A Doctor to Remember (4 page)

He contrived to look disappointed and amused all at the same time. ‘Ah, well…another day, perhaps?’

‘In your dreams,’ she murmured.

She went upstairs to the bathroom, still thinking about his roguish suggestion. It was hard to admit, but she was actually more than tempted. He was strong, incredibly good looking, hugely charismatic and very capable…he’d shown that he was very willing to help out with anything around the place.

So why had she turned him down? She was a free spirit after all, with no ties. The truth was, she’d no idea how she’d been before, but right now she was deeply wary of rushing into anything, and she’d only known him for a very short time.

Or had she? He’d said they’d known one another for quite a while, years, in fact. What kind of relationship had that been? For his part, he was definitely interested in her and he certainly seemed keen to take things further.

But she still wasn’t sure she could trust him. He was charming, helpful, competent…weren’t those the very qualities that might have made her aunt want to bequeath him part of her home?

She sighed. It was frustrating to have so many unanswered questions.

Going into the bathroom, she tried to push those thoughts to one side as she looked around. This room was all pearly white, with gleaming, large rectangular tiles on the wall, relieved by deeply embossed border tiles in attractive pastel colours. There was a bath, along with the usual facilities, and in the corner there was a beautiful, curved, glass-fronted shower cubicle.

Under the shower spray, she tried to relax and let the warm water soothe away her troubled thoughts. Perhaps she should learn to trust, and take comfort in the knowledge that Matt had only ever been kind to her.

So far, he had been there for her, doing his best to help her settle in. She had been the only stumbling block to his initial efforts by being suspicious of his motives around her aunt. Perhaps she should do her best to be a little more open to him.

Afterwards, she towelled her hair dry and put on fresh clothes, jeans that clung to her in all the right places, and a short-sleeved T-shirt the same blue as her eyes. She didn’t want to go downstairs with wet hair, but there was no hairdryer around so she didn’t really have a choice. Still, even when damp her hair curled riotously, so perhaps she didn’t look too bad.

Anyway, if Matt had been called away to work, it wouldn’t matter how she looked, would it?

‘Hi.’ He smiled as she walked into the living room. ‘You look fresh and wholesome—like a beautiful water nymph.’

She returned his smile. ‘Thanks. And thanks for letting me use the shower. Perhaps I ought to go back to my place and find my hairdryer.’

‘Do you have to do that? I’m making some lunch for us. I heard the shower switch off, so I thought you might soon be ready to eat. We could take the food outside, if you want. The sun will dry your hair.’

‘Oh…okay. I wasn’t expecting that. It sounds good.’

They went outside on to a small, paved terrace, and he set out food on a wrought-iron table, inviting her to sit down while he went to fetch cold drinks. He’d made pizza slices, topped with mozzarella cheese, tomato and peppers, along with a crisp side salad.

He came back holding a tray laden with glass tumblers and a jug of mixed red fruit juice topped with slices of apple, lemon and orange.

‘I can bring you some wine, if you prefer,’ he said, sitting down opposite her. ‘I can’t have any myself in case I have to go out on a job.’

‘No, this will be fine,’ she told him. ‘It looks wonderful.’

‘It is. Wait till you taste it.’

The food was good, and the juice, which had a hint of sparkling soda water in it, was even better than it looked. ‘This has been a real treat for me,’ she said a little later, when they’d finished a simple dessert of ice cream and fresh raspberries. ‘Everything was delicious.’ She mused on that for a moment. ‘I don’t remember when someone last prepared a meal for me.’

‘I’m glad you enjoyed it.’ He sent her a sideways glance. ‘Actually, Annie made meals for both of us sometimes—whenever you came over here to visit she would cook, or put out buffet-style food, or occasionally she would ask me to organise the barbecue so that we could eat outside and enjoy the summer evenings. Sometimes she would ask the neighbours to join us.’ He watched her carefully. ‘Don’t you have any memory of that?’

‘No…’ She tried to think about it, grasping at fleeting images with her mind, but in the end she had to admit defeat. Then a stray vision came out of nowhere, and she said quickly, ‘Except—there was one time…I think I’d been out somewhere—to work, or to see friends—then somehow I was back here and everything was wrong.’

He straightened up, suddenly taut and a bit on edge. Distracted, she sent him a bewildered glance. ‘I don’t know what happened, but the feelings are all mixed up inside me. I know I was desperately unhappy and I think Aunt Annie put her arms around me to comfort me.’ She frowned. ‘How can I not remember? It’s as though I’m distracted all the while, all over the place in my head. Why am I like this?’

It was a plea for help and he said softly, ‘You probably feel that way because it’s as though part of you is missing. Your mind is still the one bit of you that needs to heal. And perhaps deep down, for some reason, you’re rejecting what’s already there, hidden inside you. Give it time. Don’t try so hard, and I expect it’ll come back to you in a few weeks or months.’

‘Weeks or months…when am I ever going to get back to normal?’ There was a faint thread of despair in her voice. ‘I should be working, earning a living, but how do I do that when I don’t even know what it’s like to be a doctor?’

He didn’t answer. His phone rang at that moment, cutting through their conversation, and she noticed that the call came on a different mobile from his everyday phone. He immediately became alert.

‘It’s a job,’ he said, when he had finished speaking to Ambulance Control, ‘so I have to go. I’m sorry to leave you, Saffi, but I’m the nearest responder.’

‘Do you know what it is, what’s happened?’

He nodded. ‘A six-year-old boy has been knocked down by a car. The paramedics are asking for a doctor to attend.’ He stood up, grim-faced, and made to walk across the terrace, but then he stopped and looked back at her. He made as if to say something and then stopped.

‘What is it?’ she asked.

He shook his head. ‘It’s nothing.’

He made to turn away again and she said quickly, ‘Tell me what’s on your mind, please.’

‘I wondered if you might want to come with me? It might be good for you to be out there again, to get a glimpse of the working world. Then again, this might not be the best call out for you, at this time.’ He frowned. ‘It could be bad.’

She hesitated, overwhelmed by a moment of panic, a feeling of dread that ripped through her, but he must have read her thoughts because he said in a calm voice, ‘You wouldn’t have to do anything. Just observe.’

She sucked in a deep breath. ‘All right. I’ll do it.’ It couldn’t be so bad if she wasn’t called on to make any decisions, could it? But this was a young child…that alone was enough to make her balk at the prospect. Should she change her mind?

Matt was already heading out to the garage, and she hurried after him. This was no time to be dithering.

They slid into the seats of the rapid-response vehicle, a car that came fully equipped for emergency medical situations, and within seconds Matt had set the sat nav and was driving at speed towards the scene of the accident. He switched on the flashing blue light and the siren and Saffi tried to keep a grip on herself. All she had to do was observe, he’d said. Nothing more. She repeated it to herself over and over, as if by doing that she would manage to stay calm.

‘This is the place.’

Saffi took in everything with a glance. A couple of policemen were here, questioning bystanders and organising traffic diversions. An ambulance stood by, its rear doors open, and a couple of paramedics hid her view of the injured child. A woman was there, looking distraught. Saffi guessed she was the boy’s mother.

Matt was out of the car within seconds, grabbing his kit, along with a monitor and paediatric bag.

With a jolt, Saffi realised that she recognised the equipment. That was a start, at least. But he was already striding purposefully towards his patient, and Saffi quickly followed him.

Her heart turned over when she saw the small boy lying in the road. He was only six…six years old. This should never be happening.

After a brief conversation with the paramedics, Matt crouched down beside the child. ‘How are you doing?’ he asked the boy.

The child didn’t answer. He was probably in shock. His eyes were open, though, and Matt started to make a quick examination.

‘My leg…don’t touch my leg!’ The boy suddenly found his voice, and Matt acknowledged that with a small intake of breath. It was a good sign that he was conscious and lucid.

‘All right, Charlie. I’ll be really careful, okay? I just need to find out where you’ve been hurt, and then I’ll give you something for the pain.’

Matt shot Saffi a quick look and she came to crouch beside him. ‘He has a fractured thigh bone,’ he said in a low voice so that only she could hear. ‘He’s shivering—that’s probably a sign he’s losing blood, and he could go downhill very fast. I need to cannulate him, get some fluid into him fast, before the veins shut down.’

He explained to Charlie and his mother what he was going to do. the mother nodded briefly, her face taut, ashen.

Saffi could see that the boy’s veins were already thin and faint, but Matt managed to access one on the back of the child’s hand. He inserted a thin tube and taped it securely in place, then attached a bag of saline.

The paramedics helped him to splint Charlie’s leg, but just as they were about to transfer him to the trolley the boy went deathly pale and began to lose consciousness.

Matt said something under his breath and stopped to examine him once more.

‘It could be a pelvic injury,’ Saffi said worriedly, and Matt nodded. He wouldn’t have been able to detect that through straightforward examination.

‘I need to bind his pelvis with a sheet or something. He must have internal injuries—we need to get more fluids into him.’

One of the paramedics hurried away to the ambulance and came back with one of the bed sheets. Matt and the two men carefully tied it around the child’s hips to act as a splint, securing the suspected broken bones and limiting blood loss. Saffi noted all that and moved forward to squeeze the saline bag, trying to force the fluid in faster.

Matt glanced at her, his eyes widening a fraction, but he nodded encouragement. She’d acted out of instinct and he must have understood that.

A minute or two later, the paramedics transferred Charlie to the ambulance, and Matt thrust his car keys into Saffi’s hands. ‘I’m going with him to the hospital,’ he said. ‘Do you think you could follow us? I’ll need transport back afterwards. Are you still insured to drive?’

She stared at the keys. She’d not driven since the accident, not because she didn’t know how but because, for some reason, she was afraid to get behind the wheel. It didn’t make sense—her accident had been nothing to do with being in a car.

‘Saffi?’

‘Y-yes. I’ll follow you.’ She had to know if the boy was safe.

He left her, and she went to the car, opening the door and sliding into the driver’s seat. She gripped the wheel, holding onto it until her knuckles whitened. She couldn’t move, paralysed by fear. Then she saw the ambulance setting off along the road, its siren wailing. Charlie was unconscious in there, bleeding inside. His life was balanced on a knife-edge.

Saffi wiped the sweat from her brow and turned the key in the ignition. She had to do this. Her hand shook as she moved the gear lever, but she slowly set the car in motion and started on the journey to the nearest hospital.

Matt was already in the trauma room when she finally made it to her destination. ‘How is he? What’s happening?’ she asked.

‘It’s still touch and go. They’re doing a CT scan right now.’

‘Do you want to wait around to see how he goes on?’

‘I do, yes.’

‘Okay.’ She thought of the boy, looking so tiny as he was wheeled into the ambulance. Tears stung her eyelids and she brushed them away. She was ashamed of showing her emotions this way. Doctors were supposed to be in control of themselves, weren’t they?

It had been a mistake for her to come here. She wasn’t ready for this.

Matt put his arm around her. ‘It’ll be a while before we know anything,’ he said. ‘We could go and wait outside in the seating area near the ambulance bay. They’ll page me when they have any news.’

She let him lead the way, and they sat on a bench seat next to a grassed area in the shade of a spreading beech tree.

He kept his arm around her and she was glad of that. It comforted her and made her feel secure, which was odd because in her world she’d only known him for just a few days.

She was confused by everything that was happen- ing and by her feelings for Matt. Her emotions were in chaos.

‘A
RE YOU OKAY?’
Matt held Saffi close as they sat on the bench by the ambulance bay. ‘It was a mistake to bring you here. I shouldn’t have put you through all that—it’s always difficult, dealing with children.’

He pressed his lips together briefly. ‘I suppose I thought coming with me on the callout might spark something in you, perhaps bring back memories of working in A and E.’

‘It did, and I’m all right,’ she said quietly. ‘It was a wake-up call. Seeing that little boy looking so whitefaced and vulnerable made me realise I’ve no business to be hanging around the house feeling sorry for myself.’

‘I don’t think you’ve been doing that. You’ve had a lot to deal with in these last few months, first with your aunt’s death and then the head injury coming soon afterwards. Your aunt was like a mother to you, and losing her was traumatic. No one would blame you for taking time out to heal yourself.’

‘You’d think I’d remember something like that, wouldn’t you?’ She frowned. ‘But I do keep getting these images of how she was with me, of moments we shared. The feelings are intense, but then they disappear. It’s really bewildering.’

‘It’s a good sign, though, that you’re getting these flashbacks, don’t you think? Like I said, you should try not to get yourself too wound up about it. Things will come back to you, given time.’

‘Yes.’ She thought of the little boy who was so desperately ill, being assessed by the trauma team right now. ‘I can’t imagine what Charlie’s parents must be going through. This must be a desperate time for them. What are his chances, do you think?’

‘About fifty-fifty at the moment. He lost a lot of blood and went into shock, but on the plus side we managed to compensate him with fluids and we brought him into hospital in quick time. Another thing in his favour is that Tim Collins is leading the team looking after him. He’s a brilliant surgeon. If anyone can save him, he’s the man.’

He sent her a thoughtful glance. ‘You came up with the diagnosis right away, and knew we had to push fluids into him fast. That makes me feel a bit less guilty about bringing you out here, if it was worth it in the end.’

She gave him a faint smile. ‘It was instinctive…but there was no pressure on me at the time. I don’t know how I would cope by myself in an emergency situation. There’s been a huge hole in my life and it’s made me wary about everything. I doubt myself at every step.’

He nodded sympathetically. ‘At least it was a beginning.’ He stretched his legs, flexing his muscles, and glanced around. ‘Shall we go and walk in the grounds for a while? It could be some time before they page us with the results.’

‘Okay. That’s a good idea. Anything would be better than sitting here, waiting.’

They walked around the side of the hospital over a grassed area where a track led to a small copse of silver-birch trees. There were wild flowers growing here, pinky-white clover and blue cornflowers, and here and there patches of pretty white campion.

Beyond the copse they came across more grass and then a pathway that they followed for several minutes. It led them back to the hospital building and they discovered an area where wooden tables and bench seats were set out at intervals. Saffi looked around and realised they were outside the hospital’s restaurant.

It was late afternoon, and there were few people inside the building, and none but themselves outside. They chose a table on a quiet terrace and Saffi sat down once more.

‘I’ll get us some drinks,’ Matt said, and came back a few minutes later with a couple of cups of coffee. ‘This’ll perk you up a bit,’ he murmured. ‘All you need is a bit of colour in your cheeks and you’ll soon be back to being the girl I once knew.’

‘Will I?’ She looked at him, her eyes questioning him. ‘You don’t think she’s gone for ever, then?’

He shook his head. ‘No, Saffi. The real you is there, under the surface, just waiting to come out.’

He sat beside her and she sipped her coffee, conscious that he was watching her, his gaze lingering on her honey-coloured hair and the pale oval of her face.

After a while, she put down her cup and said thoughtfully, ‘How well did you and I know one another?’

He seemed uncomfortable with the question, but he said warily, ‘Well enough.’

His smoke-grey glance wandered over the pale gold of her shoulders and shifted to the pink, ripe fullness of her lips. Sudden heat flickered in his eyes, his gaze stroking her with flame as it brushed along her mouth, and despite her misgivings an answering heat rose inside her, a quiver of excitement running through her in response.

He was very still, watching her, and perhaps she had made some slight movement towards him—whatever the reason, he paused only for a second or two longer, never lifting his gaze from her lips, and as he leaned towards her she knew instinctively what he meant to do. He was overwhelmingly masculine, achingly desirable, and she was drawn to him, compelled to move closer, much closer to know the thrill of that kiss. Yet at the same time a faint ripple down her spine urged caution as though there was some kind of hidden danger here, a subtle threat to her peace of mind.

A clattering noise came from inside the restaurant, breaking the spell, and she quickly averted her gaze. She’d wanted him to kiss her, yearned for it, and that knowledge raced through every part of her being. Through all her doubts and hesitation she knew she was deeply, recklessly attracted to him.

She took a moment to get herself together again, and when she turned to him once more she saw that there was a brooding, intent look about him, as though he, too, had been shaken by the sudden intrusion.

‘You didn’t really answer my question,’ she said softly. ‘“Well enough” hardly tells me anything. Why are you keeping me in the dark?’

He looked uncomfortable. ‘I…uh…I think it’s probably better if you remember for yourself—that way, you won’t have any preconceived ideas. In the meantime, we can get to know each other all over again, can’t we?’

She stared at him in frustration, wanting to argue the point. Why wouldn’t he open up to her about this? But his pager went off just then and he immediately braced himself.

‘They’re prepping Charlie for surgery,’ he told her after a moment or two. ‘I’ll go and find out what came up on the CT scan.’

‘I’ll go with you.’

‘Are you sure you’re ready to do this?’ He looked at her doubtfully.

‘Yes. I’m fine.’ She’d now recovered from her earlier bout of tearfulness and she should be more able to cope with whatever lay ahead. Perhaps she just hadn’t been ready to face that situation…It was one thing coming back to medicine, but quite another to find herself caught up in the middle of one of the worst possible incidents. No one, not even doctors, wanted to come across an injured child.

‘Hi, boss,’ the registrar greeted Matt as they arrived back in the trauma unit.

Saffi looked at Matt in astonishment. He was in charge here? That was another shock to her system. No wonder he exuded confidence and seemed to take everything in his stride.

‘Hi, Jake. What did they come up with in Radiology?’

Jake showed them the films on the computer screen. ‘It’s pretty bad, I’m afraid.’

Saffi winced when she saw the images, and Matt threw her a quick glance and said quietly, ‘You know what these show?’

She nodded. ‘He has a lacerated spleen as well as the leg injury, and there’s definitely a fracture of the pelvis.’

‘He’s lost a lot of blood but he’s stable for the moment, at any rate,’ Jake said. ‘We don’t know yet if he’ll have to lose the spleen. Mr Collins will take a look and then decide what needs to be done. The boy’s going to be in Theatre for some time.’ He hesitated. ‘You know, there’s nothing more you can do here. You’d be better off at home.’

‘I know, you’re right,’ Matt agreed with a sigh. ‘Thanks, Jake.’

He walked with Saffi back to the car park a few minutes later. ‘You weren’t too sure about driving here, were you?’ he said. ‘How did it go?’

‘It was difficult at first, but then it became easier.’ She pulled a face. ‘I suppose I should have persevered a bit more before getting rid of my car.’

He opened the passenger door for her. ‘I suspected there was more to it when you sold your car…some kind of problem with driving. It might not be a bad idea to get yourself some transport now that you’ve made a start…keep up the good work, so to speak. It would be a shame if you were to lose your nerve again.’

She studied him thoughtfully as he slid behind the wheel and started the engine. Then she said in a faintly accusing tone, ‘You did it on purpose, didn’t you—giving me the keys? What would have happened if I’d refused? How would you have managed to get home?’

‘Same way as always. I’d have cadged a lift back with the paramedics or hailed a taxi. Sometimes the police will drive the car to the hospital for me.’ His mouth twitched. ‘I was pretty sure you could do it, though. You’re not one to give up easily.’

She frowned. ‘That makes two trials you’ve put me through in one day—I suppose I can expect more of this from you? Do you have some sort of interest in me getting back on form?’

He thought about that. ‘I might,’ he said with a smile. ‘Then again…’ He frowned, deep in thought for a second or two. ‘Perhaps it would be better if…’ He broke off.

‘If…?’ she prompted, but he stayed annoyingly silent, a brooding expression around his mouth and eyes. What was it that he didn’t want her to remember? What had happened between them that he couldn’t bring himself to share? It was exasperating not being able to bring things to mind in an instant. Would she ever get to know the truth?

An even darker thought popped into her head… he had grown on her this last week or so, but would she still feel the same way about him if she learned what was hidden in their past? Perhaps that was what haunted him.

He parked up at the house, and she left him to go back to the annexe alone. It had been a long, tiring day for her so far, and she needed to wind down and think things through.

‘Will you let me know if you hear anything from the hospital?’

‘Of course. Though I doubt they’ll ring me unless there’s any change for the worse. No news is good news, so to speak.’

‘Okay.’

She hadn’t expected to remember so much of her work as a doctor, but it had started to come back to her when Charlie’s life had hung in the balance. What should she do about that? Was she ready to return to work? Would she be able to cope on a day-to-day basis?

Anyway, she wasn’t going to decide anything in a hurry. For the moment she would concentrate on getting back to normality as best she could. She would do as her doctor had suggested, and take advantage of her time here in Devon to recuperate, by doing some gardening, or wandering round the shops in town, and exploring the seashore whenever the weather was good.

The very next day she made up her mind to go down to the beach. They were enjoying a few days of brilliant sunshine, and it would have been sheer folly not to make the most of it.

The easiest way to get there from the house was via a crooked footpath that ended in a long, winding flight of steps and eventually led to a small, beautiful cove sheltered by tall cliffs. She’d been there a couple of times since her arrival here, and she set off again now, taking with her a beach bag and a few essentials…including sun cream and a bottle of pop.

The cove was fairly isolated, but even so several families must have had the same idea and were intent on enjoying themselves by the sea.

She sat down in the shade of a craggy rock and watched the children playing on the smooth sand. Some splashed at the water’s edge, while others threw beach balls or dug in the sand with plastic buckets and spades. Her eyes darkened momentarily. This was what Charlie should be doing, enjoying the weekend sunshine with his family.

There’d been no news from the hospital about the little boy, and she’d thought about giving them a call. But she wasn’t a relative, and none of the staff at the hospital knew her, so she doubted they would reveal confidential information. She had to rely on Matt to tell her if there was anything she needed to know. He would, she was sure. She trusted him to do that.

She frowned. He was so open with everything else. Why was he so reluctant to talk about their past?

A small boy, dressed in blue bathing trunks, came to stand a few yards away from her. He was about four years old, with black hair and solemn grey-blue eyes, and he stood there silently, watching her. There was an empty bucket in his hand.

She smiled at him and put up a hand to shield her eyes from the sun. ‘Hello. What’s your name?’

‘Ben.’

‘I’m Saffi,’ she told him. ‘Are you having a good time here on the beach? The sand’s lovely and warm, isn’t it?’

He nodded, but said nothing, still staring at her oddly, and she said carefully, ‘Are you all right? Is something bothering you?’

He shrugged his shoulders awkwardly and she raised a questioning brow. ‘You can tell me,’ she said encouragingly. ‘I don’t mind.’

‘You look sad,’ he said.

Ah. ‘Do I?’ She smiled. ‘I’m not really. It’s too lovely a day for that, isn’t it?’

He nodded, but his expression was sombre, far too wise for a four-year-old.

‘Are you sad sometimes?’ she asked, prompted by a vague intuition.

He nodded again. ‘It hurts here,’ he said, putting a hand over his tummy.

Saffi watched him curiously, wondering what could be making him feel unhappy. Being here on the beach and being out of sorts didn’t seem to go together somehow.

‘Do you feel sad now?’ she asked.

He shook his head. ‘I did, a bit, ’cos I don’t see Daddy every day, like I used to. But it’s all right now.’

‘Oh. Well, that’s good. I’m glad for you. Are you on holiday here with your daddy?’

He shook his head. ‘We live here.’

She looked around to see if his father was anywhere nearby, and saw a man just a few yards away, in rolledup jeans and tee shirt, kneeling down in the sand, putting the finishing touches to a large sandcastle. When he stood up and looked around, Saffi’s throat closed in startled recognition.