A Heart of Time
Authors: Shari J. Ryan
SHARI J. RYAN Copyright © 2016 by Shari J. Ryan All rights reserved. Except as permitted under US Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher. MadHat Books P.O. Box 365, Northbridge, MA 01534 The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Edited by: Lisa Brown Proofread by: Barb Shuler & Emily Maynard Library of Congress Control Number: ISBN-13: 978-1532928840 ISBN-10: 153292884X 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Printed in the United States of America |
A big thank you to all of my readers. Without you, my writing would just be words printed on a page, but you allow my stories to breathe life.
Lisa Brown, my hugely talented editor. Thank you for being at the receiving end of my excitement, fear, tears and questions for this book. You always intricately sew my thoughts together, helping me create the best version of my story.
Barb Shuler and Emily Maynard, my sounding board and my support. Your encouragement and motivation have become an asset during my writing journey, and I don’t know what I would do without you. Thank you for polishing
A Heart of Time
with your exceptional eye for detail.
Linda and Sassy Savvy Fabulous, thank you for your instrumental help in getting my book out there. I’m grateful you took a chance on me and I’m looking forward to working with you more in the future.
My beta readers: Lori, Mignon, Christina, Heather, and Carla—you are my lifeline. Being honest with critique is never easy but I know you all love me enough to give it to me straight.
Twisted Drifters, you make being an author feel like a privilege, and I thank you for your continuous support.
Book reviewers, you illuminate authors’ books and your support is what makes this industry evolve and grow. Thank you for continuously sacrificing your time.
Lori, my sister, my always first reader...sorry you had to read this while you were pregnant but I love you for sticking with it and for always being by my side. Love you!
Mom, Dad, Mark, and Ev, Grandma and Papa, thank you for your continuous love and support with my books. Your motivation means the world to me.
Boys—Bryce and Brayden—some day when you’re old enough to read this book, you’ll see the love your mommy and daddy have for each other through the words I have written here. You are both gifts to us and I hope you never forget that.
Josh, with our scary road into parenthood the second time around, this story was my nightmare in those moments. It woke me up many nights, knowing how close you were to becoming the character in this book. I’ve written what I’ve feared the most and I’m grateful every day that our family is together and perfect. Thank you for being my solid rock and the best husband I could have ever asked for.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
“Shh,” I Tell
Her. “Just trust me.”
I lift Ellie up, helping her over the wrought iron gate, listening for the slight thud on the other side of the darkness. “Come on!” I hoist myself up and over to the other side where she is waiting for me. Taking her hand, I lead us down the moss covered steps we have walked up and down hundreds of times over the course of our lives. “It’s so dark in here at night,” she says, breathlessly.
“Are you scared?” I ask, tickling my fingers against her side.
She playfully elbows me in the gut, followed by a sarcastic scoff. “No, dummy. But, what if there are animals or something?”
“I’ll protect you,” I tell her, wrapping my arm tightly around her shoulders.
“What would I do without you?” she laments. “My knight and shining Hunter.”
With no response necessary, I place a quick kiss on her temple and continue down the steps. As soon as we reach the flat ground, I pull my flashlight out of my back pocket and illuminate the path leading to a bench and group of thick oaks. Fear seems to have seeped away and Ellie has now fallen into a fit of quiet giggles. “Ell,” I tell her, bringing her up to the closest tree.
“Yeah?” she says through her continued laughter.
I point the flashlight to the ground and grab the sharpest rock I can find. “I’m about to do something totally lame,” I tell her.
“Don’t even tell me you’re going to carve our names into the tree,” she says in a way that tells me she loves this idea—corny and lame, or not. I place the flashlight down on the bench and loop my arms loosely around her neck. With a break in the branches, a slight glow from the moon is illuminating her face. She smiles that smile, the one that has always been just for me since we were five years old. With the crickets chirping around us and the slight chill in the May air, I kiss her, the girl who has always been mine.
When our lips part, I take her hand and slip the rock between her fingers. With my hand squeezed tightly around hers, I press it up against the tree, tersely dragging the rock in straight lines, etching our names into the soft bark before encircling it with a heart. “If anyone on the football team hears about this…”
“Our secret forever,” she whispers into my ear.
“You know what isn’t a secret?” I listen for a response, a cue for me to continue what I’m about to say, but there is only silence. “I am so in love with you, Ellie. I have loved you as my best friend all of these years, but now, getting ready to graduate high school and head off into the big bad world, I need you to know how much I really love you. It’s the kind of love that makes a guy want to carve his girl’s name into a tree. It’s the kind of love that I hope never goes away.”
“I am yours forever, Hunter. And this will always be our tree.”
DECEMBER 26th
- Seven Years Later -
“I can’t believe
we’re finally going to be parents,” Ellie says, still breathing heavily from her last contraction. While I run around the house like a loose chicken, she’s clutching the armrest of the sofa so tightly her knuckles are turning white.
Overnight bag…got it. Baby bag...check. What else? “There was something else. What am I forgetting?”
“The baby’s blanket. The one I knitted,” she yells from the living room. Ellie spent the last seven months knitting a tiny, pink blanket. She didn’t know how to knit, but she said it was a rite of passage into motherhood. She figured it out. I’ll give her that.
“Got it, baby.”
Baby
. In the next few hours, I’m going to be someone’s dad. We’re going to be a family. The thought is still both terrifying and thrilling at the same time. “Okay, one more second. Let me warm the car up.” Our little miracle isn’t due for another two weeks, but evidently she’s decided that the day after Christmas would be a good time to arrive. I couldn’t agree with her more. I can’t wait to meet her.
I run out the front door, nearly slipping on the freshly fallen snow before reaching the car door. I duck inside the car and turn the ignition on to blast the heat.
Come on. Warm up. This little girl is not waiting for anything tonight.
When I get back in the house, Ellie is standing in the same spot, still holding onto the couch for support. Her eyes are squeezed shut, her teeth clenched together. Drops of sweat are forming on her forehead, and her breaths are quick and loud. I gently wipe her brow with my fingertips and smooth her hair back away from her face, trying my best to soothe her as I wait for the contraction to subside. When it lets up, I take her by the arm as she grabs her purse from the side table. Slowly helping her outside, I hold her up as best I can so she doesn’t slip on the snow. “We’re doing this, Ell. We’re really doing this!” I tell her. She smiles and nods at me, focused on trying to catch her breath and slide into her seat before the next contraction begins.
I settle Ellie in the car and skid across the driveway until I climb into the driver’s seat. As I close the door, I pull in a sharp breath and look over at her briefly—the smile on her face and the tears in her eyes. “I love you,” she says, placing her hand over mine. “This is going to be the best day of our lives.”
“Just the first best day. There are so many best days ahead of us now,” I reply with a smile.
Although it feels like forever, it takes us less than twenty minutes to pull up to the emergency room’s sliding glass doors. “You’re not leaving me, are you?” Ellie asks. It’s the first time I’ve seen any fear in her eyes during this entire pregnancy. She’s kept her calm through everything while I’ve been doing my best to hide my nerves.
“I don’t want to make you walk across the parking lot, Ell.”
“I’ll be okay. I just—don’t leave me.” Without another thought, I press on the gas and pull into the parking garage, thankfully finding an empty spot on the first floor and fairly close to the front entrance. Another contraction is moving through her, and she’s beginning to groan from the pain. “Four minutes apart now,” I say, looking at my watch.
When the contraction ends, I take the opportunity to jump out of the car and help her out. I place my arm under hers and walk with her as fast as she can move. Once inside the door, I spot a wheelchair and help her into it. I’m trying to remain calm for Ellie’s sake, but inside...
Oh God. I’m freaking out.
I push her along to the main desk, one hand on the wheelchair, my other hand firmly gripped around her shoulder. “My wife is in labor,” I tell the receptionist.
“Third floor. They’ll take it from there,” the woman says, smiling brightly. “Congratulations, Mom and Dad.”
Mom and Dad
. We’re going to be parents. We’re going to be parents! This is amazing. This is incredible! I can’t wait to see her little face. I wonder if she’ll look like Ellie. God, I hope so. I want her to have Ellie’s blonde curls and her big hazel eyes, and her smile that lights up an entire room. I hope she has my humor and Ellie’s brains. I just know she’s going to be perfect.
“Can you believe this?” Ellie asks, rolling into the elevator. “Three years doesn’t seem like such a big deal now. I’d wait forever for this little girl.”
“But we don’t have to. We’re so damn lucky, baby.” I wheel her out of the elevator onto the third floor where a nurse immediately greets us. She takes one look at Ellie and ushers us over to a small office.
“I just have a few questions for you, Eleanor. Then we’ll get you checked in.”
I try to remain calm, or at least make it look like I’m staying calm, but I’m still losing it. What kind of questions could they possibly have right now? We pre-registered. Did everything the way we were supposed to, and I called Ellie’s doctor’s office to let them know we were headed over her. The nurse asks Ellie to confirm her basic information and creates her a hospital wristband. Then she leans over her desk and places it around Ellie’s wrist. Although she’s breathing through another contraction right now, Ellie grunts out the words “thank you”. That’s my girl—always polite, no matter what the situation.
“I will page your doctor to let him know you’re here. In the meantime, you two can follow me.” The woman leads us out the door and through a set of double doors into a large room separated by what must be a dozen curtains. “One of our triage doctors will examine you and determine if you’re in active labor.” She places Ellie’s chart on the door. “There’s a gown for you to change into, and we’ll need a urine sample as well,” she says as she points to the cup.
How could she not be in active labor? Of course she is. I mean, look at her. I’m trying to keep my cool, but I just want someone to take her pain away. I can’t watch her suffering like this.
As if reading my mind, Ellie says, “Don’t worry, Hunt, everything is going to be okay.” I wish I could say her laughter comforts me, but I know she’s forcing it for my sake. What am I saying? I should be comforting her right now. I’m already failing as a husband and father.
I’ve pretty much been acting like this since the day she got the blood work back, confirming the pregnancy. There was so much to do to prepare for our baby, and I couldn’t let either of my girls down. I can’t let them down now either.
Ellie is trying to get her clothes off, and I’m just standing here staring at her. I force myself to snap out of my daze and take her by the arm, helping her step out of her pants. I grab the gown from the bed and slip it over her head. “You look so beautiful right now,” I tell her, and I mean it. She’s glowing. She’s happy, despite the pain. She was placed on earth for this purpose and I can see that right now.
I’m the luckiest man on earth.
“Sit down,” Ellie whispers. “I’m going to use the bathroom. Don’t worry. Just relax.” She leaves with a smile. She’s smiling. I should be smiling, too. So why does the room feel like it’s spinning around me? I shouldn’t be practicing the breathing exercises without her, but I have to, or I’m going to pass out. She’s in labor and I’m the one having trouble breathing. I have to breathe harder because it feels like I can’t get enough air right now.
Ellie returns within a few minutes and hoists herself up on the bed before pulling the sheet up around her chest to get comfortable. “The contractions are getting closer together,” she says. “I didn’t think it would happen so fast.”
The class we took said that first-time moms usually have a long labor, so it’s okay to take our time when coming to the hospital. They gave us this five-one-one rule. Five minutes apart, lasting for one minute, and for more than an hour. At least, I think that’s what it was, but right now my mind is drawing a blank. God, I hope we didn’t wait too long. They’ll think I’m a horrible husband and father-to-be.
“What is going on in that mind of yours?” Ellie asks, seeing the look of distress on my face.
I bring my focus over to her pale face. “Nothing, baby. I’m just excited. Anxious.”
She reaches her hand out to me. “Me too.”
A doctor comes in to check her, and he causes her more pain by doing so. Part of me would like to hurt him for hurting her, but again, I refrain from saying anything, since I know I'm overreacting. “Well then, you are almost nine centimeters. I can feel the baby’s head, and we need to get you into a room immediately.”
“Um, I need to speak with
my
doctor first. It’s important,” she says, panic suddenly filling her voice.
“Ell, he’ll be here. Don’t worry, okay?” I say, trying to reassure her. She’s looking at me with a blank expression, like she doesn’t want to respond, or maybe it’s another contraction coming. I’m not sure.
“Okay,” she says, uncertainty filling her eyes.
“Can you get her an epidural? Anything for the pain?” I ask the doctor.
“Mr. Cole, there’s not enough time for pain management,” he replies. That only means more pain for Ellie. I did this to her. I should have brought her here earlier. I’ve caused her pain.
“I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry,” I tell her solemnly, as someone lifts the brakes on the bed she’s lying on.
“It’s okay. I’ll be okay but I need my doctor,” she moans out. I keep her hand in mine as we run down the hall into another room where two nurses help her onto a larger bed. They’re hooking her up to a bunch of wires and an IV. Is this how it always is? Everyone looks so serious.
“Her blood pressure is low,” one of the nurses says. “We need to turn her onto her side.” Ellie’s eyes are set on mine, ignoring all of the fuss around her. Our fingers are still interwoven and she’s squeezing tightly. “I can’t get a heartbeat on the baby,” the nurse goes on to say.
What?
“What do you mean you can’t get a heartbeat on the baby? Is she okay? What’s happening?” I spit out all of these questions at once as I feel the
blood drain from my face...from my entire body.
“Mr. Cole, please relax,” the nurse says calmly. “Eleanor, when is the last time you felt the baby kick?”
“Um, uh, a couple of hours ago I guess. I haven’t been feeling much through the contractions.”
The nurses all share a look, and one runs out the door.
God, help us
. What is happening right now? I drop down to my knees and take Ellie’s hand, bringing it up to my lips. She gives me a small smile and says, “Remember, the class said this stuff happens sometimes, Hunter. I need you to find Dr. Moore, though. It’s really important. He has my birth plan and I need him.” I’m worried. I’m so unbelievably worried right now, and although I hate to ignore her wishes, I’m not leaving her side to go find her doctor, wherever the hell he is right now. There are fine doctors on call who can deliver our baby, and if Dr. Moore doesn’t get here in time, they’ll have to be okay.
“Hunter, I am worried, and I’m scared,” she whimpers. “Something’s wrong.”
“Our baby is okay. She is,” I say, squeezing Ellie’s hand. She has to be. Where is that fucking doctor? And why is nobody talking to us, telling us what is going on?
An on-call doctor finally jogs into the room with a portable ultrasound machine. “We’re just going to make sure the baby is in the right position to come out,” the doctor explains calmly. That’s all they’re checking for? It doesn’t seem like that’s the case. Is he just trying to keep us calm? If so, it isn’t working. “Okay, we have a heartbeat, but it’s not as strong as I’d like it to be. I hate to do this with you being so close to full dilation, Mrs. Cole, but just to be on the safe side, I think we need to get the baby out right away.”
“A C-section?” Ellie asks, through tears. “I didn’t want to have one.”
A nurse hands Ellie a pen and has her sign a few papers, which takes less than ten seconds. They’re already pushing her out of the room, back into the hall. Someone throws me a set of scrubs and tells me to put them on and follow them down to the operating room. Is this safe? Is Ellie going to be okay? She seems so afraid...but I know they do this all the time. They said that in our class, too.
I struggle to get the scrub shirt over my t-shirt as I run down the hall toward where I see doctors piling into a room. Shaking and weak, I walk into the OR in a daze and a nurse guides me over to a stool next to Ellie’s head. “Just relax, the nurse says,” smiling and patting my hand. “She needs you right now.” I wish everyone would stop telling me to relax. How the hell am I supposed to relax? My wife is on an operating table, and my unborn daughter is in trouble. Who would relax in this situation?