A Heart So Fierce and Broken (The Cursebreaker Series) (33 page)

I hope. I hope. I hope.

He has not moved. His eyes are heavy and intent on mine, but there is no mercy there.

“Do it,” I breathe. “You must. For our people, Grey.”

“You hesitate,” my mother calls. “Prince Grey, are you unwilling to prove your loyalty? Are you unwilling to do as I ask?”

“Do it,” I say, my voice a low rush. His hands are cold at my throat. “Grey, you must. You cannot rescue me.”

Mother takes a bow from her nearest guard, then nocks an arrow on the string. The point is leveled at me. “Shall I demonstrate true strength for you?”

“Mother, no!” says Nolla Verin.

“I would rather die at your hand than at hers!” I all but scream at him. “Do it, Grey. Please. You said you would obey any order I give. I order you! Do it!”

I hear the
swip
of an arrow. The world goes white. I suck in a breath, prepared for pain.

None comes. I blink up at Grey. We are alone, surrounded by trees, the mountains a wide stretch to my left. The sun beams down. His hands are still so secure on my neck.

“What happened?” I whisper. “What did you do?”

He looks down at me, and for the first time, his eyes reveal a hint of emotion. “I crossed over. We cannot stay.”

“You … you crossed over?”

“If I am to be king,” he says, his expression fierce and determined, “I must stop taking orders.”

CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN

GREY

I expect to return to chaos, but the training fields are oddly still silent. Lia Mara is now behind me, and my weapons are in hand. My plan is to grab my people and magic them across as well, but Karis Luran is too strategic. Too vicious. We’ve been gone less than a minute, but her guards have taken my people. They’re on their knees, a crossbow pointed at each bowed head.

I don’t know how to save them all. Lia Mara is pressed against my back, and I wonder if I saved her at their expense. She has one of my knives in each hand, but we cannot stand against an army. Cold wind swirls across the training grounds to make me shiver.

Karis Luran raises her bow. She’s six feet in front of me, but I stare down at the point of that arrow and do not move. “You will not rule me by fear. You will not kill your daughter.”

“Move, Prince Grey. We will finish this now. You will prove your loyalty, or I will execute your people.”

“Mother. Please.” Nolla Verin’s voice is small and broken.

Bitter wind whips at my cheeks. Iisak’s growl rolls across the training fields. I feel every spark and star in my blood waiting. I’m more sure of myself now. The magic is no longer something to fear.

“Move.” Karis Luran’s eyes are fixed on mine. The arrow point levels with my face. “Or I will execute you both.”

“No.”

“No,” says Lia Mara. Her voice is fierce. She takes a step forward, her weapons raised.

“Kill them all.” Karis Luran draws back the string. I hear the snap of crossbows. I have no idea whether my magic can beat an arrow, but I cast my sparks and stars wide, until my vision flares with gold.

At my side, Lia Mara’s arm lifts. One of her knives goes flying. Then the other.

The arrow never strikes. Karis Luran’s body jerks, and the bow clatters to the ground. She collapses in the grass. Blood is a wash of crimson along her neck.

For a moment, I think I’ve done it. That my magic has killed her.

But then I see the knives in her neck and upper chest. Perfect hits. Blood is pooling rapidly on the ground. A sudden hush has fallen over the training fields.

At my side, Lia Mara is breathing rapidly. “I told you,” she says, her voice trembling. “I told you I could defend myself.”

CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT

LIA MARA

The scent of blood is heavy in the air. My mother’s body is motionless on the ground, a dark stain spreading around her.

I drop to a knee. The dagger pierced true. Blood immediately soaks into my robes. Voices murmur in Syssalah all around me. Mother’s guards have drawn swords, but no one has moved.

Nolla Verin is suddenly beside me.

I killed my mother. I can’t breathe.

I can’t
breathe.

“Forgive me,” I say, and a sob chokes out of my throat. My hands are sticky, and I press them to my stomach.

Someone drops to his knees beside me, and I expect Grey, but it is Noah.

He grimaces. “She was probably dead by the time she hit the ground.”

“Good,” says Jake behind me.

I feel as though everything is happening underwater. My movements feel too slow. I turn my head and find Noah waiting there.

“She—she killed you,” I say. My voice is shaking. “I heard—I heard the crossbows.”

“My magic,” says Grey. He drops to a knee beside me as well. “It set the arrows off course.”

I blink at him. He finds my hand and grips it in his.

My voice hitches. “Grey, what have I done?”

“You saved yourself,” he says. His fingers tighten around mine. “You saved us both.”

“I killed—I killed my mother.”

“Breathe,” he says softly.

Wings spin in the sky overhead, blotting out the sun. I blink, and Iisak stands over him, a silhouette in the sunlight. “Do more than breathe, Young Queen,” he growls softly. “Stand and meet your people.”

I go still.

I cannot do this.

I cannot.

I
cannot
.

“Sister.”

Nolla Verin’s voice draws my gaze. A tear leaks from her eyes. “I am glad it was you,” she whispers.

The murmurs around us are growing louder. There are a few shouts. The soldiers have begun to shift uneasily. One of the generals is saying something about the rule of law.

“You must stand,” Grey says. His tone is more urgent.

I grip his hand and pull myself to my feet. Every inch of me is trembling. The generals’ arguing intensifies. Mother’s personal guards look between me and Nolla Verin, and they do not put their blades away.

I should speak. I should say something. A word of command. A word of threat.

All I can do is stare at my mother’s body.

Nolla Verin is the heir. Should be the heir. That is what Mother wanted.

I turn to my sister and hold out a hand.

“Can you stand?” I whisper to her. “You are the heir. You are queen. I cannot do this.”

She stares up at me, then takes my hand. I pull her to her feet and take a deep breath. My sister was chosen for this. She will know what to do.

She releases my hand and takes a step back. She looks coolly out at the guards, at the soldiers, and at the generals. “My people,” she calls. “Kneel to your queen.”

Then she drops to her knees and presses her forehead to the ground. “Queen Lia Mara,” she says.

Behind her, in a wave, every guard, every general, and every soldier does the same.

“Queen Lia Mara,” they echo.

“Queen Lia Mara,” says Grey, and he offers me a bow.

My chest cannot contain the emotion that I feel. My heart pounds so fast and hard that I want to set it free.

I take a deep breath and straighten my shoulders. “My people,” I say, hoping the tremor in my voice is not as audible as it feels. “Rise.”

CHAPTER FORTY-NINE

GREY

We do not go to war.

We do not even leave Syhl Shallow. The people want to celebrate their new queen. Unlike Emberfall, where it seems every town stands ready to take a stand against Rhen, here the people are overjoyed. Lia Mara is well known. Her people love her. They love the promise of peace she will bring to their country. Nolla Verin is always at her side, lending support when needed. The sisters are bold and triumphant in public, but they quietly grieve at night.

I feel as though I have been granted a reprieve, allowing Lia Mara space to find her footing in this new role. Her advisers insist that the Royal Houses are determined to move forward in an alliance with Emberfall, but Lia Mara meets my eyes across meeting tables and says we will wait until she can determine the best path forward for all her people.

I wonder how much of this is true concern for her armies, and how much is concern for me. I am in no rush to face Rhen, and that is no secret between us.

I would ask, but our time together is limited, and usually heavily supervised. She has gone from being “no one” to being someone of great importance. I can understand that—probably better than anyone.

Lia Mara has agreed to release Iisak from his punishment for breaking the treaty, but he has refused. He says the treaty is too important, and he will pay his penance.

He confides in me one night that he will maintain the year in Syhl Shallow because it grants him time to see if he can discover what became of his son.

“If you return to the ice forests, Lia Mara would allow you to come back,” I say. “She would likely invalidate the treaty if you requested it.”

“I once told you that the feelings of rulers are not always echoed in their subjects.” He looks at me. “I will not risk more of my people crossing the Frozen River. The treaty keeps us safe as well.”

I nod. “As you say.”

A few nights later, I am sparring with Jake while Tycho and Nolla Verin trade blows nearby. He’s yelling taunts at her every time she lands a hit with her sword, which is hilarious because she could likely slice him in two. Her face is shining, though, and she laughs each time. It’s the lightest I’ve ever seen her. For the first time, there are no expectations for her to fulfill. She can just be a girl who loves her sister.

Jake takes advantage of my distraction to get inside my guard and disarm me. He looks so surprised that he almost forgets to follow it through, but then his shoulder slams into me, and I go down.

He points his sword at my throat and grins. “I’ve been waiting for this for
weeks
.”

I smile. “Again?”

He sheathes the sword and brushes damp hair out of his eyes. “Hell no. I’m going to enjoy the win.” He drops to sit on the turf beside me. We watch Tycho and Nolla Verin spar for a while, but their match has devolved into more laughter than actual swordplay.

At some point the silence between us shifts, becoming weighted.

I glance at Jake. “Something troubles you.”

“When you disappeared with Lia Mara,” he says slowly. “You crossed over, didn’t you? Into my world.”

I hesitate, then nod. “Yes.”

He says nothing.

I wait, then say, “I gave you my oath, Jake.” I am surprised how difficult the words are to say. For as long as I spent with Rhen, friendship seemed out of reach for so many reasons. With Jake, it felt effortless. Like it was waiting there all along, and I just needed to get out of my own way.

Much like my magic.

I glance at him. “If you are ready, I will return you home.”

Again, he is silent.

I wait.

Eventually, he says, “I want to stay.”

I look at him in surprise, and he frowns and glances away. “When Harper went back to Rhen after what he did to you …” He sighs. “I think … I think I realized that she was never going to leave. She might be mad at him, but she loves him, you know?”

I nod. “But that does not mean you must stay.”

“I know.” He pauses. “But I don’t have anything to go back to.” He glances at me. “My life wasn’t … it wasn’t easy. Not that it’s easy
here
, but …” His voice trails off.

Again, I wait.

Finally, Jake says, “Noah says he’ll stay if I stay.” He swallows. “It was different when you couldn’t take us back. Now … now it’s
my
choice.”

I remember the moment Lilith told me I could take Harper home at any time. I have no idea how she built the enchantment into the bracelet I kept stashed at Worwick’s … but I have time to learn.

“Jake—staying here will force you to make a choice, too.”

He frowns. “You’re going to have to face Rhen soon.”

“Yes.”

“It will pit me against my sister.”

I think about that for a long while. I don’t want to be at odds with Harper either. “If I learned anything about your sister in the time we were friends,” I say, “it is that we should not underestimate her.”

Days turn into weeks as the warmth of summer begins to ease into the cooler nights of autumn—my first true autumn since the curse held me captive with Rhen. I had forgotten the change in the air, the way the leaves brighten slowly at first, and then seemingly burst into reds and yellows all at once. Chimneys across the city spill smoke into the air at night and leaves begin to fall.

One particularly cold night, the palace is quiet and my friends are all occupied, so I go in search of Lia Mara. Her chambers are empty, but a guard directs me to the Great Hall—which I also find empty.

Light flickers through the doorway to the veranda, however, so I continue through.

She’s in a chair reading.

“I should have looked here first,” I say.

She smiles, then blushes, then eases to her feet. I do not miss that she hides the book in the folds of her robes. “I was going to ask if you’d like to dine with me, but you are always so
busy,
Prince Grey.”

“You say
I
am busy? I am not running a country. I am surprised to find you doing something as unproductive as
reading
.”

“Reading is not unproductive.” Wind rushes down from the mountains to lift her hair and make the torches flicker. She shivers.

I shrug free of my jacket and draw it around her shoulders. The same motions I went through before, but everything is so different now.

Lia Mara looks up at me, her eyes heavy with everything that has happened between us.

I brush a lock of hair from her cheek, allowing my fingers to drift along the curve of her ear. Her lips part, and stars find her eyes, but tonight we are very much not alone. Six of her guards stand on the veranda, along with Talfor and Cortney.

I am about to allow my hand to drop, when she reaches up to hold it to her cheek.

I smile and lean in to kiss her. Softly. Chastely. Then I draw back.

Her fingers tangle in my shirt and hold me there.

“You’ve grown so determined,” I say.

She doesn’t smile. “Please don’t pull away.”

We have reached this point a dozen times. My heart beats a staccato rhythm in my chest, as I want nothing more than to pull her into my arms.

But things are different now.
She
is different now.

I allow my hand to drop. “What could the Queen of Syhl Shallow be reading that would make her blush?”

She lifts the book as if she’d forgotten it was there. “Ah … something about an alliance.” Her cheeks redden further. “Between a man and a woman.”

I take the book from her hands. I do not know the word on the cover, but I flip through the pages.

“I know you cannot read that,” she says.

“You might be surprised.” I stop on a page, recognizing a few words. “Indeed, I believe Talfor has said some of these words when he brags about his—”

She snatches the book out of my hand and raps me across the knuckles with it. “I will find you new tutors.”

“Could I not learn from the queen herself?”

Her expression sobers. “Every time someone says
queen
, I feel a little jolt inside, like they’re talking about my mother.” She pauses. “I am sure you felt the same, when Iisak would call you
Your Highness
.”

I touch her face again. I cannot help it. We have so few moments to ourselves that even this feels destined to end too quickly. My thumb traces along her jaw.

“Grey,” she whispers.

Her voice is so serious that I mirror her tone. “Lia Mara?”

“What do you want to do about Rhen?”

My fingers go still against her cheek. Not,
what do you want to do about Emberfall
?

What do you want to do about Rhen?

“I do not want to go to war with him,” I say. “But too many
people know the heir is real—that I live. I worry that Emberfall will tear itself apart as he tries to maintain his rule.”

“He is still your brother. He is still a prince. Do you think he would yield to you?”

I look at her. “Did Rhen give you the impression he would yield to anyone?”

She frowns. Sighs. “Well, I cannot keep my Royal Houses at bay forever.”

Just like that, we have returned to where we were the day I escaped Rhen’s courtyard. A queen in need of an alliance. A prince without a throne.

Lia Mara looks at her fingertips resting against my chest. “The day Nolla Verin came to fetch me … she asked if I was in love with you.”

I go still. “And what did you say?”

“I said … I said I
could
fall in love with you.” She pauses, and her eyes flick up to find mine. “But if you do not feel the same, I do not want you to act—I do not want you to feel
obligated
—”

I grab hold of my jacket around her shoulders and pull her against me. Her mouth is warm and sweet, and her hands slip across my chest to find my shoulders. I forget the guards. I forget Emberfall and Syhl Shallow and everything between us. I lose myself in the press of her body against mine, the feel of her waist under my hands, the way her fingers press into my arms when her tongue brushes mine.

Eventually, our mouths slow, and she presses her cheek to my chest, tucking her head beneath my chin.

“Can we do this together?” she says. “Unite Emberfall and Syhl Shallow?”

It seems impossible—but so much has seemed impossible for so long.

A leaf, turned red by the changing seasons and buoyed by the wind, drifts across the veranda to settle on her chair.

“The first day of autumn was Rhen’s birthday,” I say to her.

“Well, instead of bringing an army,” she says softly, “perhaps we should bring him a gift.”