A Moment to Remember (16 page)

She turned in to Winter Street and stood looking at the houses. Peeling paint and shabby curtains gave the place a sad, neglected look. The stench of horse pee and manure mixed with the smell of tar that always came up on a hot day. Snotty-nosed kids ran around, some without shoes and all wearing dirty, torn clothes. She felt very out of place and overdressed in her nice hat and coat. She couldn’t stay here, and turned to go.

‘Milly, Milly Ash?’

A voice behind her caused her to suddenly stop. Somebody had recognised her.

‘ ‘Ere, ain’t you our Milly?’ asked a young girl pushing a dilapidated old pram. Milly recognised the pram.

‘What the bloody ’ell are you doing round ’ere?’ said the girl aggressively.

‘Pammy?’ said Milly, shocked at her younger sister’s sorry-looking state. Her frock was too tight and her hair was dirty, long and matted.

‘That’s me.’ She looked Milly up and down. ‘And be the looks of fings yer fell on yer feet. So what yer doing round ’ere?’

Milly didn’t answer. She looked in the pram. The baby inside had sores round its mouth and running eyes.

‘I asked yer a question.’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Yer up the spout and yer boyfriend chucked yer out?’

‘No.’ Milly couldn’t believe how Pammy had grown in confidence. ‘Whose baby is this?’ she asked, hoping to change the subject.

‘This is yer new brother, Fred,’ said Pammy, pulling a threadbare blanket round the baby, who began grizzling.

Milly wanted to retch as the smell from the pram hit her. ‘Mum had another one? How is she?’

‘Dead.’

‘What?’

‘She’s dead.’

‘Oh no.’ Milly couldn’t believe she was hearing about another death so soon, and this was her own mother. How much more grief could she take? Was she being punished in some way for leaving home and bettering herself? Guilt filled her. She should have been here. She should never have left home, then perhaps both Jane and her mother would still be alive. ‘How long ago?’ she asked tentatively.

‘Six months ago, when she had this one.’ It was all said so matter-of-factly; there didn’t seem to be any sorrow in Pammy’s voice.

‘Is Dad all right?’

‘Yer. You coming back home then?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘I could do with some money, and by the look of things you must ’ave a few bob.’

‘I don’t have a lot of money.’ Milly opened her cloth bag.

Pammy grabbed it and looked inside. ‘Looks like some decent stuff in ’ere that could bring a few bob in the pawn shop.’

Milly snatched the bag back. ‘I don’t think so.’

‘I don’t fink so,’ mimicked Pammy. ‘You don’t ’alf talk posh. Where yer bin?’

‘It’s a long story.’

‘So what yer doing round ’ere then. Yer coming back home?’

‘I don’t think I’ll be very welcome.’

‘I dunno. Yer could be. As I said, looks like yer got some posh clobber.’ Pammy was eyeing Milly up and down.

Milly looked at her sister. She had grown in height and stature. She was confident and appeared to be in charge. ‘Are Billy and Dan still around?’

‘No, they scarpered just after you did, so that left me to look after Mum and the kids.’

‘I’m so sorry, Pammy.’

‘So you should be.’

The heavy burden of guilt was weighing Milly down, and she knew she had no choice but to go home. It was the last thing she wanted to do, but this was her sister, and she had the world on her young shoulders. ‘All right. I’ll come home and try and help out.’

‘I could do with some help.’

‘Don’t think Dad will be very pleased.’

‘Dunno.’

Milly felt very overdressed as they walked down Winter Street. The kids in the street stopped playing and looked at them.

‘Who’s yer posh mate then, Pammy?’ asked a boy who was sucking a sweet then passing it on to the others.

‘Me long-lorst sister.’

‘Cor, she looks a bit of all right.’

Milly winced. How would she fit in here again, and how would her father react to seeing her? She was stronger now and knew it was her duty; she had to help in any way she could. It was going to be hard, and what was worse, she would be without her mum or Billy and Dan to help her.

M
ILLY PUSHED OPEN the front door. She had forgotten how dark and smelly this house was. As she went into the kitchen she wanted to cry. She was so unhappy, everything had gone so wrong. The smell of dried pee filled her nostrils and she brushed away the flies that were buzzing around the two children sitting on the bare floorboards squabbling.

‘Pack it in, you two,’ said Pammy, giving the one sitting nearest to her a clip round the ear.

‘Ow. That ’urt.’

‘It was meant to.’

Milly wanted to turn and run away. This wasn’t what she wanted out of life.

‘This ’ere is Milly, she’s yer sister,’ Pammy told them. ‘You remember ’er, she’s the one wot run away.’

‘Hello,’ Milly said. ‘My, how you’ve all grown since I saw you last. You must be . . . ’ she hesitated. It was four years since she’d seen them. ‘Bertie?’

‘ ‘Ere!’ The boy that Milly thought was Bertie stood up. ‘Don’t she talk funny? And I ain’t Bertie,’ he said, mimicking her. ‘Me name’s Bert.’

‘I’m very sorry.’

At that, the girl who Milly guessed was Iris screamed with laughter.

Pammy was also laughing. ‘I ain’t ’eard ’em laugh like that fer years.’

Milly was still standing in the untidy room, wondering what was going to happen to her. Would she finish up like them? Could she end up talking like them again? Even though she felt full of guilt, she didn’t want to stay. Suddenly the door burst open and a young girl stood looking at her.

‘Rosie, this is—’ But Pammy got no further before she was interrupted.

‘I know, it’s Milly. ’Allo Milly.’ Rosie ran to her and held her waist tightly. ‘I always said yer’d come back.’

Milly held back the tears. ‘Hello, Rosie. How are you?’

‘All right.’ She looked at Pammy. ‘Billy and Dan said you’d come back one day. You gonna stay?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘I want you to stay. Please.’

Milly bent down to hug the girl; she was so thin she was afraid she would break her in two. It was then that her mind was made up for her. ‘All right. I’ll stay,’ she whispered.

‘That’s good. Mum always said you’d come back. I miss Mum. Where yer bin?’

‘It’s a very long story.’

‘Right,’ said Pammy. ‘You lot get this place cleared up. Yer dad will be home soon and he’ll want ’is tea.’

Milly could see that Pammy was in charge.

‘What we got?’ asked Bert.

‘Bread and cheese and some apples.’

Bert stood up, looking very proud. ‘I pinched ’em off a stall down the market.’

Pammy smiled at him. ‘He’s a good lad, keeps us in fire wood and gets a lot of food.’ She ruffled his unruly hair.

Rosie began putting newspaper on the table.

‘Has Dad got work now?’ Milly asked Pammy.

‘Yeah, he tries to get a bit of labouring down the docks.’

Bert began rummaging through Milly’s bag.

‘Stop that. What do you think you’re doing?’ Milly grabbed the bag from him.

‘Just looking ter see what we can pawn.’

‘Well just you keep your nose out of my belongings.’

‘Look, Mil. If yer gonna stay you’ll muck in with the rest of us. And that means getting rid of some of those posh clothes.’

‘If Dad lets me stay, I’ll need my posh clothes as you call them to get a decent job. I can’t go out to work looking scruffy.’

‘She’s got a point,’ said Pammy to Bert.

‘S’pose so.’

‘So what can yer do?’

‘Well, I can read, write and add up, so there should be something round here I can do.’ She wasn’t going to tell them that she had a certificate to prove all this. She didn’t want to give away too much.

The front door slammed and Milly stiffened as the kitchen door opened. Her father stood staring at her, and everybody else was looking at her as well.

It wasn’t till he’d taken off his coat and cap and hung them behind the door that he spoke. ‘Wot you doing ’ere?’

Milly swallowed hard. ‘I’ve come back home.’

‘Have yer now? Well yer can just sling yer bloody hook ter where yer come from. We ain’t feeding another mouth.’ He settled down in his battered armchair. ‘We don’t want yer ’ere. Pammy love, what’s fer tea?’

‘It’s only bread and cheese, Dad, and a bit of apple.’

Milly remembered how he would shout and lash out at such a paltry meal when her mother was alive.

‘Dad, let Milly stay. She can go out to work and bring in a bit more.’

He began undoing his laces and very slowly removed his heavy working boots. When he’d finished, he sat back. ‘So what yer doing back ’ere, then? Got yerself up the duff and yer boyfriend chucked yer out?’

Why did both Pammy and her father think she was having a baby? ‘I don’t have a boyfriend and I’m not expecting.’

‘So what yer after?’

‘Nothing.’

‘Yer must ’ave a reason fer coming back.’

Milly was trying to think fast. What could she say? ‘I missed Mum.’

‘Well she’s dead, so what’s ter keep yer?’

‘Nothing, I suppose.’

‘Well wherever yer bin, you know how ter talk posh.’

‘I got a job in service. They were well-off people.’

‘ ‘Ere,’ said Bert. ‘Did yer pinch somefink and they chased yer out?’

Milly didn’t answer. They could think that if they wanted to. ‘Would you like me to go and get something more for tea? Is there anything you would like?’

‘Some pie and mash would go down well,’ said Pammy.

‘Cor, we ain’t ’ad pie and mash before, but when I pass the shop the smell always makes me mouth water,’ said Bert. ‘Tried ter pinch a pie once, but the bloke caught me and gave me a clip round the ear.’ He grinned.

Milly smiled. ‘Pie and mash it is. Have you got enough milk for the baby?’

‘No.’

‘I’ll get some.’ Milly held out her hand. ‘Would you like to come with me, Rosie?’

‘Can I?’

‘Of course. I’d better take a plate for the mash.’

Milly took a chipped plate from off the dresser, picked up her bag and left the house hand in hand with Rosie. She felt so out of place as they made their way to the market, but Rosie was skipping along happily, chattering on about how Dan and Billy had left after a big row with their dad. ‘D’yer know, Billy wanted to keep on bashing ’im. Dad was on the floor, but Dan said it wouldn’t be right. I’m glad they didn’t, cos then Dad would ’ave hit us.’

‘Does he still hit you?’

‘Yer, but not Pammy. She’s his favourite.’

‘Well she does have a big job looking after the rest of you.’

‘I know. I miss Mum.’

Milly swallowed hard. She knew she should have been here for her mother. Now she was here for this little girl. She looked down, and Rosie gave her such a beaming smile that Milly found it hard to keep the tears back.

‘What yer crying for, Milly?’

‘Nothing. It’s just so nice to see you all again, especially you.’

Rosie smiled, and her big brown eyes twinkled, lighting up her face.

How could she even think of leaving? Her thoughts went to Jane and all the good times they’d shared, but that was all over. What would the family say if they knew the real reason she had come back?

 

It was like a feeding frenzy when Milly put the pies and mash on the table.

Pammy was wearing their mother’s wrap-round overall, which was much too long for her, and looked as if she was well and truly in change. She slapped their hands as they went to grab the food. ‘Pack it in, you lot. I’ll dish it out proper like.’ She carefully put a pie and some mash on each of the plates. She smiled at her father.’ ‘Ere, Dad.’ His plate had the largest amount on.

‘Cor, Milly, we ain’t ever ’ad a treat like this before,’ said Bert, ramming as much as he could into his mouth.

‘Be careful, you might choke,’ she said, watching in amazement as the food disappeared. She could remember the times when she was hungry and would have given anything to have a meal like this.

After a short while, every scrap had disappeared.

Her father belched and went and sat in his chair, and Milly helped Pammy and Rosie take the dirty crocks into the scullery.

The place was a tip. Their mother had always kept it clean and tidy, but the line of dead bluebottles on the windowsill made Milly shudder.

‘I know,’ said Pammy. ‘It could do with a clean-up, but I ain’t got time, what with looking after Fred. ’E’s only quiet when I’m pushing ’im round the streets, and this lot ain’t much’elp. Rosie’s always daydreaming.’

Rosie looked at Milly. ‘Well I do ’ave ter go out and try and get food, and I do a job for old Bella on the market.’

‘I remember Bella. She’s still around then?’

Rosie nodded and wiped her nose on her sleeve.

‘What do you do for Bella, Rosie?’

‘Sort the buttons she gits from old clothes.’

Milly looked sadly at the two girls.

She wanted to have a wee, but was dreading the thought of going to the lav. ‘Is there anybody living upstairs?’ she asked casually.

‘Yer, an old man,’ said Pammy.

‘And’e don’t ’alf make the lav stink after ’e’s bin in there,’ said Rosie.

‘Thanks for the warning.’ Milly knew she had to go.

Outside, it was just as she was dreading. But this was to be her home now, so she knew she had better make the most of it. So many people had gone from her life: Jane, her mother, even Billy and Dan had left home. Would she ever see them again?

P
AMMY WAS BUSY getting everyone ready for bed, and Milly went about helping her. As she plumped up the old mattress in the bedroom, the smell of dried pee was almost overpowering. She dragged it into the middle of the room.