A Love So Deep (2 page)

S
he
was everywhere. Everywhere Graham turned and in everything he touched, she was there. Her reflection peered back at him when he looked in the mirror. She was a glimmer of light on a distant ocean. He felt her hand graze his while placing the oversized pillow on her favorite spot on the sofa. On the day he’d gone fishing, there she was in all her radiant beauty, staring back at him through the ripples in the water, and he had jumped in to try and save her.

It was almost two months to the day since Amanda died. Graham had not ventured out of the house except for the day he’d gone fishing with his buddies. He sat home day in and day out waiting for Amanda to return so they could resume their life together. But with the passing of time, his obsession left him scraping the bottom of loneliness.

Today was going to be a new day, Graham promised himself. Self-pity had its place, but now he was ready to rise from its shadow. As he lay on the couch trying to make good on that promise, he was suddenly twenty again—a young man recently come to the Bay Area from St. Louis to follow a dream.

Graham’s best friend, Charlie Ford, had arrived in the Bay Area a year earlier. Charlie’s Uncle Roscoe, or Roc as he preferred to be called, migrated to California after the war, finding work at the Naval Air Station in Alameda. Uncle Roc had invited Charlie to come out west after high school.

Graham and Charlie went way back. They met at junior high school. Charlie was one year older and seven inches taller than Graham, although Graham swore he was six feet tall when he had his Sunday-go-to-meeting shoes on. Charlie had coal-black, wavy hair that appeared an iridescent blue depending on the light. Graham had a thick crown of self-made waves with the help of a little Murray’s hair pomade and a stocking cap. They were a pair. You’d rarely see one without the other. And yes, they could turn the charm on and were not accustomed to being without a girl wrapped in each arm.

Graham and Charlie played football in high school and were the main ingredient in a singing group they formed. Now Graham found himself in the Bay Area by way of Southern Pacific Railways with a shoebox filled with all his worldly possessions under his arm. Graham’s mother, Eula Mae Perry Peters, had died suddenly of a brain aneurism, one short year after his father died. So Graham set off to see the world, leaving his two younger sisters behind with his Aunt Rubye to care for them.

It was Graham’s first week in Oakland. The city was all a-buzz—a little like St. Louis, except that there were more jobs for Negroes and maybe a chance to strike it rich. Striking it rich didn’t seem to be a likely event in Graham’s immediate future unless he accidentally fell into it, but he did like the feel of the place he now called home.

Charlie subletted a small room from his Uncle Roc and asked Graham to stay with him until he got on his feet. There would be no problem with Graham getting a job. Hire notices were posted all over the black community. Everyone was looking for young, strong Negro men to work in the Naval shipyard, lifting heavy cargo.

But this was the weekend, and Graham was ready to see the sights. It had been a long, tedious ride on the train. The bright lights of the San Francisco Bay were a wonderful welcome mat for a young kid a long way from home.

“Come on, Graham,” Charlie shouted. “The show’s gonna start in about an hour. Man, you and me will be back in business in no time—all the babes we want.”

“Church, Charlie? You’ve gotta be kidding. All of those clubs we passed on the way in. I’m sure we can find some good-looking girls there. I’m ready to unwind a little, kick up my heels.”

“Relax, Graham. They say if you want a real woman, go to the church house. There’s a convention going on at this big church up on Market Street that’s about three blocks away and in walking distance. My man, Curtis MacArthur, swore up and down that there’s gonna be a lot of babes at the convention. They come from far and wide. Graham, man, you can take your pick—short ones, tall ones, skinny ones, fat if you like, but there’s enough to go around for seconds, thirds if you want. There’s gonna to be good music, eating and even a little preaching, but this is the place to be if you want the cream of the crop.”

“Charlie, you are crazy. You should have been a car salesman. Anyway, I don’t have anything to wear.”

“That’s no problem. Uncle Roc got plenty of suits. They might be a tad bit too big, but they’ll do for tonight.” Charlie laughed and hit Graham on the back. “You’re my buddy, and we’re a team. Now what kinda friend would I be strolling with a fine babe on my arm and my best friend sitting back in the room all by himself?”

“You don’t want me to answer that…?”

“Go on, tell me.”

“What makes you so sure any of these girls are gonna even look at you? They’re lookin’ for preachers so they can become first ladies. No slick, jive-talking, unrepentant, tall, dreamy-eyed, dark-haired boy without an ounce of salvation got half a chance.”

“I was counting on that tall, dreamy-eyed, dark-haired boy to do the trick.” They both laughed until it hurt.

“You’re right,” Graham continued, “we are a pair, but you run on tonight. I’ll catch you in church another time.”

“Suit yourself, buddy. You’re gonna wish you were there. And don’t let me have to tell you I told you so.”

“Get on and get out of here. I might take a walk later.”

“Gonna try and sneak a peek, eh?”

“Catch you later.”

Graham sat in the room contemplating life—what he was going to do tonight and then tomorrow. An hour had passed since Charlie left. It seemed the whole neighborhood had evaporated into the night—a hushed quiet that made Graham a bit wary. He jumped up and went to the window, but only the stars and the moon dared to stare back at him, the moon illuminating his face in the windowpane.

Graham grabbed his jacket off the chair and headed out the door. He wasn’t sure where he was going, but he knew he needed to get out of that noiseless house—maybe hear a little music, ahh maybe some preaching, but he wanted to be where there was life and a little reminder of home.

He headed West passing a few couples out strolling. Then he noticed the cars—so many lined the street. He continued another block, and the cars—Buicks, Packards, and Fords, inhabited every available space on either side of the street. Yeah, he would own one of them one day. Then he heard it, felt it reverberate throughout his body. It reminded him of thunder, cymbals crashing. Yes, someone was having a good time, and it didn’t sound like the blues they were playing back at Slim’s in St. Louis.

As Graham neared the big church on Market Street, a flurry of activity surrounded it. The building seemed to sway on its cinder blocks, careful not to empty its precious cargo from inside. It was ten p.m., and although there seemed to be a lot going on inside the church, there was a lot happening outside as well. Small circles of young people milled about holding conversations. Suddenly, Graham was converged upon by a sea of purple and white choir robes which dutifully stretched into a single line waiting to march into the sanctuary. Graham looked around, but Charlie was nowhere to be found.

As Graham inched closer, a beautiful girl in her late teens emerged from the fellowship hall. She was about Graham’s height, give or take an inch. She wore the prettiest white silk suit and a white pill hat with a bow made of lace attached to the front. The ends of her hair were turned up in a shoulder-length flip that accentuated her nutmeg-colored skin. But it was the nut-brown legs that made Graham come from his hiding place. Graham stumbled over a workhorse that had been placed over an open manhole. He regained his composure and followed her right into church.

He’d forgotten for a moment that he was not dressed appropriately, but that didn’t matter. Charlie was right; “the crème de la crème” resided here. Someone called “Amanda,” and the girl with the nut-brown legs waved her hand. What a pretty name. Graham would have to move closer if he was going to say anything to her at all. She looked his way and then quickly away, bobbing her head to the music as the choir marched in. She looked his way again, and Graham locked upon her gaze and didn’t let go.

She seemed shy in a girlish sort of way, but Graham forged ahead. He pushed closer to her, the crowd unyielding until he was within an inch from touching her nose.

“Hi, Amanda,” he said above the noise.

She sneered at him, wrinkling up her nose.

“Who are you, and how do you know my name?” Amanda Carter demanded.

“That’s a secret,” he said, even more mesmerized by her beauty. “My name is Graham.” He extended his hand. “I’m going to be a preacher one day.”

Graham saw the puzzled look on her face. “What does that have to do with me?” she retorted, leaving his hand in mid-air.

“Well…I…Would you like to go outside and talk for a few minutes?”

Amanda cocked her head back hesitating before she spoke. Her eyes cut a path down the length of his body and rested on his wrinkled khaki pants and blue pea coat that had doubled as a pillow on his trek to the west.

“Sure, why not,” she said nonchalantly. “You seem harmless enough, but after this choir sings. They are so good.”

Oh, if Charlie could see him now. Graham could tell Ms. Amanda liked the attention he was giving her, although she pretended she didn’t. When the choir finished singing, they quietly went outside. They made small talk, but Graham was transfixed by her beauty (eyes the color of ripe olives embedded in an oval, nutmeg-colored face) and those beautiful nut-brown legs that he wished he could wrap his own around. Actually, he wanted to reach out and touch her, maybe place a kiss on those fine chiseled lips of hers that smelled of sweet berries when he got close enough to catch a whiff.

There was something about Amanda that was different—unlike those other girls who stumbled over themselves vying for the chance to be his lady. Graham Peters became a different person that night—his heart ached for Amanda Carter, a girl he had just met. If given half a chance, he would cherish her until the end of time.

Two hours had elapsed when the telephone’s ring brought Graham out of his reverie.

“Who’s wanting me now?” he said aloud. “Don’t they know I just wanna be left alone? Shut up!” he hollered at the telephone as the caller made no attempt to give up its quest to be heard. Graham made no attempt to answer. “All people want to do is give advice and get in your business,” Graham grumbled. And he was having no parts of it.

Graham walked listlessly around the house, finally retreating to his bedroom. “Why Amanda, why?” Graham cried out loud, throwing his hands in the air. He sat on the edge of the bed, closed his eyes, and shook his head. He would not fulfill his promise to himself today.
Maybe tomorrow,
Graham thought.

Graham stood up and ran his hand along the dresser where Amanda kept her things. There were photos of their two girls, Deborah and Elizabeth, now fully grown with families of their own. The pictures were taken when they were five and six years old, respectively. Sitting next to the pictures was Amanda’s jewelry box. It held everything from precious gems to costume pieces. Many were gifts the girls or Graham had given her. Amanda cherished each and every piece and would often tell people she couldn’t part with them.

Graham rifled through the box until his heart stopped where his finger had also stopped. In the midst of all those trinkets was the rose pendant Graham had given Amanda on their first date as a token of his love and affection. Graham picked up the pendant and twirled it in his hand. He clutched it tightly, finally bringing it to his chest. The memory was so vivid—that first date. Graham fell on the bed and let time take him to the moment when he knew for sure that Amanda was his true love.

It had been three weeks since Graham set eyes on Amanda at the big church on Market Street. Amanda lived not far from Charlie’s Uncle Roc, but it was difficult to see her. Since Graham worked during the day at the Naval shipyard, it was next to impossible for Amanda to meet Graham. Mr. and Mrs. Carter kept a tight rein on their daughter. The best that Graham and Amanda could hope for was a phone call here and there.

As fate would have it, Graham got a weekend off and vowed to see Amanda. After giving Charlie what he owed for rent, Graham took five dollars from his remaining salary and set off to find something nice for her. A man bearing gifts had to amount to something. He’d show the Carters what he was made of.

There was an H. G. Grant store downtown that sold nice little trinkets; hopefully, he would find something befitting Amanda. He had called her the night before and asked her to meet him there for a fountain soda. Then he would give her the gift.

Graham circled the jewelry counter examining each piece. His eyes finally rested on the most beautiful rose pendant he had ever seen. He picked up the pendant and examined it thoroughly. A big, burly white woman peered at him from over the counter, sure Graham had no money to pay for the pendant. It made Graham’s heart soar when he asked those steely-blue eyes how much the pendant cost. When she said $3.95, he handed her a five-dollar bill. It made his heart even happier when he saw Amanda walk through the door and head for the lunch counter.

Graham hoped she was as happy to see him as he was to see her. It was the longest three weeks, but sometimes things worth having took a long time to obtain. He saw her look around, then look at her watch, wondering if he would show. He picked up his stride, walked up behind her, and whispered, “Hi, Amanda. You look so pretty today.”

Unable to contain her smile, Amanda blushed openly. Graham and Amanda stood at the counter and ordered floats, then sipped in silence. It was easy on the phone, but talking to each other in person posed a real challenge. Neither of them had felt this way about anyone else. They were both so young, however, nothing had prepared them for how they felt now. Graham sipped the last of his float and prepared to speak.

“I have a little something for you. I hope you don’t mind.”

“What is it, Graham?”

“You’ll just have to open it and see,” he said excitedly.

Amanda reached into the bag and pulled out the cardstock that held the rose pendant. Her smile turned to a frown. “I can’t accept this, Graham. My parents would be furious.”

“They wouldn’t have to know; it’s just between us. You can wear it whenever we’re together. Do you like it? I picked it out special for you.”

“Yes, I like it…I like it very much It’s the best gift anyone has ever given me outside of my mother and father.”

Graham was pleased with himself.

They sat staring at each other, each wanting a little more. A long A-line wool skirt now covered those nut-brown legs that Graham had admired. The wrinkled shirt and khaki pants Graham wore on the night he met Amanda were replaced with a red-and-white-striped, short-sleeved shirt that was tucked in a pair of starched blue slacks.

“I need to run home now. I’d like to see you again, though. Maybe we can meet in the park.”

“How about tomorrow?” Graham said gleefully. “I have the whole weekend free. Mosswood Park isn’t too far from here. We could meet about noon.”

“I have to go to church tomorrow, but maybe I can get away around two o’clock.”

“Okay, that would…”

“Graham, I have a better idea. Why don’t you come to church tomorrow? That way, my parents would see you—even get to meet you.”

Graham pondered this. Church was where he met her, but he certainly had no intention of venturing back there anytime soon. Graham saw the spark in Amanda’s eyes, and somehow he knew that if he disappointed her, he would probably lose her forever. He must really be in love to agree to attend church services. There was nothing left to do but say yes.

Graham was cute and even a little intelligent—well, maybe very intelligent in a weird sort of way. He was kind and attentive, although the extent of their casual relationship had been through the telephone lines.

Amanda’s eyes searched the pews looking for Graham, not wanting to appear too anxious. He said he would come to the eleven o’clock service that had been in progress for the past ten minutes. Then she spotted him in the rear of the church. She slowly turned her head back toward the front, satisfied things were falling into place. She allowed herself a small grin—surprised by her own forwardness, her attempt to be a catalyst in bringing the two of them together.

She was in love and like a flower in bloom.

There were plenty of walks in the park after that day in church—the trip to the Santa Cruz boardwalk and many root beer floats were slurped from the counter of H. G. Grant. A few kisses were shared between them—sweet, tender kisses. And their bodies begged for more than Amanda was willing to give at the time.

There would be more than enough time for that, as Graham finally proposed to Amanda four months later, to the delight of both Deacon and Mrs. Carter. And to top it all off, Graham became a deacon in the big church up on Market Street—a place Amanda knew Graham had come to love. It wasn’t just the people or the fact he met Amanda there, it was the love that transcended the place and how Graham was taken in among its members and made one of their own. And now he was going to marry the head deacon’s daughter. He and Charlie could have never envisioned this back in St. Louis.

Graham opened his eyes. The house was dark and still. He must have lain there a long time, because the street lamps provided the only light that shone in his empty house and empty heart. It was then he realized that the rose pendant was still in his hand. He slowly rose from the bed and put the pendant back in the jewelry box, closing the lid gently. Another day had come and gone.