A Long Distance Love Affair (33 page)

Long time no hear, no read, no speak, no see, no feel, no......

"Some glory in their birth, some in their skill,

Some in their wealth, some in their body's force,

Some in their garments, though newfangled ill,

Some in their hawks and hounds, some in their horse;

And every humour hath his adjunct pleasure,

Wherein it finds a joy above the rest.

But these particulars are not my measure:

All these I better in one general best.

Thou art better than high birth to me,

Richer than wealth, prouder than garments' costs,

Of more delight than hawks or horses be;

And having thee, of all men's pride I boast -

 Wretched in this alone, that thou mayst take

 All this away and me most wretched make."

Missing you

Your wretched one

Dear Silent One

I'm just back from hearing one of my favourite authors speak at the Town Hall.  It was Alexander McCall Smith who writes about Botswana and Edinburgh having lived in both places.  He came out in full kilt regalia which was lovely to see and he is such a witty entertaining man.  His novels are beautiful gentle explorations of life and relationships.  He was originally a Professor of Law at Edinburgh and has made the transition to serial novel writing.  The hall was full to brimming and the audience was just entranced.  For those who love reading it is a wonderful experience to be in the presence of someone for whom the telling of tales comes with such ease and humanity.  It was a lovely night.  I also walked there and back from home so I'm feeling good about that too.

Wish I was reading your stories...

Chariette

Dear Most Absent One

 I am beginning to wonder what I must have done or said to upset thee.  Whatever it might have been please forgive me and come back!  I am missing you so much.  My body is aching for your touch, my eyes for your beautiful face, my ears for your voice, my lips for your lips, my hands for well all of you really.

Please don't leave me abandoned for too long!!

Chariette

Dear Delicious Voice

Thank you for your much appreciated call. Glad to find out it was the busy shoulder and not the cold shoulder....was worried there for a bit - ! Oh how to stop wanting you has become the quandary of my life.....

A much relieved Chariette

Oh how I'd love your warm and tender lips all over me tonight.....

My Beautiful James

I don’t know how to start this email but I must.  I can’t continue with this anymore.  I can’t exist on the starvation diet of so little contact with you.  It’s been so very hard this past year. You seem to have withdrawn significantly from me.   So many emails never responded to….nothing from you for weeks and weeks and you don’t appear to ever want to call in on me.  I need much more emotional and physical sustenance than you are able to give me.  I realise what a very small tucked away compartment of your life I am – and it’s not enough for me.  I yearn for someone for whom I can be the whole glorious wondrous reason for their existence – not something that can be called upon at (diminishing) times of mere convenience.

I can’t exist on the dream of ‘wouldn’t it be good if….’  I have come to realise that we will never share a coffee; I’ll never cook a meal for you (oh so lovingly); we’ll never see a film together; we’ll never enjoy a simple walk together; we’ll never have that weekend away together; you’ll never take me to Paris or Hanoi or anywhere really. And I’ve been putting my life on hold for so long for a dream that is mere puff and fancy.

I have a good heart, a kind soul, a warm and loving nature and need someone in my life who has the space to receive this and reciprocate it.   I must give you up if I am to have any chance of opening myself up to the possibility of anyone else.  I’ve got to go cold turkey.  You are like a drug to me.  I have truly been so besotted with you and I know it’s going to be impossible to find anyone who comes near to matching the passion you have engendered in me.  But I must try before I become a decrepit old bat that no-one will be interested in.

I beg you to help me do this.  I know this will be a blow to you, and I’m feeling terribly sorry for you as I know what a sterile emotional and physical desert you live in at home, but I have lived the past 6 years to fit entirely in with your needs and circumstances.  I have to recognise mine now and try to do something about them.

I know you were so very honest with me right from the beginning and I have no reason to complain of these circumstances and I walked into everything very willingly and openly.  And you brought me such great happiness and made me feel wonderful and you just have to think back on all the passion I poured into my communication with you to know how much you moved me (and continue to).  But I’ve been feeling quite down for quite some time with your absence and the knowledge that this is probably how it’s going to be from now on is something I can’t bear. I don’t want to waste what’s left of my life feeling unhappy and pining so piteously for you.  And I’m not asking you to do anything but let me go…

I’m sorry to have to write all of this to you, but we never meet and the brief time you can spare me on the phone make this the only avenue open to me.

You are my Prince, my Adonis, my beautiful darling boy - but you are also my downfall, and I must break free from your spell on me.  It is going to be so very difficult for me to do this. 

Please help me.

I am so very sorry

Anna

Beautiful Boy

God I know how heroin addicts must feel....it was wonderful to be with you for a few moments and I loved the walk with you and your dog...such a pity we've haven't done more of that.

I don't want to lose you from my life. You are a true friend and are deeply important to me. And I hope you will want me to be your confidante too.

My new Jamesless path in life will be one of the most difficult things I've ever had to face. 

God help me in my resolve!

Anna

Ae fond kiss, and then we sever;

Ae farewell, alas, for ever!

Deep in heart-wrung tears I'll pledge thee,

Warring sighs and groans I'll wage thee.

Who shall say that Fortune grieves him,

While the star of hope she leaves him?

Me, no cheerful twinkle lights me;

Dark despair around benights me.

I'll ne'er blame my partial fancy,

Nothing can resist my (James):

For to see him was to love him;

Love but him, and love for ever.

Had we never loved so kindly;

Had we never loved so blindly'

Nor never met - nor never parted,

We would ne’er have been so broken-hearted.

Fare-thee-well, my first and fairest

Fare-thee-well, my best and dearest

Thine be every joy and treasure,

Peace, Enjoyment, Love and Pleasure!

Ae fond kiss, and then we sever

Ae farewell alas, for ever

Deep in heart-wrung tears I'll pledge thee

Warring sighs and groans I'll wage thee.....

Dear James

It was good to hear from you last night.  I hope you got all your jobs done and managed a walk in the park. You definitely deserve a walk in the park.  Fill in your timetable with some things that please you (instead of just everyone else) and stick to them!

I am still walking the dark path of separation from you.  I may have slipped a little but I'm determined to push on as there is no other option for me.  I'm not going to allow myself to see you any more as it makes it so hard for me.  I've got to try to get over my passion for you or I'll never find anyone else I can let into my life who has the space to be a real partner to me.  I really need this now.  I want to be able to go out with someone and enjoy things together and share happy times of lovely open companionship.  You have given me divine, wonderful moments but I need more than occasional moments.  I hope that I will be able to find someone who can cherish me before I die and someone I can truly cherish too.  I wish it was you but we both know that's not possible (and it's not what you want) so I have no choice but to continue with my resolve here.  And the last thing you need is another demanding woman in your life!!  But I have needs and your life situation means that you can't meet them.

Sorry to write all this stuff to you but this medium is all I have to communicate with you.

Please don't call in on me unannounced.  It won't help me at all.  It sets me off on the terrible torture of hoping you might come and then being dashed bleeding on the rocks with disappointment when you don't.  I don't want to go through these terrible peaks and troughs of hopes and disappointments any more..... I'm really serious about this.  My heart can't take it any more...

Anna

Dear Fit One

Glad to hear you are keeping yourself busy and benefiting your beautiful body at the same time.  Ashamed to admit that I would very much like to be benefiting from your jumping out of your skin state.