A Different Reflection (18 page)

The noise was louder than expected. Lisa gasped and put her hand to her mouth to try and stop herself from laughing. George stepped forward and then stopped and James stood there and applauded three times.

“Well, I hadn't expected that; remind me not to get on your bad side!” James remarked as he grinned even more.

“I said do not be disrespectful, and that meant to me too! I have not wasted my money and quite honestly the way I feel right now, John, I don't care what you think. For once I have done something for myself; whether you like it or not, that is not going to change!” I remarked. I felt strong and in control and, for the first time, able to say exactly what I thought!

George stepped back, realising that his help was not needed. Lisa controlled herself as James stood there and looked at John with his arms crossed.

“Jesus Kat, I don't think I deserved that!” John said as he looked at me.

“I do!” Lisa replied. “It's up to Kat what she buys with her money – why can't you support her decision for a change? This place is amazing.”

“Lisa, always a pleasure!” John sarcastically replied as he placed his hand against his now-reddening cheek.

“I swear to God I wish I could hit this guy for myself!” James then remarked.

“Later!” George replied quietly as he gestured for us all to go into the dining room.

John looked up at the entrance hall as we walked, and even though he would never say it, I knew that he was impressed with the place. George suggested coffee, which he poured and handed to John, who sipped it slowly.

“So, do I get the grand tour then?” he asked.

“Are you going to behave?” I replied sarcastically.

“Funny! Of course I am!” he said with sarcasm.

I looked at the others and then gestured for him to walk back to the hall, and slowly I showed him each room as George, Lisa and James followed. Lisa was amazed, as I expected. When we entered the portrait gallery, he looked at the paintings and commented on most very rudely, but remarkably, when he got to James' portrait, he stopped.

“God, he's about the only sane-looking one on these walls!”

“Yeah, and absolutely the best-looking – wow, he's gorgeous!” Lisa then commented, which made me laugh slightly. John scowled at her.

We avoided George's apartment, as it was nothing to do with the main house. As we left the last room and walked back down the stairs, John commented:

“Well, it's big, old and needs a fortune spending on re-modernising, but I reckon you could sell it and make a decent profit once you've done that.”

“John, I am not selling it – I love it just as it is. As I've already said, if you don't like it the way it is, then I really have no interest in what you have to say!” I replied.

“Are you out of your mind, Kat? What did you think, that you'd just give yourself the biggest birthday present that you could find?” he then said, and I sighed as James uncrossed his arms and stepped forward.

“Excuse me; is it your birthday, Katharina?” George then asked as he touched my arm.

“Not for three weeks, George!” I replied.

“Good on ya Kat – what a brilliant present!” Lisa then announced.

“I like this girl the more she says!” James remarked at Lisa. I smiled. John was walking around, gawping at the house and murmuring to himself.

“I think I need to get him home! He needs to sober up!” I suggested to both George and Lisa, as she was sharing a cab with me – and now a very drunken John.

“Unfortunately I think that you are right. Are you not staying here?” Lisa asked. I shook my head.

“No, not yet!” I smiled.

“Well, I'm up for sleepovers when you move in!” Lisa then replied. I laughed.

“Alright, I will bear that in mind Lisa!” I remarked.

We got our things together and, with coats on, helped John out of the door and sat him on the stairs outside so he could get some fresh air until the cab arrived, which did not take long. I felt terrible that I was leaving George to tidy away, but I knew that he understood.

“Thank you for a lovely evening again, George,” I stated. As Lisa gave George a hug and spoke with him, I turned and started buttoning my coat in the mirror whilst I spoke quietly to James.

“Thank you for a nice evening. I am sorry about him!” I whispered.

“No, thank you. You have made me very happy today with your news, and under the circumstances that usually is hard to do. I just hope that you do not get any trouble from him!” James replied as he gestured towards John.

“I hope not, but I think he knows how I feel!” I replied.

“I would like to think so; he has heard your mind – and your hand – tonight!” he remarked as he laughed lightly. I smirked too and then nodded in agreement. “Take care until next time, Katharina!” he said, sounding almost sentimental.

“Soon!” I whispered again as I turned to find George smiling at the two of us. Lisa was helping John to the cab.

“Everything alright?” he asked.

“Yes, I promise that I will be fine!” I replied as he kissed me on both cheeks.

“Well, now that this is your home, you can come and go as you please!” George happily stated.

“Yes indeed!” James confirmed as I walked to the door.

“Good night then!” I said before I turned and walked to the cab.

“Good night,” they both replied.

Yet again as we pulled away I felt sorry to be leaving. I looked back at the facade as we rolled down the driveway and smiled. It was mine, to share with them, and right now I could not think of anything that would make me feel happier! John had now fallen asleep and was resting his head on Lisa's shoulder, much to her dismay. She pushed his head against the seat with her fingers and grimaced at him.

“I'm sorry Kat, I know you're engaged to him, but I've been in a relationship like this and I have to say… he's an arse!” she remarked.

“It has been stated by a few of my friends recently, even myself!” I replied as I looked at her. Then, without any warning, we both burst out laughing uncontrollably.

“I've had a great evening, Kat. It's been good to see you!” she said once we'd controlled ourselves.

“It has, let's do it again soon!”

“Preferably without him!” she then said as she poked John, and he grunted, which set us off laughing again.

On arriving back in London, I dropped Lisa off at home and then took a very drunk (it would seem) and sleeping John home. I managed to get him to wake up in order to get into our apartment and as we entered the lounge he fell onto the sofa and started laughing.

“Did I just dream that place, or have you seriously spent all of your money on an old, dilapidated house?”

I was fast losing patience with him. I expected that he probably wouldn't remember half of what had been said tonight, so I decided to be open and truthful.

“You did not dream it! I have bought the house of my dreams. I hoped that it would be to share with you, John, but I am fast becoming disillusioned with our relationship. We seem to want different things!” I answered as I stood in front of him with my hands on my hips. He wriggled with difficulty to his feet and looked at me.

“I thought we could have chosen something together and used your money more wisely. We could have upgraded this place for something bigger!” he then said as he gestured at the apartment.

“That is exactly my point, John. That is what you want, not me! I do not want to live in the centre of London forever and with everything else challenging us at the moment, I have to admit that I was angry with you when I decided to buy the house!”

“So this is a get-mad-at-me-and-completely-piss-me-off purchase then?” he then said, with a more venomous tone.

“Well to start with I think there was a touch of that, but once I decided I did want it – and I really truly realised that it
is
what I want, John – I could not be more delighted! I wish that you could try and be happier for me about this!” I was starting to feel that John and I were heading down that slippery slope.

“I would be happy if it was something from this era! Jesus, Kat, it will cost a small fortune to put right. In its day I am sure that it was amazing, but it's a fossil for God's sake – something that you just think you want!” he snapped.

“How would you know what I want? You don't seem to have a clue any more, and you seem to want something completely different these days!” I replied with as much force.

“What are you saying?” he then asked as he moved closer and looked more seriously at me. I shrugged my shoulders at him.

“I'm not sure. I think that you have drunk too much and I have said too much. Let's talk tomorrow after some sleep!” I suggested. He raised his hands up in defeat and barged past me.

“Yeah whatever, but sleep or not – and alcohol or not – I am never going to be happy about this Kat!” he slurred. He walked into the bedroom and threw himself on the bed fully dressed and started snoring instantly.

As I stood and looked at him, I wondered how long I had been this unhappy with him. Was it due to recent events, or had I had an underlying feeling for some time that things were not right between us? After all, it's easier, they say to carry on, rather than face any issues. I stood leaning against the doorjamb and looked at him passed out on the bed.

“Well like it or not I am keeping Northfield and the people that reside within!” I whispered to myself, and the thought made me smile.

As the day broke and I thought about the impending conversation that John and I needed to have, I cringed slightly and buried my head into my pillow. Like it or not, truths and feelings were out in the open now and I had to face it. As John snored on soundly, fully clothed, I went and had a shower, then dressed and had breakfast. After a few jobs I sat and read the newspapers and nearly an hour passed before John finally surfaced and came into the kitchen. I had called work and said I was sick. I couldn't face work today.

He got a cup of coffee, then leant on the island opposite me and took a sip before saying:

“So that was an interesting day yesterday!” I looked up at him and raised my eyebrows.

“Really? I think it was a very stressful day, but at least some truths were spoken!” I took a sip of my coffee.

“Well the only way to resolve this is for you to sell that place – then we can get back on track,” he said in a casual manner.

I tried to reserve my disbelief and placed my mug on the worktop, closed and folded the newspaper, then took a deep breath and looked at him.

“Obviously nothing that I said last night has even entered into your understanding, has it? I am not selling it, John. I'm sorry, but that is my final decision!” I told him with conviction.

“Jesus Kat, has nothing I said gone into that thick head of yours? I don't want that old place, you know that!” he replied as he banged his mug onto the worktop.

“That money was mine to do with as I pleased and left by my mum and dad. You always told me to spend it how I wished, and now that I have you are not happy!”

“Well forgive me for thinking that I would have been part of your decision about how to spend it!” he then stated as he stood up straight and crossed his arms.

“That money was mine before I met you, John. If I hadn't told you about it, you would never have known that I had it!” I replied harshly.

“Oh, so now you're saying that you would keep secrets from me, and lie to me?” he insinuated. I gasped at him.

“Do not talk to me about secrets and lies – I think that you have enough to answer for with certain work colleagues!” I stated as I stood.

“Oh God, here we go again with Nadine and me! What is it with you and her?” he snapped as he took another sip of coffee.

“Do not make me out to be the bad one in this, John. You know why I am upset about your relationship with her – yesterday was just the final straw. Don't you realise how it made me feel, seeing you together in that position yesterday?” I demanded.

“God you're paranoid, she's just a really nice girl and work colleague!” he then stated, but a look in his eye said differently.

“So if you came to my work and I was sat on my desk, stockings showing, with Julian, or Mark, or another male colleague between my legs, you would just brush it off and act like it was not unacceptable behaviour?” I asked curiously, and then became angrier as he laughed.

“Well that is very unlikely to happen, isn't it!” he then announced, implying that I was not worthy of any attention from any other male. I felt like crying immediately; I wanted to shout and scream at him. In that single moment he made me feel more worthless than I ever had, and as I stared at him I couldn't wish for anything more than to be as far away as possible from him.

I knew he could tell by the look on my face that he had stepped way over the line. As quickly as he said it, he raised his hand in a placatory gesture.

“That didn't quite come out the way that I meant it!” he said quietly. I turned my back to him to compose myself.

“I think you meant that, John!” I calmly said. He walked out from behind the island.

“Babe, let's just look at what options we have, shall we?” he then said as he slid his hands around my waist. I spun quickly to face him.

“No John, let's not! Right now, I do not think that you want me at all, and quite honestly I do not know whether I want to be with you!” I replied honestly. I removed his hands, stepped back and then looked at him. “I'm sorry, but I need a break from us – I'm going to stay at Northfield for a while!” I finished.

“What? What do you mean you want a break from us? You have changed so much since you started going to that place – and now that you've bought it, I'm worried about what else you may do!” he retorted with anger.

“Actually John, you're wrong – I feel like I have found myself again. This is me, like it or not!” I replied, then turned and walked to the bedroom to pack a bag.

I felt calm and not the least bit angry that I was going to be leaving John for a few days. Quite the contrary; my head felt clearer than it had in a long time. I wanted to go to Northfield, and to have that space between John and I, and that made me realise that I was obviously not happy with my current situation. I packed enough clothing for a week and then grabbed my book off my nightstand, and my computer and workbag, and then walked back into the lounge to find John pacing.

“Are you really serious? Is this what you want?” he asked.

“It is! I think that this is best for both of us at the moment!” I replied. He threw his hands up and ran them through his hair.

“Fine – go and run to your house and the old fool that lives there. When you have calmed down, I will be here, waiting to hear your apology!” he remarked. I smiled and then replied:

“In case you haven't noticed. I am calm. Yes I am going to ‘my' house, but I am not running; walking will be sufficient. George may be old, but he is no fool – and don't hold your breath waiting for an apology!” I replied as I raised my eyebrows at him. He looked at me in disbelief and watched as I walked toward the door. “I will call you soon alright?” I stated as I walked through the door and went outside to hail a cab.

As the door closed I heard him quickly call back: “Yeah babe, okay, call me soon!” It was all he could say; for once he seemed a little lost for words. The cab came and as I travelled the not-too-long journey I sat and thought about John, Nadine, recent events, and our conversation. I was a little sad at the whole thing. I never thought that any relationship I entered into whole-heartedly would break down! I was sure that I was partly to blame; I had changed since meeting George and James, but I thought for the better.

The cab turned into the drive at Northfield and drove right up to the front steps. The cabbie commented on the grand facade and I smiled, knowing that it was mine. I got my bags and went up the stairs, then opened the large door. I walked in, placed my bags inside and then closed the door behind me. I could not see anyone and so I shouted: “Hello? Anyone home?” I had hardly finished speaking when James appeared. I felt relieved to see him again.

“Katharina, are you alright?” he asked as he closed the book he was reading and then looked at my bags.

“Well, I have decided that I need a break from John. I am not sure where our relationship is going, but I really don't care for him much at the moment, so I have come to spend a week here until I decide what to do – if that is alright with you and George?” I walked across and touched the mirror that James stood behind. “It's really good to see you; I am so happy to be here. You both feel like family to me, and I need that right now!” I smiled.

“You never need to ask permission to stay here, Katharina; this is your home. I am sorry that your relationship has broken down, but I am also not sorry as it means that we get to spend some time with you!” He smiled back at me and touched the mirror in the same place that I had. “Please stay… for as long as you like!”

“Stay forever!” George then said as he appeared behind me. I turned and smiled at his comment, then walked across and hugged him. I needed the comfort of feeling secure and both of them gave me that security. “Shall we take your bags to your room?” he then asked as I peeled myself off him.

“Yes, let's!” I remarked as I went to retrieve them.

“It's good that you are here, Katharina – I am sure that James is cheating at cards at the moment and you can be the decider.”

“Stop being such a bad loser, George! It is merely that I am getting lots of practice!” James remarked. As they bantered all the way along the corridor to my room, with James referring to the rules in the book he was reading. I laughed lightly to myself. I loved listening to them, but more than that, I could not think of anywhere that I would rather be right now.

I unpacked and returned to George's apartment, but not before bolting the main door, which had been left unlocked. I tutted and entered into the kitchen, where they were both still arguing about who the better player was. George handed me a cup of coffee and then I remarked on the door:

“George, it worries me slightly that you are all the way down here and you leave the front door unlocked. You need to start bolting it just in case!”

“I keep telling him that!” James agreed.

“Well, I have a good alarm should anyone come in!” George gestured at James.

“Yes, but if someone did come in, there isn't a lot I can do other than shout – and they cannot hear me! Katharina is right; we should be more careful. I cannot help you if there is any trouble, George!” James replied. I was glad that James had agreed with me. I did not want the house to be vandalised – or, worse still, for George to be injured in some way! George held his hands up in defeat.

“Alright, alright, I get the message. I will lock the door from now on. We must get you a key, Katharina; then you can come and go whenever you choose,” he said.

“That would be lovely, thank you George!” I replied honestly, then took a sip of my coffee.

“You haven't seen the size of the key!” James remarked, with raised eyebrows.

We sat and chatted. They asked me about John, and I gave them a brief synopsis, but I didn't really want to talk about him. We had lunch and then I offered to cook tea – I decided that some pasta would be a nice change, and as George had minced beef in the fridge I set to making a sauce so that it could simmer slowly all afternoon. I went to the library and looked at the many books with James to keep me company. He told me of his favourite books; the ones that had scared him as a child, and the ones that he had loved. His mother read stories to him when he was little; I could tell from the look on his face that he cherished those memories. I found myself drawn to the fairy tales again and found it soothing to re-read many of the books that I had loved as a child. Some of them were written slightly differently to the modern versions of today, but the colourful pictures, leather-bound covers and print were delightful.

It brought me great pleasure just sitting and reading and laughing with James, and then George came to see what all the fun was about. We were laughing about the witch in
Sleeping Beauty
and the fact that her spell – making everyone sleep – was far fairer than the one cast upon James. It took him a short while to see the funny side, but then he laughed along with me for some time. I almost ended up with tears running down my cheeks, and as I explained why to George I started again.