A Dark & Stormy Knight: A McKnight Romance (McKnight Romances) (35 page)

“I . . . I . . .”
Her mouth had gone as dry as West Texas. She swallowed, trying to find some
moisture in her mouth.

“So you decided riding bulls was more
important to me than you were? Without even talking to me?”

In spite of the warm air, she felt cold.
Her best-case scenario had been that he’d understand, they’d fall into each
other’s arms and ride off into the sunset together. The worst-case scenario she’d
conjured up was that he loved riding more than he loved her or that he’d
finally given up loving her altogether. Somewhere in the middle had been that
he’d rant and rave a bit and then they’d work it out. She’d known that was more
likely, but the fight she’d imagined involved heat. Something that reflected an
underlying fire. This icy calm? She didn’t know what it meant.

He lifted his hands. There was
exasperation in his gesture. “You left me and all I had was riding. Even after
Eden was born, you wouldn’t come back.” His voice escalated. “And now, twelve
years later, I find out it was all about the bulls?”

Some of the fire she’d hoped for finally
appeared, but that initial coldness had thrown her off script. She didn’t know
how to respond.

Sol’s hands dropped to his thighs,
slapping loudly against his jeans. “I don’t remember
anything
in our
wedding vows that said you got to decide what I cared about and how I ranked
it.”

“Sol, I’m sorry. More sorry than you can
imagine, but you don’t know the hell it is to watch someone you love get tossed
off a bull and have to sit there, helpless, when the bull turns around and goes
after you. I was scared
all the time.
”

“But you didn’t tell me. You didn’t trust
me with that.”

His voice was louder now, and oddly,
Georgia found reassurance in that. “You love riding. If you didn’t love it, you
wouldn’t have kept doing it for the last twelve years.”

“Yeah. Twelve years.” He ran a hand
across his forehead. “Twelve years when you coulda spoke up.” His gaze was hard
and angry, and it pinned her to the wall. “Twelve years I’ve tormented myself,
wondering what the hell I did wrong. Twelve years
wasted.
”

Georgia caught her breath. Did he mean
wasted because they could have been together? Or wasted in pursuit of her?

She could defend her choices twelve years
ago. Her decisions were the result of her youth and inexperience. Of loving him
but not wanting the marriage her parents had. What she couldn’t defend was
twelve years of silence. Those years were the result of habit, of not stopping
to examine her life and her choices sooner. Of fear.

The knowledge that she had no good
defense kept her silent even as Sol glared at her. When the silence continued,
he held his hand out as though offering her a place to lay her explanation.

What little she could offer had never
felt so inadequate.

Fighting was something they’d done a lot
of this summer. It usually ended with her walking away, but this time, Sol was
the one who turned and left her standing alone on the empty sidewalk.

And she didn’t even blame him.

###

“Somethin’ wrong?” Zach asked the next
morning as Sol gave the door to the cattle hauler a final shake to make sure it
was secure.

“Nope.”

They separated, each walking the length
of the trailer to the front of the truck. Sol stepped onto the running board to
reach the door and swing into the passenger seat as Zach did the same on the
opposite side.

They were on the freeway heading home
before Zach spoke again. “Terry mentioned that Georgia showed up at the bar
last night. Everything okay at home?”

“Yeah. Everything’s just fine.”

Zach winced and Sol realized he should
have dialed back the sarcasm.

“If you want to talk about it . . .”

Zach’s voice trailed off, a clear
indication his heart wasn’t in the offer. And why would it be? Guys didn’t talk
about relationships. Especially when they were going badly. And this? God
forbid. Sol wouldn’t even know where to start. “Nope. Nothing to talk about.”

Two miles down the road, he said, “She
left because I was riding bulls.”

He kept his eyes forward, but he still
caught the edge of Zach’s sideways glance. “Oh.”

A drop of rain hit the windshield.
Another one splatted a few inches away. A half a dozen drops later, they came
faster. Big, fat drops. Zach turned on the wipers.

Sol hoped it was raining at home. They
needed the moisture.

Another half mile.

“Do you mean that’s why she left twelve
years ago?”

“Yeah.”

“Hmm.”

Rain pelted the windshield.

A mile later.

“I can’t believe she waited twelve years
to tell me that.” Just like he couldn’t believe he’d said that out loud.

He was about to breathe a sigh of relief
at the silence that followed when Zach said, “Why didn’t she tell you back
then?”

“I don’t know.”

Two miles down the road, “You really had
no clue that was why she left?”

“Not a single, solitary one.”

Now would be a good time for Zach to
laugh at him. Sol was grateful when his brother refrained.

Another mile passed. The rain came down
in sheets.

“Maddie likes to think things through
sometimes before she talks to me about stuff, but twelve years seems a little
excessive.”

“That’s kinda what I thought.”

He didn’t understand the twelve-year gap
between Georgia’s leaving and her confession. Why the hell hadn’t she told him
back then? Did she really think he loved rodeoing more than he’d loved her?
That was just stupid.

The high from riding lasted only eight
seconds and came only once or twice a week. The high of loving her had filled
the rest of his life. If she’d asked him to give up riding, of course he would
have.

But there was a thread of doubt. He wasn’t
that eighteen-year-old boy any longer. He was older now and smarter. Well,
maybe not smarter. Wiser, perhaps. Enough to know the choice today would be
easy. Loving Georgia would give him purpose for his entire life; his rodeo life
was nearly done.

But twelve years ago, would he have made
the same choice?

His daddy had ridden, and he’d wanted to
be the kind of man his father was. He still did. Back then, he’d seen rodeo as
the path that would take him there. It wasn’t the only path. That was obvious
to him now, but he wasn’t sure he saw that at eighteen.

He was grateful Zach wasn’t a naturally
chatty person because he was going to need the rest of the drive home to think
this through.

The back stoop had always been where they’d
gone to talk without their parents eavesdropping, so it didn’t surprise Georgia
that the rain didn’t stop Bethany from pulling her out the kitchen door shortly
after she got home. “How did it go?”

The anticipation in Bethany’s voice and
the gleam in her eyes made Georgia wince. “Not as well as I’d hoped,” she said.

“Are you really telling me Sol didn’t
leap all over you when you told him you loved him?”

The rain was coming down at an angle,
infringing on the space under the roof’s overhang. Georgia huddled close to the
door, trying to stay dry. “I didn’t get that far. Sol got pretty mad when I
told him I left because of the bull riding.”

“Are you kidding me? You didn’t lead with
‘I love you and I want to be with you’? What kind of idiot are you?”

“All kinds apparently.” The angle of the
rain sharpened. Georgia grabbed Bethany’s arm and pulled her closer to the
door. That was better. If Bethany didn’t have sense enough to figure out a
better place to talk, she could at least provide a windbreak. “I was dumb for
not asking when I left him, but I wanted to know if he’d loved me enough to
quit for me.”

She must have looked as miserable as she
felt because Bethany put her arm around her shoulder and hugged her. “Ah,
honey. Bless your heart, you’re just as dumb as they come, aren’t you?”

Georgia couldn’t stop the bark of
self-deprecating laughter.

“It doesn’t matter what he would have
done back then,” Bethany said. “You can’t get that time back no matter what.
The important thing is what he wants to do today.”

Of course that was true, but she wasn’t
at all sure Sol was as enamored with the idea of having her back as he’d been
when the summer started. And why would he be? If all the contact they’d had
this summer had changed how she saw him, it could certainly make him realize
she wasn’t the prize he’d always thought she was.

###

Georgia appreciated that her daddy and
Grams barely made note of her absence after Bethany left. Her mama made up for
them by being extra demanding. No surprise there. She’d always had ways of
making sure she was the center of attention. Being treated like a personal
servant was Georgia’s punishment for not remembering that. It wasn’t until her
mama decided to take a late afternoon nap that Georgia had the chance to take
an extra breath.

It wasn’t a blessing.

Having nothing to do let her restlessness
rise to the top. The long-awaited rain kept her inside, so she practically
prowled her parents’ house, looking for something that would keep her from
picking up the phone. Even letting Sol yell at her was better than silence, but
starting a conversation too soon with him wouldn’t get her what she wanted.

She could go to The Lariat, she thought.
And
do what? Catch up with Tommy?
Except Tommy’s life finally seemed to be on
track. He wouldn’t want to hear about her problems. Gak. She was obsessing.
Next thing she knew, she’d be driving past Sol’s to see if he was home like
some lovesick teenager.

When her cell finally rang, she pounced
on it.
Eden.
Riding to her mother’s rescue.

“Hey, sugar britches.”

“Mama.”

With that one word, Sol faded into the
background. “What’s wrong, baby?”

Eden sniffed and Georgia could see her
daughter’s lower lip tremble even though there were miles between them. “What
is it, honey? What’s wrong?”

“Deanne’s parents are getting married.
They’re going to . . . to . . . live in Houston.”

“Oh, baby.” Daniel hadn’t mentioned
moving, but Georgia had figured it was a possibility. “I’m so sorry.”

Eden sniffed again.

Not an hour before, Georgia had dismissed
the idea of going to see her daughter because Sol might be there. In her
present state of mind, she couldn’t be trusted that close to him, but Eden’s
distress trumped her need. She told her daughter to sit tight; she was on her
way.

###

A half an hour later, Georgia sat on the
bed in the room Eden shared with Sol’s sisters Hannah and Leah. The older girls
had considerately vacated, leaving mother and daughter alone.

Georgia’s heart broke as she watched her
daughter trying so hard to be brave. Eden had not only lost her dream that she
and Deanne might end up sisters, but now her best friend wouldn’t even be there
when school started back up. That was a cruel enough blow, but having it come
on the cusp of puberty? No promise Georgia could make about how they’d still
get to see each other would make up for that. And Eden was still young enough
that future promises didn’t mitigate the loss anyway.

Being brave didn’t trump mopey, however,
as Georgia well knew. High energy as they’d been, her own mopes had been cured
by only Eden’s call. What Eden needed was a distraction. Something to pull her
out of herself. The obvious answer could easily blow up in her face, but
Georgia decided to risk it.

“Come on, sugar. Borrow a jacket. We’re
going outside.”

For a moment, Eden’s sad face morphed
into surprise. “But it’s raining out.”

Georgia kissed her daughter’s forehead. “You’re
sweet, sugarplum, but you won’t melt in the rain.”

While Eden borrowed a jacket from Leah,
Georgia went to the kitchen for some carrots. She tucked them in the pocket of
the lined denim jacket she’d borrowed from her daddy.

Leah’s black, nylon jacket swamped Eden
just as Georgia’s daddy’s jacket did her. Except for the difference in height,
they could have been twins. Eden didn’t know where she’d left her hat, so
Georgia plunked her cowboy hat on her daughter’s head.

As they stepped outside, she grabbed her
daughter’s hand, giving Eden no choice but to run with her. They dashed into
the rain, Eden trying to turtle her head into the jacket’s collar. Between the
hat and the collar, her view had to be limited. Georgia felt a twinge, as if
she were about to betray her daughter.

And maybe that’s what Eden would think,
too, but Georgia had to try.

The horse barn was warmer than outside.
Not by a lot, but at least it was dry. Eden shook the water off then looked
around. Georgia pretended not to notice when her daughter froze.

Knowing Eden would remember her mama’s
reservations, Georgia hadn’t talked to her about Spitfire’s injury. Instead,
she’d trusted Sol and Daisy to say whatever needed to be said. They hadn’t
found the magic bullet, but maybe Eden hadn’t been ready. Georgia hoped she was
ready now because one thing Georgia knew from her own childhood was that tears
cried onto the necks of dogs and horses had magical healing powers.

She left Eden standing by the door.

To Georgia’s relief, the horse barn had
more occupants than when she’d been there with Sol. The black mare Daisy was
training occupied the second stall on the right. The horse nickered at the
sight of them. Georgia slipped a carrot out of her pocket, snapped it in two,
and held out a piece. Lola took two steps forward and lipped the carrot off
Georgia’s palm.

“What a sweet baby,” Georgia crooned as
she slipped her hand under Lola’s forelock and scratched. Lola didn’t mind, but
it wasn’t what she wanted. She stuck her head over the gate and nosed Georgia’s
jacket, snuffling for more carrots.

When she sensed Eden at her shoulder, she
asked, “Where did Daisy find this sweetheart?”

“She’s out of one Cissy O’Keefe’s retired
racers,” Eden said softly. “Aunt Del thought Daisy should buy her when Cissy
decided to sell her.”

Georgia glanced at her daughter. “Sounds
like Daisy’s aunt looks out for her.”

Eden dropped her gaze. “Daisy says that’s
what family does.”

Georgia put one arm around Eden’s
shoulder and gave her a brief hug. “She’s right. We take care of each other.
Always.”

Still looking down, Eden nodded.

Georgia released her daughter and moved
on to the next stall. The big buckskin gelding Sol had ridden that day they’d
ended up at the swimming hole was there. “What are you doing here, handsome?”
Georgia asked as she offered him half a carrot.

“He needs new shoes,” Eden said in a
subdued voice.

The buckskin politely took the carrot.
Georgia had always been a little intimidated by big horses, but she couldn’t
fault his manners.

As she cooed and scratched his jaw, a
whinny came from the next stall. The buckskin’s ears swiveled at the sound.
Eden went even stiller.

Georgia gave the buckskin a final pat and
stepped to the next stall.

Spitfire stuck her head over the door and
nuzzled Georgia before she could even get a carrot out of her pocket. She dug
one out. The mare blew a hot breath on Georgia’s hand and took it.

The bay’s front legs were wrapped to
protect them, but Spitfire moved easily. Of course, taking a few steps with no
extra weight didn’t mean she was healed. That would take months, and the
McKnights’ veterinarian had opined that the leg wouldn’t hold up to racing.
Softhearted about horses Daisy might be, but she was also business minded.
Selling a racer of questionable soundness wasn’t the way to build her
reputation. The dreams of Spitfire’s career were officially dead.

But that didn’t make the horse worthless.
Eden loved her and Georgia hoped that emotion was strong enough to heal the
hurts.

She fed the mare another carrot, stroking
her as she ate them. After the third one, Spitfire turned her head and nickered
at Eden.

Come on, sugar. Don’t let this sweet
horse down.

Eden still stood in front of the buckskin’s
stall, her gaze locked hungrily on Spitfire, but her feet seemed glued to the
floor.

Georgia reached for another carrot, but
it snagged on the pocket as she pulled it free and flipped out of her fingers,
landing on the concrete floor halfway between Georgia and her daughter. Eden
stared at it for several long moments then slowly bent and picked it up. Her
fingers brushed it off before she held it out to her mama.

Georgia refused to reach for it. Eden
took a tentative step forward then another. One more and she was close enough
for Spitfire to stretch her neck and touch Eden’s fingers with her nose.

The mare blew a breath onto Eden’s hand,
and Eden’s face crumbled.

When Georgia swung the stall door open,
Eden stepped through it as if drawn by an invisible cord. As her daughter’s
arms slid around the mare’s neck, Georgia stepped back.

Let the healing begin.

###

Sol had spent an hour with Eden after he
and Zach had gotten home. After that, he could have found something to do on
the ranch—something inside the barn or the shed—but with the much-needed rain
had come a temperature drop that made that unappealing. Instead he retreated to
his trailer to watch the downpour and think more about the things Georgia had
said and what he was going to do about them.

He’d figured out the answer to her
question about what he would have done twelve years ago. The answer wasn’t as
simple as the question. He’d even figured out the answer to the question “why
now?”

She had to be clearing the decks before
she married that man in Dallas. Taking care of old business. He hated thinking
of himself that way, but that’s what he had to be in her eyes.

It made sense that she’d want closure.
Like she’d wanted to help Tommy get. Hell, that was probably what gave her the
idea.

So yeah, none of his answers made him
happy as he stared out of the kitchen window at the rain.

He could give her the closure she wanted,
or he could fight for her the way he’d been fighting for her the past twelve
years, with about the same odds of winning.

Even knowing he was being selfish and
that he was doomed to fail, he wanted to fight. It was the selfish part that
stuck in his craw. That wasn’t the man he wanted to be.

Dammit.

He was going to have let her go.