A Bride for Keeps (24 page)

Everett let go of the latch. “All right.”

“Where are the kids?” They’d be excited to see their baby sister, but then again,
they might get in the way of the bath. She didn’t need an audience watching her fumble
through a simple procedure.

“We sent them to play in the barn hours ago.” Everett grabbed the bucket of water
and held it up in question.

Where should she do this? Grabbing a few rags and towels, she created a nest on the
kitchen table. “Put the water here. I’m just supposed to wipe her to get the blood
and white stuff off.”

“Glad you know what you’re doing.”

She turned to give him a crazy look, but he was too close. She recognized the smell
of his sweat, which did weird things to her heart, knowing such intimate details about
the man. Yet she still felt so far from him. Not from a lack of trying on his part.
Could she let down her guard, allow him in a bit? “I have no idea what I’m doing.”

He locked eyes with her for a few seconds before returning his attention to the baby.

Gingerly, she unwrapped a body part, then washed and rewrapped it before uncovering
a new spot. He moved closer. Was he as afraid that her trembling hands would hurt
the baby as she was? Why must he make her more nervous with his nearness, watching
over everything she did? He was not helping.

“Seems you’re quite capable.” The hot air of his words caressed her neck, causing
a shiver to rush down her spine.

The baby had not awoken once, just flinched and pulled in her limbs when treated to
the damp rag. Julia wrapped the infant and picked her up. She should return her to
her mother.

Everett’s breath tickled her ear. “Maybe we should try having one?”

She clasped the baby to keep from dropping her. Everett’s eyes were the color of wet
steel. Had he overheard her conversation with Rachel? Tightening her grip, she pulled
in a shaky breath. Her vision glazed over. What if she overcame her fear of intimacy
but was unable to give him a child? Julia stared at Everett, unable to form a response.

His face went blank. He took a step back, made a faint bow, and left the cabin.

Her heart’s thumping stole her concentration as she attempted to clean up the bathing
mess. The way his face drooped tugged at her emotions. She continued to hurt him though
she wanted to make him happy, but how could she do so adequately when she wasn’t happy
with herself? If he knew of her past, what was so dark inside, would he still love
her?

“I don’t think so,” she whispered to the baby.

Everett helped Julia down from the wagon, letting his hands linger at her waist longer
than necessary. Of course, she probably didn’t notice through all the fabric and boning.
She looked him in the eyes before she ducked her head and headed into the Stantons’
cabin. The incessant crying of little Rebecca ripped through the lifeless late-summer
air. On her first day of life, she’d lulled him into believing babies were sleeping
angels, but the many times they’d visited these past two weeks swiftly changed his
mind.

John burst from the house, hands clasped around his ears. He ran toward Everett. “Save
me! Take me fishing. Anything.”

The sun directly overhead was busy pouring buckets of heat. “There’s no shade at the
pond and probably no fish crazy enough to surface.”

“But there’s no screaming there. Just fish. And they don’t make a sound.”

If Everett went with John, he’d be comfortable. He’d know what to do—cast, wait, catch.
Yet his wife’s presence in the cabin drew him. He couldn’t observe her fluid movements
or listen to her melodious voice from the pond. But he didn’t
know what to do with her in the least. She’d been friendlier since the baby was born,
but she’d also increased the amount of choring she did. He couldn’t make her understand
she didn’t have to make up for months of bed rest—that they should relax and enjoy
each other’s company.

“Please.” John folded his hands in front of him. Another scream wafted out the door.

He must be lovesick to contemplate returning to the cabin on purpose. He patted John’s
head. “Let me make sure it’s all right with your ma and pa.”

“Oh, it is. It is! Ma just told me to find somewhere else to be.”

Everett suppressed a chuckle. “I’m still going to make sure.”

John shrugged his shoulders and then ran to the barn. He turned around to yell, “I’m
getting the fishing stuff ready.”

Everett walked into the cabin and let his eyes adjust to the interior. The screams
reverberated off the walls. He shook his head, amazed that the noise of such a tiny
thing could be so loud. Rachel stood in the middle of the kitchen, twisting back and
forth, bouncing the baby at the same time. She gave him a weary frown. “Sorry, she’s
not in a mood for entertaining company.”

He pulled off his hat. “Not here to be entertained.”

Julia was already attacking a pile of dirty dishes. She had finished her own chores
that morning at high speed to rush here and do more. He was proud of how hard she
worked, though at home he wished she’d let up a bit. Compared to her, he looked like
a loafer for trying to sneak in a few minutes of conversation. He wished he could
pull her away right now, but his friend needed her help more than he needed Julia’s
time. “John’s wondering if I would take him to the pond.”

Rachel swiped at the hair in her face. “What did you say?”

Everett raised his voice to match little Rebecca’s. “John wants to go to the pond.”

Rachel grimaced. “Julia, would you mind holding Rebecca for a few minutes?”

Julia wiped her hands on a towel and took the infant with no hesitation. He was sure
at least a frown would have crossed his face if he’d been handed that squalling bundle.
She’d make an excellent mother. If only that day would come.

Rachel led him out the door, but she kept walking toward the fence. He strolled behind
her, taking his time so she’d have the longest break she wanted for answering such
a simple question.

“Feels nice to get out sometimes. I don’t think any of the others were near this bad.”
She leaned against the paddock’s post, sucked in a huge parcel of air, and let it
out slowly. “Thank goodness the boys are old enough they don’t need my full attention.
I’d let her cry, but then she just screams. Without stopping. Never heard a child
scream so long.”

“Is there something wrong?” He twisted his hat in his hands, certain he could offer
no assistance besides what he already did—allowing Julia every spare minute to help.

Rachel chewed on her fingernails. “My mother’s heart says no. Just . . . I don’t know.
She’s difficult. Hopefully it won’t last long.”

“I’ll pray it won’t.” He leaned against the railing. “John asked if I could take him
to the pond. Thought I’d ask to make sure.”

She waved her hand. “That’s fine. It’s Ambrose’s turn to occupy Emma, and John was
underfoot.”

“Then I’ll take him.” He crammed his hat back on his head.

“Everett?” Rachel’s hesitant voice stopped him. He pivoted and waited.

“How’s it going with Julia?” She pulled at a splinter of wood on the post.

How was it going? Bad, good, who knew? One second, she drove him to distraction being
but a few feet away from him, acting like she wanted to be as far away as possible.
The next, she’d give him a look that made him feel weak down into his toes. But the
few times he’d leaned in for a kiss after receiving one of those looks, she’d scurried
away. “I don’t know. You probably know better than me.”

“How’s that?”

He shrugged. “Women talk.”

She stared at her knuckles, but made no move to dismiss him or return to the house.

Why hadn’t she chosen somewhere in the shade to hem-haw? “Do you want to say something
to me?” He wiped his brow with his handkerchief.

She sucked in her lips and looked skyward. “I’m not supposed to meddle.”

“That didn’t stop you in setting this whole thing up, so out with it.” Actually, if
she knew anything about Julia’s feelings in the matter, he’d take whatever information
she could provide.

“Julia’s scared.”

“Scared of what?” He’d nursed her with gentle hands while she was bedridden. Would
she have confided in Rachel about whatever it was that made her fear men so? Was it
as bad as he thought? Had she told Rachel how she’d fallen from the roof?

“Scared that you’ll hurt her more.”

He cringed. “But the roof was an accident!”

Rachel’s smile turned lopsided. “Yes, I’m sure it was. She’s not worried about getting
hurt physically. She’s worried you’ll break her heart, I think. Use her and cast her
aside.”

“I don’t understand.” He never wanted her to leave.

“You love her, right?”

Everett jammed his hands into his pockets. He felt wrong to admit it to someone other
than Julia for the first time. But then that kind of information would probably make
her uncomfortable at the moment. “Yes,” he whispered.

“For more than her physical beauty?”

He squinted at Rachel, trying to gauge what her question meant exactly. It hurt him
to think she might think he solely lusted after Julia—but hadn’t he, from the first
moment he saw his bride, been stuck on her surface features? He closed his eyes as
if it would help him search within. When he thought of her now, a picture didn’t form
in his mind, just the feeling of her. How he wished he could be closer, know her,
be with her. Love her. He swallowed the lump in his throat. “Yes.”

Rachel’s weary eyes shone a bit. “Good. Tell her.”

“I don’t know how, beyond what I already do. She skitters away any time I try to tell
her how I feel.” He tossed up his hands. “I know I messed up in the beginning. I was
a fool, but—”

“Yes, definitely a fool.”

Great, everyone thought him an imbecile.

“She’s built a wall around herself, just like you did—to protect yourself from the
possibility she’d run away and hurt you. Something in her past is keeping her away,
something inside. And walls that strong don’t let love—”

“But what is it?” His cheeks burned. The thought that she would confide in Rachel
instead of him humiliated him. “What happened that makes her so unwilling to respond?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know. She’s guarded against me too.” She chewed on her
nails and looked over the harvested
hay field. “But you’ve got to tear them down, though right now she doesn’t think she
wants them torn down. What did it take to bust through your walls?”

Dex calling him out on his sin and the near death of his wife.

Dear God, make her wall not as stubborn and thick as mine!

“If you can get through to her, Everett, I promise you there’s a woman there who wants
to be cared for, who wants to be worthy of your love.”

“But I can’t make her feel worthy and whole, only God can do that. I’ll let her down
if she looks solely to me for that.”

Her lips pursed. “You’re right. I’ll pray harder for God to get into the situation.
I think she just might be ready to hear about His love for her, and if she feels your
love, she might put two and two together.”

He sighed. He still didn’t know what to do. Talking about destroying walls didn’t
help him know how to proceed. Choosing the wrong strategy could drive her further
away.

Rachel grabbed one of his hands with both of hers and squeezed. “You’ll figure it
out with God’s help. But if I don’t get back inside and relieve her, she might just
run away before you get the chance.” She darted off, leaving her words to bounce around
in his mind.

She might just run away.

Would he ever stop worrying about that?

Sweat escaped Everett’s hat and trickled into his ears. He wiped his face with his
handkerchief and pulled his line in. “John, I’m about to be a roast goose. Why don’t
we head in?”

“Aw. Do we have to?” John wiggled his line.

“It’s so hot the fish aren’t even biting. Why don’t we do something else? We ought
to find your pa.” He had some questions for Dex, though he didn’t relish having to
ask them.

“All right. Maybe he’ll let us help him work.” John scurried up the bank, his feet
blackened with dirt.

“He can always use help picking bugs in the garden.” Everett grabbed the boy’s suspenders
to help him over the steep edge.

John stuck out his tongue. “Forgot he was doing that. Maybe we can find something
else to do?”

Everett ruffled John’s dusty hair. “You need a bath. Maybe you ought to take one.”

“Maybe I might just pick bugs.”

He laughed. “Like being dirty that much, eh?”

“Race ya!” John sprinted to the field where Dex and William were stooped, checking
plants one by one.

Not about to run, Everett called after the boy, “Get us some water. Then come help.”

Like a flock of birds in flight changing their collective minds, John veered toward
the well.

Everett moseyed over to the field. Thankfully, William’s head bobbed toward the far
end, nowhere near his father. John rushed back with a jug of water.

Dex took a big gulp before handing over the water. “You two done playing?”

“Sure, Pa.” John’s voice couldn’t hide his reluctance. Everett hid his smile by taking
a swig.

Dex tweaked his son’s ear. “Why don’t you go help Will, then?”

John pivoted on bare feet.

“Hold on, boy!” Dex pointed to the canteen. “Will needs water too.”

Pulling a goofy face, John snagged the water before racing toward his older brother.

Knees creaking, Everett stooped next to the row of plants Dex was working on. “The
speed of that boy’s feet is only matched by his mouth.”

Dex snickered. “Don’t I know it.”

“Fun kid though. You’re awful lucky to have them all.”

“Yep.” Dex threw a thick hornworm into a bucket.

Everett scanned the underside of the leaves for the green caterpillars with bright
yellow slashes across their back. “Bet it takes a lot to keep them all happy.” He
added a bug to Dex’s pile of wriggling insects. “What makes Rachel happy?”

Dex moved ahead a pace. “Doing what she wants me to do.”

“Like what?”

“Like me mucking out the chicken coop though that’s her job, so she can read the paper.”

“But what about wives? More in general, I mean.”

Dex stopped his picking and stared at him. When Everett broke eye contact, Dex humphed.
“As I see it, the Bible says to love your wife like Christ loved the church. The Divine
giving up everything. He laid His life at the feet of unworthy sinners. That’s the
ultimate sacrifice—giving up your worthy life for the undeserving who want nothing
to do with you. So, how much easier is my situation—to give up my wants for a woman
who loves me? Not near the same sacrifice.”

Grabbing another worm off a leaf, Everett moved down a few feet. Was there anything
left for him to give up?

Dex threw another pest in the pail. “Besides, the more I make Rachel happy, the more
I see her strive to make me happy. It’s when I’m looking out for myself that our marital
harmony hits a bad note. When I balk at doing something
Rachel wants, I remind myself God doesn’t even ask me to love her with the same magnitude
He required of His Son. So I buck up and do as she asks. Unless of course it’s immoral,
but that’s not the kind of thing I’m talking about, just selfish things I don’t want
to give up.”

Everett spent a few minutes checking several plants down the rows, double-checking
around the nibbled leaves before moving to the next. Dex’s advice seemed sound, but
how could he give himself to a woman who asked nothing of him? He kept his hands busy
feeling for worms. “But how do you make a woman happy with you to begin with?”