A Life Worth Living (5 page)

“Good morning, Gaby,” her mother said. “Can I make you some coffee?”

“No, I want to go back to sleep. Where’s Rafi?” Gaby sat down on the daybed and crossed her legs underneath her.

“He left for school already. His ride leaves at seven-fifteen.”

“Wow, that’s early,” Gaby said. She may be a total loser with nothing to do, but at least she didn’t have to wake up at the crack of dawn. “Hey, are you going to the kindergarten today?”

“Yup, my first day. And it’s not called kindergarten, it’s called
ma’on
. It’s for babies who are pre- kindergarten.”

“That’ll be a nice break for you. Kids that young don’t talk back.” Gaby smiled.

“Yes, that would be a welcome change,” her mother said ruefully. She paused and then looked determinedly at Gaby. “I’ll be home around four and I want to talk to you about something then.”

“Talk to me about what?”

“Let’s discuss it later. I have to go to work. I don’t have time right now.” Mrs. Kupfer turned to the sink and started washing her mug.

“Come on, just tell me!”

Mrs. Kupfer held the counter for a minute and then turned to face Gaby. “About going to seminary.”

Gaby’s mouth dropped open. Every time they were getting along, her mother had to try to control her. “You are kidding. Right? I’m not going to seminary. It’s like thirteenth grade.” Wasn’t she clear when she said she wasn’t going back to school? Just because most of the post-high school population in Brooklyn came to
Israel for a year to do a repeat of twelfth grade and to avoid responsibility, didn’t mean that she had to.

“You need something to do. You can’t just sit around the whole day!” Her mother planted her hands on her hips.

“I’m not! I painted my room yesterday, and today I’m going to start on Rafi’s room. I could also paint your room and the kitchen if you want …” Gaby bit her lip, trying to think of something else to add.

“Listen to yourself! Looking for things to paint…” Mrs. Kupfer pursed her lips and shook her head. Then, in a more imploring tone, she added, “It might not be as bad as you think. You might make friends. Wouldn’t it be nice to live in Yerushalayim?”

Gaby shook her head. “There’s no chance in hell I’m going back to that screwed-up type of school,” she said flatly.

Mrs. Kupfer looked at her daughter for a long moment. Then she pushed herself away from the counter and left the house without saying another word.

The screen door stuck open behind her, and the cheerful morning sounds of the
yishuv
came in, mocking Gaby, who was sitting there motionless on the daybed, staring at her hands.

Israel
was starting to look like a bad idea. Why did she think things would be different here?

As soon as
shabbos
was over, Gaby got ready to leave. She took a quick shower, and then stood dripping in her room, trying to decide what to wear. Something cool that didn’t seem like she was trying too hard. She had made plans with Shira to hang out in Jerusalem, and she was pretty sure that Saar was going to come too. It had been fun hanging out with him the other night on the hilltop, and the attention he directed at Gaby didn’t hurt. It was flattering that a cute guy, someone who had the bone structure of an Abercrombie model and carried a machine gun for a living, seemed to be interested in her. Especially since the boy who she had thought was interested in her hadn’t contacted her at all since she had left New York.

Staring at her meager collection of clothes, Gaby wished she had another shot to go shopping at TJ Maxx. After giving up hope for a sudden burst of inspiration, she settled on a pair of worn-out jeans and a black turtleneck. She added a red beaded necklace and twisted her hair in a loose French braid. A pair of flip-flops displayed her deep-red pedicure, a goodbye present from Tovah.

Dressed, she sat down on top of her second-hand desk, another gift from a helpful neighbor, and, leaning in close to the fake gold gilt mirror that was hung on the wall over the desk, she carefully applied her makeup. When she was finished, she watched the hands on a salvaged black-and-white kitchen clock move until it was time to leave.

Gaby opened her bedroom door. Her mother was in her room, busy with the laptop. Gaby scowled in her direction and walked past Rafi’s room. He was lying in bed, reading a book.

“Hey, buddy.”

“Hi.” Rafi put down his book. “You look nice.”

“Thanks. I’m going out with some friends.”

“Cool.” Rafi went right back to reading his book, something about Jews and baseball, based on the image on the cover.

Gaby watched him for a minute.
Shabbos
had been a disaster. She was furious with her mother for wanting to send her to seminary, and she hadn’t wanted to go out of her room to eat the arranged meals, hosted by overly friendly neighbors. Rafi begged her to come with him, telling her that he was too embarrassed to go without her, and eventually she conceded. She spent both meals picking at challah and ignoring the conversation around her. The rest of
shabbos
she laid in bed, and obsessively speculated on why Benny still had not gotten in touch with her.

“I’ll see you later,” Gaby said to Rafi’s back.

“See ya.”

Gaby slipped out of the house without her mother noticing, and made her way down the hill toward Shira’s house.

Shira was sitting on the ground outside her house, picking at something in the grass, her bent head illuminated by the moon overhead. The windows of the house behind her were well-lit, and Gaby could see people moving around. Shira stood up as Gaby approached. She was dressed in another colorful ensemble, with baggy pants and a striped top made of hemp-like cloth. Her blond hair was loose around her shoulders and her face was bare of makeup.

She gave Gaby a tight hug. “Ready to go? The guys are waiting for us at the entrance.”

Gaby smiled when she heard the plurality of the word ‘guys’. “Yeah, but could I go online for a minute? I just want to check my Facebook account.”

“Oh come on, who cares? Let’s just go.”

“No, please,” Gaby begged. “My mother won’t let me use her computer, and I really need to see if Benny wrote anything.” Gaby had told Shira all about her murky relationship with Benny, and Shira had advised that she should forget about him and get with Saar. This way, because Shira was dating Chen, they could all hang out whenever the soldiers were on weekend leave from their base.

“Okay, but then you promise not to talk about him for the rest of the night?”

“I promise,” Gaby said, willing to promise anything to get near a computer.

Shira smirked. “I have a better idea. If Benny didn’t write anything to you, you have to make out with
Saar.”

Gaby pushed her away in mock horror. “You’re crazy!”

“You know he wants to,” Shira sang, leading Gaby into her house. Gaby said a polite hello to Shira’s parents, who were cleaning up from
shabbos
, and waved to the numerous siblings who were strewn about the living room, watching something on the plasma TV.

“You have a nice family,” Gaby said, as she sat down at the computer.

“Nice is not the word,” Shira muttered.

Gaby looked at Shira for an explanation, but then forgot about the remark as she quickly logged into her e-mail account and then Facebook. There was nothing much in her messages and notifications, just some comments from Tovah and her friends back home about how much they missed her. She bit her lip and went to Benny’s profile to see what he was up to.

“Shira! Oh my God. He’s unbelievable!”

“What? What happened?” Shira bent over Gaby shoulder to take a look. “He’s not that cute,” she commented, looking at the profile picture of Benny dressed in a backwards baseball cap and white wife-beater like he was an extra in a gangster movie.

“He de-friended me. I do not freakin’ believe it.” Gaby stared at the screen in front of her, seething. Why would he do that? Was she really that annoying?

“Come on! Who cares?” Shira pulled on Gaby’s arm. “You’re wasting too much time on this. Let’s go already.”

Gaby got up slowly, still looking at the screen in shock.

“Look at it this way,” Shira said, wrapping her arm around Gaby’s waist. “You have a rebound waiting for you in the car.”

Gaby smiled weakly, and let herself be pulled away from the incontrovertible proof that she wasn’t even worth being Benny’s Facebook friend. How lame was that?

In the car, Gaby sat up front with
Saar, while Chen and Shira kissed noisily in the backseat.

“You like this song?”
Saar asked her.

Gaby shrugged, unable to disengage from the pity-party-for-one she was busy with at the moment. “It’s okay.”

He was quiet for the next few minutes, listening to some Israeli song playing on the radio that he raised to full volume in an attempt to drown out the sounds from the backseat. “Moshe Peretz,” Saar offered.

Gaby heaved a sigh and looked intently out the window.

Saar gave up and stayed mostly silent the rest of the way, occasionally humming along to the music.

When they reached
Jerusalem, Gaby perked up a bit. The city was beautiful at night. The juxtaposition of the old stone structures along the highway right next to gas stations, combined with the swath of lights sparkling from the apartment buildings dotting the nearby hills, gave Gaby a feeling of being in a place that transcended time. A bridge, lit up in an eerie blue color, arched and twisted overhead as Saar drove underneath it.

“King David’s
Harp Bridge,” Saar said helpfully when Gaby turned back to look at the bridge in the rearview mirror.

“Oh, cuz it’s in the shape of David’s harp?”

“Ah, I see you know your
Tanach
,” Saar said.

“That’s about the sum of what I know about King David,” Gaby retorted.

“If you got questions, I got answers.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Gaby said wearily. She was sick of these confident boys who assumed she was fascinated by everything they had to say.

Saar pulled into a tight space on a dark side street and expertly parked the car with two quick turns of the wheel. The group got out of the car and walked down the cobblestone street into a large, well-lit city square that was filled with people, little kiosks selling junk, and too many bars to count. Teenagers, their long wild hair curled into dreadlocks, hung around, sitting on the curbs and benches, playing music and calling out to each other.

“What’s this place called?” Gaby asked.

“Kikar Tzion,” Saar said.

“Or
Shuk haFreakim
,” cackled Shira.

Saar
led the way into an entrance of one of the bars. They went down a couple of steps that led into a small courtyard. Tables set with board games were scattered around. Groups of Israelis gathered around the tables, playing backgammon and smoking heavily.

“We’ll be right back,” Shira called out to Gaby.

Gaby nodded, watching Chen and Shira stumble away into a dark corner, giggling.

“So.”
Saar walked over to a table and sat down heavily, resting his head on his arm.

Gaby sat down on a cane chair. She sat sideways, leaning against the stone wall so she could watch the other patrons. There was something about the Israeli men, with their tight European-style clothing and slick, gelled hair that made them all seem faintly gay, despite the girls they were with.
Saar, on the other hand, was dressed in a relaxed outfit of loose jeans and a soft gray polo shirt. He did not seem gay at all.

Saar
looked up and noticed her watching him. “You wanna tell me what’s up or are you gonna ignore me the whole night?” Saar nudged Gaby’s bare arm.

Gaby made a face. “You’ll laugh at me.”

“No, I won’t. I promise.” Saar sat up, suddenly animated, his green eyes wide in an exaggerated solicitous expression.

“Remember I told you about my… um… boyfriend?”
Saar nodded. “Well, he wasn’t really my boyfriend, just this guy that I used to hang out with a lot. And he didn’t contact me at all since I came to Israel, and I was wondering what was going on with him, so I checked his Facebook page, and he had de-friended me.”

Saar
looked at her, his eyebrows creased. “I don’t get it.”

Gaby bit her lip and said in a low voice, “It means he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore.”

“Oh.” Then, a minute later, Saar added, “It’s his loss.”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” She could just imagine Benny crying bitterly, while being consoled by another sweetheart.

“
Harefuah ba’ah lifnei hamakah
,” he said.

“Mmm?”

“God sends the cure before the punishment.” Saar gave her a wink and sat up. He leaned his head against the wall, mirroring her position.

Gaby laughed. “Wow. So I guess you’re my cure?”

“I could be.”

Gaby laughed again and shook her head, but inside, that hard ball of rejection eased a little.

Shira and Chen came back holding onto each other, their faces flushed.

“What’s this? You didn’t order drinks yet?” Shira asked. “
Saar, go sit next to Gaby. I want to sit on this side.”

Saar
got up and went over to Gaby’s side of the table, while Shira collapsed into his vacated chair. Chen sat down next to Shira, practically on top of her. “
Meltzar
!” he called out to the waiter. Gaby stared down at her pedicure, hiding a smile, and ignored Saar, who sat down noisily next to her. She wasn’t going to make it easy for him. Let him work for it a little.