A Breath of Magic (22 page)

Ben’s face crumpled. “Baby, you don’t have to be afraid of that. I could never be mad at you for…for moving on. And I have been angry at your mother, but that’s not your fault. She”—he swallowed heavily—“lied to me. And that lie has made it difficult for me to forgive her. But if that’s what you need, then I’ll work harder. I’ll do whatever I can for you.”

Mari tipped her tear-streaked face up toward Ben’s. “You’ve wondered if I’m your daughter. I am! It doesn’t matter about DNA or Uncle Gabe or whatever they did, Daddy. You were—are—the best father a girl could have. Don’t think I’m not yours. Please don’t think that. Please don’t let this…this thing with Mom change us. She can’t do that. Only
you
can do that.”

Ben’s entire body shook with sobs. “Of course you’re my daughter! I hate not knowing for sure, though, because I love you so much that I don’t want to have any doubt. It’s eaten at me, the not knowing, not—”

“But there
isn’t
any doubt! You raised me, and you loved me and I love you. You read to me at night and taught me to ride my bike and took me to concerts with my girlfriends and…and…and you did everything that a father does. So why is there doubt?” She spoke with such passion that her body vibrated. “Do you really think anything else matters?”

“I didn’t know. I—” He broke off, overcome. Reaching out with his free hand, he grasped Mari’s and pulled her close. “But what matters the most to me is that you’re okay. Chloe told me about the accident, how you heard your mom on the phone with your uncle. I’m so sorry you found out that way, baby. I should have told you.”

She swung a defiant look toward him, 100 percent teenage girl. “You
and
Mom should have told me! I could have handled
it if you had. But hearing the news accidentally made it so much worse. Because of your pain, I thought that maybe you wished you weren’t my dad. That if Mom had married Uncle Gabe instead, you’d have been happier because you could’ve become a doctor. You gave that up for me.”

“I would give up the world for you, Rissa. Being your father was the most important role of my life. That will
never
change.”

“Promise?” she asked.

Letting go of her hand, he tilted her chin up more and then cradled her cheek. “I promise. Being a doctor would’ve been nice, but I’ve lived just fine without it.” He tugged her head toward him and then kissed her sweetly on her forehead. “I don’t know how I’m managing without you.”

“M-maybe it
would
have been better if Mom had ended up with Uncle Gabe, because then you wouldn’t be so sad now. I’d just be your niece.”

“No! That’s not true. As difficult and impossible as it has been to lose you, Rissa, the joy of being your father far out-weighs anything else. I would never, in a million years, give that up.” He stared into her eyes again. “Do you understand me, sweetheart? I love you and will always love you, and you will always be with me in my heart. Moving on, being with your mother, will not alter that. You’re mine.”

“And you’re mine. My dad. Please don’t forget that. Okay, Daddy?”

“Never. I’ll never doubt that again.”

Suddenly, Mari’s face was awash with warmth and serenity. “Daddy? I can leave now if it’s okay with you. I’ll…I’ll stay if you want, though.”

The realization that this was it, the last moment of time, of space, he’d share with his daughter until the day
he
moved on, coursed through Ben’s features. A tremor racked him, and his eyes—Oh, my heart broke as I looked into those sad, sad eyes! But I watched him shore himself up, become
strong for Mari. “You go, baby. Be with your mother and be happy, and know that…know that I love you and am very, very proud of you.”

“I love you too, Daddy.” She turned to me with beseeching eyes. “Take care of him, Chloe.”

Choked with emotion, I nodded. “I’ll try. I’ve loved getting to know you, Mari. Thank you for choosing me to help you.”

She smiled, luminous. “Oh, Chloe. I don’t think I chose you. I think maybe you chose me. But thank you. Thank you for fighting for me. For him.” Stepping as close to her father as she could, she laid her cheek on his chest. “Good-bye for now, Daddy. Try to talk to Uncle Gabe sometime, okay? He’s…he’s hurting too.”

Ben pulled his daughter close, tears dripped from his eyes and he oh so slowly rubbed his chin on the top of her head. “We’ll see,” he whispered. “I’ll try. For you.” Then he grazed his cheek along her hair in a final farewell. “I love you, baby girl. You go now. Go to your mother.”

Mari’s form shimmered. She pressed her cheek tighter to her father’s chest before pulling back. “I’m ready,” she said into the air. A golden glow appeared to her side. She gave her father one last look, then dropped my hand and walked—literally—into the light.

Just that fast, she was gone.

Two hours later, Ben and I remained in the back room at the Mystic Corner. After Mari’s departure, Ben had pulled me into his arms and held me as he cried. I’d kissed his cheeks, wiped away his tears and given him all of my attention. His strength, the depth of his emotions, his ability to love—these things blew me away.

We now sat across from each other at the table. “How are you feeling?” I asked.

A light of tranquility gleamed in his eyes. “Better. Seeing Rissa and talking with her helped more than I can say. It’s as if I’ve spent the last two years grieving but couldn’t complete the process because of my anger. Now don’t get me wrong, Red, I’m still sad. I still miss Rissa. I always will. But I finally feel as if I’ll really be able to take the best parts of my life with my daughter and carry on.” He shook his head. “Does that make any sense?”

“It does,” I said softly. “When my parents died, I felt cheated. As if they had somehow chosen to leave me and my sister behind. While different than what you’ve gone through, I was angry too. So angry that it took a while before I could let them go. After I reached that place, things—life—became easier.”

“Did you…uh…talk to them the way you did with Rissa?” Curiosity and interest colored his tone.

“No. I didn’t grow up this way, Ben. What I did for you and Mari was a brand new experience for me.”

He reached over and ran a finger down my arm. “Really?
How does that work, exactly? You woke up one day and could see ghosts?”

I swallowed, recognizing this as the beginning of what might be the end. For us, anyway. “It’s a gift. You haven’t met any of my family, but I’m not the only person who has a”—I pushed out a breath—“magical ability. For my cousins, Alice and Elizabeth, their gifts are closely tied to their talents. Alice is an artist, and Elizabeth owns a bakery. Oh, and their grandmother, Verda, has a gift too.”

He bunched his eyebrows together. “Magic runs in your family tree?”

“Kind of,” I hedged. “But not exactly. Let me try to explain.” Haltingly, I told him about Miranda, and about Elizabeth’s brand of magic. When he took that fairly well, I told him about Grandma Verda, and how she recently was able to have her magic returned. Then finally, I told him about Alice’s ability to create pictures of the future for the people she cared about. “And that brings us to me.”

“So, your gift is to see ghosts and help them move on?” Ben chuckled, but his eyes were serious. “I’m grateful. More than I’ll ever be able to say. But wouldn’t it be more fun to have your wishes come true? I hope you don’t think you got the short end of the stick, because you and this…uh, gift, have made a tremendous difference for me. And for my daughter. Thank you for that, Chloe. I’ll never be able to thank you enough.”

“Helping you and Mari was my pleasure.” And an honor. A huge, glorious honor that I would never forget. “But…Ben. There’s more I need to tell you. My magic extends beyond what you saw tonight.” I straightened my shoulders and tried to ignore the sickening swirl of nerves in my stomach. “You’re going to be angry. You might never want to see me again.” This last comment rushed out, and a tremble of fear whisked through me.

“No. That won’t happen.” His voice was firm and calm, filled with assurance that nothing I could say would change anything. “I’d like to hear more about what you can do. But Red, I have pretty serious feelings for you. I have from the beginning.” He focused those blue, blue eyes on me. “I saw my daughter tonight because of you. That alone gives you a hell of a lot of breathing room as far as I’m concerned.”

Oh, how I wanted to believe. The tiniest amount of hope crawled over me. Maybe he’d understand. Maybe he’d listen to my heart more than my words. But even with that hope, I wanted to ignore what I needed to do. Not only because I flatout hated the thought of hurting Ben, especially after everything he’d just gone through, but because my heart broke at the very thought of letting him down.

Beyond that, it felt wrong—so very wrong—to get into this now. But waiting even a minute longer seemed a greater sin. I loved him too much for that, so I steadied myself and stood. The few steps to my desk seemed to take a dozen life-times. I pulled the original drawing out of my drawer and, before I could dissuade myself, returned to the table.

My breath quivered in and out of my chest, and my heart pounded. “I have something to show you.” Perspiration beaded on my forehead, on the back of my neck. My hand shook as I slid the paper across the table. “Here. Let’s start with this.”

He picked it up and held it in front of him. A minute, maybe more, passed where he didn’t say anything, where I barely heard him take a breath. Anxiety, apprehension and fear of the future weakened my legs, so I sat down. Still I waited. Finally, after what felt like forever, he let go of the drawing and it swirled down onto the table.

“What is this, Red? It appears to be a sketch—a very well-drawn sketch—of you and me at…our wedding? Or is it just a fancy party?” Confusion filled his voice and eyes.

“I told you about Alice, and how she can see the future in
her artwork. She drew that picture a year ago, Ben. Before I knew you. Before you knew me.” I pulled air into my lungs, and then wheezed it back out. “She…uh…didn’t show it to me for a long time. Not until I decided to propose to Kyle—the man I was involved with this past year. Even then, I didn’t want to look at it. The thought of that drawing scared me, so I refused.”

“But you have it now.” He spoke calmly, but his voice held a flat, almost emotionless quality, as if he sensed we were heading down a path that would—no matter what he’d just said—change everything. “When did you see this for the first time?”

“The day you bought the pendulum for your assistant. I—I had such a strong reaction to you, I knew I needed to see the picture then.” I lifted my eyes to his. “To see if it was you.”

“If you hadn’t looked at this”—he nodded toward the drawing—“why would you think, after meeting me, that I might be the man your cousin drew?” He combed his fingers through his hair, obviously perplexed. “And did you end your relationship with this other man over this drawing, or because you met me?”

“There’s a lot more to it. Let me…I should start from the beginning.”

“Please do. A week ago I would’ve laughed at the idea of a woman who draws scenes from the future, but after tonight, after Rissa, I know anything is possible. So tell me. Tell me everything.” He narrowed his eyes. “I care enough about you to listen, and then to talk about whatever you tell me, but do not leave anything out, and do not lie to me. Okay?”

“I’m being honest with you now because I love you. And I don’t want to lie. That’s the one thing you don’t have to worry about.”

Something in my expression softened his. Again he reached across the table, this time to grasp my hand. “I’m listening.”

I closed my eyes for a second, found the strength I needed and began. “Ever since losing my parents, I’ve felt lost and alone. All I’ve wanted, almost as long as I can remember, is to be a part of a family. A real family. With people who love me because I belong to them, and they belong to me.” In a choking voice, I shared the journey that had started with Kyle way back in high school, and how destroyed I’d been when he left me. I talked about my sister and how much I missed her, about Alice and how she’d discovered that I was a part of her family via her gift and the family ghost.

It was here that Ben interrupted me. “That had to have been some revelation. Not only that your best friend was also your cousin, but that ghosts were real, and that magic existed. How did you handle it?”

“I loved it, Ben. I’ve always believed in ghosts and magic. When Alice told me the truth, everything seemed to settle inside, and the world—for a little while—made a lot more sense.”

“What changed that?”

“Alice falling in love, I think.” Now I related the past year. How I’d felt left out, how Alice’s priorities—rightly so—had changed and how I’d reacted. The no-show magic, and the feelings of being forgotten, and how all of that had pushed me into proposing to a man that I knew, even then, wasn’t right for me. “So I begged Elizabeth to use her magic to bake a cake, to soften Kyle’s commitment issues, so I could propose to him and have a better shot at getting a yes. And with that, the family I thought I was lacking.”

He removed his hand from mine. “So you tricked him?”

I nodded, hating the censure in his voice, but hating myself more. “I did. And he said yes.” The story of the intervention came out next, and how Alice had pointed to the building where Ben worked, insisting that my happily-ever-after was there, and not with Kyle. “But I still refused to see the picture. But then you walked into my shop. I…I’d never
felt anything like the response just seeing you, talking to you, brought forth. And when you handed me your business card and I saw your name, and the name of your firm—”

Comprehension washed over him. “So, you…?” he prodded.

This was it. There was no going back. I nodded again, and forced out the rest of the tale. Every last thing. How I could change people’s wills with my magic, by the strength of my emotions, by my wants and desires. I moved on to the three new drawings, and everything I’d learned about them, about fate and destiny, and how—for me—I could control not only my future but those I used my magic on. The longer I talked, the colder the gleam in his eyes grew, and by the time I finished, he looked at me as if I were a stranger.

“You’ve been manipulating me this entire time?”

“No. Yes. A little here and a little there, I guess?” I gnawed on my bottom lip, mentally recounting each of the instances I’d bespelled him. There were four, at least, that came to mind. But with the way my magic worked, who knew how often my emotions had pushed from me to him? How often had I affected him that I couldn’t recall? My stomach cramped. “Often enough, Ben. I’m so sorry. I believed that getting to that day”—I pointed to the drawing—“was more important than how we got there. It’s not an excuse, but I had the best intentions. And I really do love you. So much that I had to come clean. I had to give us a real chance. I had—
have
—to know if whatever you’re feeling for me is real or just a by-product of my magic.”

“You don’t even know if the man in that drawing is of me. It could be Gabe! Have you thought of that?” The words escaped between gritted teeth.

“Of course I have. But, it isn’t. I love you. I want you. He—other than how he affects you—means
nothing
to me. You, on the other hand, mean everything.” He meant
more
than everything.

A dark and dangerous quiet fell, weighting the air like the calm before a storm. I couldn’t speak. Every part of me yearned for him to stand up and pull me into his arms, to tell me that he didn’t give a damn about any of this. But of course that couldn’t happen. Because not only would I forever wonder if his feelings for me were true, but he would also forever wonder. And that was something that wouldn’t bring happiness to either of us.

Finally, I whispered, “What are you thinking?”

He tightened his jaw, but his voice was even. “I can believe that your feelings are for me and not for Gabe. You recognized he wasn’t me. But while I’ll always be thankful to you for what you’ve done for me and for my daughter, I’ve spent enough years of my life being manipulated by other people.” He shook his head and continued in a slightly louder, stonier tone. “I will not go down that road again. With anyone. How am I supposed to know if anything I feel for you is really my own? What if you’ve planted them so deeply that these feelings
seem
real?”

“I can fix that!” My promise erupted in a sob, barely coherent. “I can remove every spell I’ve ever cast on you. It’s what I planned on doing tonight, after we had this conversation. Because I want to know the truth too! I need to know the truth.”

“You still lied to me! And with this gift of yours, you’ll be able to continue to lie to me. I would never know what decisions, emotions, actions”—a hot blaze of anger ripped into his eyes, darkening them—“were mine, and which were yours. I won’t live like that.”

I almost told him about my plans to rid myself of the magic, thinking that might just be enough to bring us to a better place, a new beginning, but I didn’t. Not because I didn’t yet know if it would even work, and not because I’d changed my mind; I hadn’t. Whether it was right or wrong,
I wanted him to want me for who I was, even if that meant I retained my powers. So, hoping beyond hope that if I set him free he’d find his way back to me—just like that old quote about love—I gathered together every strand of courage I had left and pushed back my tears. There’d be plenty of time to cry later.

“Okay, then.” I was surprised when my voice came out cool and collected. How could that be, when I was dying inside? “I understand and I won’t argue or try to change your mind. But removing the spells I cast on you is important. Otherwise, you might try to fix things with me, feeling as if you have no choice.” In a slow, halting manner, I relayed how Kyle had reacted, and how Verda had been sure I’d cursed him. “Will you let me use my magic to remove what I’ve already done?”

Ben’s eyes narrowed again and his jaw hardened another degree. “How do I know you’re not going to cast a new spell on me? Maybe this is another one of your tricks.”

The venom in his voice brought a wave of bile to my throat. I choked it down. He had every right to be angry. I’d expected this, even. But that didn’t alter how very much I hated it. “I’ll speak out loud, so you know what I’m saying. So you know what I’m wishing. That’s the best I can do, Ben.”

“Well, I guess I don’t have a choice, do I? Being cursed doesn’t sound like a hell of a lot of fun.” Another round of temper cascaded over him. I wished I had the ability to go back in time, to change my mistakes before I ever made them. Now
that
would be a power worth having.

“I need to hold your hands,” I whispered, just wanting to get this over with. I shook my head, flustered and uncomfortable. “Okay, I might not
need
to hold them. But that’s how I did this with Kyle, and…um…I don’t want to leave anything to chance.”