A Fragile Design (29 page)
‘‘I’ll be here at five thirty,’’ Taylor said without waiting for further discussion. ‘‘Now, if you ladies will excuse me, I must be on my way as it’s getting rather late.’’
Bella remained in her chair while Miss Addie rose to escort Taylor to the door. The older woman’s words floated back into the room as she reminded Taylor to speak to Matthew Cheever and told him she looked forward to seeing him in church the next morning. Before bidding him good-night, Miss Addie promised to find some delightful morsels to place in their picnic basket the next day.
Miss Addie returned to the room, giving Bella a comforting pat on the shoulder as she walked by. ‘‘You and Taylor will have a fine time tomorrow. You do need a bit of relaxation, you know.’’ The words hung in midair—expectantly, longingly, anxiously—awaiting Bella’s confirmation.
But Bella wasn’t interested in discussing her need for relaxation. She wanted an explanation of Miss Addie’s earlier behavior and she wanted it now. Pushing any doubts aside, she charged forward with her interrogation. ‘‘Why did you appear offended when I offered to pray for Mr. Farnsworth?’’ she quizzed, more anger in her tone than she’d intended.
Miss Addie appeared to shrink back at her words. ‘‘It’s obvious I’ve hurt your feelings. I’m sorry,’’ she apologized. ‘‘Truth is, I’ve been earnestly praying for Taylor and his relationship—’’
‘‘Then why wouldn’t you allow me to pray?’’ Bella interrupted.
‘‘Permit me to finish, dear,’’ Miss Addie calmly replied. ‘‘I truly appreciated your offer to pray for John. When we’ve finished talking, I want to do just that—and I hope you’ll join me,’’ she said with a sweet smile. ‘‘However, it appeared Taylor was extremely uncomfortable with your suggestion. I’ve found that forced participation in almost anything can have an adverse effect. Taylor struggles against God—at least that’s what John has told me. Had we continued, I fear we would have appeared sanctimonious. Now, I may be wrong,’’ she concluded.
‘‘No. You’re absolutely correct, Miss Addie,’’ Bella replied. ‘‘In all honesty, I wanted him to feel uncomfortable. I’m terribly ashamed of myself,’’ she admitted.
‘‘It wasn’t my intent to cause you discomfort, Bella, but since you’ve broached the topic, remember that if Taylor is to be won to the Lord, we need to set an example. Once he sees how wonderful life can be when you have a close relationship with God, he’ll begin asking questions. But if you won’t spend time with Taylor, it’s going to be difficult for you to guide him in the proper direction,’’ Miss Addie instructed.
‘‘Me?’’ Bella wasn’t sure she wanted to guide Taylor Manning anywhere, but Miss Addie’s plea was heartfelt. ‘‘Even though I don’t want to go with him tomorrow, I’ll do my best,’’ she told the older woman, not wanting to disappoint her.
‘‘Thank you, dear. I think Taylor will be much more apt to listen and learn from someone closer to his own age,’’ Miss Addie said, leaning back in her chair with a sigh. ‘‘You know, Taylor is a very lonely young man. The past troubles him. He lost his mother when he was only seventeen. John tells me that he suffered greatly, eventually turning to John for encouragement when his father became more and more lost in his grief.’’
Bella thought of her mother’s grief when her father forced the lifestyle of the Shakers upon them. Her mother’s sorrow at being separated from her husband had killed her as sure as anything. As if reading her mind, Miss Addie continued.
‘‘Losing his father was equally difficult. But Taylor felt his father really died the day he lost his wife.’’
‘‘I saw my mother’s own will to live diminish as my father became more and more devoted to the Shakers,’’ Bella admitted.
‘‘Taylor may come across as rather . . .’’ Miss Addie paused, as if thinking for a word.
‘‘Crass, rude, bossy?’’ Bella offered.
Addie smiled. ‘‘I was thinking more along the lines of independent. He tries very hard not to need anyone, John says. I think the loss of John during these days, however, has impacted Taylor more than he’d like to admit. Since coming to America over a year ago, Taylor has had John to keep him company. I hope you’ll do whatever you can to ease his loneliness—for my sake. He seems to genuinely like you, and I think that if you’d allow yourself the luxury, you might very well find him pleasurable company.’’
‘‘But I’m not looking for pleasurable company, Miss Addie. I’ve no interest in acting like those girls who are only here to seek out a husband.’’
‘‘Then what are you seeking, my dear?’’
Addie’s question pierced Bella’s heart.
What am I seeking?
She gave the question some thought for several minutes. The ticking of the clock reminded her that the hour was growing late. ‘‘I don’t know,’’ she finally whispered. ‘‘I suppose I desire to know God better—to better understand His word. I would like to make a comfortable life for myself, and I know for sure it won’t always include working at the mill.’’ She met Addie’s concerned expression. Feeling the weight of the topic, Bella shrugged it off and gave a light laugh. ‘‘I’ll accompany Taylor if it makes you happy, Miss Addie.’’
‘‘I think it would be a very charitable thing—a good thing to do. Just don’t tell Taylor you’ve set him up as a charity case. He would be most grieved. Besides, as I said, I think you very well may be able to reach Taylor for God in a way that might have eluded the rest of us.’’
‘‘And it will give me an opportunity to further persuade him he needs women on the selection committee of the Mechanics Association,’’ Bella said, giving the older woman a satisfied grin.
That night, Bella took up her Bible. The last thing in the world she wanted to do was join Taylor for an outing and bear him a Christian witness in her kindness and gentle spirit.
‘‘I feel neither kind nor gentle,’’ she murmured, hoping Daughtie, who also was reading her Bible, wouldn’t be disturbed.
She glanced up momentarily, seeing the other girls in the room content to chatter about their day. Ruth was draping still-damp stockings over the end of their bed while one of the newer girls, Elaine, shared an animated tale of her life in New York City.
Bella tried to ignore them all and put her mind to reading the Bible. The seventh chapter of Romans led her to a most convicting verse.
‘‘For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not. For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.’’
The good that I should do would be to extend kindness to Taylor,
she told herself.
But he’s so very smug and self-serving. He irritates me with his manner—or rather his lack of good manners. He isn’t very nice, and he speaks whatever he pleases without giving thought to how the other person might feel
.
A voice spoke to her heart.
But you do the same thing
.
The painful truth settled over her. Bella had used her quick wit and ability to speak eloquently to hold many people at arm’s length—but surely no one suffered from this as much as Taylor Manning. She swallowed hard. Her own pride was an equal match to his.
She snapped the Bible shut with such vehemence that Daughtie and Ruth immediately looked to her as if to question the problem. Bella smiled. ‘‘I didn’t realize it was getting so late.’’
She put the Bible aside and quickly scooted down into the bed and pulled the covers high.
‘‘Good night, ladies,’’ she called out as cheerily as possible while tears trickled down her cheeks and dampened her pillow.
Bella, Ruth, and Daughtie walked in the front door of number 5 after returning from church on Sunday. Miss Addie crooked her finger and beckoned Bella into her parlor. ‘‘Come see me for a minute, Bella,’’ she requested.
The older woman was carefully removing a decorative pearl stickpin from her hat. ‘‘Taylor was quite disappointed because you weren’t at the Episcopal church this morning,’’ she reported.
‘‘Was he? I’m surprised to hear he was in attendance.’’ Bella tilted her head slightly to the side and gave Miss Addie a thoughtful look. ‘‘I was just thinking—this would be the first Sunday he’s been in church since Mr. Farnsworth’s departure, wouldn’t it?’’
Miss Addie appeared amused by the question. ‘‘I’m not certain. It appears you’ve been maintaining a closer watch on his attendance than I. In any event, I would have enjoyed your company this morning.’’
‘‘Had Daughtie and I not promised Ruth we would attend the Methodist services, you know I would have gone with you, Miss Addie.’’
‘‘I know, my dear. Now don’t let me hold you back from your chores. I want you to be ready for an enjoyable carriage ride, and you needn’t worry about the food. Since I suggested the picnic, I’ll pack a nice basket for the two of you.’’ She beamed.
Bella returned the smile. ‘‘That’s kind of you, Miss Addie, but I don’t want you to go to any bother. In fact, some bread and a bit of cheese will be plenty.’’
Miss Addie pursed her lips and made a soft clucking sound. ‘‘On with you. Take care of your mending or letter writing or whatever it is you must accomplish this afternoon,’’ she said, shooing Bella from the room. ‘‘I’ll tend to the food.’’
Bella slowly climbed the stairs. As the temperature grew warmer with each step, she became thankful that she wasn’t on the top floor of the house any longer, where the rooms remained intolerably warm all night during the summer months.
Daughtie was busy writing a letter while Ruth was mending the hem of her skirt when Bella entered the bedroom. ‘‘Another letter to Sister Mercy?’’ Bella asked.
Daughtie glanced over her shoulder and gave Bella an apologetic look as she nodded her head. ‘‘I miss her so much.’’
Her friend’s words rekindled Bella’s guilt. She doubted that Daughtie was any more comfortable in Lowell than she’d been the week they arrived. ‘‘You need not apologize,’’ Bella replied, giving her friend a hug. ‘‘I miss her, too. And the children—how I miss each of them.’’
‘‘Do you remember when we found the bird’s nest and little Minnette stuffed tiny pieces of strawberries down the fledglings’ throats until they were so full they nearly burst?’’ Daughtie asked with a giggle.
‘‘And how Eldress Phoebe reduced the poor child to tears by telling her she’d most likely killed the baby birds?’’ Bella continued.
Daughtie nodded. ‘‘Had it not been for Sister Mercy taking Minnette out to see those birds were still alive the next day, I don’t think Minnette would have recovered from Eldress Phoebe’s tart words. What would she have said had she known of the days we pulled off our shoes and stockings and waded in the creek?’’
‘‘I doubt she could have withstood the shock,’’ Bella replied.
‘‘I wonder if anyone else has left the Society since our departure. I do wish I could see some of them again,’’ Daughtie reflected aloud. ‘‘Minnette was such a sweet little girl. And the two tiny boys who were always clamoring for you, Bella, toddling about in their oversized butternut breeches and little shirts.’’
A pang of sadness stabbed at her heart. ‘‘Yes. How they missed their mothers. I’m sure they still do.’’ She paused, then wanting to forget the little boys who cried for their mothers, said, ‘‘I’d best get busy or I’ll not be done with my laundry by the time Taylor arrives.’’
‘‘So you’re going?’’ Daughtie asked.
‘‘Yes. Miss Addie would be very upset if I backed out now,’’ she explained.
Daughtie gave her a sidelong glance. ‘‘I think you want to go. You’re beginning to have feelings for him, aren’t you?’’
Bella attempted to squelch her rising sense of exasperation. ‘‘I’ve already explained this to you, Daughtie. Miss Addie is hopeful Taylor will open his heart to God. She’s hoping I can help point him in the right direction.’’
‘‘The only thing open in Taylor Manning’s heart is fulfillment of his own desire,’’ Ruth said with a blush.
‘‘Amen to that,’’ Daughtie replied. ‘‘Bella, I fear you’re leaving yourself at risk to his scheming ways.’’
‘‘I’m not afraid of Taylor. Besides, this will be a good opportunity to further plead our case for representation on the selection committee. I plan to find out just how much he’s accomplished in scheduling a vote by the Association.’’
‘‘As you wish, but I doubt he’ll remain on that subject for long,’’ Ruth countered.
‘‘I believe I’ll go downstairs and begin my laundry. Please don’t follow me—I can see you two are in agreement on this issue and I’m rushing off to escape your scolding,’’ she said, giving them a giggle as she walked out the door.
By the time Bella had completed her laundry and mending and had written a letter to Aunt Ida in Concord, there was little time to prepare for her outing with Taylor. Dashing upstairs, she quickly rearranged her hair, slipped out of her gray-striped Shaker work dress, and donned a yellow organdy with embroidered crewel work, one of the gowns Lilly Cheever had given her. A quick glance in the mirror caused her to stop and straighten the lace at one sleeve before rushing downstairs and off toward the kitchen.
Miss Addie gave her a bright smile while tucking a linen cloth atop a basket that appeared to contain more than ample supplies for two people. ‘‘I hope the size of that basket indicates that you plan to join us,’’ Bella said with a grin.
‘‘Young men have large appetites. Mintie tells me that no matter how much food she prepares for the men in her boardinghouse, they empty the bowls and ask for more. Besides, I’m sure Taylor hasn’t been eating well since John’s departure,’’ Addie replied. ‘‘Their housekeeper has been ill and still hasn’t returned to her duties.’’
Bella shook her head back and forth. ‘‘I doubt whether Taylor Manning will starve. Although I don’t think he’d attempt any cooking on his own, I’m certain he’d solicit dinner invitations in order to keep his stomach filled.’’
‘‘Now, now,’’ Miss Addie clucked.
Bella had just opened her mouth to answer when a knock sounded at the front door. Miss Addie bustled past her, obviously excited to welcome Taylor. Bella lifted the hefty basket, the wooden handle cutting into the fleshy padding of her fingers. She edged down the hallway with the cumbersome container shifting at her side.