A Mother's Shame (27 page)

‘Oh . . . any,’ Isabelle said vaguely and Maria was so surprised that she gawped at her. Isabelle had always been so choosy about what she wanted to wear but lately it had begun to seem as if she didn’t care. But then, Maria told herself, she must be so uncomfortable now that perhaps she didn’t really feel right in anything.

‘What about this one then? It won’t be too heavy if it gets warm.’ She took out a full-skirted cotton gown covered in tiny yellow rosebuds and held it out for Isabelle’s inspection.

The girl barely looked at it. ‘I dare say that will do,’ she shrugged.

Maria laid it along the bottom of the bed before rummaging through another of the trunks for suitable petticoats to wear beneath it. Eventually she had everything she needed neatly laid out and she then asked, ‘Would you like me to fill the bath for you? You must feel very dusty and dirty after the journey yesterday. I could wash your hair for you as well if you liked?’

‘Oh, just put me some water in a basin. A wash will do,’ Isabelle told her as she struggled to the edge of the bed.

Half an hour later she was dressed. Maria had done what she could with her hair but it was full of dust and looked lank and lifeless despite her best efforts. Perhaps she would be able to persuade Isabelle to bathe later that evening. Isabelle wandered away then, leaving Maria to the rest of the unpacking, and after finding the swing on the porch she settled there and stayed there for most of the day.

‘Miss Isabelle is in a strange mood, ain’t she?’ Kitty whispered as she and Maria were preparing dinner together. Robbie had been as true as his word and had arrived mid-morning with fresh vegetables, bread, butter, milk fresh from the cows that morning and some of the weirdest-looking steaks that Kitty had ever seen.

‘Is this beef?’ Kitty had asked suspiciously as she stabbed her finger at them and he had laughed and tapped the side of his nose as if it was some big secret.

‘Not exactly, but I’ll guarantee they’ll melt in your mouth if you cook them right, lass. Just sprinkle them with a little pepper and smear them with lard, then pop them in the oven till they’re tender. You’ll like them, trust me.’

Strangely enough, Kitty did trust him although they had only just met and she flashed him a warm smile as he left the kitchen to go back to his chores.

‘He were sayin’ this mornin’ that Miss Isabelle’s uncle has over
three thousand
sheep on this ranch,’ she told Maria. ‘An’ behind his ranch is a bunkhouse where all the ranchhands stay – ’ceptin’ Robbie, o’ course – an’ as he told us last night, he’s buildin’ his own place just over yonder.’ She sighed wistfully then as she began to peel some carrots on the scrubbed table. ‘Can yer just imagine how wonderful it would be to have yer very own place? I used to dream about that when I were back at Hatter’s Hall. Havin’ me own place what no one could ever take away from me an’ bein’ able to earn enough money never to have to rely on nobody.’ She looked embarrassed then and hastily lowered her eyes as pity swept through Maria. As she had thought many times before, while she hadn’t had the happiest home life – her father had always seen to that – compared to this poor lass, she had been lucky. She had known the love of her mother and her brother and sister, whereas poor Kitty had never had anyone.

Thoughts of her family brought hot tears stinging to the back of Maria’s eyes. Now that she had lost the child she had been carrying, there would be nothing to stop her returning home once Miss Isabelle’s confinement was over – and she intended to do just that. But what would Kitty choose to do? Already she seemed to be embracing this new way of life, but Maria was feeling out of her depth. The huge wide open spaces would take some getting used to, as would all the different races of people she had encountered, not to mention the strange animals and trees. Even the flowers were different here. She felt very isolated and vulnerable, but then she supposed Kitty would feel differently, of course, never having known freedom before.

Over the next couple of weeks the girls’ lives fell into a routine, and before they knew it they were into June. They would rise each morning and after seeing to Isabelle’s needs, Kitty and Maria would then tackle the household chores, including the washing and ironing. None of them had ventured very far from the homestead as yet, although Maria had persuaded Isabelle to visit her uncle’s ranch on a couple of occasions and each time she had accompanied her.

It was during the second visit that Maria met Isabelle’s uncle for the first time, and she thought what a truly nice man he was – although she would never have guessed he was the owner of such a huge ranch had she not been introduced. Freddie dressed much as his ranch-hands did, and was proud of the fact that there was no job he could not do, which was probably why he was so highly regarded amongst his staff. Every day he would work side by side with them, and he seemed to be truly contented with his lot and welcomed Maria warmly.

There was only one slightly uncomfortable moment when Esperanza first introduced them, and that was when his eyes lingered momentarily on Maria’s stomach. She realised that Isabelle’s mother would have written to advise him that she too was with child, and as she still favoured the baggy dresses she had worn on board ship, she guessed that he had no idea that she had lost her baby during the voyage. She decided not to enlighten him of the fact right then. Time would tell its own story when no child was forthcoming, and for now all her concerns were for Isabelle. The girl had become very withdrawn and reclusive, and sometimes it was difficult to persuade her to even get out of bed. On the increasingly rare times when Maria did manage it, Isabelle would head for the swing on the porch and there she would stay for the rest of the day, at times even taking her meals there. When she did talk, it was usually about Pierre and it pained Maria to realise how much she must have loved him.

Josh visited quite often, and the sight of him galloping towards the small homestead on one of his uncle’s steeds would set Maria’s heart thumping. But she always ensured that they were never alone, and as soon as she had settled him with Isabelle, she would hurry away to fetch him a cold drink and then make herself scarce for the rest of his stay.

During the balmy evenings, Robbie was teaching Kitty and Maria to ride and handle a gun; Maria was finding it extremely difficult to acquire either of these skills. It was one thing to try and aim at a tree, but she wondered if she would ever have the courage to actually pull the trigger if a live creature was lumbering towards her. Her riding skills were little better, although Kitty seemed to have taken to it all like a duck to water. Already she could canter on her own whilst Maria could still only manage to trot around the barn at the end of a long rope guided by Robbie.

‘You’ll get the hang of it eventually, lass,’ he would tell her patiently. ‘It just takes some a bit longer than others.’

But Maria wasn’t so sure that she would, nor even that she wanted to, for that matter. She had noticed that Robbie and Kitty had grown closer, and sometimes the fact troubled her. Robbie was undoubtedly a nice man, but very guarded when it came to his personal life and she wondered if Kitty might end up getting hurt – not that she could do anything about it. Kitty was now seventeen years old and her own person, but Maria still fretted about her.

She found Robbie sitting at the kitchen table one evening when she entered the room after settling Isabelle for the night, and he smiled at her as Kitty refilled his mug with coffee.

Kitty had taken to cooking a little extra so that he had a meal to come back to after work each day and he was now a regular visitor to the kitchen.

As Maria joined them at the table he told her, ‘I was just asking Kitty if she fancied going in to Hobart with me on Sat’day evening. There’s a barn dance there and I thought she might enjoy it. You’re very welcome to come too, o’ course, if you’ve a mind to, but I dare say you won’t be wantin’ to leave Miss Isabelle. I could always get Binda to come and keep an eye out for her, if you fancied it?’

‘Thanks, but I don’t think I will,’ Maria answered. There was no need to ask if Kitty wanted to go, however, for she was positively beaming from ear to ear.

‘I thought we could go in the trap,’ Robbie went on. ‘I’ve no doubt Kitty’ll want to get her fancy clogs on and she can’t really ride astride dressed in all her finery.’

‘I shall have to try an’ find sommat suitable to wear,’ Kitty fretted now, suddenly realising that her wardrobe was somewhat restricted. The plain woollen dresses that Miss Isabelle had bought her were the finest she had ever owned, but would they be suitable for a dance? She very much doubted it, but Maria saved the day when she told her, ‘Don’t get worrying about that. I’m sure that Miss Isabelle will have something she will be happy to loan you, and although you’re slimmer than she is we should be able to make it fit with a stitch here and there.’

‘Do yer really think she would?’ Kitty asked, clasping her hands in excitement.

Maria nodded but then the mood was broken when Robbie scraped his chair back across the wooden floor and told her, ‘Well, if you still want to come and have a wee look at my humble abode we’d better be on our way. I don’t mind admitting I’m jiggered, and I wouldn’t want to fall asleep on you. It’s been a long day. Some of the sheep escaped and I had to ride miles to find the little devils before I could herd them all back home.’

Kitty snatched up her shawl, then turning to Maria she asked worriedly, ‘Yer don’t mind, do yer? I shan’t be gone long, I promise.’

‘Of course I don’t mind,’ Maria assured her. ‘I’m not your keeper, Kitty. You are free to come and go as you please.’

But then as she watched the girl accompany Robbie across the yard her worries returned. She would hate to see Kitty have her heart broken – but what could she do about it?

As they approached Robbie’s dwelling, the breath caught in Kitty’s throat for she was sure she had never seen anything so beautiful in her whole life. So far there were only three rooms completed – a kitchen, which as yet was still not properly furnished, a bedroom and a sitting room that had wonderful views across the valley. The sun was setting, turning everything to pale gold, and Kitty stared about her in awe.

‘Why, I never realised yer’d have such a view from here,’ she told him. ‘I thought yer’d be surrounded by trees an’ it would be dark.’

He shook his head as he went to place the kettle on a small stove in a far corner. ‘That’s why I deliberately chose to build it this side of the copse,’ he answered as he struck a match. ‘I didnae want it to be gloomy and I’ve a fancy it’ll be fine sitting here of an evening when it’s all finished – when I get round to getting meself a couple of chairs, that is!’

‘It is a bit bare at the moment,’ Kitty commented as she glanced around, then she began to wander about the room, telling him, ‘What yer need is a couple o’ comfy fireside chairs here, an’ a nice big rug in between that yer can rest yer feet on. You’d be cosy, but still see the view from the winder then. An’ over here . . .’ She moved to the centre of the room and spread her arms, ‘is a nice big table an’ chairs where yer can eat or sit an’ read if you’d a mind to. Then over there by the sink yer need a number o’ shelves fer yer pots an’ pans, and on that wall there a nice big dresser where yer could display all yer best china. An’ per’aps some pictures on the walls an’ pretty curtains hangin’ at the winders.’

Getting quite carried away, she then strode into the bedroom without being asked and wrinkled her nose as she saw the chaos there. Dirty clothes were scattered about the floor, and apart from the bed, which was unmade, the room was quite empty. She began to gather the clothes up as she told him across her shoulder, ‘This room needs a woman’s touch an’ all. Why, it’s a fine brass bed, but it needs a nice patchwork quilt and some flowery curtains at the winder. A wardrobe an’ some drawers wouldn’t go amiss either. Yer’d have somewhere to keep this lot then. Talkin’ o’ which, I’m goin’ to take them an’ wash them through fer yer. An’ yer needn’t argue,’ she told him sternly as he opened his mouth to protest. ‘’T’ain’t no trouble at all. I have some of our washin’ to do tomorrow anyway. Now, let’s go an’ have a look at this sittin’ room, eh?’

Robbie stifled a grin as she deposited his dirty laundry on the floor and marched purposefully past him into the last room where, once again, she was delighted with what she saw. Like all the houses she had seen since arriving in Tasmania, all the rooms were on one level and this one, like the kitchen, had a panoramic view across the valley although as yet it was completely empty.

‘Now this could be the formal parlour,’ she told him as her imagination ran riot. ‘Fer when yer have visitors or fer usin’ at Christmas an’ special occasions. All the best houses have parlours, yer know.’

Suddenly seeing the way his lips were twitching, Kitty lowered her head, deeply embarrassed. ‘Sorry,’ she muttered. ‘I didn’t mean to sound like I were interferin’. I dare say yer do all right fer a bloke livin’ on his own.’

‘Don’t apologise,’ Robbie answered. ‘You are right – this place does lack a woman’s touch. I’ll be the first to admit I’m no’ so good at choosin’ the right bits an’ pieces for the place.’

‘I could help yer if yer wanted me to,’ Kitty whispered hopefully.

‘As it so happens, there’s a chappie not so far away who is a dab hand at making tables and chairs,’ Robbie said thoughtfully. ‘I dare say I could call in and see him and get him to make a start on them. And then there’s a fine shop in Hobart that sells all the fancy stuff, including material if you’d a mind to come an’ show me what’s needed.’

‘I’d love to,’ Kitty answered joyfully.

‘Then that’s what we’ll do.’ Robbie smiled at her. ‘How about we go one day next week? Could you spare the time?’

‘Easily. I can whip through me chores in the mornin’ an’ we could go in the afternoon.’

‘Excellent. Thank you, lass. I know you’ll be a grand help.’

Kitty nodded and bustled away to the next room, hoping he wouldn’t hear her heart which was beating like a drum, while he stroked his beard and watched her go.