A Dom Is Forever (15 page)

How could he say that? A little kernel of anger sparked through her system. She didn’t deserve that. She was well aware that the best thing to do would be to just walk away, to shoo him out of her apartment. Why should she care that he thought she was a doormat? But she did. “I lost the use of my freaking legs, Lee. I didn’t float through my twenties. I spent them on a fucking hospital bed fighting to learn to walk again.”

“That’s what I want. That’s the girl I saw. And you curse at me all you like. I’m keeping track of it for later punishment.”

And what the hell was up with that? Righteous anger burned through her. “Punishment? You don’t have any right to punish me. And I can curse. I choose not to most of the time, but don’t think it doesn’t go through my head, asshole. I was trying to give you something. I was trying to give you my body.”

“That’s where you fucked up, little girl. I don’t want your body. I want your soul. I want your everything. And I definitely want your orgasms. I want them all. I’ll be a greedy bastard, savoring them and hoarding them all for myself. You wanted to give me your body? I can buy that on a street corner, sweetheart. You’re the one who’s being selfish now.”

“How is it selfish to offer to have sex? I don’t understand what you want.” She was coming down from the high of her anger. She hated this feeling. Her emotions were bouncing around like a Ping-Pong ball.

“You weren’t really offering me anything of yourself.” Lee backed off slightly, his voice softening just a bit.

“What do you want from me?” She was truly at a loss. And she wished she’d kept her bra on.

He pulled the sweater out of her hand and reached over and turned on the light. “First off, I want you to stop hiding yourself from me. You’re the one making this tawdry by pretending it’s dirty and not worthy of the light of day.”

“I didn’t mean it that way.” She was just trying to make things go smoothly.

“Yes, you did. Tell me you really want me.” His voice had gone positively gentle. His hand cupped her cheek, forcing her to look up at him. God, he was gorgeous. No man should have those sensual lips.

“I want you.” She wanted him so badly. She just didn’t trust that he could possibly want her.

“No, you don’t, but you will.” He stepped back and tucked his shirt in. “We’re going to do this my way. We tried yours and it didn’t work, so I’m taking control. I should have done it in the first place. If I thought you had some, I would tell you to change into
fet
wear, but you don’t happen to have a corset and some PVC hiding in that closet, do you?”

“I don’t know what PVC is,” she admitted, her heart aching a little. “I don’t think this is a good idea, Lee. I don’t think I can be what you need. I’m not experienced, and what experience I have wasn’t very good. Don’t get me wrong. I loved my husband, but the sex wasn’t spectacular. I think I’m just one of those women who can’t be sexy. I was trying to please you, but I couldn’t.”

Even in the dim light, she could see him staring, assessing. “And I think you’re one of those women who can’t stop thinking long enough to let her body take over. Look, Avery, the sex you’ve had happened with a kid. Was your husband older than you? More experienced?”

She shook her head. They had both been virgins.

“Then you have no idea what it can be like. I look at sex differently than most people. It’s an exchange, and it should be good for both parties. I don’t want you to spread your legs and let me have you because you want someone to hold you. If you want me to hold you, ask me. I want you to spread your legs because you can’t wait another single second for my cock. I want that pussy ripe and ready and weeping for a big dick to split it wide and have its way. I want your nipples to peak because I walk into a room and you remember every dirty thing I can do to them. I want you to want me. I can make you crave me. I don’t want some drive-by fucking that gets me off and I forget it five minutes later. I want to fuck all night long. I want to feel it all the next day because my cock got so used to being deep inside your body. If that’s what you want, then get dressed in the sexiest thing you own and agree that I’m the boss when it comes to sex.” He turned and walked out. “I’ll give you five minutes to decide. I’ll be waiting in your living room. If you really want me, you’ll dress exactly how I’ve told you to dress and you’ll present yourself to me for inspection. And Avery, no bra and no underwear. You won’t need them.”

The door closed behind him, and she had to remember how to breathe.

She wasn’t sexy. She wasn’t orgasmic.

But what if she could be? Lee hadn’t been right about everything, but he had a few points. He’d told her he wanted to be in control and then she’d tried to make all the decisions. He had more experience, but she’d decided she knew best. She hadn’t listened to him.

He wanted control. He wanted her to really want him. She didn’t understand, but if she ever wanted to understand, she had to try.

She’d taught herself how to walk again. That had been an enormous mountain to climb. Why was she so scared of this? She’d faced worse, but she was cowering in her boots over not wearing underwear and a bra? She’d lost so much. Was she willing to lose this, too?

What was she really risking? She might look dumb. She could end up with her heart broken, but at least she would have proven it still worked.

She’d come across the ocean to change her life—to have a life. What was life without a few risks?

She got her phone out and sent a quick text to Adam letting him know she was home and who she was with so if she was serially murdered, at least they would have a starting place for where to find her body.

But she was going to do this because she felt safe with Lee. And because she wanted to finally understand what it really meant to want someone.

* * * *

Liam forced himself to be patient. Why had he given her that fucking ultimatum? What had he been thinking?

He’d been thinking about how he wanted the relationship to go. He hadn’t been thinking about the fucking op. He’d been thinking about what he needed and the idea of her not wanting him the way he wanted her. His cock had been hard for days thinking about taking her, but he’d felt her arousal. It was a pathetic thing compared to his.

She just didn’t understand what they could do. She was like a virgin.

God, he didn’t do virgins.

But he wanted to do this one. The minute he’d figured out what the problem was, he’d gone into overdrive. If he’d thought he was hard before, realizing that Avery had never had an orgasm sent him into “I took two Viagra” territory.

He finally had something to fucking offer her. He wasn’t cut out for long term. He was a fucker of a boyfriend. Hell, he hadn’t been a boyfriend since he’d groped around with Katie Reilly during his
A
level years. After that, it had been the Army and the SAS and then working with intelligence. Women had been comfort, nothing more.

Then he’d gotten his brother killed and nothing could comfort him. He’d finally settled down and found a little place for himself at Sanctum, but he wasn’t anyone’s boyfriend.

But he was good at getting a girl off. He was fine at knowing how and where to touch a woman so she was panting and begging for it. And he sure as bloody hell knew how to use his cock. He could teach her that her body was built for pleasure. He could give her that.

If she took him up on his offer.

Minutes ticked by, and he wondered how the fuck he was going to salvage this. And he hadn’t even planted the bugs he was supposed to plant. Ian was going to kick his ass.

Alex would have to try if she kicked him out. He couldn’t stand the thought of Alex’s hands on her. Alex would be gentle. Alex would treat her with courtesy. Alex wouldn’t have told her it was his way or the highway.

“Is this all right?”

He turned, surprised she’d been able to sneak up on him, but then his mind hadn’t been on the mission in days. His mind and his dick had been in perfect harmony, focused on her.

She stood in front of the tiny bathroom wearing a denim miniskirt and a tank top that should be illegal. Oh, it would look perfectly fine on someone else. On a woman with smaller breasts, it would look sporty. On Avery it looked lascivious, like she was just waiting for a man to rip it off her so he could suck those breasts in his mouth, getting her nipples hard, her pussy wet.

She fidgeted, trying to pull the skirt down. “I usually wear it with leggings. Well, I actually bought it yesterday. A friend told me it looked nice, but I think it’s too short.”

It was far too short, and it qualified as
fet
wear. He was going to have to buy Adam a beer.
Smart bugger.
“Let me see. Turn around.”

She bit into her bottom lip, but she turned slowly, allowing him to see the skirt from the backside.

“Stop,” he commanded. She likely would have just kept going until she’d made a complete circle, but he wanted to look at her ass. He groaned a little. Her backside was round with nice-sized hips that flared from her waist led to a truly spectacularly juicy ass.

All of his life he’d adored full-figured women. He’d denied himself for years, opting for skinny little young things because they didn’t make his mouth water like this one did. Those barely legal women had wanted one thing from him—a good time. They hadn’t moved him. They hadn’t made him want to sink inside and never leave.

“Bend over.” He wanted to see just how kind Adam had been. She hesitated. “This won’t work if you don’t obey me.”

Her eyes widened. “I don’t know that I like the word ‘obey.’”

How did he put this to her in a way she could understand?
BDSM
could seem weird and foreign, but it made sense to him. “Think about it as a rule. Look, do you have directions you have to follow in order to get the outcome you want? Like building a desk or something? Do you follow the directions? Do you obey the rules?”

“Yes.”

“Why do you think there aren’t rules to how sex will work? You didn’t want to talk to me about what you wanted. You pushed me into the room so I wouldn’t turn on the light because you knew damn well I would push back on that, didn’t you?”

She stayed where she was. “Yes. I don’t want you to see me. I don’t look like one of those girls in a magazine.”

He groaned, the sound coming from deep in his chest. “Those girls in the magazines are airbrushed and way too thin. The camera adds pounds so those girls are so skinny I wouldn’t be able to fuck them for fear I would break them. I want a woman, Avery, not some tiny freaking thing whose waistline only proves she doesn’t eat. I want a woman who can take me. I want a woman I can hold on to. So bend over because I want to see your ass. I want to look at it because I’ve been dreaming about it for days. It’s hot and round and so fucking juicy I can’t stand it. Get me hot, Avery. Show me your ass.”

It took her a moment, but she bent over, her spine curving. The skirt twisted up until he could see plainly that she had complied with his edict about the underwear. Her round, curvy ass cheeks peeked out from the ridiculously high hem of her skirt. Sweet cheeks. So fucking pretty.

“That’s beautiful, love.” Fuck, his cock was dying, and he couldn’t just do her yet. He needed to push her boundaries. He needed to make her howl, and he couldn’t do that by just shoving his cock in.

He let his fingertips find her thighs. The minute he touched her, she gasped and stood straight up.

“Did I hurt you?” He knew the answer to the question. He’d startled her because she wasn’t expecting it, but she needed to learn here and now that he would touch her any way he wanted to.

“No.” She was shivering, but it wasn’t cold in the room. The room was nice and toasty warm.

“Then bend back over. I’m only going to touch you, Avery.” He couldn’t expect her to act like a trained submissive. He had to be patient and teach her what he wanted. Later, if she reacted like this, he would place her over his knee and she would feel the flat of his hand on her ass. Fuck, his cock loved that image.

“This is weird, you know,” she said, but she was complying.

“Weird is in the eye of the beholder.” He let his hand skim along her thighs. Soft, sweet skin. “I think it’s weird how vanilla people just jump into a bed and fuck and don’t ever relish the moment, don’t talk to each other about what works and what doesn’t. So many people just expect sex to happen, but really great sex takes work, like everything in life. You have to talk to your partner. If you were working on a project with a partner, you would talk to him, wouldn’t you?”

“Yes.” Her voice came out on a little gasp. “But you make it sound like this is work. I’m having a hard time thinking about sex as a project to manage.”

He barely touched the cheeks of her ass, just a little tickle on her flesh, and her muscles clenched. “Only because you don’t take it seriously.”

“I take it very seriously,” she shot back.

“No, you take the choice of your partner seriously, but not the sex itself. The sex itself you view as something you have to give up to get to what you really want, and that’s companionship and affection. You can’t buy those with sex, Avery. Those will come or not, and it doesn’t mean a damn thing to any man. Not really. He’ll take sex from you even if he doesn’t particularly like you. He’ll take it because you offer it up so easily. Again—not the relationship, but the sex. You’re offering me easy sex. Sex where I don’t have to work, but I want to work because I do like you and I do feel affection for you. Do you understand?”

“You think I should ask for more.”

“No, I think you should demand more.”

“That doesn’t sound very submissive, Lee.”

He sighed as he touched her cheeks one last time and backed away. “You can stand up now.” He sank back on her sofa. It would do for what he wanted. For what she needed. “Come sit in my lap.”

She moved a little awkwardly, trying to pull the skirt down. “I can’t get it down far enough. If I sit in your lap, it’s going to ride up.”

“Sit in my lap, Avery.” He let his voice go hard and was happy to see her respond. She did what he wanted, though she took her sweet time doing it, trying valiantly to keep as much denim between them as possible. She settled in, holding herself up.