A False Proposal (16 page)

“In the end, you may wish you hadn’t asked,” he said. “Walcheren was hell, a mosquito infested swamp, and ultimately, a graveyard for English soldiers. The invasion was intended to help the Austrians in their fight against the French. But by the time we got there, they had been defeated and were negotiating with Bonaparte.” He caressed her hand while he spoke, rubbing his thumb along her palm and up her fingers. His gaze remained focused on their hands, but Cass’s never left his face.

“We attacked Flushing, hoping to destroy, or at least weaken, the French Navy, but we only succeeded in chasing them out. The siege on Flushing—that’s when I was wounded. The French removed their fleet to Antwerp. And then, men began to sicken from fever. Thousands died, in the most appalling conditions, and nobody knew what to do. I was terrified I’d die from it, too, especially in my weakened condition. In the end, we lost all those good men and gained nothing.”

He dropped her hand and stepped back. “When I returned to England, I learned about the panorama depicting the bombardment of Flushing, for the amusement of the Prince Regent and his friends.” He released a clipped laugh. “It sickened me. That’s when I decided to escape to the Continent for a time. Which turned out to be two years.”

“One last question. How did you get out of Walcheren?”

“The army began evacuating as many of the sick as they could, and since they were so short of medical men, they allowed me to leave, to help on board ship. Having been wounded, I wasn’t of much use to them. The fighting was over by then, in any case. The army had only stayed on because of the sickness.”

Tears glistened in her eyes. “Thank God you didn’t catch the fever. It seems a miracle that you did not.”

Her words were a balm to his wounded heart. Adam pulled her into his arms, kissing away the tears poised on her eyelashes. “My sweet Cassie, don’t cry.” He was in dangerous territory here, showing his emotions, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself. Jack might still be nearby, but right now he didn’t give a damn. Never had he been so attracted to her, or any other woman. He wanted her right now, with a fierceness that robbed him of breath. Hell, of reason. Before he could overthink it, he said, “I will come to you tonight, Cass.” When she didn’t answer immediately, he said, “We can wait if you’re not ready, but know I can’t resist you for much longer.”

She shook her head and smiled at him. “I’ll be waiting. And I’m ready.”

Chapter Eighteen

Restless, Cass had moved from her bed to the window embrasure. Clad only in her night rail, she sat with her knees up, her arms encircling them, staring out into the darkness.
What does one do while waiting for a lover?
She’d finally ruled out trying to sleep; she was far too jittery. Images of what she was about to do with Adam were playing havoc with her peace of mind.

Never before had she contemplated becoming a man’s mistress
.

Of course, she wouldn’t be Adam’s mistress in the true sense of the word, but there were definitely similarities. Heaven forbid if he tried to give her a jewel, or some other extravagant gift. That brought a smile, because she was certain Adam wouldn’t dream of treating her like some doxy he would pay for her favors.

She knew Adam didn’t love her, yet she believed he was fond of her and undeniably desired her. But still he didn’t want to be married to her, or anyone, so he said. When she’d told him she thought this had something to do with his father, he hadn’t denied it. Perhaps one day he’d tell her more. She chose not to dwell on her own feelings about marriage. Better not to analyze it too closely, at least not tonight.

Cass raised her head when she heard a tapping on her door. It was so faint, she decided she’d imagined it. Then, unmistakably, she heard the door click open, felt a cool rush of air flood the room, and a thrill of anticipation raced through her. She lowered her legs to the floor and quickly walked over. It wouldn’t do for him to be caught loitering in the passage.

“Adam,” she whispered, beckoning him in. He was holding a decanter and two glasses. He wore only britches and shirt.

“Hello, Cassie. You look fetching.”

The rogue. She couldn’t help smiling. Her night rail was not what a bride might wear on her wedding night, but she’d had the seamstress make up one of the finest lawn, with embroidery across the top and thin straps.

“Let’s sit in the embrasure,” Cass said.

Adam poured them each some wine. “I thought we should have a private toast,” he said, raising his glass. “To the loveliest lady in Christendom—”

“Stop teasing me,” Cass said, chuckling.

He laughed softly. “I wouldn’t dream of it. You
are
the loveliest woman of my acquaintance, and the sweetest and smartest. I’m grateful to you, Cassie, for everything. Not just this.”

They clinked glasses and drank. The moonlight limned him, and Cass thought what a beautiful man he was. His thick, dark gold hair, his strong, proud profile. She reached out a hand and ran it across the back of his cheek, feeling the stubble. It excited her.

“I thought about shaving for you, but decided my valet would think I’d lost my mind.”

“I am glad you did not.” Nervously, she swallowed her wine and was grateful for the slow warmth spreading through her chest and abdomen. After a minute, Adam took the glass from her hand and scooted closer to her. He placed his hands on her arms, sliding them slowly downward.

“It’s not too late to change your mind, Cass,” he said. “We can carry off the pretense of being engaged without making love.”

“Would that be all right with you?”

“Hell, no. It would kill me.”

And me as well
. Cass knew she wasn’t interested in the pretense without the lovemaking. “It’s what I want, Adam. I may never experience it otherwise.”

Adam’s breath hitched, then his mouth found hers. Pulling her into his arms, he whispered, “Cassie, I want you so much. You and no other. It’s driving me mad.” He rose and brought her with him.

She answered with her body, molding herself against him, wrapping her arms around him and pressing into his chest, so that her breasts rubbed against him. Now there was nothing between them but the fine gauze of his shirt and the thin fabric of her night rail. In the moon-drenched room, she lost herself in his kiss. Cradled in his arms, Cass felt absolutely safe. She had no hesitation about entrusting her body to him.

…

Adam’s cock strained against his britches. He nibbled the corners of her mouth before smothering her forehead, cheeks, and ears with his kisses. He couldn’t resist running his hands through her lustrous hair, drawing handfuls of it up to bury his face in. He hadn’t seen it down since they were children. After he luxuriated in the feel of it, the scent of it, he moved his hands to her breasts, gently teasing her nipples.

“Oh,” she said.
“Oh.”

He groaned deep in his throat. God, she smelled good. The rose scent she always wore, now faint at the end of the day, was intoxicating. It was so Cass. Impatient now to see her, all of her, he reached down and lifted her gown over her head, tossing it aside.

Cass drew in a sharp breath.

“You’re so lovely, Cassie. Your hair, your creamy skin.” And then he paused. The moonlight had struck her in such a way that he could see her wound. The one he’d wondered about this morning. “Some day you will tell me about this, how it happened, who was responsible. I’ll probably have to kill him.” That last bit came out fiercely, gutturally.

She shook her head, clearly signaling she didn’t want to discuss it. “Now I wish to see you without your clothes, Adam.”

He let out a short bark of laughter. “I am yours to command, madam.” He yanked his shirt over his head. So aroused he couldn’t comply fast enough, he was reduced to hopping around so as not to lose his balance while he tugged off his boots and britches. He could hear Cass giggling. How to romance your intended. He could write the book on how not to.

…

When he was finally still, Cass stared unabashedly. She stepped behind him and ran her hand down his powerful back and over the taut curve of his buttocks. He was long of thigh, and his calves bulged with muscles. “Explore all you want, love. It’s only making me want you more.”

Adam spun around, surprising her. Cass stepped back in shock when she caught her first glimpse of his arousal. Truly, she didn’t see how that part of him was going to join with her…part. But since she only had a vague idea about the particulars, she decided to let him be her guide,

“Having a change of heart, are you?” Adam asked, smiling.

“Maybe. A little.” She trembled slightly.

“Don’t worry, darling. It will be my pleasure to make you ready for me.”

I love hearing you call me darling. And love.
She’d never be able to resist him if he kept that up.

He lifted her and carried her to the bed. Easing his body alongside hers, he resumed kissing her, while stroking her tenderly and whispering endearments. Cass told herself to relax. This was her beloved Adam, the man she’d adored most of her life. He wouldn’t do anything to hurt her. Gradually, with his kisses and his touch, her trembling subsided.

“What would you like me to do?” Cass asked.

“More of what you were doing when we were standing. Touch me.”

So she did, this time exploring the bands of muscle across his chest, even massaging his nipples gently, as he had done to her. Adam gasped, all the while continuing his gentle stroking of her.

His hands moved to her inner thighs, and then to her most intimate place. He worked magic on her sensitive flesh with his fingers, caressing, stroking, and gliding inside her until she couldn’t help making soft gasping sounds. Maybe that was something a lady shouldn’t do, but she couldn’t help it. And Adam seemed to like it, since he said, “That’s it, love, tell me.” Arching, she felt close to coming apart, and when she finally did, her body shook with unexpected tremors. Crying out with pleasure, she hurled herself into his arms. “I didn’t—I never knew…”

Adam framed her face with his hands and kissed her so sweetly, she ached inside. Feeling more confident, Cass reached out and put her hand on his rigid flesh. “Oh, sweet Jesus!” Adam cried. “Don’t!”

She jerked her hand away, embarrassed. “I’m so sorry. I thought you would—”

“Yes, darling, it feels heavenly, it’s just that…never mind.” In one fluid move, he was above her, lifting her knees and opening her to him. She felt him at her entrance, yet he hesitated.

“Are you sure, Cassie? Are you sure you want this, too?”

“Very sure.” She had no intention of stopping now. Reaching toward him, she ran her palms over his chest, delighting in the feel of his hard, sinewy flesh.

Laughing softly, Adam began to push himself inside her. At first, she felt only joy in the claiming of her body by this irresistible man she’d desired for so long. Then the feeling changed, became uncomfortable, even painful, and at its worst, she cried out once, sharply. Adam paused, mumbling an apology. He waited a moment before he began to slowly withdraw and then slide back inside her.

“Cassie,” he whispered, his breath caressing her ear. “You are exquisite. So sweet. Everything a man could want.” Maybe Adam’s words helped ease the pain, because suddenly she was moving her hips in rhythm with his, and it felt good.
So good.
Cass was caught up in the ancient dance between male and female. She and Adam were joined together, performing an act common to all of humanity. Yet it was unique to them, because the way they felt, what they meant to each other, belonged to them alone. The idea affected her profoundly.

All she could hear for a few minutes was their breathing and their bodies brushing against the sheets. Adam’s eyes were glazed and his face looked as if he were far away. A moment later, a primal noise erupted from his chest and he did something that shocked Cass. He spilled his seed on the bed and not inside her. Then he dropped down onto her, kissing her and enfolding her in his arms. “I’m sorry for hurting you, Cassie.”

She felt giddy, too sated to talk. They lay in silence for a time, until she came back to herself. “Adam, why did you—”

“We can’t risk you getting with child.” He rose and walked over to the washstand. She heard a splash of water and after a minute realized he must be washing himself. Then he came back with the wet cloth. Embarrassed, she rolled to the side while he cleaned the sheet as well as he could.

And she wondered, couldn’t help wondering, had it been pleasing for Adam? She needed reassurance, because she would have been devastated if she’d disappointed him. He climbed back in bed and spooned himself around her, kissing her neck and ear.

“You were magnificent, darling.”

Cass breathed a sigh of relief. “Truly? You’re not just trying to make me feel good?”

“I hope you already feel good, so no, I’m not. Do you think you’d like to do this again sometime?”

She knew he was teasing her, but twisted around to face him anyway. “Yes! Good God, yes.” They both laughed. Much later sometime during the night, Cass felt her night rail sliding over her skin, and the covers being drawn up around her body.

When she woke up in the early dawn, shivering, Adam was gone. She felt an ache, an empty place inside, and wondered why this seemed like the end of something rather than the beginning.

…

Nothing in particular had been scheduled for the following day. Some of the men went off to hunt hare and squirrel. Others chose angling. Jack and Adam, Cass noticed, both opted for riding. Their horses probably did need a good gallop, she thought, and no doubt Jack wanted to talk privately to Adam. She’d like to be privy to that conversation.
Then again, perhaps not
.

The ball was planned for that evening, and tomorrow, everybody would take their leave. Cass was not at all sure what lay in store afterward for her and Adam. He had yet to speak to Sir William, and before making any further plans, he must do so. He wouldn’t need her for that, so she would probably return to London and not see Adam again until he, too, had returned. Cass dreaded the thought of being cooped up in the carriage with her cousin. She could travel with Jenny and her mother, although that would leave Louisa by herself, something her cousin would never countenance.

Most of the ladies remained in the salon, reading, writing letters, or talking about their ball gowns, jewelry, and the styling of their hair. Seated near a window, Cass tuned them out and gazed outside. She couldn’t keep Adam out of her thoughts. And when she allowed him in, she couldn’t prevent a little twitch of a smile pulling at her lips. When Jenny approached her and asked if she wanted to walk around the park, she had to drag herself back to the present. Aware that the other girl would have questions, Cass was not particularly enthusiastic about the idea, but she would not decline. She loved Jenny, looked forward to having a sister her own age. She would have to be as honest as she could without betraying the true nature of her arrangement with Adam.

Tying their bonnet strings as they left the house, they decided to take the gravel path that led to the wood. Both girls wore sturdy half boots. It had rained during the night, leaving the air clean and clear. Cass inhaled deeply, drawing the freshness into her lungs.

“Forgive me if I am intruding on your privacy, Cass, but will you tell me what in heaven’s name persuaded you to agree to Adam’s scheme?” Cass could sense Jenny’s eyes on her, but she kept her own gaze forward.

Nothing like getting right to the point
.

“Surely my brother explained,” Cass said, hoping foolishly that might put an end to it.

“He explained Adam’s reason for telling his father he was engaged to you. I understand Adam’s thinking, to a point. It is your decision I cannot fathom.”

Cass was irritated, though she tried not to show it. Would she ever reach a point at which she no longer had to justify her decisions and actions to Jack and Jenny, or Louisa? “My life is dull and predictable, Jenny. I wanted to do something exciting. Something daring. Is that so difficult to comprehend?”