A Mother's Wish (35 page)

He stared down at her, stroking her tumbled hair back from her forehead, and then very slowly he straightened up, taking a step away from the bed. ‘I can’t do this, Effie.’

Shocked, hurt and mortified, Effie snapped into a sitting position. ‘What’s wrong?’

His whole body was tense and she could see a pulse throbbing at his temple. ‘This isn’t what I want with you, my love.’

She stared up at him as if he had spoken in a foreign tongue. ‘You don’t want me.’

‘Of course I want you, you sweet idiot.’ He perched on the edge of the bed, taking her hand and holding it to his chest. ‘I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember, Effie, but there was always someone else.’

She could feel the erratic beating of his heart through her fingertips, but nothing he said seemed to make sense. ‘I don’t understand. You never said anything.’

‘When I met you first you were engaged to Owen, and then you were a heartbroken widow. I wanted to take care of you, but then you met Frank and I thought I’d lost you forever.’

‘Oh, Toby.’ Effie leaned forward to wrap her arms around him, but there was no passion in the embrace. ‘I didn’t know.’

He drew away from her, kissing her lightly on the cheek. ‘But you cared what happened to me and my wretched father, if that’s what he truly is. I need to find out who I am, and I want to hear it from his lips.’

‘You must go home and sort it out, Toby. Only you can do that, but it doesn’t make any
difference to me. I don’t care if you are a horse trader or the son of Seymour Westlake. You are you, and I – I love you.’

A wry smile hovered on his lips. ‘I’ve waited for years to hear you say that, but I’m not going to take advantage of you. I love you with all my heart, Effie, and I’m going to prove that I’m worthy of you.’

‘That’s nonsense, Toby.’

He rose to his feet, and his gaze was focused on Georgie sleeping peacefully in his cot. ‘We’re going to do this the right way. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Effie. I want to bring up Owen’s child as my own, and I want us to be a proper family. A boy needs a father and a mother.’

Slowly she was beginning to understand. ‘You want to marry me?’

A tender smile curved his lips. ‘I’m supposed to ask you that, but yes, my love. I want you for my wife, more than I’ve ever wanted anything.’

She slid off the bed and stood before him, close enough to feel the warmth of his body, but without touching. The magic was still there and the desire bubbling beneath the surface; she could see it burning in his eyes and feel it within her soul; it would only take a small flame to consume them both. ‘Then you must do what you have to do.’

‘It means that I will have to leave you yet again. Tomorrow I’ll make my way to Marsh House and have it out with the old man once and for all.’

‘This time you go with my blessing, and you take my heart with you.’ She stood on tiptoe to brush his lips with a kiss. ‘Next time we are alone together will be different, but I am yours already.’

His eyes darkened. ‘We’d best get back to young Tom before we do something we’ll both regret.’

‘I’ve only one blanket I can give you,’ Effie said, putting a safe distance between them by going to the cupboard where she kept her small store of linen. ‘And an old cushion for a pillow.’

‘I think I’d best risk the snow and return to the pub. I’m not used to acting like a gentleman, and I don’t trust myself to do the right thing twice in one night.’

Toby had left a gold sovereign to help eke out the family’s dwindling supply of money and allow them to buy fuel and food to combat the bitter cold. Effie had watched him walk away into the night with feelings of regret and happiness in equal parts. She understood now why his past actions had disturbed and angered her, but to admit that she loved him
was a strange new emotion and she kept her feelings to herself. Tom was too young to understand, or so she thought, and the only person in whom she could confide was Betty, but the bad weather made venturing out difficult and downright dangerous. In the days that followed, Effie hugged her secret to herself, revelling in the memory of passion reawakened. Despite the lack of money and seeming impossibility of finding work, she kept her spirits up with dreams of Toby’s return and a spring wedding. She found plenty to keep her busy in the house, cleaning and black-leading the range while Georgie played with a wooden Noah’s Ark, an old toy that had belonged to the Crooke children and had been given to him as a Christmas present. Tom went out daily, trudging through the snow in search of work but returning each evening tired, cold and hungry, and unsuccessful.

Each time she heard the muffled clip-clopping of horses’ hooves, Effie ran into the front parlour to peer out of the window in the hope of seeing Toby’s familiar figure, but the days passed with no sign of him. At first she blamed the weather, but as the snow melted and the roads cleared she could no longer make that an excuse. Her feelings of euphoria dissolved into anxiety and then doubts crept into her mind. Had he regretted his impulsive
words? Had he been carried away by lust and then assuaged his guilt by telling her that he loved her? How many women had suffered the same way at his hands in the past? Betty had warned her and she was being proved right. Effie struggled alone with her sense of betrayal and grief. Once again she seemed to have loved and lost but the pain was still the same, and grew sharper with every passing day as her hopes of happiness faded into misty memories.

February brought rain and March was heralded by strong winds. Their money had all but run out when Agnes came to the door one blustery afternoon, bursting with good news. She had persuaded her employer to interview Tom for a job in the market garden where they had begun planting seeds under the cover of glass. He went off with a grin on his face. Watching from the window, Effie could not help feeling a little envious of their innocent young love as they walked along the street hand in hand. She had tried to put Toby from her thoughts, blackening his character in her mind in an attempt to ease the suffering he had caused her by his apparent desertion, but deep down she knew that there must be a good reason for his continued absence. Anything could have happened to him and there was no way of finding out.

Gripped by the sudden need to get out of
the house, she hurried into the kitchen and dressed Georgie in his jacket, which was already too small for him. He would need new clothes soon and unless she could find work he would have to go barefoot. She put on her bonnet and shawl and taking Georgie by the hand she went out into the street. The wind rampaged over the cobblestones, picking up bits of straw and scraps of paper and whirling them round in crazy eddies before depositing them in shop doorways, or winding them like rosettes around the wheels of costermongers’ barrows. Men clutched at their hats and Georgie laughed out loud to see a portly man chasing his bowler as it bounced along the pavement.

Effie had no clear idea where she was going, but she stopped to read advertisements in shop windows and salvaged a newspaper that had been caught by the wind and was flapping around like a wounded seagull. She paused to study the positions vacant page, but there was, as she had feared, nothing suitable for a mother with a young child to care for. The domestic posts involved living in, and she did not possess the qualifications required to become a teacher or to work in an office. She spent the afternoon visiting the factories that bordered Limehouse Cut but the answer at the gatehouses was the same as before.
No vacancies. The line of shabbily dressed men queuing to hear the same words depressed her even more.

The sun was struggling out between cast-iron clouds and there was the scent of rain in the air. Against her better judgement, Effie decided to cross the bridge and visit Betty in the pub kitchen. She had seen her only once since Toby’s departure, but on that occasion she had taken care not to mention his name, keeping the conversation to enquiries about the Crooke family and listening to Betty’s grumbles about Mrs Hawkins, whose temperament did not mellow with age.

As Effie entered the stable yard she saw Ben walking towards her. He greeted her with a warm smile. ‘You’re quite a stranger these days.’

‘I know. It’s not from choice, Ben. I don’t want to upset Mrs Hawkins.’

He frowned, shaking his head. ‘I know, and I’m sorry too. How are you managing?’

‘Tom has gone to see about a job in the market garden. I keep looking.’ She glanced over his shoulder as Bart, the potman, rolled an empty barrel over the cobblestones.

‘What shall I do with this ’un, master? It don’t belong to the brewery so the drayman says. It’s a stray that got here somehow and they don’t want it.’

Effie stared at the barrel and an idea flashed
into her head, almost blinding her with its brilliance. ‘Can I have it, Ben?’

He scratched his head, staring at her with a puzzled frown. ‘What on earth would you do with an empty beer barrel?’

‘Keep things in it. Store potatoes or use it as a stool. I could find a dozen uses, but only if you don’t need it.’

‘It’s yours. We’ve got enough rubbish stacked up in the yard and I’d only get coppers for it as firewood.’

‘Thank you, Ben. I’ll send Tom round to collect it.’

‘I’ll drop it off. I’ll be passing that way with the cart later today. I’ve put your old horse to good use. He pays his way does old Champion.’

‘Gee-gee,’ Georgie cried, pointing to the open stable door. ‘Champing.’

‘It’s Champion, darling,’ Effie said fondly. ‘You’re a clever boy to remember him.’

‘He’s a fine chap,’ Ben said, lifting Georgie in his arms. ‘I’ll take him to see the horse while you go and have a natter with Betty. I expect that’s why you came.’

‘Of course,’ Effie said, smiling. ‘I want to catch up on all the gossip.’

‘She’ll tell you that villain Salter’s been back. I’m just warning you to steer clear of him, Effie. He’s a real nasty piece of work.’

Effie felt a cold chill run down her spine. ‘He’s nothing to do with me.’

‘Maybe not, but he’s still ranting on about the
Margaret
. He says you stole the old man’s watch or something like that, although of course no one round here takes any notice of him.’

‘It belongs to Georgie,’ Effie said indignantly. ‘The Salters encouraged Mr Grey to drink and to smoke opium because they wanted everything that was his. They were the ruin of the old man.’

‘We all know that, but he’s taken his spite out on our friend Toby Tapper.’

Fear stabbed Effie like a dagger in her heart. ‘Toby?’

‘Salter accused him of setting fire to the narrowboat. The police caught him on Marsh Road over a month ago. Toby was tried at the County Court and found guilty of arson. He was taken straight to the house of detention in Clerkenwell.’

‘
ARE YOU ALL
right, Effie?’ Ben asked anxiously. ‘You’re white as a sheet.’

‘No, I mean, yes. It was a shock. I didn’t know.’ Effie found herself gabbling incoherently. She had been thinking of every possibility that could have kept Toby from her, but this was the last thing she had expected.

‘It was in the newspaper, but in such small print that I would have missed it myself if it hadn’t been for the missis. She took pleasure in pointing it out to me. She never liked Toby.’

She doesn’t like anyone apart from herself, Effie thought bitterly. It was typical of Ben’s wife to spot the piece and gloat over the bad news.

‘You’re upset,’ Ben said sympathetically. ‘Go inside and Betty will make you a cup of tea. Tell her that I said she was to put a drop of brandy in it – purely medicinal, of course.’

‘I–I’m fine, really,’ Effie lied. ‘But a cup of tea would go down nicely.’

He patted her on the shoulder. ‘Of course it would. Go on in and I’ll take young Georgie
to visit Champion.’ He walked off towards the stable bumping Georgie up and down on his shoulders and making him crow with laughter.

Moving like an automaton, Effie entered the kitchen.

‘So you’ve heard the news then?’ Betty rushed over to give her a hug. ‘I’ve only just found out myself or I would have come straight round to tell you.’

‘It’s awful, Betty, and it’s all a pack of lies. Mr Grey set fire to the barge, not Toby.’

‘Sit down and I’ll make us a pot of tea,’ Betty said, pushing her gently towards a chair. ‘A blind man could see that there was something going on between you and Toby. He’s been sweet on you for years.’

‘Was it so obvious? I didn’t know.’

‘As plain as the nose on your face, girl. But you was took up with your husband at the start and then that fairground fellah, whatever his name was.’

Effie frowned. ‘You’ve changed your tune a bit. Last time I was here you were warning me not to have anything to do with Toby because he was a philanderer.’

‘A person can be wrong.’ Betty turned her back on Effie, busying herself by making the tea.

‘There’s something you’re not telling me,’
Effie said anxiously. ‘What is it, Betty? What more do you know?’

‘Sal Salter was in the bar last night, three sheets to the wind as they say. She told anyone who would listen that Salter had stood up in court and said you was Toby’s accomplice, and that you’d both planned to finish the old man off and burn the
Margaret
so that you could claim the insurance.’

Effie’s hand flew to her mouth. ‘That’s a wicked lie.’

‘Of course it is, but the magistrate couldn’t know that.’

‘There was no insurance,’ Effie murmured dazedly. ‘Mr Grey said it was a waste of good money. No one would have gained from destroying the
Margaret
.’

‘They wouldn’t know that either. Anyway, Sal was crowing because Toby took the blame for the whole thing.’

‘But he didn’t do anything wrong.’

‘Oh, he denied it all, but only after he’d sworn on the Bible that you was innocent of any wrongdoing and that you did your best to save the old man. It seems that the beak believed that part but he sentenced Toby anyway.’

Effie leapt to her feet, pacing the room. ‘Why didn’t they call me as a witness? Why wasn’t I told that Toby had been arrested?’