A Beautiful Sin (21 page)

Macie was just about to take a giant bite of pizza when I walked into the apartment. “Can you possibly fit any more of that in your mouth?” I teased.

Her cheeks bulged as she tried to answer but then gave up, laughing as she held her index finger in the air. I motioned to the box of pizza, asking for permission, and she nodded. Glad to see she’d ordered it, I eagerly grabbed a piece and took a bite, though not one nearly as large as hers.

“Sorry. I was starved. I hadn’t eaten all day,” she admitted.

I swallowed my bite. “From the looks of it, it could’ve been all month.”

She threw her napkin at me. “Shut up. So where have you been?”

Around my bite, I managed to say, “I went to church.”

“Church? Where?”

“Holy Cross.”

“What? Why’d you do that? You never go to…oh my God. Or should I say priest?”

“Staaaaap!”

“I will not. Spill. All of it.”

After my pizza was sitting comfortably in my stomach, I said, “I went to see him the other night. I was tired of messing around.”

“Messing around?”

“Macie, I swear when I went out with Wilson the other night, all I saw was Canaan. Everywhere I looked I thought I saw him. It was crazy. I’m crazy.”

“Yes, you are. Canaan’s off limits. You can’t have him. I know I teased you about him. But he’s untouchable. Get over it, okay?”

I fell back against the couch, grabbed a pillow, and cuddled it against me. “I know that. But it’s not helping me. He told me we couldn’t see each other. After the second kiss. But it was driving me batshit crazy. That’s why I went. And he reiterated it so I told him I would become a church member. If that’s the only way to be his friend, then that’s what I’ll do.”

She gawked at me in disbelief. “You don’t honestly expect me to believe that, do you?”

“Believe what?”

“That you only want to be his friend?”

“But I do,” I insisted. Only I wasn’t sure if I was trying to convince her or me. “He’s like a drug. If I try to stop cold turkey, he’ll constantly be on my mind. This way, I can ease my way out of my crazy thoughts.”

“Come on, Haven, this is me, Macie, your bestie you’re talking to.”

“Ugh!” I buried my head in my hands. “I don’t know what I want. I don’t know him very well, but I want him more than I’ve wanted any other man.” My hand flew to my mouth, covering it. I hadn’t meant to say that. And even that wasn’t the entire truth. I wanted more with Canaan than I had with other men.

“I knew it! I just knew it. You want to fuck the priest!”

“Oh, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, what am I gonna do?”

“Well, you can’t fuck him. He’s off limits, you ho. You’re gonna have to take out your sexual frustrations somewhere else. Another guy or your silicone rabbit.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” I got up and took my empty plate into the kitchen. She followed me.

“Maybe you need a change of scenery. Why don’t we head to the beach in the morning? You’ve been working your ass off and this is a great time to be at the beach.”

I stalled. I hated bathing suits. She knew why.

Macie jumped in to halt my train of thought from getting too far down the tracks to Hell. “That’s why I said this is a great time to be at the beach. It won’t be blistering hot and you can leave your shirt on. No one will think a thing of it. Wear a one-piece with extra coverage, too.”

“That’s all I have, you dork.”

“Right. Well, you in?”

“I guess.”

“Coolsies. Let’s leave around ten.”

I agreed and headed to my room. When I got there, an image of Canaan celebrating Mass struck me. I couldn’t get the many faces of him out of my head. I always kept a canvas ready to go set up on an easel just for these inspiring moments. Sometimes they turned out to be nothing more than pieces of junk I trashed. But I wasn’t sleepy, so I grabbed a palette, my spare brushes, and paints, and started mixing.

The first image of him was the way he looked after I kissed him the first time. Startled eyes the color of a forest at dusk, lips slightly parted, and dark hair that wasn’t perfectly in place but not exactly messy either. Anyone looking at the picture wouldn’t call him sexy, but to me he was sinfully so. His beauty radiated off the canvas in such a way, I found it difficult to get oxygen past my scorched throat. Once I completed the central image, I stared at it long into the night. If I had to say, it was probably my best work yet. It far surpassed anything I’d ever done. Was it because I had feelings for him? I didn’t have an appropriate answer, but I had to finish this piece quickly. I would work on it every night until it was completed.

The next morning, Macie knocked and woke me up. “Are you ready?”

I grumbled something to her about oversleeping. That was a mistake because she walked in and there was no hiding the painting.

“Holy fucking priests. You did all that last night?”

“Uh, yeah.” I still was in bed.

“Jaysus, Have. I’ve never seen anything like it. Are you done?”

“No, I’ve only started. I’m doing the many faces of Canaan.”

“Look at me. Right here.” She made a V of her two fingers and directed them at her eyes. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

“What’d’ya mean?”

She pinched her lower lip. “Uh, you don’t do shit like that for the hell of it.”

“Oh, I couldn’t sleep.”

“Okay. Usually when you can’t sleep, you watch Netflix or read.”

She stood there, waiting for an answer. She was right. But I didn’t know what to tell her. Taking a seat on the bed, she grabbed my hand. “You have to give it up. He’s out of reach. What, is he going to leave the priesthood for you so you guys can live happily ever after? Is that what this is all about?”

“No,” I said, snatching my hand away.

“You swear?”

“Yes, I swear.”

“God, I hope so. I don’t want you to get hurt. You’ve guarded your heart for all these years, the last thing I want is for you to fall for someone who is completely off the grid.”

“I know. Me too.”

Her eyes were so sympathetic, I wanted to cry. Instead, I said, “How about we blow this joint and go to the beach?”

“You sure?”

“Yep, I’m sure.”

We both went to change and then met up in the kitchen as she grabbed some drinks out of the fridge. Then she asked, “Which beach?”

“You choose.”

“Either Oak Street or Hollywood.”

“Hollywood?” I asked, puzzled.

She laughed. “That’s what everyone calls Osterman Beach these days. It’s because of all the hot sweaty men who play beach volleyball there. At least that’s what they say.”

“Osterman gets my vote, hands down. I need that kind of distraction.”

Macie agreed. “Yes, you abso-fucking-lutely do. And it’s less crowded too.”

“Bonus!” I yelled as we fist bumped. We left the apartment and went to the train station. We took the L and when we arrived, I was surprised to see a new beach facility there that contained restrooms, concessions, and even a lifeguard station.

“Wow! This is all new,” I commented.

“Yeah, this place has it all,” Macie said.

We situated ourselves fairly close to the volleyball nets and plopped out on our towels for a day in the sun. I put in my earbuds and listened to music. Not long after, a group of guys started playing volleyball, like Macie predicted. I watched in fascination as the muscles in their arms, chests, and backs undulated as they moved. Was that how Canaan would look if he took off his shirt?
Stop it, Haven. Get your mind off him
. Bringing my concentration back to the male specimens in front of me, I thought how nice it would be to feel some of that tightly wound brawn react beneath the tips of my fingers. Who knew, maybe I would get lucky tonight. It had been a while since I had gotten any and I totally needed something to get my mind out of the unholy gutter it kept falling in.

When was the last time I’d had sex? Then I remembered it was the fiasco with the guy who believed slapping my ass was okay. Well, fuck me, no wonder I couldn’t get my mind off hot Canaan. That had been forever ago. It was high time for another stab at a one-nighter. Macie may not approve, but I wouldn’t let anyone get close after all I witnessed during those years of living with Aunt Kathy and Uncle Kreep. No man would ever have that kind of control over me. That would never happen. Ever. And I admit, right now I needed—no, craved—a man’s hands on me, as long as it was in the right way.  

A pile of sand came spraying my face as the volleyball skipped past me and landed on the other side of my head. A sweaty face appeared over me. “Sorry ‘bout that. Did it get you too bad?”

Brushing the sand out of my eyes and off my face, I said, “I think I’ll survive.”

“Good. I wouldn’t want to hurt anything as pretty as you.” I spit out some grit, and he said, “Do you need some water? We have a lot of water over there. Can I get you some?”

Once I finished getting the sand out of my mouth, I sat up and grabbed my water bottle to show him. His smile plummeted.

“Are you sure you have enough?”

Macie watched this whole exchange with great interest.

“Yeah, really. But if I need any, I’ll definitely let you know.”

“Okay. Fine. What about a beer instead? We have plenty of that too.”

I finally gave in and laughed. “Do you want me to go over there with you or something?”

“Or something? No. I mean, if you want to, then yeah.”

I shaded my eyes with my hand because even with my sunglasses on, the bright sun was blinding. Turning my head, I lifted up a hand to block the sun and checked out the other guys. I found them all watching the exchange between us.

“I think your friends may be waiting on you.”

He was very cute with short blond hair, great physique, and a crooked smile that turned his friendliness into something very endearing.

“Okay, to be honest, we all wanted to meet both of you. We sort of sent the ball flying over here on purpose.”

Macie and I busted out laughing. Then Macie said, “This is the absolute best pick-up strategy ever.”

“Really?” volleyball guy asked.

“Yes,” she said. “But you left out one very important thing.”

His smile vanished. “What’s that?”

“Your name.”

“Ah! I’m David.”

“David, I’m Haven and that’s Macie.”

He stuck out his hand and we all shook. Then the other volleyball guys started yelling and cheering. We both got off our towels and walked over to meet them. They were overly friendly, which made me slightly suspicious of their motives. Then again, as they were all pretty hot in their board shorts and flashing us sexy grins, my intentions were pretty much in the slut house. Which considering how long it had been since I’d had sex was understandable.

They handed us beers and asked us to stay. It wasn’t a hardship to agree to watch them play. The day turned out to be more fun than I’d expected.

“Where are you two headed now?”

Macie shrugged. “Probably home.”

David smiled. “Why don’t you hang with us tonight?”

“Where?” Macie wanted to know.

“A friend of ours plays in a band, so we’ll be headed to a place called Night Owls. It’s in Lincoln Park.”

Macie looked at me and I shrugged. “Let me have someone’s number so we can text you.”

All the guys reached in their pockets at the same time.

“Only one,” Macie said. A chorus of groans went out.

David ended up being the lucky guy. I pulled on my shorts during this exchange. When Macie finished, we walked to the L and chatted about our new friends.

“Do you want to meet them tonight? I think I’ve heard of this Night Owl place. It’s a club with the hipster types, but it supposedly has good food. Being in Lincoln Park is a bonus.”

“Maybe it’s even close enough to walk,” I said, since Macie’s apartment being in Lincoln Park made that a real possibility.

“So how’s this? If it’s close enough to walk, we go. If not, we don’t.”

Laughing at her logic, I said, “Deal.” I pulled out my phone and checked out Night Owl, and it was definitely close enough to walk. Six blocks away made the decision for us.

On the ride home, we started laughing about the volleyball guys. There were women all over the place and they only wanted to talk to us.

“We must be special, Have.”

“Maybe so.”

By this time, we’d gotten off the train and were close to home. We hurried in to shower and change. Macie and I checked each other out for our stamps of approval. We laughed though, because we both wore dark jeans and platform sandals, but I had on a black silk blouse and she wore a flowered tank top.

Night Owl wasn’t crowded yet, so we were able to get a table and order some food. “I’m starved,” Macie said.

“Same. We should be. We haven’t eaten since breakfast.”

As the waitress brought our food, we spied David and the gang enter. They waved and came up to our table.

“You beat us here. Mind if we pull up some chairs?” he asked.

“Not a bit,” Macie answered. David and two of his friends sat down. The other two wandered off toward the back where the band would set up.

I scooted my chair over to give the guys more room. “Have you eaten?”

“Yeah, we grabbed something at home. We were too hungry to wait,” David answered.

The lights dimmed and the band started warming up. David leaned over to me and said, “You’re going to love this band.”

He was right. They were awesome. Before long, David and I were out on the dance floor, twirling and dipping to the music. He was a great dancer and I hoped I was keeping in step with him. I’d had a couple too many so I was a tad wobbly on my toes. But he was good-natured and only laughed when I missed the beat.

As the night wore on, David’s soft brown eyes and crooked smile had me imagining what it would be like to feel him inside of me. But then his face would morph into Canaan’s, and I’d grow angry with myself.

“Hey, what’s the frown for?” he asked.

“Frown?”

“Yeah, you were just frowning.” He reached out and smoothed his thumb over my brow. “There, that’s much better.” His smile was disarming. Or was it the alcohol? However, it didn’t affect me like it should. But I wanted it to push aside the memories of Canaan so badly, I flashed him my most brilliant grin and grabbed his hand to pull him close.