A Good Enough Reason (3 page)

Dale made to take the list again, but Ellis held on to it. “No, it’s fine. I just thought you were making fun of me.”

“So you
are
gay?” Dale asked with a smile that told Ellis he wasn’t disgusted or angry at the idea.

“I, well. Yeah, I guess I am.”

Dale cocked a brow. “You guess?”

“Well, I never actually, you know. But yeah, I’m, I—”

“You know you prefer guys even if you’ve never actually done anything with one.”

Ellis looked around the classroom, but everyone was concentrating on their own list, not paying attention to Ellis and Dale. Ellis hoped Dale wouldn’t use what he was saying against him, but it felt so damn good to tell someone. “Who said I’ve never done anything?” Ellis blurted out before he could stop himself. He snapped his mouth shut and hurriedly changed topic. “Who’s going to argue against it? From what you said, you’re in favor.”

Dale shrugged. “Whoever you want. I don’t mind doing it.”

“Okay. Can I think about it?” Ellis knew he’d basically out himself if they did choose that topic. He wasn’t stupid—he knew most of the school thought he was gay, but no one knew for sure. This would change things, though, and he didn’t know if it would end up being a good or a bad thing. He just had to decide if he had the guts to do it.

“Sure. Why don’t we meet in the library tomorrow? Do you have time?”

“Don’t you have practice on Saturdays?”

Dale smirked. “Oh, you know when I have practice?”

“No, I—everyone knows when the soccer team has practice!”

“I was teasing you, Ellis. No, I don’t have practice tomorrow.”

“Okay, fine. The library, tomorrow.”

“I can’t wait.”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

Chapter Two

ELLIS CLICKED
the Submit button and leaned back in his chair as he waited for the last chapter of his fan fiction to appear on the website. He rubbed at his nose piercing, wondering if he should change the stud. He liked the tiny fake diamond he had in right now, but it wasn’t very noticeable.

“Ellis! Ten minutes to dinner!”

“Coming!”

He left his computer on and went to wash his hands before trudging down the stairs. One of his brothers was already in the kitchen, helping their mother set the table.

“Hey, squirt.”

Ellis groaned. “Don’t call me that.”

“Why not?” Damien ruffled Ellis’s hair, and Ellis stepped away. He tried to press his hair down again, but he wasn’t sure he’d succeeded.

“Because I’m not ten anymore.”

“Oh, so now you’re too old to be my little brother?”

“No, just to be called squirt.” Ellis smiled. It was nice to have his brother home. Most of the time anyway. “What are you doing here?”

“If I have to choose between the cafeteria’s food and Mom’s, you know which one I’ll pick.”

Ellis grabbed the napkins. “Is Dad going to make it?”

“Yeah, he’s already in the shower.”

Ellis’s family was the perfect American dream. His dad was a mechanic, his mom a nurse. Connor, the eldest brother, had finished college and now worked as a web designer. Damien, the middle brother, was still in college and on his way to becoming a lawyer. Ellis was the only one who didn’t fit.

Not only did he want to become an author, even if it would be next to impossible to actually make a living from it, but most importantly, he was gay. He felt as if he were lying to his family by not telling them, but he wasn’t ready to come out. He was afraid they’d look at him differently once they were certain of it.

“Did you two wash your hands?”

Ellis looked at his mom. “Of course. We’re not three anymore, you know.” He looked at his brother for confirmation, but Damien was making a show of ignoring him. Ellis wasn’t the only one who noticed.

“Damien, go wash your hands. I swear, I don’t know what to do with you!” she scolded him.

Damien shuffled out of the room as Mom smiled at Ellis. “You’re not three anymore, huh?”

Ellis smiled. “I think he does it on purpose.”

“I wouldn’t be too sure of that.”

Steps sounded in the hallway, and Ellis’s dad came in the kitchen. His hair was still wet and he was already wearing his Star Wars pajamas. Ellis’s mom looked at him and rolled her eyes. “Sometimes it feels like Ellis is the oldest in this house.”

“Does that include you, love?”

Ellis turned away when his dad kissed his mom. He was glad to see they still loved each other after more than thirty years together, but he didn’t particularly want a visual proof.

“Come on, boys. Dinner’s ready! Damien, get your ass in here!”

Damien appeared just as his mom placed his plate in front of his chair. He grabbed his fork and started shoveling food in his mouth as if he hadn’t eaten in a week. Ellis sat to his brother’s left, across from his mom’s chair, and she put a plate full of steaming lasagna before him.

Damien, overly dramatic like always, was moaning over the food. “Mom, this is the best lasagna you’ve ever made.”

“You say that every time,” Ellis pointed out.

Damien stuck his tongue out, and Ellis cringed at the sight of what was in his brother’s mouth. Maybe his mom wasn’t wrong when she said Damien had stopped growing up mentally once he’d reached ten years old.

“I swear it’s true this time. I love eating here when you’re not on the night shift. It’s so much better than the stuff Dad whips up.” Damien shuddered, but it didn’t stop him from shoving more lasagna in his mouth.

“Hey, I resent that! I’m not that bad.”

“Uh, Dad, the last time you tried to cook something that wasn’t a prepackaged meal, not even the cat wanted it,” Ellis said, earning himself a scowl from his father.

“Oh,” Damien added, “and there was the time he—”

“Okay, okay, we get it. There’s no need to rub it in.”

Mom patted Dad’s arm and looked at Damien. “So, boys. Tell me about your day.”

Damien and Ellis groaned at the recurring question. It popped out every night, and they had to answer. If they didn’t, their mom would come in their room after dinner and camp on their bed until they did.

“Everything was fine,” Damien answered.

“Did you hear that?” Mom asked no one in particular. “I carried you for nine months, raised you for twenty years, and the only thing I get is ‘everything was fine.’” She looked at Ellis. “Come on, favorite son of mine, apple of my eye, light of my life. Tell me how your day was.”

Ellis couldn’t help but smile, especially when his brother cried out indignantly, “Hey, you told me I was your favorite only fifteen minutes ago!”

“That was because I needed someone to set the table for me.”

They continued to bicker, and it was obvious Damien had inherited his love for drama from their mom, while Ellis was more like their dad—quiet and often withdrawn. Ellis didn’t mind. It felt good to have his family around him, even though he didn’t participate too much. He hoped he’d still have it, that they’d still be there for one another, after Ellis dropped the bomb on them.

“MAKE SURE
she eats something, okay?”

“Yes, I know, Mom. Don’t worry, I won’t let Alicia starve.”

Dale had heard the same words over and over again, and he was answering almost automatically.

He stuck his tongue out at his eight-year-old sister and made her giggle before turning back to the pot of boiling water, his cell phone stuck between his shoulder and his ear as he listened to his mom.

“She has to go to bed early.”

“Yes, eight, and she’ll be in her bed. Mom, I’ve been doing this for the past year. I know how it works. Look, the water’s boiling, and Alicia still hasn’t finished her math homework.”

“Of course. I’m sorry, Dale. I just—”

“Don’t worry about it. I understand.”

And he did. Dale’s mom had been working extra hard since the divorce a year and a half before. It had been hard on her, and she needed all the help he could give her. Dale’s dad wasn’t a bad guy, but he had his own problems.

“I should be home in a few days.”

“I know. Stop worrying so much.”

“Love you.”

“I love you too, Mom. I’m giving Alicia the phone, okay?”

“Yes, please. I’ll call tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah. Bye.” Dale handed his sister the phone and grabbed the pasta on the counter. He dumped it in the water and used a wooden spoon to move it around so it wouldn’t stick, before putting one portion of tomato sauce in the microwave. His mom cooked gallons of it every month and froze it so Dale and Alicia would always have something to eat in the house.

“Monkey, say bye to Mom. It’s almost ready.”

Alicia nodded, but Dale knew it would take her at least another five minutes to actually hang up. In the meantime he set the table and took care of draining the pasta and putting the sauce on it. He mixed it and portioned it onto two plates he set down on the table.

Alicia hung up just as Dale was grabbing the parmesan cheese and some water from the fridge. “Put your homework away, and go wash your hands.”

Dinner went smoothly, like usual. Dale was lucky his sister was a calm kid, because he didn’t know what he would’ve done otherwise.

After washing the dishes, he helped her finish her homework and allowed her a half hour of cartoons before she had to shower and go to bed. Dale took the opportunity to go over his own, but he was already up to date with everything except his new AP English project, and he couldn’t do much about that on his own.

His thoughts wandered to Ellis. Dale couldn’t say he knew the guy. He usually noticed Ellis’s T-shirts more than Ellis himself, but he had to admit, if only to himself, that Ellis was cute.

He was clearly a geek, but then if people knew what Dale liked to read and watch on TV, they would label him the same. He was a geek at heart with a jock facade, or at least that was what his girlfriend liked to say.

Ellis was an unusual geek, though. He did have the T-shirts, but that was about all the geekiness he had.

Ellis’s hair was shaggy and fell in front of his eyes, but it was clearly intended to be that way. He had a nose piercing that probably not a lot of people noticed, but Dale had been close enough to see it, even if it was tiny. It made Dale wonder if it was the only piercing Ellis had.

He thought about Ellis’s lithe body, about the way he always kept his back straight and how he seemed to have a pen in his hand most of the time. He always paired his T-shirts with tight jeans that molded to his lower body, and Dale had peeked more than once at what they revealed.

If things had been different, Dale knew he might have hit on Ellis. The guy was a mixture of sweet and smart, but Dale didn’t want anyone to know he was bisexual, not while he was still in high school.

He knew how most people would react to the news if he ever came out, and Dale didn’t want to find himself isolated. He hadn’t even told his family or his girlfriend, and he did feel a bit guilty. Stephanie would probably react well, but he wasn’t ready to chance it, not when their relationship was so new. They’d gotten together over the summer, and apart from a deep liking, Dale didn’t know what there was between them.

Dale slid his fingers over the list Mr. Shea had given them. His glance went to the topic he’d chosen. He hadn’t done it to make fun of Ellis, obviously, but he could understand why Ellis had thought he had. He couldn’t know Dale could see himself in the topic, as much as he could see Ellis.

Sure, Dale hadn’t been certain Ellis was gay, but Ellis’s reaction had been revealing enough, even before he’d told Dale. There was also the fact that Mark always said Ellis was gay, but Dale wouldn’t have trusted him on it, not with the way he was always making fun of the guy.

Dale thought there was probably more to it than the insults he’d heard, but he’d never seen anything, and as far as he knew, Ellis had never complained. Dale knew Mark didn’t have an easy life, but it wasn’t a good reason to bully Ellis.

“Dale? I’m ready for bed.”

Dale looked at Alicia. She was adorable in her pink nightgown, and he found himself wishing she didn’t have to grow up. “You want me to tuck you in?”

She nodded, and Dale followed her down the hallway to her room. She climbed into bed, and he pressed a kiss on her forehead before pulling the covers up and tucking them around her.

“Good night, Monkey.”

“’Night, Dale.”

Dale closed the door and headed to the bathroom. He showered and brushed his teeth, then went to bed, grabbing his laptop before sliding under the covers. There was a movie waiting for him.

ELLIS LOOKED
around, unable to stop himself from tapping on the open notebook in front of him. He cleared his throat, earning himself a glare from the dragon lady who worked as a librarian, and quickly looked down. He pretended to be oh-so-interested in his notebook for a little while, but his glance kept on drifting to the door, where Dale should have entered the library over thirty minutes before.

Dale was late.

Ellis wasn’t sure whether he should wait another half hour or give up and go home. They hadn’t even exchanged numbers, so he couldn’t call Dale, and most importantly, Dale couldn’t call him, so if something
had
happened, Ellis wouldn’t find out until Monday.

Ellis sighed. His homework was done—he’d put the hour he’d already spent in the library to good use. The only thing he could and should work on was Mr. Shea’s project, and he couldn’t do that without Dale. Well, that wasn’t exactly true.

Ellis could start researching and give the results to Dale when and if he showed up. Ellis had no intention of getting a bad grade because of his partner, not even if it meant he’d have to do most of the work himself. He should have expected it. Dale might not be a classic jock, but he was still part of the sport group. Soccer was probably more important to him than the assignment, and it made Ellis wonder why Dale had ended up in advanced placement English.

Ellis gave the door one last glance and reached for his pen. He didn’t remember the exact wording of the topic Dale had chosen, but he couldn’t have forgotten what it was about even if he’d wanted to. He still couldn’t believe Dale wanted to do that one when he could have chosen any other.