A Girl and Her Wolf (Howl, #7) (20 page)

If we went with Akar, it would mean that we would go and experience the world in a different way than we’d ever seen it before.

I considered what this all could mean. I could leave this all behind. I could go away and never come back, except maybe just to visit. I knew that Kirima and my mother would never leave Alaska. That much was obvious to me. I wasn’t sure who from our pack would decide to go—if anyone besides Akar, at all—but it didn’t matter. Leaving would mean that I would have the chance to find true happiness.

I could watch movies and go to malls. I could go to school. I would no longer have to live in a den and be expected to have a pup when I turned eighteen in a year. I could postpone the life that I wasn’t yet ready for here...at least, I hoped I could. Since Akar was open to change, I hoped he would change that pack policy, too.

Most importantly, though, if I left, I would have t
he opportunity to find my mate.

I didn’t believe I would ever find my mate in Alaska, but I knew that he was out there…
somewhere
. I just needed to find him.

I wanted to do it. I wanted to go with Akar.

Without even thinking twice about what I was doing, I raised my hand, which instantly made me feel stupid. I always made a point of not raising my hand whenever we were in our circle and I wanted to speak, even though we were supposed to. Our elders always viewed it as an act of teenage rebellion and it drove Akar crazy, but normally I didn’t care.

The surprise that I was raising my hand seemed to register on Akar’s face, but he didn’t question it. “Skye?”

“I want to go. I’m coming with you,” I told him. I could feel the cold stares from my mother and Kirima, but I avoided their gaze.

Akar’s lips twisted into a smile. “Perfect.”

I wondered what Thane thought of my decision, but I knew that I couldn’t worry about the way he felt. I couldn’t worry about the way my mother and sister felt, either.

For once in my life, I needed to do something for me.

Chapter 2

“Skye, how could you do this?” Thane asked, running after me as I made my way back to my den later that night. “How could you agree to go with him?”

I knew this was coming. That was why I’d snuck into the woods after
the pack meeting, hoping that he wouldn’t find me. I should have known that he would, though. Thane
always
found me, no matter where I went.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I told him, trying to dismiss the argument that was about to follow. Thane definitely wasn’t having that, though.

He grabbed my arm, forcing me to turn to look at him. When I stared into his eyes, I tried not to get lost in the pain within them. Even though it was easy to feel sorry for him, I had to focus on what I wanted for once. I didn’t want to stay here. I wanted to go.

“
Why?
” Thane asked, his voice breaking a little. “Why do you want to leave?”

“Because there’s nothing here for me,” I snapped at him. “I want to see what else is out there.”

“Don’t you think you should have talked to me about this first? Don’t you think it was a decision that both of us needed to make?”

As much as I knew it would hurt him, I couldn’t help myself. I blurted, “I don’t want you to come with me, Thane. I want to do this on my own. I
need
to do this on my own.”

He shook his head disgustedly. “You know you’re probably the most selfish person I’ve ever met, Skye.”

“How am I selfish?” I shot back at him, the anger rising to my cheeks. “For doing what I want to do?”

“For not even once thinking about me,” Thane replied, his voice elevating. “You’re my best friend. We’ve grown up together, and I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. I still believe that, even though you’re being stubborn right now. But it hurts to know that you didn’t even once think about any of that when you made your decision because of how selfish you’re being.”

“Don’t you think I thought about you when I made my decision, Thane? It would be impossible for me not to. I think about you all the time—every day. I like you, more than I should. And that bothers me. You wanna know why? Because, as much as I like you, it doesn’t change the fact that I can’t hear your thoughts. It makes it really hard for me to believe that you could be my mate.
I need to force myself to not have feelings for you.” I swallowed hard. “So, if you want to talk about selfish, then you should be talking about yourself. You should want me to be happy and do what I need to do, even if it doesn’t include you.”

He studied my face for a few minutes before saying, “But that’s the thing, Skye. I can’t just sit back and watch you go.”

“Well, you can’t come with me,” I insisted.

Thane shook his head. “That’s where you’re wrong. I
can
come with you. And I have to.” I started to protest, but he continued. “Being that far away from you every day sounds like torture. I get it. You need to explore the world and see what’s out there. I assume that means in regards to potential mates, too…but I can’t let you be that far away from me. I have to come with you.”

“That will defeat the whole purpose,” I replied. “How am I supposed to do whatever I want to do when you’re going to be there, looking over my shoulder, the whole time?”

“I’ll leave you alone, if that’s what you want. I’ll try to live my own life while we’re there, but…I need to be there for you. I need to be there to protect you in case something happens.”

I sighed. “I don’t want your protection.”

“I don’t care what you want. If you’re going, then I’m going, too.” He met my gaze. “Do you still want to go?”

I considered it for a moment. Having Thane come along to New Jersey with me would ruin
everything
I had planned. Even though he was my best friend and I hated the idea of being far away from him, I didn’t want him there, either.

But the alternative was worse. If we stayed here, nothing would ever change. I’d be stuck in the same place forever. There wouldn’t
be
another chance to leave.

I needed to go, even if it meant that Thane was going to come with me. I nodded. “Yes, I still want to go.”

“Okay, then. It’s settled. I’ll let Akar know that we’re both going,” Thane replied. He stared at me for a few moments before turning around and heading off to find our Alpha.

As he faded away into the distance, my mother and Kirima walked towards me. I could tell from the angry expressions on their faces that neither of them were happy with my decision.

I’m doing this for me
, I tried to remind myself.
Everyone else will accept it, eventually.

Why did I have a feeling it wasn’t going to be that easy, though?