Read A History of the African-American People (Proposed) by Strom Thurmond Online
Authors: Percival Everett,James Kincaid
Tags: #Humour, #Politics, #ebook, #book
April 11, 2003
Mr. Vendetti
Simon & Schuster
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020
Dear Mr. Vendetti,
I have an ear for these things, even if seeing is believing. Why should you care? There’s no apparent reason, no reason apparent to most. But to me, there is. I just know it. You care. I do not know if you are generally a caring person, and I don’t care. Does that surprise you? No it doesn’t, and I am the one who knows.
Some people know one thing, some another. I don’t dispute that, and I think we would all get on better if we took that for granted. Lyndon Johnson did.
As you know, I am writing to offer myself to you. In every sense of that word (but one). Promiscuity is not my thing, and that’s not what I mean anyhow. I am a pro. And in that capacity I am making this offer.
It seems you have managed to disable, in every sense of the word, those who might have helped you. Doubtless some instinct drove you to it. I know that. Those two people, best left nameless as who wants to give them the pleasure? Not me and you. Those two people wouldn’t have been the thing anyhow. Not the thing. Not the thing at all. I, on the other hand, am the thing.
Hire me for CLASS ASS. Hire me, work me, use me. I am used to it. I am not used goods. I know use when I see it. I am still of course attached here to the Senator, loosely but unmistakably. (That’s all been worked out, our misunderstandings, I mean, if they can even be called that.) The point is that I can easily handle (well) two jobs—or more.
You could come to love me. Even if not, I can make allowances.
Should I show up for work in 4 days? Make it 5.
Dutifully,
Barton
O
FFICE OF
S
ENATOR
S
TROM
T
HURMOND
217 R
USSELL
S
ENATE
B
UILDING
W
ASHINGTON
, D.C. 20515
April 12, 2003
Dear Percy and Jimbo,
I have heard nothing from you recently. Oh yes, you have written, but that goes for nothing. I wish I could say that I am not accustomed to such treatment, but I am. You suppose that means there is no end to it, but there is an end. That end is nigh. Even worms turn.
Still, as my uncle used to say, there’s no moon like a new moon and no one like you! That’s a song, I believe. Do you know it—I mean the lyrics, all of them? The lyric that applies most now is from, you guessed it, Snow White and the lovely song sung by her little friends as they go, in their words, “off to work.” The most memorable part comes in Verse 2:
When there’s too much to do,
Don’t let it bother you!
Forget your troubles;
Try to be
Just like the cheerful chickadee!
You say you like the idea of a history that is primarily sociocultural, with an emphasis on music, dance, and the domestic arts. And literature. Well, I should think you would like the idea. I don’t expect credit for it. I should receive credit, but that’s another matter. What one deserves and what one gets seldom mesh like butts and toilet seats.
Here are more materials you should include.
Some white writers, just to give a full context. Also white singers and dancers.
Melville. Comment on the use of point of view in Moby Dick and how it compares/contrasts with point of view in Chestnutt and Morrison.
Show that Joel Chandler Harris was really black. It’s not necessary to present this as a DISCOVERY. His blackness is less important IN ITSELF than the implications of that BLACKNESS for literary and cultural history and for the views Strom has about such matters.
Show that Strom himself is an important writer—I include some letters and memos he has sent me, along with 37 speeches, texts of. Show that he is, properly understood, a black writer. Strom has always understood “negrohood” as a matter of spirit and capacity, at least as much as it is of blood. He thus encompasses but is not limited by his black writer capacities.
It will take all your skill to present this last point persuasively and to control by your prose (and illustrations) how this perfectly just claim is to be understood. It won’t do to have it misunderstood. It could be easily caricatured. We know that. Strom knows that. All the same he and I feel you can do it.
Perhaps you should write up these pages right away and forward them.
I think you should be very careful what you say to you-know-who at S&S. Don’t say I said anything. If you do, you’ll find yourself having to deal with somebody a good deal more able to take care of himself than little junebug. Strom is doing well.
For a period of about 6 weeks when I was in high school, I would meet, every school day, this girl Dawn Ann Blaine in the woods between our houses. There was this small woods between our houses. We’d meet at exactly 6:45 so we could do this thing and still catch the school bus at 6:55. The woods were small and close to the bus stop. It was an urban sort of woods. What thing we’d do was exchange underpants, easier for her than for me, in terms of time, but I was good at it. Never missed the bus. Dawn Ann wasn’t what you’d call pretty but she was nice. Looking back now, I think it’s the only innocent thing I ever did in my life.
Help me.
Yours,
B. Wilkes
S
IMON
& S
CHUSTER
, I
NC
.
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020
April 15, 2003
Mr. Barton Wilkes
Washington, D.C.
Dear Mr. Wilkes,
No.
Sincerely,
Ralph Vendetti
Ralph Vendetti
Interoffice Memo
April 15, 2003
Dear Percival,
You know what? I don’t know what I’m doing on this project. I thought I did. You thought we did. I just finished up to page 73—I know you’ve done the bulk of it so far, but pp. 68-73 that I did are real good. Anyhow, I was just steaming along and then this comes from Wilkes.
You get it? Strom as a black writer? But that’s not the half of it. Should we be frightened?
Jim
F
ROM THE
D
ESK OF
P
ERCIVAL
E
VERETT
April 16, 2003
Dear Jim,
Here’s what we do. We write Wilkes a polite and very calm letter, explaining that we love what he says and just need a little time. Then we leave tomorrow for Washington to see Strom. I’ll pick you up at 5:30 (in the a.m.—sorry but we want to do this in a day) and we’ll get this straightened out.
Don’t be scared. And yes, you can have the aisle seat. I know about you and your bladder.
Percival
Here’s a copy of the letter to Barton:
Hi Barton,
Many thanks for the suggestions. They fit wonderfully with what we’ve been doing, and Jim and I were both delighted to get them. We can see now how they fit, though we would never have arrived at anything like this on our own. Yes, you are right about the skill needed to get the major claim established clearly and yet unapologetically. We’ll need your help there.
And don’t worry about either of us breaking any confidences. We are all professionals here, and you can count on us, professionally and personally.
Your friends,
P & J
[Jim—I know that “professionally and PERSONALLY” is a bit risky, but I figure it’s better having him liking us and being a pain in the ass that way than shooting us and being a pain everywhere.]
O
FFICE OF
S
ENATOR
S
TROM
T
HURMOND
217 R
USSELL
S
ENATE
B
UILDING
W
ASHINGTON
, D.C. 20515
April 17, 2003
Dear Jim,
I can interpret your silence only one way. Don’t tell me how to interpret it. You think you know, but you don’t. How could I have been fooled so badly. You pretend to be one thing but you’re another. Now I see.
And pretty soon YOU’LL see.
Barton
O
FFICE OF
S
ENATOR
S
TROM
T
HURMOND
217 R
USSELL
S
ENATE
B
UILDING
W
ASHINGTON
, D.C. 20515