A Life More Complete (8 page)

“I know!” I rush to her and hug her
close. “I miss you more each time I leave.”

“Don’t leave this time,” she giggles.
“You can plow fields with David and babysit the kids.” I pull Liam from her
arms and he comes willingly. A huge grin spreading across his face and I coo
and giggle at him. I kiss his chubby cheeks and tickle his belly.

“Oh you have no idea how wonderful
that offer sounds right now.” She has no idea that I’d give anything for her
life. I’d love the normalcy of a husband and three kids and job that allows me
to feel I’m accomplishing something of value.

“Rough week?” she questions.

“Something like that.” I change the
subject quickly. Turning to Nico and Gianna, “So tell me what are we going to
do today? I’ve been in the car way too long and I need to have some fun!”

“Guess what, Aunt Krissy?” Nico says.

“What?” I answer with a more
enthusiasm than necessary, but it makes their eyes light up.

Before Nico can answer, Gianna blurts
out, “We got a poo!” I glance at Gia raising my eyebrows and she smiles.

“We’re still working on that /l/
sound.”

“It’s not a poo, Gigi!” Nico shouts
at her, his hands on his hips. It’s a poo-l!” He accentuates the ending sound
and she eyes him suspiciously.

I help the kids into their suits and
slather them in sunscreen. There’s a heat wave and a drought and everything
else that comes with summers in the Midwest. I borrow a suit from Gia and
follow the kids to the beautiful in ground pool that sits behind the house. And
in rare Gia form, it’s fenced and gated, locked and covered, keyed access only.
She’s the kind of mom who thinks of everything. She is amazing.

I snap on the kids coast guard
approved life vests and off they go. Nico jumping in straightaway and Gianna
easing in cautiously. I follow them in while Gia sits at the side and dangles
her feet in the water. I take Liam from her and strip him down to his diaper. He
splashes in my arms while the other two jump and play happily behind us. Her
life is the goddamn American dream.

“Anything new?” I ask even though I
talk to her at least once a week.

“No, not really. Go back to work in a
week.” She makes a sick face and rolls her eyes. Gia’s an elementary school
social worker. Even though she likes to believe she hates her job, she doesn’t.
“I’m ready though. I need to get some structure back in this house. It’s been a
zoo for the last six months. With me being off on maternity leave and all, things
have gotten a bit out of control.”

“I seriously doubt that. You’re the
only person I know who has it as together as you do. You make being a parent
look effortless. You should write a book.”

“Yeah, right,” she says changing the
subject. “Where’s Trini?” Gia’s met Trini several times but knows only what she
reads in the tabloids. No matter how much she pries, I’ve never given up the
goods on Trini.

“She’s sleeping. She needed a break
from everything.”

“Cryptic, like always,” she scoffs,
unenthused. “One day will you tell me everything?” She smiles and nods her
head. “I have very little stimulation in my adult life, you owe it to me.”

“One day when I leave my job behind
and lead a normal life I will tell you everything.” I’ve subdued her for a
short time. I know she’ll question me later.

We’re all gathered around the kitchen
table after our swim waiting for David to return with pizza. I’ve always joked
with Gia about living in the middle of nowhere, but they can’t get a pizza
delivered to their home, so I know it’s the truth. The kids and I are competing
in a burping contest that I can tell is annoying Gia to no end, when I hear
someone call my name. I turn around and find Trini standing at the door to the
mudroom. “Hey Trini. You remember Gia, right?” Gia rises and hugs her briefly. “These
are Gia and David’s kids, Nico, Gianna and Liam. We were just getting ready to
eat dinner. Join us?”

“Sure,” she responds shyly.

David returns with the pizza shorty
after Trini’s arrival and we eat, talking and laughing, reliving old stories
and telling jokes with the kids. Trini is quiet, but polite. She looks better. The
color has returned to her skin and she’s eating, so I can’t be too concerned. She
helps clear the table and clean up before retreating back to the guesthouse. I
give the kids baths, allowing Gia and David a break. First is Liam, once he’s
done Gia nurses him to sleep as I corral Nico and Gianna and bathe them
together. We make a Lego boat that I’m sure will float; yet they doubt my
ability and it sinks like a rock. They’re giggling and splashing around and I
can’t help feel a pang of jealously for Gia’s life.

After bath, I read each of them four
books and Gianna falls asleep in my arms as I rock in the chair with her. I
kiss her head and place her in her crib. She rolls over and cuddles up to a
kitty head attached to a small blanket. Her dark curly hair splayed out over
the white crib sheet. She looks serene and beautiful.

I creep downstairs, so I don’t
disturb the kids. I head through the kitchen to the family room, but stop
short. I can see Gia through the doorway to the family room. She’s curled up on
David’s lap, her face buried in his neck. He’s stroking her hair gently as he
whispers something in her ear. She looks up at him and he kisses her softly on
the lips. She sits up straddling him while his hands move to either side of her
face. They kiss with more urgency, more passion. His hands trail down her back
and ease under her behind cupping her. She pulls away and he says, “I love you.”
I can see the respect and love in his eyes. They have a marriage that’s based
off of love and friendship, both of them knowing exactly what the other needs. I
want what they have, but I can’t help but wonder if they are an anomaly. How
often do you find someone who understands you so fully that they just know when
to leave you alone and when to comfort you? Like everything Gia does, she makes
it look effortless.

“Hey, David? You want a beer? Gia,
you want anything?” I call from the kitchen so as to not to completely
interrupt their time together.

“No, thanks,” Gia answers.

“Yes, Kris. Thanks.” David is the
only person who calls me Kris. It makes me feel like a different person. I’m
not Kristin, publicist who hates her job and is on duty 24 hours a day and I’m
not Krissy, kid with a shitty home life and awful parents. I’ve always tried to
use the name Kristin at work, but no matter what I do Krissy still slips
through. Ellie and my clients are the only ones who use my proper name, yet in
given situations both Melinda and Bob will slip between the two. I thought if I
forced myself into the role of Kristin that maybe I would be able to outrun my childhood
nickname. I should have known better.

I take a deep breath and head into
the family room; Gia’s now sitting next to David as they both stare at the television.
I hand David his beer and plop down in the overstuffed chair across from them.

“How was your flight?” David asks.

“Fine. Pretty typical. Long and
boring. Had to make a few stops along the way so it took longer to get here
than usual.”

“Why didn’t you fly into Madison?”
David asks smirking.

“You know why, you asshole! That
shitty 40 passenger plane scares the crap out of me. The last time I took that
flight, I swear that damn plane was going to crash. The turbulence was awful.” The
funny part of this story is that with my job I have flown on seaplanes that
seated six and private jets, helicopters and pretty much every aircraft ever
made, so my fear of small planes ended quickly with the exception of flying
from Chicago to Madison. I still couldn’t bring myself to get on a plane with
the intent of flying that short of a distance. When I was on that fateful
flight I prayed to God that if he kept the plane flying I would never waste
time on something so tedious. I saw it as a sign when it didn’t crash and even
though I wasn’t a serious churchgoer I owed it to God for possibly saving my
ass from plummeting to my death in a run-down regional jet somewhere over
Rockford.

“I love that story,” David says. “It
wasn’t that bad. You can be so dramatic sometimes.”

“Your face was priceless,” Gia joins
in. “I think you even screamed out loud once. The flight attendant gave you the
evil eye. Remember? I checked your pants when we got off to see if you peed.” I
chuck a pillow at her and scowl.

“Okay, enough making fun of me. I
overreacted. Better? At least I can admit it now.” I throw my hands up in
defeat.

“As stimulating as you two are, I
have to go to bed. Someone has to work for a living around here.”

David pecks Gia on the lips and heads
to the bedroom. Gia and I sit in silence for a few seconds before she begins
again. “So, if I guess why you’re here, will you tell me?”

“No, Gia, I won’t,” I say shaking my
head.

“Fine. I won’t ask again,” she
admonishes.

“Yes you will, who are you kidding?” I
laugh.

“I know, sorry. So, how’s Ben?” she
asks changing the subject.

“He’s Ben, totally and utterly
perfect.” Just saying his name makes me smile like a fool. Gia looks at me and
smiles back.

“He is so adorable,” she says in an
exaggerated tone. “So when are you going to admit it?”

“Admit what?” I play dumb, but I know
exactly what she’s talking about. My feelings for Ben are so foreign that I can’t
even understand how to process them.

“Really? So that’s how it’s going to
be? It’s obvious that you love him,” she says shaking her head at me.

“I need a drink.” I roll my eyes at
her and leave the room. By the time I reach the kitchen my anxiety is out of
control, not because of fear, but because she’s right. I pull another beer from
the refrigerator and drink much faster than necessary. When Gia comes into the
kitchen, I sigh deeply and wait for her motherly lecture. She’s been like this
since we were kids. It’s almost like she feels the need to fill in where my
mother failed. She runs her hand through her hair and glares at me.

 
“I know what you’re doing. Stop avoiding
my question and stop pushing him away. Maybe you don’t do it intentionally or
maybe you do. I don’t know. I just know you use your job as a shield to hide
from relationships, but it’s more than that. You’re not your mother or father. You’re
a kind, loving person. You won’t repeat their mistakes and I know Tyler fucked
you up big time, but move on.”

As much as it hurts to hear Gia’s
words I know she’s right. I am holding back for all those reasons and more.

“Thanks, Gia. I really needed this,”
I whisper.

“Me, too. I’m so glad you’re here. I
wish you could stay longer.”

It’s late, far too late for Gia to be
up. Knowing her kids will wake at the crack of dawn, we both retire. As I brush
my teeth and wash my face I replay Gia’s words in my head “
I know Tyler fucked you up big time, but move on.
” Thoughts of
Tyler flood my memory and I clench my eyes shut in an attempt to obliterate him
from my memory like I’ve done so many times before.

 
My fingers begin to tap as I climb into
bed taking a few deep breaths and as soon as my head hits the pillow, I’m out. I
can’t remember a time when I’ve slept so deeply. I wake to the smell of coffee
and bacon. I shuffle my way to the kitchen. Gia is at the stove making
breakfast—pancakes and bacon. There is fresh fruit on the counter. I grab
a strawberry and sit down cross-legged in a kitchen chair. The kids are both
staring aimlessly at the television in the family room as it blares some
bizarre song about chicken soup with rice.

“Morning, Gi.”

“Hey, Krissy. Sleep well?”

“Always. I think it’s the Midwest,
does it to me every time,” I say smiling.

“Move back,” she laughs and both of
us know that although it’s a joke, she’s serious.

“Maybe.”

Gia shouts for the kids to come eat
breakfast and neither of them moves, their eyes glued to the television. I can
hear the annoyance in her voice when she calls again, so I offer to take the
kids off her hands for a few hours. She agrees without giving it a second
thought and shoves all three kids out the door with buckets for strawberry
picking. I stop off at the guesthouse and find Trini sitting at the kitchen
table drinking coffee. She looks well and smiles at me when I invite her to
join us.

Trini meets us a few minutes later
and she’s adorable with the kids. She takes turns carrying Nico and Gianna on
her back as we hike our way to the field. She helps them pick far too many
strawberries, all of them stuffing their faces until Gianna’s face is smeared
with red. Trini stops and takes pictures with her phone of the kids and me. She
hands the phone to me and I snap a few of her and the kids. I’ve never seen her
so carefree. She has so much pressure and stress, but she trudges through never
getting to be a kid herself. It’s like someone has flipped a switch and given
her back her childhood, the one she missed so long ago. She catches me staring
at her and she smiles, a big beaming bright smile, a real smile; the kind that
you feel in your heart. She walks over to me, leaving the kids to gorge themselves
on even more strawberries.