A Life Less Ordinary (49 page)

Rebecca’s
shoulders moved in an almost imperceptible shrug.  “And now I couldn’t care
less.  It was a long time ago, and I survived.  Jaime survived.  In fact, we
thrived.”

“I
tried to find you, you know.  About two, three years after the Mankowskis
died.”

She
raised a skeptical eyebrow.

“I...didn’t
really try that hard,” he admitted sheepishly.  “I was already drinking pretty
hard by then and -” he shook his head.  “You and Jaime were better off without
me.  Trust me.  You really were.”

Rebecca’s
face creased with a slight frown.  “Drinking?” she asked.

“Jaime
hasn’t told you yet?”  Devon grimaced ruefully.  “I’m an alcoholic.  I’ve been
sober now for almost four years but I had to hit a pretty awful rock bottom
before I finally decided I didn’t want to live like that anymore.”  He glanced
over his shoulder at the woman sitting at the distant table.  “I put my wife
through hell.  My kids, too.”  He shook his head as he turned his attention
back to Rebecca.  “You and Jaime really
were
better off without me.”

Rebecca
cocked her head to one side as she considered him.  “I didn’t think so at the
time,” she said drily.

Devon
grimaced again.  “I’m sorry, Rebecca.  Really, truly sorry.  I was so
irresponsible, and such...”

“An
asshole?”

He
barked a sudden laugh.  “Jaime said you don’t pull any punches.”

“I
had to learn to stand up for myself,” she said quietly, “especially after the
Mankowskis died.”

“I
know.  I’m glad you ended up being stronger than you seemed when you were a
kid.”

Now
it was Rebecca’s turn to give a short bark of laughter.  “You and me both,” she
said.  She considered him carefully.  “Was that the only reason you wanted to
see me?” she asked.

“I
wanted to apologize.  Face-to-face.  Yes.”

“Especially
since Jaime’s found you now, and wants you to be an active part of her life. 
Right?”

Devon
slumped back in his chair.  “I deserve your suspicion.  I’m not going to bother
pretending I have a hope in hell of ever making up for the last thirty years. 
I don’t expect us to ever be friends or to be an actual part of each other’s
lives.  But I would like us to be civil.”

“Jaime’s
thirty years old.  It’s not like you have to pick her up from my house every
other weekend.  So yes, Devon, I think I can manage to be civil for those few
odd occasions when our paths will cross.”

“Well,
they’re going to cross more often now – this is a small town after all.”

Rebecca
frowned.  “I’m sorry?”

He
closed his eyes and swore.  “I’m sorry, Rebecca – Jaime asked me not to tell
you; she wanted to do it herself.”  He opened his eyes.  “She’s moving here.”

~~~~~

Rebecca
stood when Jaime walked into the motel lobby.  Their eyes met and Rebecca was
pleased to see a flash of guilt in Jaime’s eyes before the usual disdain
descended once more.  She stopped walking and tightly crossed her arms as
Rebecca walked over to her.

“What
are you doing here?” Jaime snapped.

“I’ve
come to tell you it’s time to come home.”

Jaime
snorted.  “What?  Is Tris too much trouble?  Is she interfering too much with
your lifestyle?”

Rebecca
glanced around the small lobby that was thankfully deserted except for the
woman at the front desk, watching with avid interest.  Rebecca gave her a
small, brittle smile then turned back to Jaime and said through gritted teeth,
“Do you really want to do this here?”

Jaime
made a show of looking around the lobby.  She nodded at the woman behind the
counter.

“Why
not?  Grace is a friend of mine.”

Rebecca
turned to look again at the woman in question.  Grace quickly dropped her eyes
and made herself busy on the computer, turning half away from the other two
women.

“All
right,” Rebecca said as she turned back to Jaime, “if that’s the way you want
it.”

“I
do.”

“All
right,” Rebecca said again.  “You’ve been here for over four months, heading
towards five, doing...whatever it is you’re doing here.”

“I’m
getting to know my father and my family with him,” Jaime said coldly.

“
Without including your
own daughter in that equation.”

“
This isn’t about Tris. 
This is about me and my father.”

“
And I’m here to talk
about Tris and her mother.  She needs you.  She wants to be with you.  If you
don’t want to come home, then I’ll bring Tris to you.”

Jaime snorted and looked towards Grace as she loudly said, “Sure. 
You just don’t want the responsibility of looking after your granddaughter. 
What a
wonderful
grandmother you are, mother.”

Rebecca gritted her teeth and said just as clearly and loudly,
“I’ve paid my dues, Jaime!  I was a mother at seventeen, and I did my best.  I
worked long and hard to give you a stable, safe childhood.  I love you – you’re
my daughter – but you’re not my
life
.  Not anymore.  And I love Tris –
but she’s my
grand
daughter. 
Your
daughter.  She needs to be with
you.  And I need to be a grandmother.”

Jaime
snorted.  “No, you don’t.  You just want to be with Jackson.”

Rebecca
heart ached at the mention of Jackson, but all she said was, “You’re not a
child anymore.  You’re a mother yourself.  It’s time to act like one again.”

“A
good mother would do this for her daughter!” Jaime shot back.

Rebecca
took an iron grip on her slipping self-control.  Through tightly gritted teeth,
she said, “This has nothing to do with me and whether I’m a good mother or a
good grandmother.  This has everything to do with a little ten-year-old girl
who’s asking why her mother isn’t coming home!”

“She’s
never asked me to come home!” Jaime angrily protested.

“No,
because she doesn’t want to hear you say you don’t want her!  So she asks me
instead, and I have no answers for her!  I don’t understand what you’re doing –
or why!  If you don’t want to come home, then at least have Tris with you!”

“Oh,
sure!  Two of us staying in one room here?”  Jaime expressively indicated the
motel lobby and by implication the small rooms for rent.

“For
God’s sake, Jaime!” Rebecca burst out.  “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“
I’m experiencing the
family you denied me!”

“
Are you insane? 
They
denied you!  I raised you!  I gave you everything you ever wanted!  And
this
is the result? 
How
the hell -!”  Rebecca stopped abruptly and stared at
the alien creature standing in front of her.  It was obvious her words were
falling on deaf ears.

She
straightened her shoulders.

“I’ve
come to tell you to take your daughter back – or else.”

Jaime
snorted a laugh.  “Or else what?” she sneered.

“Or
else I’ll be filing for custody.  That girl needs somebody who’s there for
her
.
Blake’s still off in some monastery or something and you’re here, living in
some kind of fantasy world that I made your childhood a living hell because you
grew up without knowing your father.”

Jaime
snorted skeptically.  “You don’t want Tris either.”

Rebecca’s
eyes widened then narrowed at what Jaime had just admitted.  She stared coldly,
then turned her back to gather up her coat and purse.

“You
have two weeks to return home or to ask me to bring Tris to you,” she said,
facing Jaime again.  Her voice was deadly quiet and even more deadly cold.  “If
you haven’t done either of those things, I’ll be filing for custody.  You can
continue spending your time here, weaving your delusional fantasy world, or you
can come home and focus on what’s real, which is your daughter.  The choice is
yours.”

Rebecca
walked towards the front door on shaking legs.  She turned around at Jaime’s
harsh laugh.

“You’re
bluffing,” Jaime sneered.

Rebecca
smiled tightly.  “I guess we’ll see, won’t we.”

She
turned towards the door then paused.

“Oh,
by the way - I had coffee with your father this morning.”

For
the first time in years, she’d finally taken Jaime completely off-guard.

“It
was very enlightening, particularly when it came to your future plans,” Rebecca
continued.  “He was very surprised – and touched – to hear he’s a grandfather. 
I learned you haven’t exactly been a hit with your half-siblings.  Or your
stepmother.”  She levelled a steady look at her.  “A fantasy world is all well
and good, but it’s hard to maintain when you’re the only one living in it.”

* * * * *

“Wow,”
Manny breathed, stunned by everything Rebecca had told her.  “How did she
react?”

“About
as well as can be expected,” Rebecca sighed.

“You
know, maybe it’s time you guys got professional help.  Family counselling, or
something.”

“I’m
way ahead of you, at least when it comes to me and Tris.  We’re going for our
first session the day after I get home, and we’re both going to have private
sessions as well.”

“
How’s she dealing with
all of this?”

Rebecca
laughed bitterly.  “About as well as can be expected,” she said again.  “She
doesn’t believe I’m going to fight for custody any more than her mother does. 
I’ve also tracked down Blake.  He’s still holed up in a monastery in France
and...I’m not sure what’s happening with him, but he says he’s in no shape to
take full responsibility for his daughter, and he’s definitely not ready to
come home.  He’s promised not to fight me for custody.”

“What
the hell?” Manny sputtered.

“He
dropped some hints that he’s dealing with more than a crisis of faith.  There’s
something very deeply wrong going on with him.”

“Shit. 
That’s awful.”

“Yeah
– poor guy.  He said he’s finding his way back – but slowly.  I just asked him
to keep in touch with Tris much more than he has been, and he agreed to do
that.  Tris talked to him for a couple of hours yesterday.”

“
Good.  I’m glad.”

“
Me, too.  As for
Blake’s parents, I finally tracked them down as well.  They’re in the
Philippines.”

“
Yeah?  And?”

“
Well, they’re sailing
around the world, and weren’t exactly enthusiastic about coming back to take
care of Tris or in taking her with them and all that would entail.  Home
schooling, that sort of thing,” Rebecca finished vaguely.

“
Jesus.  That poor kid!”

“
I know.  Worst of all,
this means she’s now stuck with me, the grandmother she doesn’t like all that
much.”

“
That hasn’t gotten
better?”

“
A little.  I guess. 
But I’ll never be her most favorite person in the whole world.”

“
She’s only ten.  Who
knows how she’ll feel by the time she’s twenty?”

Rebecca
frowned.  “Why twenty?”

“Teenagers
don’t like anybody.”

Rebecca
sputtered a laugh.  “Unless you’re Daisy’s kids.”

“True.” 
Manny paused.  “So what now?”

“Now
I wait,” Rebecca sighed.  “My lawyer’s ready to file the papers as soon as I
give her the word.”  She sighed again.  “Am I doing the right thing, Manny?”

“What
do you think?” Manny replied.

“I
don’t know.  I don’t know!  The last few months I’ve been focused on Jaime and
her problems and actions, and I’ve been blaming myself for all of it – wondering
– and terrified I’m screwing Tris up as much as I obviously screwed up her
mother.  But in spite of how obviously bad I am at raising children, I keep
thinking...that...I – I think I made another huge mistake, and one that, no
matter what I said at the time, had absolutely nothing to do with Jaime or
Tris, and everything to do with my own fear that he’d leave me first.”

“
Jackson?” Manny asked
sympathetically.

“
Yes! 
I can’t – I can’t even
-” Tears sprang to Rebecca’s eyes, her voice thick with emotion.  “I think my
heart is literally breaking.  I’ve never felt like this before. I...if I think
about it too much, it...Christ, it
hurts
, and it’s like I need a moment
to get back on my feet.”

“
Wow
,” Manny breathed, “I
don’t think I’ve ever heard you say that about any man before.  Not even
Devon.”

Rebecca sniffed as she brushed her tears away.  “Even losing Devon
didn’t feel like this!  Don’t get me wrong, Manny, I
can
live without
Jackson – I just can’t, for the life of me, remember why I’d want to.”