A Cowboy’s Honor (12 page)

“Then don’t do it. Enjoy what we have here and now.”

“I can’t.” His lips brushed her neck. “I feel like nothing in my world is nailed down, and I need it to be. I need to know that you won’t take off or tell me to leave if I mess up or make a mistake or step on your toes. I need…something.”

“You have quite a lot.” She turned in his arms, faced him. “You have a daughter who thinks you walk on water. You have a wife who quite enjoys it when you hold her like this.” She smiled at him, pressed her lips to his cheek.

“Oh.” His eyes began to glow. He kissed her tenderly, his hands holding her head.

“I’m not running away or telling you to leave,” she whispered, stroking his jaw. “But I can’t give you any guarantees, Dallas. I’m still finding my own way. But there is someone who understands what you’re going through. You can always talk to Him.”

“I know.” Dallas kissed the top of her head, turned her so they could both watch the sun sink into the west. “I hope He understands how hard it is for me to let go of you.”

With Misty bursting through the door just then, Gracie wondered if she’d actually heard his words.

After he’d tucked in their daughter, read her a story and kissed her good-night, Dallas returned to the patio to sit beside Gracie, watching the big moon fill the dark sky. When the time came, he kissed her good-night so sweetly her heart ached.

It was then she knew their present situation couldn’t go on much longer.

If only his parents would delay their return. If only she could make him love her so much he’d never allow them to even consider taking Misty away from her.

If only.

“That was great, Misty. You’re doing very well. Can you get off by yourself?”

“Sure.” After two weeks of lessons and practice, she almost made it, needing Emily’s help only for the very first step onto the structure all the children used when dismounting from their horses. “Did you see me, Mommy? Did you see me?”

“I did. It was a great ride, honey.” Gracie inhaled several deep, cleansing breaths. No fear. God was in charge.

Would it ever get easier?

“How did you know to bend over Patch’s neck like that?”

“Daddy told me yesterday. He said Patch likes it best when we whisper things to him. So I did. I whispered that I thought he’s now the best horse on the whole ranch. He really liked that.” She patted her mount’s neck, held out a carrot.

The horse rubbed his head against her arm, then daintily plucked the carrot from Misty’s grasp. She giggled, stepped down the stairs. Once on the ground she reached for Gracie’s hand.

“Daddy tells me lots of things that horses like. He says I have to think like a horse and then I’ll
know
what to do.”

“Does he, darling?” Gracie glanced around, saw Dallas in the neighboring paddock, struggling with a colt. He grinned at her, waved a hand, and she waved back. The young horse chose that moment to escape. Dallas looked so surprised she burst out laughing.

“I like it when you laugh, Mommy. It makes me think of fuzzy slippers and the pool splashing me.”

“Hmm, that’s quite a combination.” As they strolled down the path toward home, Gracie couldn’t help glancing over her shoulder. Dallas hadn’t moved. He was still watching them. “What should we have for dinner?”

“Daddy likes that chicken you make.”

“Yes, but once a week is enough. How about spaghetti and meatballs?”

“That’s his favorite,” Misty said so loudly the cook in the mess hall could have heard.

“I know.” Gracie was talking to the air. Misty was hurrying ahead, confident, independent, happy. Exactly what Gracie wished for her daughter.

So why did she have the horrible feeling that any day now the ax would fall?

Misty set the table, then went to play with her dollies. Gracie put on a praise tape, hoping it would lift the feeling of dread that would not let up, no matter how hard she prayed.

When the meatballs were cooking in the oven, she and Misty went out to the pool for a cooling swim while they waited for Dallas to join them. They’d just climbed out of the water when he arrived, letting himself in through the gate.

“My two favorite bathing beauties,” he teased, scooping Misty up for a hug and a kiss before he set her down again.

“Now it’s Mommy’s turn,” she ordered, giggling.

“It certainly is. Hello, Mommy.”

“Hi.” She couldn’t figure out what he was waiting for, but finally, exasperated, Gracie leaned forward and kissed him on the lips.

Immediately his arm slipped around her neck, and when she would have drawn away, he held her in place, deepening the kiss until her heart sang with joy.

“Now that’s a welcome,” he murmured.

“If you two ever get finished kissing, I want to go in the pool again before supper.”

Dallas winked at Gracie. “Do we have time for one more kiss?”

“I think maybe one,” she agreed, her heart bursting with love for him.

She’d dreamed of him last night, of them. They’d been at the arboretum. She’d been dressed in the beautiful white gown with the ballerina skirt he’d talked about that first day. He’d been wearing a white shirt, black trousers, his boots, of course, and holding his Stetson to shield them while he kissed her.

“This is forever, Gracie,” he’d whispered.

“Isn’t Mommy coming?”

She blinked in surprise. Dallas was no longer bending over her, but was now with Misty, in the pool.

So much for dreams.

“Yes, I’m coming. I challenge you to a race across the pool, Misty Henderson. And it starts now.”

Maybe she couldn’t have tomorrow, or next month or next year.

But she had today.

“S
he’s going to do well on the ride, Gracie. Misty has a knack for knowing how to move with the animal.” Dallas fingered a sun-bleached curl caressing his wife’s neck. “You can see how confident she is, how easily she rides after only a month. She’s not afraid at all.”

“Let’s go once more around the corral to make sure.”

“Once for her? Or once for you?” he asked, so quietly Misty couldn’t possibly hear.

“Once for me. I had no idea riding a horse could be so…painful.” Gracie wiggled in the saddle and he got the message, tried to hide his laughter.

“It isn’t painful. Unless you insist on doing the accelerated Gracie course. Learn to ride in less than five hours.”

“When I make up my mind, I like to get on with it.”

“When I make up my mind, I don’t change it. I’m marrying you, Dallas. So don’t think I’ll give you a chance to back out.”

“Dallas?”

He blinked and the world righted itself. A short-haired, more mature version replaced the Gracie of his flashback.

“Dallas!”

“Yeah. I’m okay. Everything’s fine.” He pushed back the fog. “A little brain fade. Misty, the reins are too loose.”

“I know. I’m fixing them.”

“Good girl.” He let Lady trail behind Gracie’s horse to give himself time to regroup. So close. Why couldn’t he remember all of it? “Relax, Gracie. You look like you’re suffering.”

“That’s because I am,” she snapped, sliding off her horse as soon as it arrived at the mounting block. “I don’t know if I can even walk home.”

“If you asked me nicely, I’d offer to carry you home.”

She blushed a deep red at his whisper. “I think I’d better walk.”

Dallas motioned to a wrangler he’d spoken with earlier, anticipating that his girls would want an early break.

“Usually you don’t get to walk away after a ride,” he reminded them quietly. “What do we do, Miss?”

“Put away the tack, brush down the horse, give it a drink and a treat.”

“Right on. But since Mommy’s, um…tired,” he said, when Gracie shot him a glare, “Luke said he’d take care of our animals.”

“Thank you, Luke,” Misty chirped. “Patch, here’s your carrot.” She giggled as she always did when the horse gently bunted her back before stealing the carrot so fast her hand hung there empty for a second. “Thank you for the lovely ride, Patch. See you tomorrow.”

“Yeah.” Gracie rubbed her right hip. “Thanks a lot, horse.”

“Her name is Minnie. She’s the oldest horse on the whole ranch.” Misty tucked her hand into Dallas’s and trotted along beside him as they left the corral. “She’s slow. I like Patch better.”

“Personally, I like walking.”

Gracie’s brows lowered when Dallas snickered. He faked a cough.

“It’s getting late, Miss. Remember your promise. Straight to bed with no fuss.”

“I remember. I can hardly wait for the trail ride. It’s going to be so much fun.” She let go of his hand and skipped ahead, moving confidently as she tapped her fingertips against each of the posts.

“You’re sure she’s ready?” Gracie whispered, clutching his arm.

He threaded his fingers with hers. “She’s ready.”

“But what if—” She cut herself off, shook her head. “No, I refuse to go there.”

“Good. I appreciate you trusting me with Misty’s safety tomorrow, Gracie. It’s such an honor. I know this isn’t easy for you, and I promise I won’t let anything happen.”

“I know. I trust you.”

Thank You, God.

For once Misty’s bedtime ritual flew past. Dallas listened to her prayer, then tucked her in.

“Daddy?”

“Yes, Miss.”

Misty leaned over, beckoned him near and whispered in his ear. “I’m kind of glad Mommy isn’t coming tomorrow.”

“Why is that?”

“I don’t think she likes riding the horse. She kept sighing the whole time. She wouldn’t have any fun at all. ’Specially not on old Minnie.”

“Maybe you’re right. G’night, Miss.”

“Night, Daddy. See you tomorrow. Oh, I forgot to tell God thanks for the trail ride.”

“You go ahead and thank Him. I want to talk to your mom.”

“She’s swimming. I can hear the water splashing.” Misty grinned. “The window’s open.”

“I don’t know how I could be your father,” he said, tickling her chin. “You’re too smart for me.”

Dallas left the room as she began reciting all the things about the trail ride that she was thankful for. Outside, Gracie was plowing through the pool, as if trying to set an Olympic record. He put the kettle on, filled her small blue teapot with boiling water and a mint tea bag, then carried it outside, where he waited until she’d tired herself out.

“Thanks,” she gasped, grasping the hand he held out and allowing him to pull her from the pool.

He wrapped her in the huge bath sheet she’d left on a chair, tucking in one corner like a sarong. He draped another towel across her shoulders in case she was chilled.

“Thank you.”

“My pleasure.” He waited until she was seated, then handed her a cup. “I made you some tea.”

“Lovely.” She savored the aroma with her eyes closed. “You spoil me, Dallas.”

“It’s my privilege.” He sat down beside her, reached for her hand and brushed his lips across her knuckles. “One of many. Besides, you deserve to be spoiled.”

“Too bad I didn’t record that,” she teased. But she didn’t pull her hand away.

“Don’t need to. I’m happy to repeat it whenever you want.” And he would. Just to see her smile. “I’d like to do more,” he murmured, wondering if Gracie truly understood how much he wanted everything that went with a real marriage.

“What would you like your life to look like in ten years, Gracie?”

“Ten years?” She gazed at him in surprise. “Misty will be fifteen then.”

“Do you want more children? Or is Misty enough?”

“I…don’t know.” She didn’t look at him. “I never thought about it.”

“A ranch would be a wonderful place to raise kids,” he murmured, studying the scene in front of them. Horses grazing in green pastures linked by white fences. The trails, the buildings, the barn, the dining hall. “I don’t know where Elizabeth got the idea for this place, but it’s fantastic. I haven’t seen a single child who’s come here fail to love the place.”

“Once the licensing is done, Elizabeth has plans to see about starting a school here. She wants to integrate education into the Bar None philosophy.”

A curious note in her voice snagged his attention. “Will you send Misty to school here?” he asked.

“We’d have to, at least at first. My contract is for six months, till November.” Gracie frowned at him. “Do you think it wouldn’t be good for her?”

She was asking his opinion. Was Gracie finally seeing them as a family?

“I don’t think you can know that. I don’t see why it wouldn’t work out very well, but I guess only time will tell.” He hesitated over the next words, but pushed them out because he needed to know. “What if I never remember anything, Gracie?”

She studied him, a funny smile on her lips. “To quote you, I don’t think you can know that. Why?” She studied him more intently. “Do you think you won’t?”

“I don’t know. I got another flash when we were riding. It must have been from before we got married.” He told her about it.

“That’s good.”

“Is it?” He wasn’t sure. “It’s like trying to put together a jigsaw puzzle without most of the pieces.”

“Frustrating,” she said.

“Very. I want my life back.”
I want you back.
“But I don’t know exactly what that entails. You don’t like to talk about our past.”

Silence yawned between them. For a few moments Dallas almost felt as if he could hear the sun sizzling into the glowering cloud on the western horizon as it set. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked.

“What do you want to know?”

He shifted on the lounge so he could face her. “Everything.”

So she told him, laid out the details of that first meeting and their subsequent communication via phone. She told him about his visits to the campus, their cheap and cheerful dates every time he managed a trip her way. She told him about his dream to someday have his own research team.

And finally she told him about the secret plans they’d made to be married, how they’d told her father, his reaction.

When she was finished, Dallas still wasn’t satisfied. “You make it sound so happy,” he murmured.

“It was, mostly.”

Except for her father. He hadn’t approved. Well, Dallas couldn’t fault him there. Being a father himself offered a different perspective on having your daughter snatched away from you.

“But why did I leave? Why wasn’t I with you? Why hadn’t I made plans for our future? I can’t understand that.”

Gracie looked away. He remembered she’d had the same reaction once before.

“Did you have the impression that I didn’t want to make a home for us, that I was going to continue the way I had been?” he asked, hating the idea, but desperate to know if he’d really been so thoughtless.

“You always loved traveling, Dallas,” she said.

He grimaced at her carefully chosen words and the picture of him she was drawing.

“It would have been hard for you to give that up.”

“But I married you. What did you expect would happen?”

“We never really discussed it. You understood that I had a couple more years of school. I thought you wanted me to finish. You’d keep on doing what you’d been doing, and when I was through, we’d talk about our next step then.”

“And in the meantime I’d just keep wandering across the country, stopping by like a—a visitor?” He rubbed the space between his eyebrows, feeling anger bubbling inside him. “That’s crazy. It’s like long-distance dating. Irresponsible. Certainly not marriage!”

“It was the only one I had,” she cried. Crystal droplets clung to the tips of her lashes. “Stop yelling at me, Dallas. It wasn’t my fault.”

Stupid, how stupid was he? “Of course it wasn’t.
I
was the problem, Gracie. I’m sorry.” He ran his palm down her arm, trying to erase the pain. “I can’t understand what I was thinking.”

“I can’t explain that,” she sniffed. “You never spoke about the future much. You just kept saying things would work out.”

Serious doubts assailed Dallas. Was this the kind of man he’d been? Willing to leave his wife behind while he went off doing his thing, expecting her to sit there waiting for whenever he deigned to show up?

No wonder Gracie wasn’t ready to discuss the future with him. She probably figured that the moment he was himself, he’d take off again. New respect filled him at what she’d endured.

“I don’t know what the future holds, Gracie love.” He rose, drew her upright so he could see into her eyes. “I don’t know if I’ll ever remember who I was, but I promise you one thing.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Yes, I do. I promise you that no matter what happens, I’m here for the long term. If you want to move after your six months, fine. But until that time, I’ll be here. I can’t make up for the past, but I can promise you that I’ll face whatever is in the future with you.”

She didn’t look convinced.

“You don’t know what could happen,” she whispered. “Something might come up that will change your mind. I don’t want you to think you have to honor your promise.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Gracie. I’m here until you tell me to go.”

After searching his face for several moments, she finally nodded. “Okay. But if you change your mind—”

“Not going to happen. Didn’t I promise for better or for worse?”

“Yes.”

“I intend to honor that promise.” He could no more have stopped himself from kissing her than he could stop breathing. Whatever he’d been, whatever he’d done, Gracie was his one constant, and he would not let go. In time she’d see that.

“You need to rest. Sweet dreams, my love.” Dallas wanted to tell her how much he adored her, how he woke up yearning to hear her voice, how he fell asleep imagining the day she would welcome him into her life full-time.

But he wouldn’t talk about love now.

Better to wait until the trail ride was over, until she saw how groundless her fears for Misty were. When she’d accepted that God was the best protector Misty could ever have, when she realized she could trust him to care for their daughter, then Dallas would propose again.

And this time he’d make sure she understood that he wanted to be a full-time husband in a full-time marriage. He could wait for that.

After all, now that he’d found her, they had all the time in the world.