A Hacked-Up Holiday Massacre: Halloween Is Going to Be Jealous (6 page)

Sally turned off the tap. Water covered the eggs. Ripples ran over the surface, and she stared into the pasta pot, unnerved by the sudden idea that each egg would have eventually become a chick, a living creature if only it had remained untouched. But did it matter? Either way—whether hard-boiled or allowed to gestate and hatch and sprout feathers—the things were still low rungs on the food chain. At least this way they weren’t forced to push toward maturity through suffering and perplexity.

None of that for these little guys. Just some water. A bit of flame. A pool of scald. Oblivion before sentience.

She carried the pot to the stove and set it on the front burner, and then ratcheted on the gas flame.

SALLY IS TEN YEARS old. It is nighttime and she peers through her bedroom window. A man stands in the yard below—a shadow with just a smudge of pale where his face should be. He lights a match, revealing coarse, familiar features, and lifts it towards the cigarette in his mouth and the fire catches in his eyes and they burn like a rat’s eyes, and she sees his lips spread away from the cigarette butt, rising at the edges into a horrible smile. He clamps onto the cigarette with his prominent front teeth and the cherry of the smoke burns the same color as his eyes and Sally feels dread like streams of ice on her back. She leaps away from the window and races to her bed. With the covers over her head like a shield, she squeezes her eyes closed and breathes heavily and curls into the smallest ball she can manage.

THE WATER BOILED. SALLY checked the digital timer on the range. She pinched the phone between her shoulder and ear, listening to her mother babble on about the holiday, and Sally mumbled and grunted, agreeing with her mother while forcing herself to hear nothing the woman said. A big family event. Everyone will be there. The whole Carter clan. Mitchell and his family. Cousins whose names she couldn’t keep straight—was Kelly the one with epilepsy? Or was that Karen? Had Jim just returned from Germany or was that Jimmy, Jim’s second cousin? Her aunts. Their husbands. And Henry.

Sally had asked her mother to rescind Uncle Henry’s invitation, but her mother had wanted a reason for excluding the man, and Sally couldn’t give a reason.

To make matters worse, her appeal to keep Henry out of the holiday had caused an inquisition, which she was in no condition to face. So, Sally had decided to keep her branch of the family tree—her Eric, her Mary—at home. Naturally her mother had refused to let it rest. She’d gone through Eric, had played her guilt games and the bullshit family-is-everything card, and Eric too had wanted an excuse from Sally, and she hadn’t provided one. No reason. Nothing she could verbalize.

The eggs boiled. Sally looked through the bubbles at them. One of the shells had cracked. A thin white tail grew from the slit, tried to rise on the scalding tide.

Sally suddenly felt ill, and she covered her mouth with a palm. She looked away from the pot.

Her mother prattled on like an adult in a
Peanuts
cartoon, all warble and distortion. Sally grunted and said, “I really have to get back to the eggs,” noting another three minutes on the timer. There was no rush to finish the eggs; she wanted off of the phone. She couldn’t bear her mother’s shiny, happy voice and her exhilaration of reunion with the various spawn of the Carter family. Sally believed the only thing to celebrate regarding her family was distance.

“Happy Easter, honey,” her mother said. “We’ll see you soon.”

Happy Easter
. Now there was an oxymoron. A grotesque joke. An impossibility.

Did her mother even know what she was celebrating? Really? The woman thought it was a grand celebration of Christ’s rebirth, but Easter had been celebrated long before the Christians had co-opted its lunar date. Tammuz. Semiramis. Ishtar. Ester. Those were the first deities recognized with springtime bacchanals.

But the Christians had invaded pagan lands. Strategy and weaponry had given them victory, but they wanted more than compliance; they demanded converts. Faith had to follow flesh into submission. Like all good molesters, they presented the pagans gifts to make them compliant. They offered to allow, even encourage, the pagans’ festivals of spring, but over time added their own philosophy to the goings on, and eventually the church absorbed the power of these events.

And so Easter was born, with its bunnies and its bonnets and its marshmallow candies and its eggs.

The egg.

A symbol of fertility. Of actual birth, not rebirth.

And what did the fucking misguided children of Christ do with that symbol? They took the egg, and…

—Here is your innocence. Here is your unblemished whiteness. Let’s harden it with scalding water and then make it up with dyes and paints and bits of glitter and then we’ll break it open and peel away its alluring costume before we devour it whole.

YOU DON’T WANT TO stain your pretty white dress. Take it off.

ONE EGG DROWNED IN the blue dye and another soaked up green pigment like toxic waste. These were the last two. The once-white shells were now stained sickly pastels. After they dried, Sally would attack them with the glue stick and the glitter. She’d use the pre-printed decals and the paint pens to finish them off.

Normally, decorating and hiding the eggs was Eric’s job. Sally had made it clear that she would have none of it, but this year Eric had pleaded with her. He’d been called into the hospital three days running and he hadn’t had the chance to decorate eggs for their daughter. Sally had insisted that the ritual was unnecessary, but the misery in Eric’s eyes and the sadness in his voice when he asked her to “please reconsider,” had clearly indicated how important the ritual was to him, so Sally had relented.

Her eggs would never look as nice as the ones her husband made. He used crayons to create relief in the dyed color and expertly stenciled intricate designs. Eric made genuinely beautiful holiday eggs—a feat well beyond her capabilities. But she had to try. Despite her disgust with the holiday, she still wanted everything to be perfect for her daughter. Sally was just happy she’d remembered to use the wire egg ladle, paper towels and some latex gloves (a benefit of having a doctor in the house) so her fingers didn’t get decorated as well.

The cracked egg nestled in a kitchen towel, unaccompanied. The broken thing rested alone, as if Sally feared its damage was contagious.

Later in the afternoon, Mary would hunt eggs in the backyard of her grandmother’s house, along with her cousins and second cousins. As far as Sally was concerned, one hunt should have been more than enough, but Eric was a creature of habit. Traditionally, he gave their daughter a special gift at Easter, and this year was no different. He’d bought Mary a lovely silver bracelet and a cheap plastic egg in which to hide it. Since he didn’t want to take the chance of another child finding the prized egg and throwing a fit when they couldn’t keep the treasure inside, a pre-extended-family backyard hunt was his answer. The bracelet was yet another extravagance and something else Sally would have to keep track of. Mary was too young to understand the value of jewelry beyond the aesthetic pleasure of sparkling metals and glittering stones. The bracelet, like the earrings Eric had bought his little girl for Christmas, would go in Sally’s jewelry box to be issued to her daughter for special occasions.

A little girl shouldn’t have to worry about losing such things.

THE KITCHEN IS TOO hot. It is always too hot.

Her mother and aunts race from oven to Frigidaire to counter to oven again. The air is honeyed with the scent of ham glaze and rich with the earthy scent of baking sweet potato casserole. Sugar cookies cool on wire racks. But the wonderful smells are tainted by the tangy stink of cigarette smoke. All of the grownups smoke, it seems. Aunt Sheila stirs the ambrosia salad. A cigarette teeters precariously on her lower lip as she scoops great spoonfuls of Cool Whip and canned fruit. Sheila’s husband sits in the corner; Henry adds nothing to the women’s babble. He smokes a cigarette of his own as he’d done in the side yard the night before, staring up through Sally’s window. With a penknife he cleans his fingernails and pauses only to ash his cigarette in the bulky glass tray on the windowsill.

Sally tries to not look at the man. Every time she does, he is looking back at her, and his eyes still look fiery, his front teeth are still too large. Henry has full, rounded cheeks, covered in a rough fur of stubble, and it’s Easter so Sally immediately thinks of bunnies—not rats the way she had the night before. Had she warmer feelings toward him, she might feel grateful to have an uncle Easter Bunny. Only Henry doesn’t look like the dapper, well-groomed Peter Rabbit from her storybook; he looks like a sickly and mean cousin to that magical creature.

“Sally,” her mother barks, “you get on out of here. I don’t want you getting muck on your dress. You go on up to your room until it’s time for church.”

“Don’t badger the girl, Millie,” Uncle Henry says, sounding uncommonly protective.

“Mind your business,” Aunt Sheila snaps at her husband.

Sally doesn’t move. Leaving the kitchen means passing by Uncle Henry,
and Sally doesn’t want to get near the man.

Impatient, her mother says, “You go on, now. I won’t tolerate a disobedient child. Go on.”

Sally turns and encounters her Uncle’s sick-bunny eyes. He smiles at her and shrugs as if to say
, I tried
. She lowers her head, focuses on the light playing off the toes of her black shoes, and hurries out of the too-hot room. Her mother’s voice is trailing after her: “And don’t forget your basket. You won’t get many eggs if you don’t have your basket.”

She trudges through the house, avoiding the screeching, silliness, and roughhousing of her cousins. In her room, she closes the door and sits on the edge of the bed, wishing the holiday were over so the family would go away—so Henry would go away.

ERIC AND MARY WERE at the sunrise service held in St David’s Lutheran Church. Even if she hadn’t been charged with decorating the eggs, Sally wouldn’t have joined them. She hadn’t been to church in thirty years, not even for her wedding. Another point she refused to discuss with Eric, or anyone else.

She was glad her daughter enjoyed it, though.

Sally’s faith had never been allowed to fully form before it had been broken. Sometimes, she regretted her belief in religion’s impossibility. The comfort. The hope. To shed life and rise into glory. To one day know the grand plan, to feel swaddled in its calculation and reason. It would be amazing to believe that everything had a purpose, and the guiding force of all things was a being of good. Wonderful. Sally so wished she could look forward to such a revelation. But she couldn’t. Life was life. Death was death.

Her family would be gone until ten-thirty, and then Eric would bring their daughter home to begin the hunt for the things Sally had been charged with hiding: the plastic egg holding the silver bracelet and most of the eggs Sally had decorated that morning.

Most of them.

She drank from her coffee and opened the fridge and knelt down to open the crisper. There, the decorated eggs rested on a white cloth like vivid tumors. Sneering at the display, Sally placed her coffee cup on the counter and reached in for the fabric nest. Her hands shook, and she closed her eyes. Took a deep breath.

Once the eggs were on the counter, Sally transferred them to a wicker basket she had filled with green plastic confetti. Mary would use the same basket to gather the colorful atrocities later that morning. Joyful and ignorant of the ritual’s meaning, her daughter would push aside leaves and crouch behind stones…

Such a lovely, ghunt
.

“Don’t,” Sally whispered, choking back a sob.

All she had to do was get through the next ten minutes. Hide the eggs and come back inside. She didn’t have to watch Mary. Didn’t have to watch the…

Ghunt
.

SALLY SITS ON HER bed. Uncle Henry fills the doorway. Though not tall, he is an adult and built wide, so he looks like a wall erected between her and the rest of the house. He holds a sugar cookie out to her, but she shakes her head.

“You look pretty,” Uncle Henry says, bouncing the cookie in the air like he’s trying to lure a dog inside. “Why you have to look so pretty?”

“F-for church,” Sally says, wondering why her uncle is asking her a question when he already knows the answer. “F-for the pi-nic and the eh-ghunt.”

“For the what?” Uncle Henry asks. A terrible grin pulls at his lips
.

Her uncle steps into the room, and the reek of cigarettes pours from him like skunk and Sally is all the more unsure. She can barely think, and when she tries to tell her uncle about the church’s picnic and Easter egg hunt, all that comes out is, “Ghunt.”

“A ghunt, huh?” he says. “Tell me about your ghunt.”

Now he’s really smiling, but something has changed in his eyes. They look like the eyes of a painting. Flat. Hard. Fixed on an image Sally cannot imagine. Startled by this transformation, she forgets to speak.

“Cat got your tongue?” Uncle Henry asks. He pushes the cookie into his pants pocket and draws out a pack of cigarettes, never breaking eye contact with Sally. “Such a lucky pussy,” he says. Then he chuckles and slides a Marlboro between his damp lips.

Sally doesn’t understand the filthy sentiments adrift on her uncle’s foul breath. She doesn’t want to know. Something tells her to move, to get out of the room, so she stands from the bed. Before she takes her first step, he says, “Sit back down, now. Your mama don’t tolerate a disobedient child, so you do what you’re told.”

“But, I have to get ready for church. Mama’ll be cross if I make everybody late.”

“Your mama’s already left. I told ‘em I’d get you there. Ain’t a problem. Church is just down the street. Hardly a walk at all.”