A Close Connection (14 page)

Eleanor tried to get herself together, her daughter’s distress catching at her, but even as she made to get up to go over to her, Nicola waved her back impatiently as if to say ‘Leave me alone.’ She had always been like that, never one for the sympathetic reaction, never one really for a cuddle. ‘And you should count your lucky stars that he’s not having an affair for believe me that is ten times more difficult to cope with. I am not going into details but it has been far from easy. Let me tell you that Matthew is a good man and he works hard and he does not deserve a grumpy wife. So, it’s tough but you must snap out of this mood, darling, or you will drive him away. And then you will only have yourself to blame. As to becoming pregnant, you haven’t been off the pill for long and it takes a little time sometimes so it’s early days. You’ll be pregnant before you know it, but I do want you to be sure about it.’

‘I think I am.’ Nicola managed a rueful smile. ‘I’m scared stiff at the thought of having it, but you managed it, didn’t you?’

‘And millions of other women before me.’ Eleanor sighed with relief. So it was probably just stage fright after all, and deep down her daughter wanted a baby as much as the next woman. ‘Relax and it will happen and don’t bother Matthew about it. I know he will be thrilled when it does happen.’

‘He’s very preoccupied. I catch him sitting there staring into space.’

‘Men often are preoccupied. It will be work-related. It always is. Do you want your father to talk to him?’

‘What about? That’s the worst idea ever. I wonder if it might be something to do with that Chrissie woman. Do you remember me telling you about her?’

‘Yes, but it blew over, didn’t it? You haven’t heard from her since?’

‘No, I haven’t but has he? You don’t suppose he is seeing her on the quiet, do you? You don’t suppose that he’s meeting up with this woman whilst her husband is away flying his plane?’

Eleanor laughed. ‘I don’t suppose that for a moment. Don’t be suspicious, whatever you do. Talk to him. Tell him you’re worried. Ask him what is worrying him. Do you want me to ask Paula to have a word?’

‘I wish you wouldn’t. We don’t talk, if you must know. She irritates me too much and I’m scared I’m going to say something sooner or later that upsets her. So it is best if we stay clear of each other.’

‘I get on well with her.’

‘Do you? I suppose it will do no harm. See if she can throw some light on it. I don’t know if Matthew talks to her or not.’

‘I don’t understand. I thought you and Paula got on well together.’

‘Oh, come on, Mother. She’s never liked me and made that fairly obvious. The fact that I’ve met the Queen is my only saving grace in her eyes.’

‘Wait a minute.’ Eleanor paused. ‘You are wrong. Paula adores you, darling. You’re just like a daughter to her. She lost her real daughter and you’ve made up for it in a small way.’

‘No I haven’t, and please don’t patronize me, Mother.’

‘Don’t do anything in haste. Don’t upset Matthew too much.
Play it very carefully. If I were you I would do absolutely nothing.’

‘And there speaks the voice of experience.’

‘You did ask for my advice.’ Eleanor felt a tightness in her chest. ‘You can be very brusque sometimes, Nicola, and it does not become you.’

‘I’m sorry.’ Nicola sighed, reaching out for a cake and taking it carefully from its paper case. She stuffed it in her mouth and chewed on it, dropping a few crumbs and shaking them off onto the carpet. ‘The trouble is, I don’t want to know in case he really is having an affair. Suppose he’s meeting up secretly with that Chrissie woman?’

‘Will you stop that? What have I just said about suspicion? Now you are being neurotic. That was all explained away. It was a schoolboy crush and it’s over and he’s not going to see her again.’

‘Yes, but suppose he is. After all, she must still love him, even though she’s supposed to be the happiest married woman on the planet. Seeing him again that day must have rekindled it for her and seeing him at the station really set things alight.’

‘Nicola. For goodness’ sake, get a grip. You are building things up out of all proportion. You have to pull yourself together,’ she said briskly, knowing that those were words you should never ever use to the people she had occasionally counselled, but deciding that they were appropriate here. ‘Your honeymoon is over and life is full of ups and downs. This is just a little blip and you will get over it.’

‘I won’t be able to stay with him if he has been shagging another woman.’

‘Nicola!’

‘Sorry but I’m not like you. I suppose it was different in your day,’ Nicola said, regaining her composure. ‘You stuck together no matter what.’

‘I’m not that old and I know plenty of people who divorced,’
Eleanor said, stung by the ‘in your day’ as if she was a hundred. ‘I am just saying that you are in a stupid panic about nothing. Jumping to conclusions is very unwise.’

‘I know, but I don’t know what to do. I feel bloody miserable.’

‘It’s probably just your hormones.’

‘Oh, please. That is supposed to explain everything, isn’t it? But you may be right because I’m getting myself worked up about the baby. I want to be knocked out, Mum, when I give birth. Can I request a Caesarean on the NHS or will I have to go private?’

‘Stop worrying. Good heavens, Nicola, I hope I won’t have to put up with all this nonsense for the next nine months.’

‘But you’re my mother. You know about these things,’ she said, looking so childlike and leaving Eleanor quite bemused.

‘I’m glad you’ve told me all this, darling.’ She smiled, genuinely pleased because they were not that close, the two of them, and it delighted her that when it came to the crunch Nicola thought of her. ‘As you are so concerned, I will speak to Paula but I want to do it face to face not over the phone. If – and it is a big if – if he is having an affair, then I can’t believe she doesn’t know about it because she and that son of hers are thick as thieves.’

‘Can I stay here tonight?’ Nicola asked. ‘I need some time on my own.’

‘No, you cannot.’ Eleanor decided the time had come to be brisk. ‘You will go home and act as if there is nothing wrong. Carry on as normal. Consider what is the very worst that can happen. Confront that and you will be fine.’

‘The worst thing is that he leaves me for this other woman. What if she loves him so much that she leaves the pilot and the kids just to be with him?’ Nicola spoke in a small voice, totally changed, and she was shocked to see the transformation, which she did not like. Where was her confident, sassy daughter, who
like herself did not suffer fools gladly, the daughter who normally could give as good as she got? She wanted that girl back, because just now she looked in danger of becoming a snivelling wreck and it was so out of character that she was quite alarmed. ‘We’ve only been married just over a year. What will people say? What does that make me look like?’

‘Is that all you can think about? What other people might think?’

‘No it’s not, Mother, and you know it. I happen to love the bastard to bits and I don’t want to lose him and it’s taken something like this …’ She moved to put her plate on the table clattering it down as she did so. ‘It’s taken something like this when I think I might lose him to make me realize how much I want him to stay. I want him to move with me to the big house when we can afford it and if we never can then we’ll have to find some way of doing up the cottage so that it’s bearable there. I am not giving up on him, Mum. I want to grow old with him, like you and Dad.’

‘Thanks for that.’ Eleanor tried a small smile. ‘Leave it with me. I’ll have a little chat with Paula. I find she’s always more than happy to speak to me.’

P
AULA RECEIVED A
summons in writing from Her Ladyship to meet in town for lunch and a catch-up.

‘Why didn’t she send an email like anybody else?’ Alan said when she showed him the short note stating a time and place. ‘Or phone you?’

‘Because she knows I’m upset still about her making an excuse not to come over for dinner.’

‘Henry was ill, wasn’t he?’

She huffed at that. ‘You’d believe anything. I’ve been waiting for her to make a move. Perhaps she’s going to apologize.’

‘Will you accept it?’

‘I don’t know.’ She smiled. ‘I might and I might not. I might make her sweat a bit first.’

‘My God, Paula, you’ve changed,’ Alan said and he didn’t sound exactly pleased. ‘Once upon a time you wouldn’t have dared say anything to upset Eleanor. In fact, once upon a time, you would hardly have dared to say a word in her company. Coming into money has certainly changed you.’

‘Don’t say that. It doesn’t sound right. You should be pleased I’m standing up to her. I am every bit as good as she is and so are you, Alan. You are worth ten of Henry.’

‘Only ten?’ He laughed shortly.

‘I have to start telling her what I really think. I’ve been biting my tongue too long when I’m with her and I’m getting too old to be such a wimp. The truth is I’ve always been lacking in confidence,’ she went on thoughtfully. ‘It was your father, you know,’ she told him. ‘When I heard him say that I wasn’t good enough for you, that you could do better than me, it had a big effect on me. At that time, I think I was just starting to feel more confident, breaking away from Mother and planning to get married to you. I was feeling good about myself and then I heard him say that and it knocked all my confidence because my mother thought much the same about me. She didn’t think I would ever make much of myself. She told me I would never be an actress, said I wasn’t good enough and I believed her. It’s a bit late in the day now but I’m finally starting to believe in myself. Does that make sense?’

‘Have you been reading one of those self-help manuals?’ he asked incredulously. ‘I’ve never heard you talk like this before but I tell you this. I wish my father was here now. I wish he could hear what you said just now. Because he would have to admit that he was wrong. Mind you, I have to admit that I loved you as you were. I loved taking care of you, looking after you, loved being protective towards you.’

It was a disturbing thing for him to say, talking about love in the past tense as if, now that she was starting to shake off all those old inhibitions about herself, he now had doubts.

‘You do still love me, don’t you?’ she asked, searching his face so that he gave her a much-needed hug and told her that of course he did.

He had had to be prompted, though, to say it.

She knew that she alone was responsible for the change in herself, that somehow Eleanor and her reaction to Eleanor was part of it too, so it wasn’t all about the inheritance. It happened on holiday. It was Juliet’s balcony that did it for she realized then that in fact she probably knew a damned sight more
about that Shakespeare play than the lady herself.

A lot had happened since their holiday and she knew that Eleanor must be aware of their changed circumstances, although there had been no acknowledgment from her. In fact, things had been a little strained since the holiday. There was one dinner out together at a fancy hotel in Cornwall in early August but the way Eleanor had snubbed her invitation to come along to her home for a meal hit hard. Alan had suggested that they invite the Nightingales to a restaurant of their choice, somewhere in Plymouth, but she had thought that it was time they entertained in their home. In a sudden surge of domestic pride she was damned if she was going to be ashamed of her own home, which was her little palace and she wanted to show it off.

It was the fact that Eleanor made a fool of her that offended her most. She would not have minded so much if she had refused the invitation straight off but to say yes and then back out at the last minute with a lame excuse was unforgivable. Much to Alan’s amusement, she had even bought a new rug and curtains for the dining room and some new dishes, some smart white ones, and she had planned the meal for a week beforehand because, although she considered herself a competent cook, she was not a confident one. Poor Alan had the same meal three nights running until she was sure she had it right.

Alan had sorted out some wine, something good from Waitrose, a couple of bottles at that, and she got the loft ladder out and rooted through some boxes to find the fancy wine glasses somebody had bought them for their silver wedding. And then she got some flowers from a florist’s and the woman had picked out a lovely big spray for her to arrange at home. She dusted and polished all day long and the house was so clean you could perform an operation on the kitchen worktop.

All that fuss and then, at the last minute, Eleanor had the brass neck to ring up and say that Henry was incapacitated and could they possibly rearrange at a later date.

She could forget that.

The inheritance was not through, not absolutely, but because it was just a matter of the solicitor sorting it all out for them, they had agreed that they could spend some of their own savings, which now seemed like a drop in the ocean compared with the amount they were going to get from Thomas. So she had been on a shopping spree and treated herself to a few new outfits.

For the meeting in town with Eleanor she wore a navy suit – knee-length pencil skirt, fitted jacket – teaming it with a colourful scarf and spanking heels, her hair newly coloured and a little longer because she was trying to grow it into a new style. She arrived in town in plenty of time because the last thing she wanted was to be rushed and flushed; because Eleanor would be neither.

Catching a glimpse of herself in a shop window she reflected that it was astonishing what a difference good-quality clothes – and high-end shoes and handbag – did for the morale. It was almost as if she was now playing a different character and it felt liberating. She was no longer Little Miss Dowdy and she felt so much more confident in herself, a new woman no less; Alice next door had remarked on it, telling her she looked a million dollars. She was going to treat Alice to a little something when the money came through, but it would have to be carefully thought out because she didn’t want to look as if she was showing off, so she must not overdo the gesture.

After some thought, they were going to take the plunge and move house although she was not entirely sure she wanted to. It was sort of expected now that they had come into money
and it would be exciting to furnish and decorate a new place, and they had started looking for somewhere on the outskirts. She was not yet ready for a bungalow but a small detached with a garden would be ideal.

Today she avoided going past the card shop even though there was absolutely no reason why she should. After all, she had resigned and because she did not want to leave them short-staffed, she worked the full notice and the big boss had turned up on her final day and presented her with a little gift and a nice farewell card of course, one of their pricier hand-made numbers. There were a few tears because she had enjoyed working there, although in a way it was a relief because it saved her the bother of making a decision about the promotion.

She avoided the shop because for some daft reason she did not want them to think she was somehow checking up on them, seeing how the new woman was getting on, the one who had replaced her: a snooty individual with purple nails to whom she had taken an instant dislike.

It was no longer her problem and money was no longer a problem either, which took some getting used to. It made her feel just the teeniest bit guilty for surely one or other of them, Alan or his father, could have made an effort during the last few years, one or other of them could have got down from their high horse and tried for a reconciliation. She was not a blood relative and it had been ultimately up to Alan to do something about it, but that remark his father had made all those years ago about her not being good enough had hit home and hurt him every bit as much as it hurt her. It was no use feeling guilty and she reminded herself that they had not seen hide nor hair of Thomas Walker at Lucy’s funeral, or at Matthew’s wedding, and the old so-and-so could have got off his fat behind and come to see them.

She supposed, in Thomas’s eyes, by leaving Alan the lot,
including the surprising number of properties he had accumulated, Thomas would feel he had redeemed himself. By accepting it and not telling the old fool to stuff his fortune, they had more or less forgiven him although they had to assuage their conscience in some way and they would be setting aside some for the local charities that they already supported.

Paula glanced at her watch before making her way to the little Italian restaurant, much-praised locally, where she was meeting Eleanor. As of old, an attack of nerves overtook her, but she must not allow herself to show it. She was on stage now, playing the part of a confident contented woman.

She had an idea what this might be about, although she hadn’t said anything to Alan. She had seen her son recently and although he told her all was well she knew it was not. Sons could not fool their mothers. Matthew was working too hard these days and he should relax a little because, at his age, there should be much more to life than work. That business with Chrissie had upset him of course, for who liked to be accused of harassment particularly when there wasn’t a word of truth in it? She had wormed that story out of him after Nicola had rung her and started to ask questions about Chrissie, before eventually coming out with it.

She might have known.

She had always been neurotic, had Chrissie. She wished she had seen Chrissie again because she was one step removed from the whole situation and she would have known straightaway whether or not Chrissie was happy in her life. In fact, she would have asked outright because Chrissie had always responded to the direct question. Chrissie York had been one of those worryingly intense young girls and nobody had been more relieved than she was when she moved away and was no longer a threat to her son’s happiness. She would have wrung him dry, that young madam, and it took a mother to know
it. However, her son was a romantic and there was nothing wrong with that, but she was still at a loss as to why he had gone to the station that day when he had told her he was not going.

That had been a mistake and a half.

After their shouts of delight and meeting-hugs, Eleanor bit her tongue, stopping herself from making a remark about the way Paula looked, for it was truly a remarkable transformation. Her whole demeanour was different, as if the well-cut suit, the good shoes and the lovely handbag – not to mention the flattering scarf – had given her a much-needed confidence boost. She was altogether more poised and she walked differently, although that could be something to do with the spiky-heeled shoes.

‘You look nice,’ Paula said, giving her the opportunity to respond.

‘I like your new hairdo,’ she murmured, irritated though, because today of all days – and uncharacteristically for her – she was having a truly awful hair day, a fact which she was certain Paula noted. Threatening to be late, she had in the end given up on it and just scraped it back into a ponytail. She had missed her last hair appointment and a few grey hairs were beginning to show, which was doubly annoying. ‘It suits you,’ she added, in for a penny in for a pound.

‘Thanks. I’m growing it. It’s taking ages,’ Paula said as they settled at the reserved table towards the rear, a table where they could conduct their conversation without fear of being overheard. ‘How are you, Eleanor?’ she asked, slipping off her leather gloves. There was a new ring on her right hand, Eleanor noted, and it was not costume jewellery either.

‘Very well, thank you. And you?’

‘Fine.’

Good. Niceties out of the way, then.

‘Good afternoon, ladies.’

The waiter appeared, handing them the menus and there followed some consultation before they both settled on lasagne and two glasses of wine, red for Eleanor, white for Paula.

‘I shouldn’t. I’m driving, but one glass will do no harm,’ Eleanor said, mindful of Paula’s expression, but then she was married to a driving instructor who absolutely never ever drank when driving. She was beginning to realize that Alan Walker was a man of principle, which was of course something to be admired. Her own husband took no notice whatsoever of the rules of the road, overtaking on blind bends and what have you, and it was a miracle he had never been involved in an accident. ‘Look, Paula …’ She hesitated but it needed to be said. ‘I’m so sorry if I upset you when I had to cancel dinner, but Henry was really poorly, honestly, and it couldn’t be helped. I hope you didn’t think I was making an excuse.’

‘That’s all right.’

Eleanor waited, half-expecting another date to be suggested but with none forthcoming she carried on. ‘Nicola came by for tea the other afternoon.’

‘That’s nice for you. I haven’t seen her for a while.’

‘She was off-duty and we don’t often have the chance to catch up. You know, the mother-and-daughter thing.’ She stopped dead when she realized just what she had said but Paula seemed unperturbed, remarkably cool today, distant too. Hastily, she moved on to chat about other things; their husbands’ health, the weather, the autumn/winter fashions at Marks & Spencer, but it was a relief when the food arrived with a flourish and after the usual fuss with accompaniments, the waiter left them in peace.

Eleanor took a sip of her wine. ‘It’s only one glass,’ she repeated, Paula’s look making her feel guilty. ‘Don’t tell Alan and I shall be very careful on the way home,’ she added.

‘Glad to hear it.’

‘It’s strange that you don’t drive, Paula.’ Eleanor smiled. ‘I suppose you two would argue terribly if Alan tried to teach you.’

‘I’ve never felt the need, although it’s never too late, is it? Do you know you’ve got me thinking? I shouldn’t rely on Alan all the time. All the ladies drive these days, don’t they? Some of Alan’s clients are older than me so why on earth am I waiting?’