’

Without more ado, Kezia grabbed Karen’s arm and whisked her down the row to her own front door. Bustling around, she seated Karen by the fire and stirred the coals until they burst into life.

‘Now, I want to know what this is all about. And don’t try to tell me it’s nothing, because I know it isn’t.’ Kezia folded her arms with uncompromising determination. ‘Come on, I want the truth. I can’t help if I don’t know what it is, now can I?’

‘Oh, Kezia!’ The despairing cry reminded her of the times when Joe and Karen were small and came to her to get them out of some childish trouble.

‘Come on now, out with it,’ she encouraged.

‘I’m pregnant.’

The shock of the bald statement, without the use of any euphemism, took Kezia completely by surprise.

‘What? You mean you’ve fallen wrong?’

‘Yes, I’m expecting a baby. About nine or ten weeks gone, I reckon. Oh, Kezia, what am I going to do?’

‘Who was it? You never told us you were courting.’ Suspicion crossed Kezia’s mind. ‘He’s not married, is he? Or in France? Or dead? Tell me right now, Karen, I have to know. For the love of God, man, think about Mam, it will kill her! And Da, what about Father?’

The apprehension showed in Kezia’s anxious eyes and she sat down abruptly.

‘It’s not this sick boy you’ve been telling us about, is it?’

‘No!’ Karen was so shocked at the thought that for a moment it lifted her out of her dumb misery.

‘No, Kezia. It was a married man.’ The lie slipped out so easily, too easily. She was getting good at it, she thought.

‘I didn’t know, Kezia. It was such a bad time with all the wounded and everything, and I loved him, Kezia, oh, I did. I do.’

‘You can’t.’ Kezia’s voice was harsh. Karen had never known it so harsh. ‘If he’s married then I don’t want to know, you simply can’t love him. Oh, Karen, did he tell you he was single? The dirty blaggard.’ Her harshness melted and her voice broke.

‘Yes. No. Oh, I don’t know, Kezia. All I know is that I love him and I’m going to have his baby and I will never see him again. What can I do?’

There was no ready answer from her. Both women sat and stared at the scrubbed table as though the answer was to be found written on it. The wall clock ticked louder and louder until Karen felt herself deafened.

‘I think you must go to Gran.’

The remark fell like a stone into the pool of silence. Karen was bewildered for a moment. Gran? The farm in Weardale?

‘Gran?’

‘Yes, Gran. That’s what I said. You will have to tell her, of course. She will shout and carry on, but she will take you in and
you
can make yourself useful. That way the village won’t know and we can break it gently to Da and Mam later. You can use a married name up the dale and people will think you’re just another war widow. That’s right, that’s the best thing.’

‘But what about my work? I have to earn a living, Kezia.’

‘Don’t be so gormless! Sometimes I lose patience with you altogether. How can you work in the hospital when you’re having a baby? Goodness, Karen, you can be such a loony sometimes.’

Karen sobbed quietly as Kezia folded her arms and reflected. ‘Now, how are we going to get you up there without letting it out to Mam?’

Karen wiped her eyes and blew her nose She was being a weak fool, sitting crying and letting Kezia do all the worrying. ‘I could say I’m not too fit and need some fresh air up in Weardale before I go back to work. Mam was saying I looked peaky.’

Warming to the plan, she smiled tentatively at Kezia, mutely asking her forgiveness for bringing this trouble to the family. Kezia smiled back absently. Now the first shock was over her mind was engaged with the practicalities of the situation; Karen could see she was busily working it out. Kezia was always like that: her love for her family and need to protect them were the mainsprings of her life. And now Karen had landed her sister with this and Kezia would feel she had to protect them from this terrible scandal.

‘It would kill Da if it came out and everyone was talking about it,’ she said.

Guilt flooded over Karen. She hung her head and closed her eyes tightly. Dear God, she thought, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt them, of course I don’t. But what can I do?

Chapter Fifteen

THE FOLLOWING SUNDAY
, Karen went with her family to the morning service in Chapel. There were quite a few heads turned their way as they walked down the aisle but most of them were smiling and there were some whispered greetings for her. It wasn’t until she was seated beside Kezia and the service began that Karen realized that the preacher was Dr Robert Richardson. The Minister was taking the service in the main chapel of the circuit, she had expected that, but when Robert climbed into the pulpit Karen whispered to Kezia: ‘I didn’t know Robert was a lay preacher.’

‘Yes, he’s been doing it for a year or two now. A good one an’ all,’ Kezia answered.

Robert was announcing the hymn, a Charles Wesley one: ‘And can it be that I should gain an interest in the Saviour’s Blood?’

The congregation stood to sing and Karen gazed at Robert as he stood, hymn book firmly in his hand even though he had no reason to look down at it, he knew the words so well. They all did. His voice rang out in a clear baritone, strong and true. He looked fit and well; he must be over the trouble he had had which had brought him back from Africa, she mused.

The hymn came to a close and there was a rustling as they all sat down. Robert waited until it was absolutely quiet before commencing to pray. It was when he finished the prayer and opened his eyes to look out over the congregation that he saw Karen. He stared at her, his face full of surprise. She smiled slightly. He faltered in his announcement of the next hymn, mixing up the numbers, but the next minute he had corrected himself and apologized, carrying on with reading out the first lines of the hymn.

Robert barely glanced at her as he read the notices and the stewards took up the collection. Later on he gave a well thought out sermon which had Kezia and Luke nodding their heads in approval. As the service ended and they all filed out to shake hands with the preacher, Karen hung behind so that she would be the last one out and able to have a few words with him. Robert kept glancing at the door. As she came near he stepped forward and took her hand. He held it, smiling down at her gently.

‘Hallo, Karen,’ he said. ‘I’m so glad to see you.’

‘I’m glad to see you, Robert,’ she said. ‘Especially as you seem so much better than the last time I saw you.’

‘Yes, I am,’ he answered. ‘Are you home for long?’

‘For good. At least, I’m not going back to Essex. On Monday I’m going up into Weardale to stay with my grandmother.’

‘Would you like to come back with us for a bite of dinner, Doctor?’ Mam interposed. ‘We’ve plenty and to spare and you’d be very welcome.’

‘Thank you very much, Mrs Knight, I’d be pleased to,’ said Robert, and they all walked the few steps to the house next-door.

The back door was handier for anyone coming from the Chapel and a mouth-watering smell of roast beef emanated from the oven as they went into the kitchen. Robert sniffed appreciatively.

‘Smells good, Mrs Knight,’ he commented. ‘Do you mind if I sit in here? I’ll keep out of your way. I’m not really a front room sort of person.’

Mam smiled at him. ‘I know, lad. You’re welcome to sit wherever you like.’

After a while, Da came in from his service in a neighbouring Chapel and he and Robert began an animated conversation about an article in that week’s
Methodist Recorder
. Karen tied an apron over her Sunday dress and mixed up a large bowl of Yorkshire pudding to go with the meat.

Robert kept glancing up at her as she moved to and fro from
the
table to the oven, and once or twice she caught his eye and smiled at him. For all his well-cut suit and fine linen, she thought he looked at ease, almost at home in the shabby living-room cum kitchen. She wondered if he was still friendly with Sean, Father Donelly. Had they discussed her when Sean came back from Essex? The thought made her feel uncomfortable and she looked over at Robert again and saw he was watching her, though bending his head courteously to listen to her father. No, she decided, he would not discuss her with anyone, he was an honourable man.

After lunch, Robert suggested that they take a walk together.

‘To catch up on things,’ he said.

‘Aye, go on, Karen,’ said Mam approvingly. ‘It’ll do you good. You look as though you could do with a mite of fresh air.’

Karen was glad to get outside. The smell of the meal had become oppressive to her and she was feeling slightly queasy. They walked along the top of the rows and took the path across the fields which led to Old Morton village. The day was fine but there was a bracing wind blowing down from the dale and Karen buttoned up the serge collar of her coat, thinking longingly of her nurse’s cloak, so warm and all-enveloping. They walked in silence for a while.

‘Why did you really come home, Karen?’

The question sounded abrupt in the silence and she looked up, startled and blushing furiously.
Had
Father Donelly spoken to him?

‘What do you mean?’ she asked. But Robert had stopped walking. Taking her hand, he gazed earnestly at her.

‘Karen, perhaps this is not the time, you’ve only just come back, but I know your husband was killed, your father told me. You are a widow now, free to marry again. You know how I feel about you.’

‘But Robert, you don’t know me, not as I am now. It’s years since we saw each other. How can you possibly still love me?’

‘I do,’ he asserted. ‘I’ve never loved anyone else. I always thought you would come back one day. I thought you would have Mitchell declared dead after the decreed time had elapsed and I was willing to wait, but now there’s no need, is there? You are free.’

Karen gently pulled her arm out of his grasp and walked on up the path towards a stand of ash trees, their limbs still bare and brown with only the faintest hint of buds to come. Marry Robert? How could she marry him? How could she marry anyone, feeling as she did about Patrick? And Robert especially, he was almost a stranger to her after all this time. Besides, once he found out about the baby he would change his mind, of course he would. No man wanted to bring up another man’s child.

‘Karen?’ Robert was close behind her. ‘Karen, it’s too soon isn’t it? I should have had more sense than ask you when you’ve only just come back. It was … well, when I saw you in Chapel this morning, looking up at me as you did, I thought – I hoped you had come back to see me. Daft, I know, but Karen, I do love you. I’ve never looked at another girl. If I can’t have you, I’ll have no one.’

‘Oh, Robert,’ she said helplessly. ‘You don’t know anything about me, the woman I am now.’

‘I know I shouldn’t have spoken so soon, I was too precipitate. I’ll wait a while. We’ll get to know each other again. Karen, we could have a fine life together, I know we could.’

‘I’m going to stay with Gran in Weardale,’ she pointed out. ‘I won’t be here, you won’t see me.’

‘It doesn’t matter. I have the car, I’ll come up and see you sometimes. Won’t you say I can do that?’

‘Well – ’

He was quick to catch the note of hesitation. ‘I’ll do that then, I’ll visit you when I can. I promise I won’t try to pressure you any more – not for a while at least.’

Karen gazed at his earnest, handsome face, his broad, well-developed shoulders. Broad enough to shelter any girl, she thought dumbly. Oh, why could it not have been Robert? Deliberately, she looked away, over the fields to the minehead and chimney stack, smokeless today as it was Sunday. The sky was darkening and there was a hint of rain in the freshening wind. She shivered.

‘Come now, we’ll go back,’ said Robert, seeing the shiver. He took her hand and held it firmly over his arm. As they walked she could feel the warmth of him through the broad cloth of his coat. He was turned slightly towards her, shielding her from the biting wind.

Robert, she thought, and for a moment she was tempted to agree to marry him. He would be the answer to all her troubles. But she knew it was only a fancy; she could not bear to have anyone but Patrick. And then there was the baby growing inside her. They parted at the end of the row and she watched as his tall figure disappeared in the direction of Old Morton. Drearily, she went back inside.

Next morning, in the cold little bedroom in Chapel Row, Karen was packing her boxes once again in readiness for the train to Bishop Auckland where she could catch a connection to Stanhope in Weardale, the nearest town to her grandmother’s isolated moorland farm.

‘You’re sure there’s nothing the matter, Karen?’

Mam was standing by the kitchen table looking worried as she came down with her boxes. Karen tried to reassure her.

‘Oh, Mam, I’m all right.’ She smiled brightly as she put the boxes down by the front door. ‘I just want to go up and see Gran for a while before I start work.’

‘But can you afford it? I mean, taking a holiday and you not working all these weeks. I’m sure I don’t know how you manage.’

‘I’m all right, I’ve told you, Mam. I’ve a bit saved and I’ll earn
my
keep on the farm. And Gran will be pleased to have me. I sent her a post card yesterday so she knows I’m coming.’

‘Why, yes, I know she’ll be pleased to have you.’

Mrs Knight forebore to ask more searching questions. After all, Karen was a widow and in charge of her own life.

‘Oh, I forgot, this came for you when you were upstairs. A letter from Essex by the postmark.’ She smiled at Karen. ‘A letter from a friend might cheer you up a bit. We had a card from Joe too. Just to say he’s all right, but it’s lovely to hear from him, isn’t it?’

Looking at Joe’s card, Mam hadn’t noticed Karen sit down quickly at the table, her colour going from white to rosy red in a second. Trembling, she looked at the envelope then felt a sick reaction when she recognized Annie’s handwriting. Closing her eyes momentarily, she berated herself. There was no reason at all to think it might have been from Patrick.