A Captivating Conundrum (22 page)

She nodded. "This is true. What's your Mom like?"

"Oh, boy." I pictured that face that seemed to either be smiling, telling jokes, twisted in frustration, or filled with determination as she helped people. "She's amazing. Sort of like you—she's a whole lot of different women all rolled up into one." 

Beth issued a giggle. "Momma's boy?"

"I don't think so. I mean, she's such an inspiration to me…both she and Dad. They have these huge hearts, you know? They went into the healthcare field to seriously help others, and they're really amazing to watch."

Beth rested her elbows on the tale and leaned forward, as if hanging on every word.

"I swear my dad knows everything. If I didn't have this career, if I didn't have such a passion for the arts, I think I'd follow in his footsteps. He's so strong and solid, especially during situations that would make others pass out cold. He's a person that other people lean on." I looked down at my lasagna and shook my head, thinking of the man I so wanted to resemble as I grew older.

"I'm sure they're very proud of you."

I looked up into that face and my breath caught. Taking a moment, I forced that slow and steady exhale so I didn't end up passing out in my plate. "You?"

"My parents?"

"Yeah."

Beth replied, "Strong. Dad was a bit of a dreamer. Sometimes I think he saw the world through rose-colored glasses. He'd been through pain and hardship, but he'd always popped back. He never got to finish school because his family moved around so much, but he was so smart. And he was so caring that, I swear, he should've been a vet." Her eyes sparkled. "When we would go to zoos or parks, animals would flock around him. Mom said that one time a man was being mean to a bull in a pasture, trying to rein it in, or something. Dad got so mad at the guy that he simply walked right up to the bull, put the rope around his neck and led him away."

"A bull?"

"Yeah." Beth grinned. "Animals knew. Kids knew. I think everyone knew when they looked at Dad that they were looking into the eyes of a man who would never hurt a flea." Her eyes glittered with love. "You know how there are certain people that just
should
be fathers?" 

I nodded.

"He was one of those."

I swallowed. "What happened?"

Beth shrugged. "Life." Her voice turned almost robotic, as if recounting a tale she wasn't interested in telling. "He had a brain tumor. They operated. He was fine. Got a 'non-life threatening form' of cancer. Bad treatment." She shook her head. "And he died. I think he wanted his Mom, so he went to her." Clearing her throat, she took a sip of wine.

I backed off. "What about Mom?"

"The ultimate protector. I'm telling you she could've kicked Hitler's ass when he was in his heyday. Mom knew that Dad was so trusting and so kind that he could be hurt easily, so she was like his guard dog.

I laughed. She sounded like my Mom. When that woman got mad, look out!

"Mom had it rough when Dad was sick. She wanted more time. He was too young when he left."

I nodded.

"So, she tried, but she wanted to be with him. I don't care what the 'acceptable' diagnosis was, but it was death from a broken heart." 

I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry."

Instead of tears, a light shone in the depths of those eyes that, if it didn't sound so dumb, I would say came from someplace up above. 

"They're together. They're happy. It's all good."

God I loved this woman.  "…do you believe in that stuff?"

"What stuff?"

"Heaven stuff?"

Beth sat back in her chair.

"I mean, I know that some of your books are about it." I remembered the poster of that beautiful angel; her wings unfurled and her face marred by scrapes and cuts, wounds she'd received while helping others and just doing her job.

"I know there's something beyond this. I've seen too much not to know for sure." She took a deep breath. "When it comes to the angel and warrior team in my books, they're partners—they represent a balance. She has faith in Heaven, he has faith in us. They don't work without each other. But they're not about religion; they're all about trying to figure out why bad things happen, why humans do such horrific things to each other, and how to keep belief in a world that tears people apart. They come from the soul."

"The magazines say your books have changed lives."

Beth snorted. "Let's hope for the better, aye?"

"Don't say it that way." 

She looked at me funny.

"Your words are stunning;
Father
is stunning. When I first read it, it was like…you wrote the words that were in my head. I mean, I never had to go through the decisions he went through, but I understand leaving one path devoted to love and family, for one that's just a dream." 

She grinned. "And you succeeded."

"I want more."

"Good."

"What?"

I didn't move as the soft, warm hand covered my own. "The minute you don't want anything. The minute you're completely satisfied—it's all over. So you should always want more." 

Beth sat back immediately as if suddenly pinched by an invisible stinger I couldn't see. Taking a sip of wine, she shook her head. "I sound like a bad Hallmark card. Anyway…," she continued, "What about you and the religion thing?"

I tried to switch gears, but I was still very much into the fantasy playing in my head that ended in 'Happily Ever After.' "I don't do church. I mean, I believe in certain…things, but I don't do the church thing."

"Me either." Beth shook her head. "Belief is personal, faith is personal. But most people who say they don't believe are either pissed off because no one's helping them out, or it's just easier for them to nix the idea."

"What do you mean, easier?"

"People say they want proof but, honestly, you wouldn't actually
want
to see God, Buddha, or anyone else's face because then you'd
have
to believe. And if He does exist. then there's no one left to blame for your mistakes except yourself. I mean, can you imagine what it would be like for some to have to admit they're not perfect?"

I grinned. I'd never heard it put so simply before. "Would it be hard for you?"

"Pshhh, not at all. I'm a Scorpio, I'm already perfect." 

"I have to agree…we are."

Beth grinned. "You too, huh? Yeah, I should've known. Passionate, tough, probably possessive, jealous, mean…"

"Thanks a lot."

"I'm kidding. We're the most loyal of the bunch. When something is ours and belongs to us, we make sure that something is protected from bullets, if need be, we're that good." Her eyes began to study mine once again and I reminded myself to breathe. 

I spoke in a whisper, "We're also the most passionate sign, I hear."

She nodded. "Well, we both have a passion for the arts."

"Not what I meant."

"I know," Beth hesitated. "But we also know that with passion comes a lot of other things."

"Happiness?"

She rolled her eyes. 

"What?"

"You really are a 'Once Upon a Time' guy, aren't you?"

I thought about her words as my brain sifted through my past. There had been thrills, excitement and pain. There'd been arguments, tears, but mostly the reason they hadn't worked was because we just weren't compatible. They couldn't understand my needs, and I suppose I just stopped listening to theirs. In essence, I had to find someone I loved as much as I loved my dream. And, a bigger hurdle would be that she had to be okay with the competition.

I tilted my head to the side. "You aren't?"

"Once Upon a Time?
Duh
. I'm a writer. Of course I am."

I laughed.

"Hard to love a Scorpio, though," she added.

"Hmm…what signs are we compatible with?" I wondered how a woman like this would be interested in horoscopes.

"Pisces. They're calm, very grounded, nurturing people who can put up with our load of bull and whininess."

I grinned. "What about another Scorpio?"

"Oh, they work. But they disagree from time to time—very passionately if rubbed the wrong way."

"And very passionate make-up sessions." I winked.

She shook her head. "They'd probably kill each other."

I watched her grasp her hands in front of her as a twinge of pain crossed her face. "What's wrong?"

Beth released a sigh. "Too much typing. I may just have to ruin the luscious Italian scent in this house with some of that Ben-Gay. I'm like a crack addict for menthol."

Reaching quickly across the table I took her hands and began to massage the long fingers. As I stared at the perfect nails, I remembered how they felt against my chest. The beautiful lavender scent rose from her skin like a veil of calm and I closed my eyes, breathing her in, trying with everything I had to draw her across the table into my arms.

"Have you ever thought of moving away from the East?" The question flew from my lips, although I was scared of the answer.

She tilted her head to the side. "I've been everywhere."

"I mean, move, move? Not just a road trip."

"I never found a home." She shrugged, staring around the comfortable space. "This is part of my family so I keep it, and I have the apartment in New York, but never had a home."

"California's very sunny. No horrific winters—warm all the time."
Christ, I sounded like a bad real estate agent.

Beth laughed. "And earthquakes that remind everyone Arizona will one day be oceanfront property."

"Well," I shrugged. "You have to have some thrills in life. Danger's sexy."

"Look, Matt." I watched her take a deep breath as she pulled her hands from mine. "I have a feeling that there's a woman just waiting for you back in that golden sunshine."

"Really?" I sat back, wishing I could turn the conversation back a bit and change paths. "What's she like?"

Her eyebrows furrowed on her forehead, as her study began once again. "Black hair."

"Why not blonde? It is California, after all."

She put a finger to her lips, as if researching her answer by staring into my brain. "I'm sure you've had one or two but, not your thing."

I was
really
wondering what an auburn-haired temptress would be like, but I remained silent.

Beth continued to grin, perhaps seeing how uncomfortable I was getting. "Chick will dress to the nines for you when you have to stand in front of photographers and accept that Oscar one of these fine days."

I smiled.

"And she'll also be able to hang out in casual clothes when you want to just sit back and be you, and she'll be filled with pride that you're the owner of the arm that's escorting her through her golden years. She'll give you a home, family and take care of you."

Beth sounded so sincere. "Every guy's dream, huh?"