A Moment to Remember (24 page)

‘I shall be with my family,’ replied Milly.

‘I was going to ask you if you would like to spend it with us. Father said he’d love to meet you.’

‘That’s very kind of you, but . . . ’

‘I can understand.’

Milly wasn’t really sure about Lizzie’s background
—
she knew she worked for her father but had decided to move away because of his strong views on women’s suffrage. She’d told Milly that she didn’t want her father to lose his position because of her. Milly noted that she was very cagey about what she said.

 

Later that afternoon Milly was busy at the market buying goods for the kitchen. The place was buzzing as usual and she always loved the happy atmosphere among the people who had nothing but who could still enjoy a laugh and a joke with the stallholders.

She wasn’t surprised to see her brother hanging around, and when he spotted her, he came marching up. ‘Cor, Mil. Is all that stuff fer us?’

‘No. It’s for someone I work with.’

‘Couldn’t yer pinch a bit? They wouldn’t know what yer got.’

‘I could do no such thing. These people trust me.’

‘D’yer know, yer a silly cow at times.’

‘Thanks.’

Milly took the stuff back to the flat. As she began hurrying home, the fog started to slowly descend, enveloping everything like a thick yellow blanket. How long would this one last? she wondered. Some fogs could last for days, and that would mean her father wouldn’t be able to get any casual work. The thought of him being in the house for all that time caused her to shudder.

When she got home, her father was sitting in his chair. He put his newspaper on the floor.

‘Wot’s this I hear about yer buying stuff fer some nobs?’

Milly slowly took off her hat. ‘Yes, that’s right.’ Bert certainly hadn’t wasted any time in getting home and telling their father.

‘So where is it then?’

‘In their flat, I expect.’

‘Bert reckons yer should ’ave given us some of it; they wouldn’t miss it, not if they’ve sent you out ter do their shopping. Who d’yer work for anyway?’

‘It’s a office that sends out letters.’ That was all Milly could think of to say.

He went back to his paper.

‘Where’s Pammy?’ she asked.

‘In the bog,’ came the reply.

After a while Pammy came into the kitchen. She looked terrible.

‘Whatever’s wrong?’ asked Milly.

‘I don’t feel very well.’

‘Sit down, I’ll make a cup of tea.’

In the scullery, Milly wondered what was wrong with her sister. Only one thing was filling her mind. But that couldn’t happen, could it?

 

All over Christmas Pammy was very sick. Milly was left to clean up after her and look after Freddie. Rosie said she didn’t like Pammy so she wasn’t going to help. Neither Bert nor Iris would put themselves out to lend a hand, and Milly was at her wits’ end running around after Pammy and trying to comfort Freddie.

‘Please, Rosie, help me,’ pleaded Milly as she once again emptied the bucket Pammy had been sick in.

‘Why should I? You never take me out.’

This upset Milly. How could Rosie be so offhand? ‘Is that why you were nice to me when I came back. You thought I’d take you out?’

‘Yer.’ She went back to sorting her buttons. ‘ ‘Sides, Pammy went an’ pawned me nice coat and shoes. That’s why I don’t like ’er, and you didn’t get’em back, did yer?’

Milly couldn’t answer that. She had been aware the coat was missing. She had asked where it had gone and Pammy had told her that she had pawned it. She’d also said that if Milly redeemed it, it would go back again. So Milly gave up.

Christmas was a sad, miserable time. The fog persisted and everywhere was dark and dreary. The only thing Milly had to look forward to was going back to work on Saturday. But when that day came, she couldn’t leave Pammy.

‘Look, I should be at work. One of you will have to take Freddie out while I do the washing.’ Milly was beside herself.

‘Yer seem ter be coping all right,’ said her father, sitting back in his chair, rolling a cigarette.

‘I am not coping. And what is wrong with Pammy? Don’t you care?

‘She’ll be all right.’

‘Well I think you should get a doctor.’

‘What? And whose gonna pay fer that?’

Milly put on her coat and picked up her handbag. ‘I won’t be long.’

‘Where yer going?’ asked her father.

‘To get a doctor.’

He stood up and barred her way. ‘I told yer, we don’t need no doctor.’

‘Why not? Are you frightened of what he’s going to say?’

‘No. Why should I be?’

‘Because I think she’s going to have a baby, and if she is, then it’s yours and you should be ashamed of yourself.’

He sat down again and began laughing. ‘Is that wot yer fink?’

‘Yes.’ With that she left the room.

Thankfully the fog had lifted a little, and as she hurried along the road she wondered if she was right. If Pammy was expecting, how would they manage? Why did this have to happen now?

 

The doctor came and examined Pammy. Milly picked up her bag, as she knew she had to pay him. Outside she asked, ‘Is she expecting?’

‘No, my dear, she’s not. It must have been something she ate. Why did you think she was pregnant?’

‘It was like when Mum was going to have a baby.’

‘I thought at first she might have been, but she said she doesn’t have a boyfriend.’

‘It doesn’t have to be a boy, does it?’

‘What are you saying?’

‘She sleeps with my father.’

‘She did tell me. I think it’s very unhealthy, but he assured me that he would never touch her in that way.’

‘And you believe him?’ Milly was getting angry.

‘Only time will tell, my dear. Now that will be four shillings, please.’

‘Four shillings! It only used to be three and six.’

He held out his hand. ‘It is Christmas, and a Saturday. You should have taken her to the free hospital if you wanted charity. Good day.’

Fuming, Milly went inside.

‘So how much did he sting yer for?’ asked her father grinning.

‘What do you care?’

‘Anyway, wot’s wrong wiv ’er?’

‘He reckons it’s something she’s eaten.’

‘Could be.’ He lay back grinning.

Milly wanted to throw something at him but knew that wouldn’t help, and took her anger out on the washing instead, scrubbing it up and down the washboard.

 

It was two days before she could get away. Pammy was feeling a little better, and although she pleaded with Milly not to leave her, Milly had to go to work to see Lizzie and explain.

‘Don’t worry about it,’ said Lizzie in her usual cheerful way. ‘I wasn’t here anyway; I didn’t go out at all, not in that fog. It was a real peasouper. Daddy was supposed to be taking me to a ball, but we had to stay at home. I can tell you, it was all very boring.’

‘That’s good. Not that you were bored,’ said Milly quickly. ‘It’s just that I had visions of you walking around the flat with your coat on.’

‘No. Anyway, how is your sister?’

‘She’s a lot better now. The doctor thinks she may have eaten something.’

‘Well, all the rich food over Christmas can play havoc with your insides.’

Milly smiled at that. Rich food was something her family had never known.

‘When shall we move in?’ asked Lizzie.

‘Whenever it suits you.’

‘Shall we wait till the weather gets better?’

‘If you want.’ Milly was disappointed at that.

‘You could move in before that if you want.’

‘No.’ Milly smiled. ‘I’ll wait till you’re ready to move in too.’ It was a good thing she hadn’t mentioned it to her family. Did Lizzie really want to move out of her grand house?

A
T THE BEGINNING of 1914, Milly and Lizzie decided that they would move into the flat in the spring.

‘It’ll be better when the weather’s a little warmer,’ said Lizzie.

Milly knew that Lizzie didn’t really want to leave her comfortable lifestyle. She didn’t blame her
—
after all, Lizzie had everything she needed at home
—
but she did wish she could move in. However, she had promised Lizzie she would wait and they would start afresh together. There was still a lot about the girl that Milly didn’t understand. As the weeks passed, Pammy said she was feeling a lot better, but Milly continued to eye her suspiciously.

At last spring began to show itself and the time had come. Tomorrow, Saturday, Milly was moving out, and now she had to tell her family. As she walked home, her thoughts were everywhere. Was she being fair to the family? After all, they relied on her money, but she would send them some now and again. Many times since she’d come back home she’d asked Pammy to show her where her mother was buried, but Pammy always claimed to have forgotten. Milly had just wanted to be near her mother, to talk to her, but instead she’d sit quietly in the scullery and silently ask her for her help.

After they had finished their meal, Milly got up, cleared the table and did the washing-up as usual. Then, wiping her hands on the bottom of her pinny, she went back into the kitchen. She was very nervous. Should she tell them, or just go and leave a note?

Bert was sitting at the table making a paper boat. Iris was playing on the floor. Freddie was in bed and Rosie was as usual sorting out her buttons. ‘Where’s Pammy?’ asked Milly.

‘In bed,’ said her father. ‘She’s gone fer a lay-down. Why?’

‘Iris, could you go and get her?’

‘Leave the poor cow be. She’s been up half the night with that little sod. Dunno what’s wrong wiv ’im. I told her we should chuck ’im in with the others.’

‘We don’t want ’im in wiv us. He stinks,’ said Bert.

‘If I say he’s going in wiv yer, then ’e is, savvy?’ Their father glared at Bert.

‘I’ll go and see Pammy,’ said Milly.

In the darkened room she could make out her sister’s back. Pammy was curled up like a small child. Milly sat on the side of the bed and remembered the last time she’d sat here, comforting her mother when Helen had died. That was a lifetime ago.

‘Pammy?’

‘Go away.’

‘What’s wrong with you?’

‘I dunno.’

‘Please turn over.’

‘Why?

‘I’ve got something to tell you.’

‘You can tell it to me back.’

‘No I can’t.’

Slowly Pammy turned over. ‘Well?’

‘I won’t be coming back here tomorrow. I’m moving in with a friend.’

Pammy burst into tears. ‘I knew you’d go away one day.’

‘I didn’t intend to stay this long, but, well, it just happened.’

‘Will you be far away?’ she said pathetically.

‘A fair way.’

‘What we gonna do wivout yer?’

‘You’ll be fine. I’ll send money when I can.’

‘Does Dad know?’

‘Not yet. Not that he cares.’

‘He does.’

‘He’s only interested in the money I bring in.’

Pammy turned over again and Milly left the room. Although she was full of guilt, she couldn’t let this opportunity pass her by. She wanted to get away. She should never have come back.

‘Well?’ asked her father. ‘She coming out?’

‘No.’

‘What did yer want her for?’

Milly’s courage left her. She looked round the room. How could she leave them? ‘It wasn’t important,’ she said softly.

‘I’ll ’ave me cuppa now,’ said her father.

In the scullery she put the kettle on the stove, then sat on the upturned box that was always there. ‘Mum, what should I do?’ she whispered. She desperately wanted to get away. She remembered the last time she’d left home. If only Billy and Dan were here. She missed them so much. Would she ever see them again? She wanted to talk to someone, but who? Could she leave now? What if something happened to Pammy, how would the children cope? People had died because of her. Was she cursed? The kettle’s lid bobbed up and down. She wiped her eyes on the bottom of her pinny and set to and made the tea. She would wait and see what happened tomorrow.

 

The next morning Milly was getting ready for work when her father stormed into the kitchen.

‘What’s all this about?’

‘What?’ asked Milly, trying to act innocent.

‘Pammy said yer leaving.’

‘I might be. Pammy still in bed?’

‘Yer fink yer very clever, don’t yer? Well this is yer family, and families should stick tergevver and look after each other.’

Milly laughed. ‘The way you looked after me, you mean? I remember the hidings you used to give me.’

‘And yer ain’t too big and mighty fer me ter give yer another.’

‘What for?’

‘Leaving us in the lurch.’

‘You should try and do more for your family. I can’t stay here for ever.’

‘Yer will if I give yer a thrashing yer won’t fergit.’

She ignored the threat. ‘I’m going to work.’

Her father went to stand in her way, but she was quicker than him. She picked up her bag, then stopped at the open door.

‘D’you know, I had second thoughts about leaving today, but what you have just said has made up my mind. You are a bully and a wastrel and you deserve all you get. It’s the kids I feel sorry for. They’d be better off in a home.’ She watched her father’s face turn almost purple with rage and hastily left the room. As she hurried down the passage and out of the house, she could still hear him yelling. She was shaking as she walked to the bus. She had really done it now. There was no way she could ever go back.

 

Milly had calmed down by the time she reached the office. When she walked in, she couldn’t believe the lovely vase of flowers that stood in the middle of her desk. ‘Who bought these?’ she asked Eve.