A Curvy Girl for the Cadet: A Perfect Fit Novella (16 page)

Clayton seemed to know the man and Daisy watched them have a brief conversation. They spoke quietly and even though they weren’t that far away from her she couldn’t make out what they were saying and she wondered if Clayton had done that on purpose. Probably. It was none of her business anyway, but still she was curious as to who the man was. He left a few minutes later and Clayton had come over to her and plopped himself down on the porch swing next to her.

“Hey, gorgeous.” He kissed the side of her neck. “You want to go out to dinner tonight? It’s too nice to stay inside and cook.”

“If you want to. I don’t mind cooking.”

“I want to take you out. To someplace with table cloths and glasses. There’s a new Caribbean joint in town.”

“Okay.” She tucked her knees beneath her and rested her head on his chest.

He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close to him, knowing that was exactly what she needed. “What’s the matter, Daisy?”

“Nothing. Can I ask you a question?”

“Yes. Anything you want.”

“Who was that man you were talking to?”

“Harvey Kurt. He works for the defense contractor that offered me a job.”

“Oh.” She didn’t ask him anymore. She didn’t need to. “I think we need to talk about how we are going to end this.”

“What?” She felt him stiffen beneath her.

“Maybe we don’t need to wait till summer is over. I don’t think the Scotts are really going to try to fight for Aubrey as long as I let them see her and with you going away it doesn’t really make sense to drag this out. We can tell them that we rushed into the engagement. That–”

“No. We’re not doing this now. We’re not talking about ending this when we just got started.”

“But Clayton–”

“No. When the time comes to end this we will, but until then we’re together and I don’t want to think about us being over.”

She fell quiet then. There was nothing more she could say to that.

Chapter 14

Clayton had lived in Durant most of his life, but he had never spent time at Canterbury Lake before. It was a private lake that the wealthier residents of Durant frequented. The thousand dollar a year membership fee keeping unaffordable for most of the middle class families in town. But he was here now with his family celebrating the Fourth of July. He looked over at Daisy who was next to him in a beach chair. Aubrey nearly glued to her side. It was getting dark. The fireworks were going to start in a little while and he was preparing himself for them.

He was hoping that because he was so hyper aware of them that he wouldn’t flashback. That he would stay in the moment and get some enjoyment out of being here with his family and friends.

“This is nice, isn’t it?” His father took the seat next to him and watched some of Maggie’s friends’ husbands build a bonfire. “I wish I would have been around more to do things like this with you kids.”

Clayton said nothing to that, not really wanting to have this discussion with his father right now. It had been a good day. He built a sandcastle with Aubrey. And played Frisbee on the beach with Abraham and Jonathan. He swam with Daisy. They ate and drank and laughed, and it was the most fun he had with people in years. It was the most relaxed he had ever felt at home. And now his father was talking to him, trying to bring up past failures, but Clayton didn’t want to hear about it.

Daisy slipped her hand into his. She didn’t look at him. Didn’t take her attention off of Aubrey who was telling her a story about one of the babies she played with that day. She just quietly slipped her fingers through his and stroked her thumb across his palm. He felt a little calmer then, some of the tension from his father’s presence easing out of him.

“I’m looking forward to being a grandpa. I had a long talk with your sister the other day. She made me a list.”

“A list?” he couldn’t stop himself from asking.

“She made a list of all the things she wants us to do with them.”

“Us?”

“Your mother and I. That was one of her stipulations. And that her children were not allowed to call Tina grandma or any other variation of the word.”

“Did she make the same rule for Gordon?”

“No.” He laughed softly. “She said she thought Grandpa Gordon was kind of cute. And that she was pregnant and pregnant women got to be unreasonable every once in a while. But I think the truth is that Gordon has proposed to your mother on more than one occasion and that Maggie is secretly hoping that she’ll break down and marry him one of these days.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“No? I’m not surprised that your mother didn’t tell you, but I am surprised your sister didn’t say anything.”

“Would you be okay with Mom getting remarried?”

“A little piece of me died when she told me that he had asked. But that’s not fair of me, right? I wasn’t a good husband to her.”

“And she wasn’t a loyal wife to you.”

“But I was worse to her than she ever was to me. I don’t deserve her.”

“She said no to Gordon. He’s a good guy. There must be a reason she said no.”

Clayton watched as his father’s eyes wandered to his former wife. The look of love mixed with hurt was undeniable. Betty looked back. She was with Gordon near the water, chatting with the Scotts, but she must have felt her ex’s eyes on her because she looked right at him and gave him a sweet smile. It was a private smile that one might give to a lover.

Rationally his parents should be apart after what they had put each other through. It made sense. It was for the best, wasn’t it? But love wasn’t rational, was it? And they forgave each other, even though it seemed their actions might be impossible to forgive.

  “I asked her why she said no,” he said, his voice low. “She said because part of her still feels married to me.”

“Just because you don’t deserve her back, doesn’t mean you can’t try to get her back.”

“What about Tina? She’s a good woman. And what about Gordon? He’s a good man and neither one of them deserves to be hurt because your mother and I couldn’t get our shit together.”

“I don’t have any answers for you, but it seems wrong to commit yourself to somebody when you’re in love with somebody else. It feels like a different kind of affair.” Clayton looked at him, but his father’s eyes were still on Betty.

“It does, doesn’t it, son?” And then Phillip Calhoun did something that shocked Clayton. He did something he hadn’t done since Clayton was a tiny boy. He kissed his forehead and ruffled his hair. “Good talk. Hey, Aubrey?” He called over to the little girl. “You want to come with your soon to be pop pop to roast some marshmallows?”

“Can I, Mama?”

“Of course you can, Cookie.” And a moment later Clayton was left alone with Daisy.

“He loves you, Clay,” Daisy said to him after a while.

“I know.”

“So stop being a pain in the ass and love him back.”

“You think I’m being a pain in the ass?”

“Yes, love. I do. My parents are gone and I wish they loved me just half as much as yours love you. Let them love you. The worst thing you can do is turn people away who love you.”

He looked over to her, so pretty in the moonlight, and knew that she loved him. She didn’t have to say the words, but he knew. He felt it in his chest. In his bones. In his soul. He would be a stupid man to turn away her love. “Okay.” 

“Okay? It’s as simple as that?”

“Yes.”

“I would kiss you, but you’re too far away.”

“I can fix that.” He knelt in the cool sand before her, and cupping her face he gently kissed her. Just as he lifted his lips he heard the distant sound of fireworks. They were having displays all over the county. He knew it was coming. He heard the neighbor boys setting them off all week, but he had managed to be with Daisy each time that it happened. Cuddled up on the couch, or sometimes with his arms wrapped around her in bed. He hadn’t had a flashback since the first time. But tonight the fireworks were going to be bigger, louder. He was going to be closer. He didn’t want to embarrass himself again. He didn’t want anyone to think he was afraid and he wasn’t, but every time he heard an explosion he thought back to that day. He smelled the smells, and heard the screams and felt the pain all over again. Not just the pain in his leg, but the pain of losing his men and those kids and not being able to do anything about it.

“Go get me a cupcake.”

“What?”

“A yellow one with chocolate icing.”

“You want a cupcake?”

“And maybe a cookie.”

“Okay, Daisy.”

She pressed her mouth to his. “And get something for yourself too.”

He left her then, and she got up as well heading over to the bonfire where most of the guests had gathered. He went to the table where the food was laid out. It had been catered, but Alex had supplied the desserts. He wouldn’t have it any other way and now he was there replenishing the supplies.

“You’re not working tonight,” he said to his friend.

“I know.” He placed more star shaped red velvet, white, and blue cookies on the tray. “I just want to make sure everyone is having a good time.”

“I think they are. It was nice of Mrs. Lancaster to invite us all.”

“She was saying she wants to do it again next year. Maybe make it a tradition. I would love for my kids to experience this.”

Clayton would too, he thought to himself. If he ever had kids. If he ever had a normal life where he could raise them without worrying about his past coming back at any moment to haunt them. “I came to get Daisy a cupcake.” He surveyed the table. “And she wants a cookie too, but she never said which kind.”

“She’s good for you.”

“I know.”

“I hope you really decide to marry her.”

“What?” Alex’s statement made him freeze.

“You are my oldest friend. I know you. And I know you would never ask a woman to marry you if you were planning on taking off. So I hope that means you’re not planning to take off. I can’t figure out what’s going on, but I can tell you that your life would be much sweeter if you went home to somebody who loved you every night.” He motioned behind Clayton. “She must know we’re talking about her. She’s headed this way.”

He turned to see Daisy walking towards him, but unlike a few minutes ago she didn’t look happy. She looked miserable.

“What’s wrong?” He closed the distance between them and grasped her shoulders.

“Nothing. I’m just not feeling great. Can you take me home?”

“Yeah, I’ll grab Aubrey.”

“No. Don’t. Belinda is going to keep her overnight. Aubrey is friends with her daughter and her grandparents are going to pick her up in the morning. She grabbed his wrist as if she were unsteady on her feet. “I just need you to take me home.”

“Maybe we should go to the hospital.”

“No. Just home. I just want to lay down.”

He grabbed his keys and took her home, leaving their beach towels behind. He glanced over at her the whole drive having trouble concentrating on anything else. She was silent the whole time, even when he led her out of his truck and into her bedroom.

“What’s the matter, Daisy? What can I do for you?”

“Undress me.” It didn’t take long. All she wore was a sexy cover up and an even sexier red, white and black, high waisted bikini. He laid her gently down on the bed naked as the day she was born. She wasn’t feeling well and he knew it was wrong to be so aroused by her nude body, but Daisy was all lushness and curves and warmth. He’d have to be dead not to be aroused by her. Stroking her hair out of her face and as he kissed her cheek he couldn’t help but to notice how good she smelled. Like water, and sunscreen and flowers.

“Do you want a nightgown?”

“No. I prefer having sex naked.”

“Excuse me?”

“I wanted to be alone with you. Completely alone with you tonight.”

“So you faked sick?”

“Yeah.” She grinned at him. “I was very convincing, wasn’t I?”

“Too convincing. I was worried, damn it.”

She reached for his shirt and pulled it off over his head. “I’m sorry. Let me make it up to you.”

He settled his partially clothed body on top of her nude one. Reveling in the sensation of her skin pressed against his and as he did that he heard a loud boom.

Fireworks.

He knew why she had done this. He knew why she had faked sick. Made him take her home. Made it so they could be completely alone. And it was right then he fell all the way in love with her. Stupidly, insanely, forever in love with her.

Chapter 15

Daisy glanced up at the clock for the twelfth time that hour. She was in the flower shop alone. She had been most of the day. Loretta was on vacation and her small staff had been running around town all day making deliveries. Usually May and June were their busiest times of year, but even in late July they were extremely busy and getting busier by the day. Daisy had a meeting scheduled with an exclusive resort in the area. The shop was doing well, but the more business the better. And another contract like this would be a big help when things slowed down, so she didn’t want to blow it.

But she was in serious danger of doing so. The Scotts had to go to New York City for the day and for the first time in weeks they wouldn’t be able to pick up Aubrey from camp. She had come to depend on them she realized. It was nice to have them in her life. But she was going to have to get used to going back to the way things were. They would be heading back to Washington in a couple of weeks when Aubrey went to camp. But now she was stuck at the shop until one of her employees came back, and even then she was going to be pushing it. She had to pick up Aubrey, bring her back here and hope that Sarah, one of her employees wouldn’t mind watching her for an hour or so. It wouldn’t have been such a big deal if Loretta were here. She always helped when Daisy was in a bind. Mostly because she was a wonderful person, but partly because Danny refused to help her at all. Maybe he would have if she really needed him to, but she never asked because he had made it very clear that Aubrey was her responsibility.

Daisy’s cell phone rang and she looked down to see that Loretta was calling. “You miss me already,” she said when she answered.

“Actually, I do. We’re all up at the Cape and you’re not here and it reminds me that you’re not Danny’s wife anymore.”

Loretta and her family retreated to Cape Cod every summer at this time of year. Daisy usually went for a long weekend, but this year she didn’t go. It didn’t feel right to go. Especially since she had been spending time with another man’s family. She had seen Maggie nearly every day. They had lunch together. And Clayton’s mother had shared recipes with her and called her at night, just to see how she was. And then there was Phillip, who stopped by the house and did fatherly things like check the oil pressure in her car and replace one of the screens on her window even though Clayton was more than capable of doing so. Something had changed with the Calhouns since the Fourth of July, something had changed in Clayton. He was trying a little harder with his family. Seeing them more, welcoming them in. And they welcomed Daisy in. They treated her like she was part of their family.

“I miss you, Loretta,” Daisy said, feeling almost guilty about growing closer to another man’s family.

“We’re all up here for another weekend. You should come up. Everybody is asking about you.”

“What did you tell them?” she asked as Clayton walked through the door. She was only slightly surprised to see him. He always called her during the day, but today he had stopped by.

“That you were happy. That Aubrey was doing well. Not much else.”

She hadn’t told them about Clay, she thought as he came over and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. She could tell there was something off in him. She could feel it, but she didn’t say anything. She kept trying to focus on Loretta and their conversation.

“You didn’t answer me, Daisy. Can you come up?”

“I can’t. It makes me sad.” It was true. Some of the best times of her marriage were spent with his family there. Danny was at his happiest there.

“I understand,” she said softly. “I might come home a little early then.”

“No. Stay and have fun. Don’t rush back. I’ll feel guilty if you do.”

“You shouldn’t. You’re my family too. I’ll see you soon.” She disconnected, leaving Daisy leaning against Clayton.

“I wasn’t expecting to see you.”

“I know. I finally really got the chance to speak to Jonathan Davies. The kid I hired who was in the military too. He’s had it tough. Having a hard time readjusting.”

“Oh?”

“I wish I could help him.”

“You did help him, Clayton. You gave him a job and a place to stay. You’re hiring veterans. Abraham told me all about it. He said that your last five hires have been former military.”

“Somebody gave me a shot. It’s my turn to give someone else theirs.” He shrugged off his good deeds, his accomplishments. Even with her. She didn’t know about his heroics on the battlefield until Abraham told her. She hadn’t known that he was hiring vets and mentoring them. She didn’t know that he had given money to the family of a wounded airman when they couldn’t pay their rent until a woman had come up to thank him in the store. He had never said those things to her. She knew he didn’t want to brag, but it bothered her that he didn’t share that side of him with her.

“You’re a good man, Clay. A lot of people would be a lot worse off without you.”

  “I don’t know if that’s true. He wants to reenlist. Things might be better for him if he does. I understand his desire to.”

That statement struck her right in the chest. They hadn’t talked anymore about his job offer, or the fact that he might be moving away. They just moved on. Moved closer together. She put it out of her mind. Stupidly shoved it down and had forced herself to forget about it. But the thought of him leaving never completely left her mind. “Is that what you’re doing? Reenlisting?”

“No. I’m not going back into the army.”

“Then what exactly is this job overseas?” She hadn’t asked him before. It wasn’t her business before, but she was becoming more and more attached to him, every day she loved him a little more and so did Aubrey. Their engagement might have been fake, but the relationship was real, and she had the right to know.

“It’s for a defense contractor. I would be training security forces.”

“So you would be in a different type of army?” She tried to keep her voice as neutral as possible, but this job was hanging over them. And as more time passed she wondered if he was going to drop it on her that he was leaving.

“I would mostly be on a private compound.”

“Are private compounds in war torn countries really all that much safer?”

“Daisy…”

“Don’t Daisy me. Is it safer?”

“Yes, it is.”

“But it’s not safe. There is danger. There will always be danger and that’s what men like you always crave, isn’t it? You’re just like Danny–”

“Don’t you dare compare me to your husband. I am not him, but I understand. You have no idea what it’s like to not know when you’re going to have a flashback. You don’t know what it’s like to not know when it’s coming or what will cause it. You don’t know what it’s like for me to be in a large group of people. If I see a guy wearing a big jacket, I wonder what the hell he’s got under there. If I see a backpack, I think there might be an explosive in there. I can’t walk into a room without thinking about possible escape routes. I’m on guard all the time. Every fucking moment of my life because that’s how I was trained to be. Every parked car, every cagey looking guy, every package I see I think might be something to end my life. People think you are crazy for being that way. And no one else gets it, but the people who were over there do. So it’s not danger we’re craving. Nobody wants to wake up knowing that this might be the day they die, but at least over there all the feelings would be normal.”

She didn’t know what to say to that. She just knew how she felt and it was shitty. “I don’t want you to die, Clayton.”

“And I don’t know if I can live the rest of my life here, but–” The door opened and Sarah came rushing in.

“I’m sorry! I got stuck in traffic. Main Street is a mess. I know you have your meeting soon.”

“Yes. I have to go get Aubrey.” She stepped away from Clayton. “I’m in kind of a bind. I have to bring Aubrey back here. Would you mind watching her for me for a little while? I’ll throw a few extra dollars in your paycheck for it.”

“I can get Aubrey,” Clayton said. “I can take her home and feed her. You know I would. Why didn’t you ask me?”

That made her pause. Asking him never crossed her mind. “I didn’t even think about it.”

Clayton glanced at Sarah before he pulled Daisy out the door and out of ear shot. “I’m your boyfriend. I’m more than your boyfriend. I’m a part of your life and you never considered asking.”

“I’ve always had to do things by myself when it came to Aubrey. Ever since I got her. Danny refused.”

“I’m not him, damn it!”

“No, but you’re like him. Or maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m just not good enough to stick around for.”

“Daisy, I…”

“Can you pick Aubrey up for me? I would really appreciate that.” She walked away from him then, feeling on the verge of tears.

*

Clayton sat on Daisy’s porch waiting for her to come home that evening. He didn’t like how they had left things. He didn’t like that she was upset with him and he sure as hell didn’t like the fact that she didn’t think she could depend on him. He wasn’t Danny. They had both served their country, but he wasn’t her former husband. And as much as he wanted to be mad at her for comparing them, he couldn’t. Because in the end they were similar creatures. Suffering from the same effects of war.

Her car pulled in the driveway a few minutes later and she stepped out, looking as beautiful as he had ever seen her in a little white sundress and pink heels. She walked up to the porch, hips swaying, her wavy hair flowing reminding him of a 50’s sex siren. She made his heart beat faster every time he saw her. Her effect of him hadn’t grown less yet. He wasn’t tired of her. And every day that he was with her, he counted his blessings for knowing her.

She didn’t smile when she saw him, which was unusual for her. He could tell by the look in her eyes that she was upset. Not angry, but upset and that killed him.

“Hey.” He stood up to greet her, but she motioned for him to sit back down.

“Hey.” She sat next to him on the porch swing and rested her head on his shoulder. He felt a heaviness around her and dread welled inside him. “Where’s Aubrey?”

“The Scotts took her to dinner. I texted you.”

“Oh. I must have missed it. I was on the phone with your mother.”

“My mother called you?”

“She calls me every day. She wants to pay for our engagement photos and wanted to know if I have a preference for a photographer.”

“Oh.”

“She’s excited about the wedding. She says that she thinks I would look great in a 50’s style wedding gown. But it’s our wedding so of course I can wear whatever I want, but she can picture my dress in her head and she wanted to tell me.”

“What did you tell her?”

“That it was still too soon to think about it.” She looked up at him. “I can’t do this anymore.” She slipped the ring off her finger and set it in his hand. It felt like someone had shot him in the chest. It felt worse than being blown up. He didn’t think a simple action could hurt so much but it did. It did, and it left him breathless. “I know you were just trying to help me, but this is only going to end up hurting people.”

“I-I…” he trailed off not able to get any words out. He wanted to say that he didn’t want her to take it off, that he loved her, that even though it had been only two months that he wanted her forever, that he was starting to think he couldn’t live anything close to a happy life without her.

But that would be crazy to say, wouldn’t it? Because it had been too soon. Eight weeks wasn’t enough. And he was still fucked up. Couldn’t go a week without having a bad dream. Couldn’t hear fireworks without thinking of gun fire. Couldn’t be in a crowd without wondering who was there to cause harm. And that wasn’t fair to her. She had already lived with one man who went through it.

Was it fair to ask her to live through it with another?

He couldn’t promise her he would get better. He couldn’t promise her that he would be whole again.

He had heard Jonathan Davies’s story. The guy thought he was fine, that he was readjusting and then he saw the twin brother of his best friend who he had died next to in combat and he spiraled downward. His wife left him. His family didn’t understand him. All it took was one trigger for that to happen. Clayton knew he was capable of losing control.

He didn’t want it to happen. He didn’t want to put Daisy through any more. She had already been through enough.

“I don’t want it back.” He handed it to her. “I bought it for you.”

“I can’t keep it. It will just remind me of you.”

“Why are we breaking up? We don’t have to break up. I know you love me. I can feel it.”

“I do. I fell in love with you. Too hard and too fast. And it scares me because it’s a different kind of love than I felt for my husband. I could stay with you, but I refuse to be the woman waiting at home for a phone call, dreading every knock at the door because I’m afraid somebody will tell me you’re gone. I need more. I deserve more. I want a father for my kid, and more babies, and a man who wants to stay here and be with me and nowhere else. I’ve been down this road with a man I couldn’t be enough for and I can’t do it again. So we do have to break up. This has to be goodbye.” She stood up, slipping the ring back into his hand before she leaned in to kiss him one last time.